You Said You Would Never Leave Me, I Believed You
by Blood Red Wine
Summary: Follows the Death Note anime completely, but throws another character into the mix. Her name is Ellie Johnson. L has taken an interest in her as well as a few others. She doesn't trust Light. Later Near finds out who his parents are. LxOC MatsudaxOC
1. Third Kira?

_**Chapter 1: Third Kira?**_

_I don't own Death Note, this computer, or my own home.. funny isn't it? Oh yeah I updated this a bit noticed when I looked at the anime again that I had a few things mixed up. Sorry for the confusion.  
_

Background Information: Follows the Death Note anime completely, but throws another character into the mix. Her name is Ellie Johnson. She is the same age as Light. She comes into the story after Light and Misa are released. She joins the team for a while then disappears. And the story begins.

Ellie Johnson had always wanted to help people. She was disgusted with the way the world had tuned out and she felt it was her mission to help people. Volunteering and donating whatever she could. She had spent most her high school time getting ready for college and volunteering to her favorite causes. She had always been a bit odd. She was an orphan girl who had been in almost every foster home imaginable. She had survived many things and for some reason all her life had been a vegetarian. She had spent the beginning of her life with ex-hippies until they died when she was 7. Then she was from place to place every year death seeming to always follow close behind her. Still she seemed to survive. She was very happy when she was able to live with some stability in her dorm in college. She was majoring in nursing and Japanese and minoring in criminology. After her freshman year in college she had been on the dean's list with good enough grades to qualify for the study abroad program in Japan. She gleefully accepted and was on a plane the next week. And the story begins…

Little did she know when she got there just a few months later she would be recruited into a program that she had little knowledge about. The first thing she heard about upon arriving in Japan was Kira. After a few weeks she was up to speed. She wasn't sure whether to be disgusted by Kira. She had thought about it from both perspectives. On one hand Kira was very choosy about whom he killed and brought many to justice. However, Kira was still a murder and wasn't allowing the convicted to prove themselves as human beings. Some would never reform, but some could find themselves in prison she knew that. She had met a man in a prison her freshman year. Connor O'Keith had been in a lot of trouble with the police and felt no remorse for his actions. He had killed his family, destroyed many families, and all without thinking. Ellie was brave enough to visit him. She talked with him. She found out he had a lot of emotional problems. This man was had a few more years in prison before he would be free. He had committed these crimes as a minor so his punishment wouldn't be as severe, but he was still looking at 5 more years.

Watarai had contacted Ellie. He seemed to think that she had a lot in common with L. She was very clever, but not always to details that were right in front of her face. She accepted the job. She knew she needed the money as a struggling college student. She also wanted to know more about this Kira. She had a strange feeling about Kira.

She was introduced to the team members. She allowed a smile to cover her face, but this smile faded as she was greeted by the unfriendly stares of the members. She quietly moved into her room and then walked back downstairs to join the team members, doing whatever possible to keep herself busy.

She picked up before the death note. This was during the incident with Yostuba. She was eager to start the case. She wasn't sure why, but something about catching Kira really made her determined. She smiled at Matsuda and he was the only the member that ever smiled back at her. She worked there, as well as nursing classes in college with clinical calls every now and then working in the hospitals. She constantly heard the rumors about Kira in the hospital talking about people in a room of the hospital called the Kira room. These were for victims that had obvious Kira related heart attacks rather than normal heart attacks. Other injuries were taken into account, but mostly the patients in the Kira room had died of heart attacks. This as well only adding to her determination on the case disgusted her. All the members had been noticing and Matsuda approached her one day.

"Ellie-chan, when you first came in here not one member took you seriously. You have really proven everyone wrong, great work," he said with a big smile. Ellie smiled beginning to feel a bit more comfortable with her environment.

Ellie was also pretty good with her hands, she learned to knit early in her life. It calmed her and allowed her mind to be cleared so she could focus on one thing at a time, which was very useful in a case like this. L had a similar way of doing things but he consumed sugar. L watched her curiously one day as she sat down next to him and began knitting, then turned his head back to the computer screen consuming gratuitous amounts of sugar, which was his way of concentration. Neither person looked at one another the entire time and eventually Ellie got up and wandered somewhere else.

Ellie got along with almost all the team members even Misa who gave her a headache at times. Ellie was somewhat of a tomboy and Misa constantly tried to do something to make her look more "girly". Ellie generally avoided Misa if at all possible without hurting her feelings.

Matsuda and Ellie generally worked together if at all possible because Ellie sometimes missed things that were right in front of her face, but always was able to dig in deeper to a situation once she realized what she had to work with.

Light and Ellie didn't really speak to each other. He gave her a creepy cold feeling that crawled across her skin. She didn't see him smile much. L had still suspected Light of being Kira, which Ellie herself saw a big possibility in. The only times Light wasn't handcuffed to L wer the times that Light had to go to the bathroom or sleep, in which most of the places except perhaps the bathroom were camera monitored. Most rooms were not bugged, but Misa and Light were an exception. Ellie had noticed that L and Light were quite different though some could say they were similar. Light just seemed a lot more manipulative especially of Misa and perhaps that was the reason she didn't like him very much. She had been manipulated before though she had overcome that only with the cause of a tragedy though.

Ellie had remembered one foster home she had been forced to stay in when she was 18. She had tried to emancipate herself because she was still in high school and she didn't have enough income to file for financial independence. She stayed with a man named Josh and his wife Priscilla. Priscilla was a career woman and was gone a lot. Josh and Priscilla had had a hard time having children and after a while Priscilla decided she didn't want to have children at all. Josh was very angry with his wife and took it out on the only person around. Ellie had been beat up pretty badly some days especially if Josh had been drinking. Ellie kept waiting not knowing what to do. Josh was a church going man, and was spotless in public. No one would believe here even if she did try to tell the truth. One day Josh went too far.

Ellie had been writing in her notebook. She was a bit of a songwriter and planned on using her songs to help her through college either by singing them herself or selling them to bands. Josh walked in the room and Ellie tensed up. She knew that he had been drinking and she knew what he was probably coming to do. She was wrong in her assumption because what he hand planned was so much worse.

Ellie set down her notebook and stared hard into his eyes. She was hoping to overpower him this time. She had been taking classes in self-defense in her free time. It also helped her stay away from this place though he beat her more if she missed curfew because of her "classes" as she called them.

"You're not going to those classes tonight," Josh said in a drunken stupor.

"Its for my education you can't deny me that," Ellie said still staring hard into his eyes trying to overpower him using mind tricks if at all possible.

"A woman doesn't need education, she just needs these and a man," Josh said grabbing one of her breasts. "And it looks like you have both, so your not going," Josh said pinning her against the wall as she tried to make an escape out of the door.

He took her into his den area and she found horrifying things in there. She had never been in the den before. She made it her personal mission to stay the hell away from anything that had anything to do with Josh. She saw wrist and ankle restraints built into his wall. She wondered how many women he must have tortured in those. It looked as if she would be next. She tried to escape once again but in vain. He pinned her against the wall in that room as well. She tried everything to get away from him including biting him. She was slapped hard in the face for her efforts and she couldn't find a clear way to escape. He grabbed her breast hard again.

Ellie whimpered. He started to pull her shirt off and she did anything in her power to get away. She tried every technique she had learned, but Josh was a bigger man and he was very strong when he was drunk like this. She felt tears come to her eyes and she felt her bra come off next. She screamed as he grabbed one of her breasts hoping someone, maybe one of the neighbors would hear her. She cried harder and begged him to stop and she slipped her jeans off next. She felt her jeans fall to her ankles. She was going to lose her virginity to this drunken man or at least be severely molested. After he got her underwear off he picked her up as if she weighed nothing and put her into the wall restraints. She fought him and even spit in his face trying to get away. All she got for that was a punch in her face causing her to get a black eye. She closed her eyes tight waiting for it all just to be over her mind screaming in anguish and the something very strange occurred. As Josh felt something strange happen in his chest, he grabbed Ellie's neck. He squeezed her neck harder and harder strangling her and then he fell over backwards finally releasing pressure from her neck. He had grabbed his chest and then he promptly died right there. This hadn't been the first time this had happened to someone in her life. For some reason people around her died of unexpected heart attacks. Especially in situations like this where she was in danger.

She tried to break free of the restraints, but it was no use. They had to be opened by another person. She cried and screamed for help hoping someone anyone would hear her.

A few hours later she heard the door open. She didn't care who it was she needed help now. She opened her mouth to scream. She realized that she had lost her voice. Her voice was barely a whisper more of a sad pathetic little moan.

She heard footsteps around the house and the pastor of the church that Josh attended so frequently was in the house looking for him.

"Josh, your neighbors have been worried about you. They called me to come over and see if you were ok. They heard a lot of breaking things and screams. Are you and Ellie ok?" the pastor said calling through the house. He finally made his way to the den and looked in horror upon the scene. Ellie hung her head in shame. She couldn't even cover up her body. The pastor looked down at Josh and looked up at Ellie. Ellie opened her mouth and with a very small raspy voice in an almost whisper said, "Help me."

The pastor released her and he had tears in his eyes. He couldn't believe that Josh was dead, but most of all he couldn't believe that Josh would do this to his own foster daughter. At first he believed that she must have seduced him or something, but he clearly saw the bruises on her neck and her black eye. The tears in her eyes were a clear sign that this had been forced upon her. Priscilla walked through the door with anger in her eyes at the sight. She went to see her husband.

"He's dead," She said quietly. Then she angrily pointed her finger at the still naked Ellie. "You little slut!" Priscilla said coming toward her trying to cause more abuse to her. Ellie covered her head instinctively. The pastor stepped between them.

"Priscilla, he died of a heart attack there is no way she can be linked to that," the pastor said.

"Oh so your having sex with the little vixen too? Pastor Howard, I'm disappointed that you were so easily seduced by this WHORE!" She said angrily.

"Priscilla, Ellie is leaving." Pastor Howard said. "Tonight, I'll keep her for a little while until she can get into another foster home."

Ellie's flashback ended and Matsuda stared at her strangely.

"Lost in thought Ellie-Chan?" Matsuda asked curiously.

Ellie was glad that Matsuda missed some thing in his investigative ways. If he hadn't he might have noticed the tears in her eyes. "Yeah, you could say that. Will you excuse me Matsuda I need to go to the restroom," She said.

He nodded and she left. She walked into the rest room and rolled her sleeve up. She had so many cuts on he wrists. She rolled her sleeve back down. Those days were long over. She wiped her eyes and made sure she was presentable. Ellie walked out of the bathroom and made her way down to Matsuda again so the investigation could continue.

Chief Yagami passed Ellie by and turned to say, "L wants to see you."

Ellie thanked him and walked over to see L. He had been alone at his computer area and he looked straight into her eyes. L motioned for Ellie to come closer so that Light wouldn't hear what he said, though Light was so far in concentration that he probably wouldn't have heard it anyway.

"Why did you kill Josh Barker, Ellie?" L whispered in her ear. "Or should I call you Kira."


	2. Suspicion

_**Chapter 2: Suspicion**_

_Thank you all my readers. Thanks especially to my reviewers especially those who left long or encouraging comments. Anonymous your comments were helpful and I apologize that my opening chapter couldn't be more spectacular, but it is a beginning chapter and I regrettably have always hated having to open a story lol.. Hopefully its getting better, I had a lot of character development in mind, that's why I left things so open-ended. Not sure which way I'm ever going to take stories just let them come to life and breathe on their own and look at what I have around me to work with. Once again thanks for the reviews everyone please continue to read and review. I still don't own these characters except perhaps Ellie, I still don't own this computer either, but in two months I'm moving in with my fiancé who is giving up half possession of his Macbook so I'll be upgrading from this hunk of junk :P _

Ellie stared at L, his face unchanging from its usual contemplative state. "How would you know about something like that," She finally managed to whisper back.

"I like to have background information, and you, have quite a background. How do you kill them Ellie I want to know," L said sticking a sugar cube in his mouth.

Ellie was horrified. She had been there for months. She was just beginning to feel comfortable and then it had to get ruined. Things were always ruined. "I don't know what happened," Ellie said holding back her angry tears.

"Well how did you kill Josh Barker," L said chewing the sugar cube.

"I.." she said noticing that the other members were starting to come around to see what was going on. Light's head raised from his work as well as giving Ellie a strange look. "Its not something I will discuss like this," Ellie said. "I will tell you what happened with Josh Barker, but not here ok." She whispered barely audibly feeling her stomach churn. "Not now," she said.

"Any new news?" Chief Yagami asked.

Ellie's head snapped up from the close proximity that it had been from L's face. L shook his head and turned around to face the computer again. Ellie walked back over to where she had been working with Matsuda. Matsuda suspected that something was going on between the two. L wasn't one for conversation that close to someone's face. If he had something to say he generally said it to everyone. Was this some personal message for Ellie? He had hoped not. He had wanted to ask Ellie on a date for about two weeks now. Still he was fairly nervous about not only what she would think, but also what the other members would think. He was already not taken seriously. He kept his mouth shut and kept hoping for the moment when he could let his feelings be known. Ellie couldn't help, but feel sicker and sicker by the moment. Dizziness started to set in and once again she made her way to the bathroom.

"Women sure spend a lot of time in the bathroom," Matsuda thought to himself.

Ellie sat on the floor of the bathroom with her head held between her knees inhaling deeply then exhaling very slowly in an attempt not to hyperventilate. "Is this why Watarai asked me to come here?" Ellie thought. "Because I was under the suspicion of being Kira," she wondered. She had thought that it was odd that Watarai had called her in the first place. She could remember it distinctly.

It was about July when she had come over for her study abroad program. Though she had been offered a great education in her previous state college she had decided to take the risk, though her Japanese still wasn't the best. She had also struggled in calculus for some reason or another and physics, but managed to pull ahead in the end. She had been having a hard time finding a job, and she couldn't get student housing. Watarai had contacted her about a month later. She had been struggling to keep her part time job, and keep up with being a full time student in order to keep her scholarship. She wasn't sure why she was having so much trouble. If other people could do it why couldn't she? Her feelings of imperfection destroyed her and once again she began the cutting and her anger rose inside of her. She hadn't hurt anyone, but she had hurt herself and the last remaining people who cared about her. This was also the reason she hadn't gotten a roommate for her apartment. She had been afraid with her past experiences that something would happen to that person as well. She had always had a problem with that. Getting close to people that is. She wanted so badly to be able to feel like she could be close to people, to share the same things that they enjoyed. Almost every family she stayed with either got sick or died. Her roommate in college had fallen down the stairs on several occasions getting seriously injured, one injury of which needed serious medical attention in the emergency room. Usually the person was only hurt if she wished it upon them, which kept her from thinking unkind thoughts, but still nobody's perfect. That had been another reason for her trip to Japan. She was a curse. She had become so bitter and jealous of the closeness that other people could enjoy at one point that she avoided the very people who really cared about her, finally leaving them and her home for good.

This was another story, however, Watarai had contacted her in August. At first he didn't give her his real name. He told her that his name was Joseph Wakatasuki. She was supposed to have a meeting with him. She had applied for the job in the region's police department because she had promising secretarial skills that could at least bring her enough income to keep herself going. Things would have probably been fine if they allowed her to keep donating plasma as she had in college back in the states. She also hadn't sold any music since she had been in Japan, not that she had been feeling up to writing or had the time to. She had guessed at the time that she had received the call from Watarai that she was being asked for an interview for the position. She met Watarai in a hotel lobby nearby. He was dressed normally as he did when he was with Ryuzaki as to not draw attention to himself as indeed being Watarai. She had never done an interview for a job in such a place before. She kept having meetings with Watarai all month like that, when finally she told him if he couldn't offer her a job she would have to politely leave, because having to come out to see him took away from her study time which she now desperately needed. This is when Watarai had offered her a job. Not just any job, a job on an investigation team. She was shocked. Why would he offer her such a job, with her low qualifications?

At first she didn't have very big positions on the team. She didn't even meet the team members for two weeks. Then she was allowed to move in to that building rather than live in her scanty little apartment that she was barely able to afford. She had moved all of her things comfortably into one of the rooms. On the day that she had been moving in she bumped into L. She pushed the boxes aside blushing. She hadn't wanted anyone to see how desperate she had become. She had packed her belongings in old thrown away boxes and some weren't in the best condition. The saddest part of all is all of her possessions fit in just a few boxes. She realized that the big room she had been given would be very bare. She knew now that the person who she bumped into just a few months ago was probably the reason she was on the team at all. The only reason she was there was most likely to see if she were Kira now that she thought about it. She didn't have the cleanest background, but he couldn't possibly know anything about her childhood. She had changed her name to get away from that. "I guess you can't run away forever," she thought to herself.

She walked back out of the bathroom just a few minutes later. Though she smiled at the team often, she hadn't tried to get close to any of them. She always observed them, but never tried to get herself close. She was a lot like L in that way perhaps for different reasons. Still it was a lonely life that sometimes brought out the worst in Ellie. It caused her to attack anyone who got close to her until the backed off or hated her. She couldn't even remember how many people she had hurt in college though for good intentions she had become an outcast.

She sat back down next to Matsuda and continued the research on a laptop computer that she had gotten her freshman year of college. She had saved up for a very long time and sold pieces of music, but she finally was able to get one. An iBook G4 Macintosh based laptop. She looked up every now and then to see if anything new was going on because in her field of concentration everything seemed to be blocked out for short periods of time. Finally she had absorbed the most her mind could bend around and began knitting once again. She would write down connections every now and then if she had finished a row, but mostly it was just the repetitive motion for long periods of time until she had gotten past the problem in her research and then she could add more things to whatever she had concluded.

Chief Yagami looked up from his work for a moment and looked at her strangely. She had been keeping this pattern for the months that she had been there. The only person who didn't see strangeness in her patterns was Ryuzaki himself, but he was a strange one to begin with. He wondered by they didn't get along better considering. Ryuzaki occasionally talked to Ellie or Ellie to him on important case matters, but honestly neither Ryuzaki nor Ellie talked with anyone in a particularly intense fashion, not even one another.

After a certain point she watched some leave to go to their families if there had been nothing to be gained in the case that day. Generally this did not happen, however, but sometimes some would go home and visit their families and go sleep in their own beds. The only people who stayed in the building full time were L, Light, Misa, Ellie, and Matsuda. Chief Yagami was free to be home with his family, which he did very rarely. He was up almost as late as L. Light had taken that year off of college after missing so many days.

That night particularly most had decided to either sleep on the information they had already uncovered or take a break and go upstairs. The only people left downstairs were Ellie and L.

Ellie knitted several rows of the soft scarf she had started before nervously allowing her eyes to shift around the room.

She heard L plainly say while not even looking at her, "So about that information Ellie."

Ellie cleared her throat not sure what she wanted to tell L. If she told him the truth would he even believe her? "I'm not Kira," she said plainly. "I honestly don't know what happened with Josh Barker. I didn't have access to anything to kill him with. I didn't even want him to die, well maybe a little part of me wanted him to get what he deserved, but certainly not death."

"He wasn't a criminal. I understand Kira's way of killing and I doubt Kira would have known Josh Barker personally considering he died at home, but his style of killing showed up and the only person home with him," L paused and turned around to look at her, "Was you," he added showing her the computer screen with the article he had been reading.

This made Ellie very angry. She glared at him, "Perhaps L, you shouldn't rely on a few articles to prove that I am Kira. Those articles left out vital pieces of information. It leaves me out completely for a reason. Priscilla Barker didn't want it getting out that Josh was an abusive rapist," she said sharply. "I'm tired L, I'll be going to sleep." She added going up the stairs before he could say anything else.

He had 24-hour surveillance in all the rooms. He was now interested in what she would do after being under the suspicion. She had made it into the room and had sat on the bed. She picked up a notebook to write in for a moment then set it back down. She bit her lip very hard trying to fight back either vomit or tears. In the end she fought back the vomit, but not the tears. L watched her bury he head in her knees and when he finally saw her face emerge there wasn't a look of anger anymore, just immense sadness.


	3. Car Troubles and Marshmallows

_**Chapter 3: Car Troubles and Marshmallows**_

_Thanks so much to my helpful reviewers Anihana, Princess de la Luna, Anon, and Sayomi2. Princess de la Luna I'm afraid I can't draw, but I will be posting a couple of pictures I got from deviant art that remind of what she would look like. I'm glad you think its getting better Anon, and Sayomi2 sorry for the wait for the next chapter, I will continue updating because I really like writing this story, but it can take a while for me to get chapters up so have patience I will keep updating. This chapter is mostly comic relief though I did leave a suspenseful moment at the end. Please keep reading and reviewing and I'll keep posting chapters as soon as I can._

_The website for the pictures is on my account under homepage. Once you get to the website it will show up as a page in the top bar of the website labeled Ellie. _

_I do not own Death Note, pictures of Ellie, this computer, or half the things in this dorm. I do own a Subaru Legacy, which is mentioned in this chapter. _

Ellie avoided L for several days after that. That didn't bother him much considering he didn't really want to be around her anyway. Still the look that he had seen on her face, really made him think. That wasn't the normal look of guilt, depression or grief that was more of a pained face full of sadness and despair. Still he had no time to worry about that, he had a lot of work ahead of him and he needed to continue it.

Meanwhile, Ellie was on her way to class. She was already running very late and she decided her only choice was to drive to the college rather than deal with the crowds and the slower speeds of the trains and subways. She unlocked her silver Subaru station wagon and turned the key. She was surprised it still ran. It wasn't the nicest looking vehicle and she hadn't paid much for it. She drove away from the building and tried to make it to college on time.

It had been a long day and she was glad to be done with classes. She had to rush back to the Kira investigation room now and get some work done there. She got in her station wagon and turned the key. Again it started and she pulled away from the college. She got about halfway there and she heard a sputtering. "Just my luck," Ellie thought.  
"Come on baby, come on," she said trying to get it up the hill. The engine stopped and she started to roll backwards halfway up the hill. "Shit!" she yelled pulling the emergency brake. She jerked violently and the station wagon stopped in the middle of the road. She was being beeped at by several cars and many driver's shouted at her in Japanese that she didn't quite understand but the word idiot came out several times. She wasn't sure how she was going to get this thing back now. If she took the emergency brake off in order to push the car the rest of the way up the hill the car would likely crush her. She didn't have a cell phone and didn't know how tow truck services worked in Japan. Cursing at herself she decided the best idea would be to try to push the car in the emergency lane so she wouldn't be in traffic. She used all the strength she had to push the station wagon over to the side and then started to push it up. She knew that once she took the emergency brake off she was going to be stuck pushing the thing until she got up he hill. She managed to get it all the way up the hill and then she went to get back into the car because it was starting to rain. She pulled the handle for the door and muttered to herself, "You have got to be kidding me."

She had locked her keys inside the car accidentally her window was only rolled down enough to get part of her hand in, but surely not enough to unlock the door without any type of long slender device. Cursing to herself again she continued to push the car on the level road. The drizzling rain soon became a downpour. She walked another mile and was so tired that she could barely continue to push the car. She just hoped that she wouldn't have to go downhill because the car wouldn't stop once it got started. She was lucky enough to not have to go downhill, but her white shirt was certainly see through at this point and her brown flowing skirt clung to her body. Her red brown curly hair that fell halfway down her back frizzed with the rise in humidity in the air, and she had to continuously sweep the damp hair out of her face as she pushed the car.

She had about a mile to go and she just yelled up to the sky, "Is this punishment for sleeping in that extra five minutes!"

"Ellie, who are you talking to," a voice said behind her. By now she was only a quarter mile away from the building and completely drenched. Ellie blushed. She could recognize that voice anywhere.  
"I've never seen you outside before Ryuzaki," Ellie said trying to cover herself a bit. She was barefoot at this point her heeled shoes were sticking out of the window with the heel stuck in the car and the rest of the shoes dangling. She turned to see L holding and umbrella and next to him Light was holding his own umbrella. It was the only time Ellie had seen the two together with them being handcuffed together. She supposed it wouldn't look right if they went out into public handcuffed together. Still she wondered by they were out in the storm.

L seeming to guess her question before she even allowed herself enough time to think about it said, "Matsuda was worried about Ellie-chan because of her current vehicle troubles," L said in a very monotone and bored voice. "He is behind us at the moment," L said turning his head to see Matsuda running to catch up.

"Sorry, you left before I could find my umbrella," Matsuda said. He looked at Ellie and blushed. He could see her black bra directly through her shirt and every curve from the skirt that was stuck to her body. "Ellie-chan are you alright," he asked.

"I'm fine," she said a bit more annoyed than she had meant to. It had been a rough day. "I need to push this thing up to the building and get it into hiding before too many people notice it," Ellie said. "I'm guessing that a soaked 19-year-old pushing a station wagon might draw some attention," she added.

L nodded and said, "Well if that's taken care of Light and I shall go back to the building now, Matsuda can help you with the rest." L said as he and Light walked back in the direction they had been coming from. Matsuda handed his umbrella to Ellie.

"Now your going to be all wet too," Ellie said giving the umbrella back to Matsuda. "At least one of us should be dry and there is no way its going to be me at this point," She said wringing her hair out again and then flinging it over one shoulder.

"Well at least let me help you get it back to the building," Matsuda said.

Ellie and Matsuda pushed the car for a little while longer before Ellie could no longer hold back her question, "So why did Ryuzaki come with you?" Ellie asked.

"Don't know exactly, I know everyone on the task force thinks that I have no common sense. They have no faith that I can do anything right for myself at least that's what it seems like," Matsuda said sounding discouraged.  
"I believe you have potential Matsuda," Ellie said giving him a big smile. Though she did distance herself from people she couldn't help, but try to make people feel better if she could.  
Matsuda smiled as well and the station wagon was finally pushed into hiding and the two entered the building.

The door was opened and immediately all the eyes flashed to the two of them. She realized that this was the look that Matsuda always got from the team members when he did something not quite right. She hated getting that look. She admitted that her mechanical knowledge was a big lacking, but to hold that against her was upsetting to say the least. She could now understand what Matsuda had said before. The only person who she hadn't received that look from other than Matsuda himself was L. L barely acknowledged her entrance into the room at all. For that at least she was thankful for, she didn't want to draw any more attention to herself.

Ellie realized she was dripping all over the carpeting of the building. She walked upstairs and went to change her clothes. She didn't even bother to go into the private bathroom; she wanted these wet clothes off now. She stripped down to her bra and underwear in the bedroom and hung the clothes over the back of her chair to dry.

Little did she know L was watching the screen at that exact time. Part of him wanted to turn it off. None of the other members knew that her room was tapped, and he didn't want to seem like a pervert for watching. Still he couldn't stop himself. Everyone else looked occupied so he watched Ellie's room on the monitor not able to determine the reason why he was continuing to watch this.

Luckily Ellie had decided to go into the bathroom to take off any more layers of clothing. She grabbed some clothes out of her dresser and walked into the bathroom.

L dimmed the screen. He went back to his work on the case, but kept being distracted. His mind continued to flash back and he couldn't help, but glance over at the screen. He watched Ellie emerge from the bathroom, and she was wearing blue jeans and a camisole. She brushed her hair out several times in front of the mirror letting the wet curls settle on her shoulders, and then she swished it and it fell down her back. She sprayed her body with a liquid in a bottle and placed that bottle back on the shelf. Then he watched her open the closet and pull out a wire clothes hanger. She walked over to her dresser and opened a box. She pulled out a pair of sewing scissors, and she snipped the clothes hanger. She walked out the door with the clothes hanger in hand. L wondered what she was going to do with the clothes hanger. He heard her come down the stairs and everyone's heads turned as she slipped on her heeled shoes and walked out the door saying nothing at all. Chief Yagami was about to grab her not let her walk out the door, but L motioned from him to stop. He pointed to the monitoring screen that monitored outside the building. He turned off the screen monitoring Ellie's room and the group crowded around the screen monitoring the outside of the building.

They watched as Ellie wrapped the cut clothes hanger around a rock. She pushed the rock and the clothes hanger through crack left by the rolled down window. She let the rock land with a clunk on the unlock button because her station wagon didn't have a lock that you could pull up. She had a relieved look on her face as she pulled the handle for the door and she felt it click open. She pulled her keys out of the car first and then she closed the door. She went around the station wagon until she got to the back. She opened the hatch and bent over to pull her messenger bag out of the station wagon. She then closed the hatch walked around the car again and pulled out the manual from the glove box for the car. She opened it up and saw a few sketches then from the passenger side she slid herself into the car to the driver's side to pop the hood.

She lifted the hood and made sure it was held up as she looked at the diagrams. She decided the only way she would know what was going on was to make the car idle. So she tried to start the car. The first time nothing happened. The second time it sputtered then died. The third time it made a funny noise sputtered, and then died. She got out of the car closed the hood and placed the book into her messenger bag. With a defeated look on her face pushed the lock button on the driver's side locking the station wagon. Then she proceeded to walk back into the building.

The group members saw this and scattered. They didn't want her to know that they were suspecting her. A lot of the members there suspected her more than they suspected Light of being Kira though no one had stated it yet. The only ones who were sure of her innocence were Matsuda and Misa. Neither could believe that Ellie could kill people. Still the odds were against her and she was under suspect. Ellie walked back in and smiled. "I forgot my bag," she said embarrassed. "Forgive me for interrupting," she said nervously as she walked over to her usual spot next to Matsuda. It was abnormally quiet in the room. Ellie took this as her chance to go upstairs.

She felt the white-hot eyes of every person in the downstairs area staring straight at her as she made her way to the stairs. No one made a sound as she ascended up the stairs. L watched the monitor to see where she was headed. She knocked on the door to Misa's room and then L changed his attention to that monitor. There weren't any sound bugs at this time, but L knew that Misa and Ellie were having a conversation. Misa handed Ellie one of her cell phones and Ellie opened her computer. "What's going on here," L wondered as Chief Yagami, thinking the same thing, peered at the monitor as well. Ellie opened her laptop and began typing something. Then she picked up the phone. She looked around the room for several moments waiting for someone to pick up on the other side. L edged himself closer to the screen when he began to see her lips move.

"Hosimo Auto service how many I help you," a man said on the other side of the phone.

"I have a problem with a 1999 Subaru Legacy," Ellie said.

"What's the problem?" the man asked.

"It won't start, it sputters and dies," Ellie said desperately.

"Do you think you just ran out of gas?" the man said obviously not wanting to waste his time on a call from Ellie.

Ellie scoffed. Did the man think she was that stupid? She got snappy with him, "Yes, I'm sure its not that sir, it's been working fine all day and the gas gauge reads half full."

"Where was this Subaru manufactured," the man said.

"Does it make a difference?" Ellie asked obviously getting annoyed with the useless responses she was receiving.  
"Yes it make a difference," said the man getting equally annoyed. "We can only work on Subaru's built in certain places."  
"It was built in the United States," Ellie said rolling her eyes.

"Where in the United States?" the man asked.

"You have got to be kidding," she thought to herself. "I don't know where it was manufactured," she said now getting very annoyed at this man who gave her a sigh when he heard that. "It was probably built in New Jersey at the big Subaru plant on the east coast," she said thinking for a moment.

"Sorry miss can't help you, best consult someone else," the man said hanging up the phone.

She tried a few more places, but with the same amount of luck. Fixing her Subaru had been a probably before, but never this big of a problem. 15 out of the 20 mechanics she called back in the States would refuse to fix certain problems because Subaru machinery was very unique and very difficult to work with, but this was just pathetic.

She finally handed the phone back to Misa and walked downstairs. L heard her coming and once again several eyes averted to her. She waved a car manual and walked back out the door so L continued to watch.

Ellie walked to her car and got inside. She put the manual back in the glove box and as she sat in the driver's seat she let her head hit the steering wheel. Her forehead hit the horn scaring her almost to death, and she elbowed the dash hard as she got out of the car in shock. She rubbed her elbow and got back in the car to make sure she had broken or knocked anything over. She looked at the gas gauge. It was now reading empty and she could have sworn when she got her keys out it had read half a tank. She couldn't believe this. 5 miles in the rain she had to walk because her gas gauge was broken and she ran out of gas. The noises now made a bit more sense, though she couldn't entirely call herself an expert on cars at all. She pushed the button and locked all the doors then she walked back inside.

She had been back in for a few minutes and finally the stares started to die down, as she looked for a replacement gas gauge online. "Sheesh these parts are hard to replace," she muttered to herself searching through many pages and finding nothing. She dug through her messenger bag looking for a pen, and she felt a clipboard. She had almost forgotten that she had copied classified death records from the hospital she did her clinical internship in. She grabbed her bag and walked over to L. All eyes were on the two as she said, "I forgot to mention I got some of the records from the hospital. They do quite a bit of networking with the other hospitals, all classified of course," she said digging into her messenger bag. "I think some of it might help you at least figure out what's being covered up," she said pulling out the clipboard. Her notebook came flying out of her bag as she lifted the clipboard out and L reached for it. She grabbed it quicker.

"What's that Ellie," he said noticing the look of worry on her face.

She had no idea what to say. All of the eyes in the room were on her waiting for an answer. She wasn't sure she could tell them what it was so she made something up.

"It's a thought journal," Ellie said quickly putting it back into the bag. "I make observations and write them down throughout the day." She didn't know what else to say. Part of her wanted to tell him to mind his own business. This was a very personal item of hers and him finding it could be very bad for her. He would find out things he didn't need to know, and she could go through a long horrible questioning process again that led her to nothing but sorrow and dead ends. No, she wouldn't let that happen again. Things were better now than they had been and she wasn't about to have them go back to the way they were.

Ellie could feel L's cold stare as she extended her arm to hand him the clipboard. After a few moments he said, "Ellie, perhaps you should store items like this in a safer location than that knapsack he said pointing at her messenger bag. You wouldn't want someone to find out that you are carrying classified documents."

Ellie bowed her head. She had been hoping for all that work at least get something for it. She wasn't out for praise constantly, but it was part of being a perfectionist she guessed constantly looking for praise and going all out.

L smelled something wonderful wafting into his face that made his mouth water a bit. Was he getting something sugary soon? Watarai was nowhere in sight. So where was that smell coming from? He sniffed the air as he reached his hand out to grab the clipboard. He realized that it was coming from Ellie herself. He grabbed the clipboard. He wondered if that stuff in the bottle that she had sprayed on herself was some kind of candy or sugar scented body spray. It was much more pleasing to the nose than the perfume that Misa used. Still it made him hungry so he walked into the kitchen for a moment putting his computers on password lock. He grabbed a bag of marshmallows letting the scent fill his nose. That's what Ellie had smelled like, marshmallows.

Light couldn't get that notebook out of his mind. Ellie had seemed protective of that notebook. Perhaps it was her diary? Still, he had never seen a girl keep a journal in such a sad looking notebook. The notebook was black, with grey lettering with a small border around the letters. He couldn't make out what the letters said, but he could swear that the notebook sounded familiar.


	4. Another One Bites the Dust

Chapter 4:

_**Chapter 4: Another One Bites the Dust**_

_Wow, I couldn't believe how quickly I got reviews. Thanks so much Sayomi2, Anihana, and Princess de la Luna for your reviews. Sayyomi when you finish your youtube video can you send me the link? I'd really love to see it! Please keep reading and reviewing! Sorry about the lag in updating sometimes it can take about a week or so, but I always try to update a few times a month. _

Ellie woke up covered in sweat. She had an awful dream. She saw monsterous images in her dreams usually, but this one was so real. She stared straight into the eyes of what had been in her dreams since she was a small child. She didn't know what to call this creature at times, but generally they were humanesque creatures in the way that it held a bipedal stance. It had wings, generally a distorted face, and eyes. Those eyes sent chills down her spine, those eyes that felt like they looked directly through your soul. She was sure they must be attached to death somehow. That wasn't the only thing she had seen in her dream. She had seen a name in her mind. L. Lawliet had been the name she had seen in her subconscious. She's not sure why this flashed in her mind with importance. She was sure she had never seen that name before in her life, but for some reason along with that creepy creature she had seen that name.  
Ellie looked at her alarm clock. It was 5 A.M. She yawned and hopped out of bed. She knew she wouldn't be going back to sleep and her stomach growled for food. She grabbed her laptop from her dresser and put it in a knapsack and walked downstairs.

She saw that L still awake and Chief Yagami drifting into sleep in one of the chairs. L seemed as awake as usual; she guessed it must be the sugar. She put her knapsack down in the chair near him and walked into the kitchen to get something to eat. She opened the fridge and crinkled her nose. Where was the fruit? She searched for some kind of fruit and finally found bananas. She happily peeled one and began munching on it.

L peered around the corner. He was interested in that notebook he had seen. No one was that protective of something even if it was a journal. He opened her bag a bit, just barely to see what was inside. He couldn't really get a good look so he began to open the bag a bit more and he stuck his hand inside of the bag. He felt a tap on his shoulder a few moments later and he turned around sharply knowing he had got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Ellie cleared her throat and said, "Well, while you've got your hand in my bag would you mind grabbing my laptop?"

L handed her the laptop out of her bag. Ellie spoke again. "Go ahead and look through that bag if you're that suspicious," she said plainly.

L wasn't sure what to do so he turned around. He was usually the quicker one, but someone had finally found a way to sneak up on him.

Ellie looked around and didn't see much. She saw Matsuda napping on the couch he saw that Light must have gone upstairs to sleep in his room because Ellie saw him on the monitor that L occasionally checked.

Ellie compiled the information she had gotten from the files she had taken from the hospital. Put together with the clues that were already out on the table, this lead her to believe she could see a very distinct pattern in the killings, and the cover-ups in some cases. She had finally concluded that the person must be from the company Yostuba. Her eyes widened as she typed rapidly. L grinned. He realized that she must have pieced together what he had already found out that morning. He was going to wait until the rest of the group was together before he announced his theory.  
"Yotsuba," Ellie said as a breath. L nodded and continued his own research and Ellie typed away as well.

An hour later Light was awake and downstairs. He sat on the other side of the L and was handcuffed to him once more while Ellie finally sure of her research began to mull over it. She stuck her hand in the bag after closing her laptop and pulling out the ball of yarn and the needles that were in the bag. She felt the soft light blue scarf between her fingers and she started another row. She wasn't sure who this scarf was going to be for, but she really liked the way it felt. She was hoping it would make a nice gift around Christmastime.

Light and L talked a bit about Yotsuba and then made the announcement that they thought that it was Yotsuba that was behind this with all the information that was brought together. Ellie nodded in agreement adding in her own ideas about the issues and ways to resolve it, though she said that she wasn't sure that anything like that would work at this time. L announced that there were new members to the investigation and the team members though timid of new members welcomed them and everyone got back to work.

Ellie decided to go back into the kitchen and see make a grocery list so she could pick up some groceries seeing as they were almost out of quite a few things. She got out a small tablet of paper with kittens on the paper. She passed it around the room seeing what the rest of the team members wanted when she deiced to go out and get the needed items. It didn't take long for the tablet to get passed around and she took a look at it. A lot of it was L's, meaning there were a lot of sugar based items on the list. She rolled her eyes and walked upstairs to get out of her pajamas. This time L wasn't watching her; he had more important things to do.

She came back downstairs in an orange tunic top and some blue jeans. She waved and walked out into the street. It was a cool, crisp November morning that Saturday as walked to the bus stop. She pulled out her bus pass and waited. About 10 minutes later the bus pulled up and she handed her bus pass to the driver. He looked at it and handed it back to her. She took her seat on the bus across from a very strange looking man. She held her messenger bag close to her. She felt cold eyes scanning her body. She waited for the bus to stop and then she moved allowing an elderly woman to have her seat, so she could move farther away from that man. She didn't like the way his eyes scanned her. She let her body relax as she held onto one of the handles and felt the bus jerk forward. Her foot slipped back as she almost caused the man behind her to collapse. She turned around to apologize and saw that man that had been scoping her out right behind her. She nervously waited for her stop. She didn't want to be stranded in a place she didn't know just to get away from this guy. There were too many people around for him to do anything.

Her stop was coming up in just two more stops she thought grateful that she wouldn't have to spend anymore time around this creepy guy. Suddenly she felt something cold against the back of her head and a hand grab her arm.

"This bus is mine now and unless you want to see this girl's brains splattered you better do what I say," the man shouted.

Ellie closed her eyes. When she reopened them she noticed no one on the bus moving at all.

With the gun still pointed to her head she drug her up to the driver telling him not to stop the bus unless he wanted to see everyone dead. The bus driver nervously continued the route.

The man then walked back to the bus telling everyone to empty their bags and pockets pushing the gun even further into Ellie's head. She knew that one click and she was dead, and if she died he would just pick another victim. She waited for her moment, the moment that her attacker would make a mistake. For now she would play the innocent victim role. There was no way she could get free without killing herself or getting other people killed. She would struggle to get away every now and then but she knew honestly that she wasn't going to be getting anywhere. He stuck the gun farther into her head and he collected the passengers' wallets, purses, and other items. The man then noticed the messenger bag on Ellie's right shoulder.

"You!" he said to Ellie. "Give me that bag," he said.

She began to slip the bag off her shoulder and then she saw her chance. His had relaxed when he saw that she was going to cooperate. She felt his finger lose pressure on the trigger. She then quickly cocked her arm a bit as to get the bag the rest of the way off and then turned really sharply twisting out of his grip and knocking the gun out of his hand and knocking him to the ground with her messenger bag.

The gun flew into the air and out one of the windows. The man got up furious, and he pulled out a knife. Ellie screamed. The bus driver quickly, in an attempt to get attention, crashed the bus into a building that was for lease. The man fell down and Ellie was thrown across one of the seats knocking her out. The man furiously picked up his knife certain to kill that little bitch. The passengers fled from one of the fire escapes. At this point the man didn't care anymore. He was going to be arrested anyway, but he was going to be sure that when they found this woman's body there wouldn't be anything left. He picked up his knife and the driver opened the doors of the bus. The driver picked up a brick determined to try to save the woman as she had been abandoned by all of the people she had saved.

As the driver reentered the bus he saw the man with the knife holding his chest. The man was having a heart attack! The driver radioed and then checked the woman's body to make sure that he hadn't hurt her. He saw her sitting motionless looking on shock at the dead body. She was bleeding profusely from one of her wrists. He guessed that the man must have cut her wrist first to wake her up and corner her so he could kill her slowly. "This world is a sick place," he thought as he helped the woman out of the seat helping her use the first aid kit to bandage her wrist and stop the bleeding. She had been bruised a bit on her arms and a couple on her legs that she could feel from being thrown across the bus.

She thanked the bus driver and she began to walk away disappearing into the crowd that had gathered around the bus. The bus driver looked out and watched the police start to show up. The man who died on the bus was taken away from the scene and taken to a morgue. A few of the people who had escaped from the bus began to talk to the policeman and a couple to a news reporter from Sakura television.

"What exactly happened," a news reporter asked one of the older women.

"Well, when I got on the bus, bless her heart, this young lady gave me her seat. That was the woman that the man with gun attacked. He took over the entire bus threatening the driver and us and putting against that woman's head. She fought him though and she got the gun away from him," the woman concluded.

"What happened after that?" the news reporter asked excitedly.

"Bus crashed causing the man to fall down and it let us be able to escape the bus."

"What happened to the woman," the news reporter asked.

"I don't know exactly. She didn't keep her balance when the bus crashed; she hit her head pretty hard. I hope she's alright," the woman said.

The bus driver almost laughed when he heard that. Like that woman really cared about the girl on the bus. No one even stuck around to try and help her when she was unconscious.

"She's fine," he felt himself saying, he would regret it, but he didn't want something bigger to come out of this a search for a missing person of someone who obviously just wanted to get to where she was meaning to go.

"Where is she now?" the reporter asked.

The bus driver held up a shopping list that had fallen out of her messenger bag and said, "Grocery shopping I would guess,"

Ellie finally got far enough to be away from the commotion. She couldn't believe this. She had just killed that man. She didn't know how, or why this kept happening, but it did. She sighed. Fortunately she got out of the situation with only a few cuts and bruises probably not even noticeable. She would never have to tell anyone about this. She reached into her bag for the shopping list so she could go on with her day. She continued to look around the bag. "Shit," she said to herself softly. "I must have dropped it on the bus when my bag spilled," she thought remembering how her body had been thrown when they crashed causing her bag to spill its contents everywhere. She had thought she got all of them, but she was missing one kitten covered shopping list. Sighing she decided to just get most of it from memory.

She made it to the grocery store, which was a bit of a walk, but she would catch the bus back if she could and hopefully avoid more situations like that. She looked at the shelves. She had remembered almost all of what the other team members had wanted. She grabbed a bunch of things, but got stuck when it came to what L wanted. She decided to get a few things of her own for him in place of what she knew she was obviously forgetting. She picked up lots of different kinds of fruit, milk, brown sugar, rice, and some necessary items in her opinion, which included a variety of vegetables. The food was put on a tab that L had at that grocery store. Watarai had set it up so that groceries could be easily gotten for L. Ellie handed the cashier a card with a number on it and the woman got the manager who put the food on the tab and waved goodbye to Ellie and he hurried her out of the grocery store before people started to wonder what was up. She sat at the bus stop with all of her groceries.

The bus came and she showed them her bus pass once again. The bus driver looked at the bus pass and then handed it back to Ellie. Ellie sat in her usual seat on the bus except for today when she was part of what was almost a murder. She sighed and waited for her stop. When it finally came up she exited the bus. It looked like at first that the driver wasn't going to move the bus. Ellie began walking away from the bus stop and the bus started to pull away. She walked to the building taking many hidden shortcuts. She made it to the building and went inside. The Kira Investigation room wasn't quiet as it usually was. It turns out she had missed a lot while she was gone. They had decided that the strangeness had come from Yotsuba. They were all looking to find ways to infiltrate Yotsuba and see what was going on.

Ellie tiptoed past as to not disturb anyone. She put the groceries away and walked back out into the room. She picked up her laptop from the table that it had been at and opened it. She could tell that someone had tried to get into her files. She sighed. She sat down next to Matsuda who gave her a sympathetic look. She smiled back and then Matsuda noticed something on her wrist.

"Ellie, did you cut yourself on something," he said holding her wrist.

She cringed. Even under that many layers of bandaging, that cut still hurt. Matsuda noticed this and pulled his hand back. "Its nothing really just me being clumsy as usual," Ellie said with a smile.

Matsuda nodded but wasn't sure if he believed her. There were bruises on her arm as well as if she had been attacked hit with something. Before he had a chance to ask her she asked him a question.

"So, what did I miss?" she asked.


	5. Kiss Me

_**Chapter 5: Kiss Me**_

_Thanks so much for your quick reviews anihana and Princess de la Luna. Sorry for the lag in writing again, I actually had this one typed out for several days I just now got around to posting it. I do not own Death Note or this computer. I also don't think I'll have internet this summer, so I'll have to find a library in the area to go to and post. I'm still looking for a provider to connect to, but it looks like the only one is really expensive satellite that I won't be able to afford in top of rent lol. Still I'll try to keep updated weekly. Well I hope you like this chapter and keep reading and reviewing. And the story continues.. _

Ellie was having trouble sleeping, and L could see it. Light was up late tonight with him, so he had to be careful about watching Ellie tonight. Most of the team members were working diligently, but Ellie was practically falling asleep by 3 am. She couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly tired. She apologized and walked upstairs. She tried to get to sleep, but for some reason or another she couldn't do it. She studying a bit and finished her college homework while she was awake. Then she pulled out her notebook. L watched her meticulously writing and then she placed the notebook in a box under the bed. She sighed and walked over to the dresser. She looked at herself in the mirror sort of clawing at her face and she slumped into a chair at the desk area she had been given. She walked back over to the bed and pulled the entire box out from under the bed. She pulled a small book and flipped through its pages. She would pause every now and then and either sigh or get a very pained look on her face. She placed the book back in the box. She lay back on her bed staring at the ceiling for a while and then started to get ready to go back downstairs since she couldn't sleep anyway and try to be productive in the case.

When she went back downstairs everyone but Mogi was awake. Matsuda was drifting in and out of sleep. Ellie took her seat next to him and L turned to look at her. Matsuda sighed. "I can't figure out anything," Matsuda said.

"Maybe you should sleep on it," Ellie said.

"I'm always the one asleep, this is the first time Mogi has slept in a few days. Even you, a student, get less sleep than I do." Matsuda said.

"I'm an insomniac it's not the same," Ellie said patting him on the shoulder. "You need to get some sleep and a break to think about the information at hand. I'm things will start to come together then," Ellie said yawning and typing on her laptop. Matsuda nodded, though he still felt that it wouldn't help.

Ellie continued typing away on her computer. L was brought several desserts as he continued to type rapidly on his own computer. He looked at Watarai and smiled a bit, "Watarai you didn't need to bring all of this all I asked for was a bag of marshmallows," he said.

"I'm sorry sir, there weren't any marshmallows," Watarai said. "I looked everywhere in the kitchen," Watarai said.

"Thank you Watarai," L said quietly glaring at Ellie. "Did she purposely forget the thing he wrote in GIANT letters," he wondered. Still he didn't have time to worry about that now. He had a lead at Yotsuba, and not only that she was beginning to act suspicious. He wondered what that box could be. It could easily just be personal item. Right now with Yotsuba being the biggest lead he would have to put his suspicions of Ellie, Light, and Misa behind him in order to catch the current Kira.

The day seemed to drag on forever, and finally around 8 PM Ellie finally felt tired enough to drag herself upstairs and collapse on her bed.

She woke up on time the next morning. All the members were still awake, and the only thing seeming to keep some of them awake was the immense amounts of sugar that kept L awake. Ellie took a shower, got dressed, grabbed her bag for class, and decided to leave her notebook that she had stuck under the bed there and not chance anyone finding it.

Ellie waited for the bus. She had to take a bus and then catch the subway in order to get to college. She waited patiently, and about 7 minutes later the bus pulled up. She pulled the bus pass out of her jacket pocket. She looked up and saw the bus driver from the accident on Saturday. He smiled and took the card from her making sure to look at the name. Ellie Johnson. He had known the girl's name had started with an E, for some reason he thought it was Emily, or Evelyn. He handed her back the bus pass and slipped her grocery list back with it. She looked him straight in the eyes waiting for some response as she grabbed the list and the buss pass. He nodded and she walked back to the back of the bus. She realized that he was going to say nothing else to her. He would probably pretend that he had never seen her before. For this she was thankful.

By midday Matsuda finally decided what he was going to do. He was going to have to spy and infiltrate. He knew that that was the only way to get the needed information. He would infiltrate that day.

Ellie rode the bus back after classes and her clinicals at the hospital. She wanted so badly to sleep, but she knew she just didn't have the time for it anymore. She waited until her stop and hopped off the bus not looking the bus driver in the eye. She walked to the building and into the Kira investigation room. She sat down in her usual spot in the room and realized Matsuda was gone. She applied some lip balm to her chapped lips. She licked her lips furiously when she was nervous or thinking very deeply about something. She generally used some flavored lip balm she had received as a gift to keep her lips from chapping and so if she accidentally licked it off she wouldn't have a horrible flavor in her mouth.

The whole night turned out to be a disaster. Though Matsuda had infiltrated there was much to be known about Yotsuba not to mention the extreme chewing out he still received. For a moment Ellie saw the glimmer in his eyes. He finally got some well-deserved praise though he was being chewed out.

They also had an ally in the case with a member of the small group in Yotsuba that seemed to be behind the current Kira killings. After a stunt that Light pulled they now had an ally. Ellie was grateful for what Light had done for the group, but she still felt little room to trust him. The red glimmer in the amber eyes told her differently of his intentions.

After a long few nights most of the team decided to hit the hay. All that was left were the few members who had managed to stay awake which ended up only being Ellie and L after about 2 AM.

"Ellie, how do you kill your victims," L asked plainly from the across the room without even looking at her.

At first Ellie thought it was just an echo of their previous conversation in her mind.

"Ellie?" L questioned now looking at her wanting an answer.

"What do you mean by that," Ellie asked innocently.

"The man on the bus Ellie, didn't you think eventually someone would find out," L said looking at her. "Don't you think we are all a little smarter than that," L said.

"I didn't kill him!" Ellie said defensively not able to hold back the tears. "I was unconscious for half of it," Ellie screamed at him. She was beginning to feel emotions she hadn't felt in a long time. She got up and got into L's face with anger in her eyes. His eyes widened and hers stared straight into his without even blinking.

"Also you forgot the marshmallows I requested." L said matter of factly.

Part of Ellie wanted to slap her forehead for such a random comment. Another was too busy focusing on the face that his face; was coming closer to hers.

L could smell the marshmallows. Ellie had some somewhere he could smell them and this time it wasn't her body spray. He got closer and closer to her face and his lips met hers. At first she was so disgusted that she wanted to pull back, but as his tongue ran over her bottom lip she felt herself succumbing. Ellie closed her eyes enjoying the small tingles now finding their way down her spine as he began to nibble her bottom lip tasting the lip balm. After he had gotten all of the flavor out of her lips he parted.

Ellie opened her eyes. She touched her lips lightly with her hand as she felt herself blushing. L turned away from her and said, "I guess I was wrong about the marshmallows, you must have eaten them."

Ellie dug in her pocket and got the tube of lip balm out showing him that indeed she just happened to have marshmallow flavored lip balm. "Came in a marshmallow and warm vanilla scented bath and body set," Ellie said.

L felt himself laugh a bit at that. He wasn't sure what had come over him in those brief moments of intimacy. He showed feelings for no one though high respect for Watarai he was the only person even slightly close to L. That's the way L liked it. He didn't want anyone getting in especially someone he thought could be Kira. Still he had felt his toes curling under him during the brief moments they did share.

Ellie wasn't sure what to do after this point. She asked quietly, "So why do you believe that I'm Kira." She said. "If you don't mind me asking that is," she added quickly after a pause.

"Death follows you Ellie, like a dark cloud. Every situation you've been put into under normal circumstances would have killed or completely emotionally destroyed a normal human being, but not Ellie Johnson." L said.

Ellie looked as if he had insulted her. "What about you L. Lawliet!" she nearly screamed at him getting in his face again and forcing him to look at her. L hadn't seen a part of her like this before. Generally she was quiet. It took him a moment to absorb what she had said completely and then complete shock covered his face.

"You of all people should understand getting through a horrible situation alive with your emotions intact. We are so similar L and you just don't see it. I'm about as much of a Kira as you are! A horrible childhood does not constitute your suspicions. I don't know why these people keep dying in this fashion. Maybe I have a guardian angel or something, guardian angel of death she said slowly," Ellie said coming to a frightening realization.

"Shinigami," L said quietly rolling that word around in his mind. He had been contemplating one of Kira's earlier notes that had discussed Shinigami eating only apples. He looked into Ellie's sincere eyes. He felt one of his hands coming up to wipe one of her tears away. Ellie grabbed him letting her rule of not letting anyone close go for just this once. She felt the tears come in a rush as she wrapped her arms around him desperately looking for the comfort that she had always sought after. Surprisingly enough she felt two hands on her shoulders now rubbing her back.

L was not ready for the sobbing woman that now buried her face on his shoulder and had her arms wrapped around him. He wasn't one for closeness either, but for some reason with his death feeling closer everyday, especially after hearing his name roll of her lips he felt himself giving in and not pushing away. Knowing Ellie, things would be fine in the morning. She would go back to her seclusion and warm exterior, but have her cold interior to human contact. He wasn't sure if he trusted what he saw in her eyes, but his feelings got in the way this time. He felt his suspicion of her likeliness of being Kira drop significantly. Still a question burned in his mind and he couldn't hold it back despite her current state. "How did you find out my full name," L asked.

She looked him straight in the eyes. "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you," Ellie said.

"Try me," L said.

"I saw it in a dream," she said recollecting as L listened patiently. "I just looked up your name in a few records, they were a bit harder to find, but eventually I saw a picture of you as a kid and the scar below your left eye gave it away. You never got rid of that scar," she said.

L was amazed. He had truly finally underestimated someone that was clearly a challenge. Still he didn't want her to know that she had won. He merely nodded.

She looked at the clock. "Its about time for me to think about the amount of sleep I'll need to function tomorrow," She said yawning. "Goodnight L," She said and then she did something that neither of them expected. She returned his kiss.


	6. Someday You Will Be Loved

Chapter 6: Someday You Will Be Loved

_**Chapter 6: Someday You Will Be Loved**_

_Thanks for the continued reviews. Sorry for the long amount of time for this chapter as well, I know I keep apologizing for that. Good news about this summer I think A T & T might have Internet in that area through the phone company. That would be very pleasant. Thanks Anihana, Sayomi2, and Princess de la Luna for your reviews! It stinks that your youtube video won't load Sayomi2, I have a lot of computer problems as well especially with compatibility on this computer. As for your comment Anihana, I just couldn't bring myself to make L too mushy, it was just too weird lol. Ah well, keep reading and reviewing and I'll keep cranking out chapters as quickly as I can. I do not own Death Note, its characters, or this crappy computer, but I do own Ellie, a junky car, and a coffeemaker, all of which are necessary things for my existence :P _

Ellie walked upstairs touching her lips on the way up. Why had she kissed him? This was the man who suspected her of mass murder. As she walked into her room she flopped on her bed. L watched her smile fade as if she had come to some strange realization.

Ellie touched her lips again and realized that this was a mistake. She did care about L. Somewhere deep down inside she cared about L. She couldn't let this happen. If she cared about him, she would have to stop seeing him. She killed everything around her. She knew that he wouldn't mind her going back to being cold, at least that would make things easier. She pulled her pillow closer to her and tried to sleep.

L watched her closely that night though he began to wonder if that was taking away from his concentration on the case and protecting his own life. Still he was stuck holding his hand to his lips tasting the last of the kiss that she had placed on his lips. He saw her roll over repeatedly and then finally seemed to fall asleep at 3 AM.

Ellie had another nightmare. She saw the monster again but this time there was no hidden message for her just a pair of red black eyes staring right through her. It held out its hand and she watched its lips move not hearing anything. She grabbed her hand back not wanting to follow this creature anywhere. Then it was like she was being chased for eternity through a dark tunnel. She finally saw the other side come into view and then she saw someone at the other end. It was L. She was trapped in the middle of the tunnel. She felt both sides coming in on her. It seemed she would have to choose between the two. She feared the monster, but she was afraid of L as well for different reasons. They moved in closer and closer until…

She woke up covered in sweat again. She looked at the alarm clock. A few seconds later it rang and she stopped it crawling out of bed. She looked around the room. She then pulled out the box from the bed. She wrote in a diary type book that was different than the notebook she generally wrote in. L watched this curiously. As soon as Ellie finished with whatever she had been writing she placed the book back into the box and pushed the box back under the bed. She got up and walked into the bathroom and that was all that L saw for a while.

About a half an hour later he saw Ellie emerge from the bathroom in a big fuzzy blue bathrobe. He watched her unwrap the bathrobe. He had to turn away. This just felt too perverted. He turned off the screen hearing several of the team members wake from their own slumber. Mogi was up working again but he was at his own worktable. Matsuda was up early that morning working diligently, but as soon as Light woke up L knew that he should probably be more careful with his observations of Ellie. It had never been discussed if Ellie's room should be bugged. She received Light's room and they had to bug a new room. Light had given up the room of his own will saying that it would be ungentlemanly of him not to give Ellie the room with the bigger bathroom. L was supposed to turn the bugs off in Ellie's room and he just didn't happen to at this point.

Ellie went downstairs and got some breakfast. She got ready to go to her classes that day. Luckily she would be out a bit sooner than she had the night before. She only had clinicals until about dinnertime. She had a fresh pair of scrubs in her bag. She had dressed up that day in her usual skirt, nice shirt, and high heels combination, but she couldn't go to the hospital in that and that would be where she was spending most of her day other than her couple classes of that day.

She got on the bus as usual, went to her classes as usual, it was a very boring day for Ellie. She got to the hospital and put on her scrubs and a pair of white tennis shoes. She was glad to be out of her heels her feet were aching a bit. She served dinners to several of the patients. This time she hadn't gotten anything gross on her scrubs, generally an older woman in the hospital would throw some of the food back at Ellie and Ellie would have to change out of her scrubs before going back to the Kira Investigation room.

She got on the bus at about 5 PM. She didn't bother changing out of her scrubs. She was ready to get in front of her computer and actually get something accomplished for the case. Lately she had been feeling like dead weight.

Ellie was walking into the investigation room only to find that once again she had missed a big chunk of the action, as Matsuda was going to have to fake his own death now that things with Yotsuba had gotten out of hand. L looked at Ellie and said, "Matsuda needs help it seems, I suppose now would be the time test the long distance running skills I've heard so much about," L said pointing to the door. "He is at this address," he said handing her a piece of paper. "You will find the needed materials in that room just follow my directions," L said handing her an earpiece so that she keep in contact with him. "And now Ellie, run," he said as she quickly departed from the room.

Ellie didn't have a chance to get out of her hospital scrubs. She was grateful that she hadn't been wearing the outfit that she had chosen for the day, otherwise she would have had to run barefoot and that may draw more attention than she probably already was. She also wondered how L had managed to find that she had been a runner. Well, that information was most likely on the Internet by now, and it wouldn't be that hard for anyone to find. She darted through alleyways and climbed a fire escape somewhat unseen. She had made it to the room that she was supposed to be in. What was Matsuda doing in a chic but sleazy hotel? Even she knew as someone who had only been in the country a few months that this place was strange. She looked in the room and saw nothing of interest really. She wondered how soon she had before the person who had rented the room would be back. She realized after digging through a briefcase briefly that it was a room rented out by their ally in Yotsuba. This gave her a decent chunk of time, but still not long for Matsuda. She looked around for the items L was talking about.

"I'm in," Ellie said quickly gasping for air as she finally had a chance to relax a bit.

"There should be something soft for Matsuda to land on in there, preferably a mattress," L said to her. She looked around trying to find something. She saw the mattress and what seemed to be some kinky "toys" near the mattress and she guessed that this man would be having a few women in and out tonight and a few fulfilled fetishes to boot. Cringing, she pulled the mattress to the balcony and set it up at a decent angle for Matsuda not to miss the mattress completely and fall to his death.

She found a wet bag that must have been set in the room by Wedy on her way to bugging the room at Yotsuba. She couldn't stick around since most of the members after the death would be back in that room talking soon after that meeting. She couldn't risk not getting the cameras set. Ellie wondered why L had given this to her and she soon realized why. It's because they were short on members for this rescue mission and Wedy couldn't stick around, the chief would be driving the car to pick up Matsuda, Ellie and Wendy, and the others already had jobs they had to do. She didn't have time to think about that now, she had to make sure that Matsuda made it out of this alive. She set up the mattress quickly, careful to stay in the shadows as to not give herself away. She heard him yelling from the balcony and knew any moment now he would be falling to his supposed death. She saw him drop, she held her breath, he hit the mattress and rolled onto the balcony, she dropped the wet bag, and Aiber quickly took his place. Everything was going according to plan. Wedy screamed and ran into the hotel. The ambulance came and two medical technicians put Aiber on a stretcher. Ellie held the deep breathing Matsuda close to her and then punched him in the arm.

"What was that for?" Matsuda asked.

"Oh, I can think of a few things," Ellie said obviously not amused. Her feet were beginning to blister.

Matsuda couldn't help but hug her. She had, with the help of L and the rest of the team, saved his butt once again. L contacted Ellie and told her to wait for Chief Yagami to come to the door and to let him in. Wedy soon joined them in the room and they all waited. Wedy stood in the balcony smoking a cigarette and Matsuda and Ellie pulled in the mattress. Ellie and Matsuda sat on the mattress for a short amount of time not saying anything at all until Ellie rubbed her ankles a bit tempted to take off her shoes.

"What happened?' Matsuda asked.

Ellie looked up at him and just laughed, "Everyone has his or her battle scars I guess, comes with the territory," She said pointing to his shoulder which she assumed was bruised.

Chief Yagami knocked on the door and Ellie excused herself to use the bathroom before they left. Chief Yagami patted Matsuda on the shoulder. When things cleared up on the street below Ellie and Matsuda climbed down the fire escape while Wedy and Chief Yagami exited through the front door and got into the car. They pulled the car into the alley to pick up Matsuda and Ellie. The two got in the backseat and the car was silent until they got into the garage of the building. Everyone got out of the car and went into the Kira Investigation room. It seemed that everyone had made it back all right. Matsuda smiled and realized how many people had been looking out for him that day. The day had gone well all in all, and Matsuda was highly revered that day. After the night's mayhem many went to sleep feeling the aches of the day getting to them. Ellie found herself in the awkward situation of being alone with L once again.

L looked at Ellie who had pulled off her shoes a while ago and was now looking at the damage to her feet. She began to rub the arches that were now throbbing and noticed someone else had taken her other foot. She pulled back a bit, but L continued to massage her left foot.

"Erm, you really don't have to do that," Ellie said obviously uncomfortable with the situation.

L seemed to not hear her as he continued. Ellie lifted his chin up and stared into his eyes. The eye lock lasted a few moments and it seemed that neither person would turn away, but Ellie blushed and turned her face away. L touched her red cheeks curiously, and Ellie found herself in another eye lock that was a bit deeper. She reached out to touch his cheek as well. It seemed that everything around them went hazy for just a moment as Ellie asked L a question, "L, have you ever been this close to anyone?"

L thought back to his childhood. He had avoided people, not purposely, but he was just different and it was too painful, to be alienated, so he alienated himself. This left him a little socially challenged, but it seemed that those developments over these brief engagements with Ellie had sparked something in him. Perhaps it was the feeling that he would die soon, or the fact that he finally had the acceptance he craved. No more Ryuzaki, or just plain L, someone who knew exactly who he was and what he had gone through. As he stared into her green eyes he shook his head. Her eyes softened and almost glistened as she pulled him into a hug.

L once again had no idea what to do. He was uncomfortable and very comfortable all at the same time. He couldn't let himself melt into this moment though. He was already beginning to lose his concentration. Ellie felt a chill run through her body as well and knew that it was time to part. The two worked in silence once again and finally L brought himself to ask, "Ellie, have you ever been close to anyone?" he asked curious of her own past perhaps finding a way to take advantage of her vulnerability at the moment to see if she still had the possibility of being Kira.

Her expression was very somber as she answered him, "No, I don't believe I have ever succeeded at that."

L nodded and turned away from her again. She said nothing else and grabbed a few of her books. "Goodnight L," she said walking upstairs not looking at him.

He watched her on the camera and as she entered the room the notebook that he saw was opened again. He watched her writing as if it were a symphony created before his eyes. He had no idea what she was writing, but her emotions were shown in ever stroke of the pen.

Ellie closed the notebook sighing to herself. What was she thinking anyway? She couldn't get close to L. She couldn't get close to anyone especially if she really cared about him or her. Oh great, now she was admitting that she really cared about L? This was madness. She wanted to avoid him at all costs, but her heart was dragging her all over the place. She knew so much about L's existence and it had been so much like her own.

L. Lawliet had been abandoned at birth. His parents' identity was unknown. L came into the world as a very different child. He was highly intelligent as an infant showing knowledge far beyond what a normal toddler should have. He learned to read quickly and he couldn't stop. She wasn't going to tell L this, but she had gone to Watarai for some of this information. She wasn't sure why he handed over the information. Perhaps he saw the compatibility that no one else including Ellie thought was possible. Nevertheless she learned quite a bit about L's unfortunate childhood and his moving from orphanage to orphanage until Watarai finally took him to Whammy's house. He had been with L almost all of L's life. He found L at an orphanage in Britain and instantly saw that the child wasn't meant to be in a place like that. He needed his mind to be challenged. He needed a thriving environment. He took L in more or less as his own though he knew he couldn't raise a child. He took L to his favorite orphanage. He knew that L was alienated so when L was old enough he let L do some more advanced things, which eventually led L to show passion for criminology. It didn't take long for L to become the many aliases that he held including the famous L. He never had a friend in his life other than Watarai who was more of a father/grandfather than anything else. He didn't have time for a personal life, and when he did he preferred to be alone. Ellie felt for L, she knew what it was like to never have anyone around. She lost all the people she had ever cared about. She was constantly blamed. It was to the point where she was convinced that suicide was the way to go.

Ellie flashed back to the day of her 16th birthday. She had finally felt stable. She had been with her current family for several years now and they hadn't been hurt. She had a boyfriend of a few months, and it hadn't gotten more serious than handholding and kisses on the cheek because both parties were too shy to ever try anything more. Ellie Johnson hadn't always been Ellie Johnson. At this time she was known as Novalie Smith, her given name at birth before her mother died from a horrible internal bleeding from the birth. Novalie had a very difficult childhood from one orphanage and foster home to another. Most of the families she stayed with were either too disturbed by her past to keep her long or they themselves got hurt or died. The strange thing is they always died of natural causes. There is no way that she could have caused them, but the fact that this death followed her around like a cloud scared people.

The Jackson's were very nice people. She finally felt that things were going right, finally tried to come out of her shell. On the eve of her 16th birthday Ellie and her boyfriend Gabriel Johnson got into a horrible car accident. Ellie managed to come out with just a few scratches though the car accident should have killed both parties. There had been and unexpected ice storm that April day. Oregon got ice storms out of the blue at times so she wasn't worried, but it seemed black ice got the better of them. The car went spinning at 60 mph into an oncoming cherry tree. She only had time to scream before she completely blacked out.

She opened her eyes and the ambulance lights began to become clearer. She grasped Gabe's hand and noticed that his hand was unusually cold. Her eyes finally came into focus and she knew right away what had happened. Gabriel had been suffocated by his airbag. She let out a cry of despair. She realized that this was the last straw. She couldn't live around people ever again after this. She asked one of the police officers for a ride after the medical technicians examined her in the ambulance. She seemed all right so she was allowed to go on her way.

She went back to the Jackson's and saw that the front door was cracked open. Curious she walked into the home. She began to get light headed so she exited the house. She walked back into the house covering her nose and mouth. She was sure that something must have leaked into the house. She grabbed the cordless phone and ran outside. She took deep breaths of fresh air before calling 911. She explained the strange feeling upon entering the house, and was convinced that it might be carbon monoxide. They told her to stay outside and not to enter back into the home because if it were that high of a level it could be deadly to even spend a few minutes in the home. She hoped and prayed that the Jackson's hadn't been home. She knew if they were inside the house there was no hope for them. The ambulance arrived, and just as she feared every last member of the family was dead. This was more than Novalie Smith could handle. She only spent about 2 months in the orphanage, and what awaited her after that wasn't what she expected. She was sent to an insane asylum for several months. From June to August she was questioned heavily about her experience with death. She was blamed for the deaths of all of the people she had stayed with.

In the beginning of August it had almost broken her completely. Someone vaguely familiar to her came to visit her. His name was Rojer Wataka. She remembered staying with him in a very odd orphanage a few years ago. She had left that orphanage hoping to fit back into normal society because that orphanage was for very gifted individuals and she just felt that she would never fit in to that place or back into society if she stayed there too long. Rojer had kept a close eye on her and helped her find a new foster home as she had requested. She hadn't seen him in five years.

"Novalie, they are never going to let you go," Rojer said sadly. "Your choices are very limited in this situation." He added.

She heard the choices given to her. She could either stay in this asylum for the rest of her life being poked and prodded never being allowed to have the life she wanted. She could say that she was guilty of all the murders and go to jail for several years, or she could disappear. Novalie was interested in the last one considering that the other two were horrible in themselves. Rojer told her that she would have to recreate her life as someone else, never able to be Novalie Smith ever again. She would have to fake her own death and reemerge as someone new. She agreed and just a few days later Novalie Smith died in a suicide attempt.

Ellie Johnson emerged a week later at her new home in the Midwest far away from New York, Oregon, or any other places in which she held horrible memories. For a while she lived in an orphanage there and she went from family to family without much trouble, she wouldn't get close to them in order to protect her new identity. Because of this fact she had no friends, no real family, and very few activities in which she could enjoy. This is when she discovered that though she couldn't get near people, she wanted to help them in anyway possible. She worked at the orphanage in the area for quite some time with children. It made her wonder if she would ever have children of her own. Everything went fine for a few years until the Barker's came into her life. She had thought she had left the death behind her, but it seemed that things were going in just the same pattern.

Ellie shook her head as she came back from her flashback. She was holding the notebook and shaking. She put the notebook back into the box and pushed the box under the bed. She lay on the bed twirling her hair wondering if she would ever be able to find the things she was looking for. She already couldn't live a normal life and now to make things more complicated she had feelings for L. Sighing she stayed up that night doing her homework for college rather than going to sleep.

L watched her curiously. He wasn't sure what he was feeling in his stomach. It was a light fluttery feeling and he began to wonder if he was going to get sick. He asked Watarai for something for his stomachache and Watarai just smiled. He had planned this thing all along hoping that L and Ellie would hit it off. Rojer was a close friend of Watarai and helped him set up orphanages in the United States especially ones for gifted children. When Watarai had heard the sad tale of Ellie's childhood he couldn't help but want to contact her. L had a hard time interacting with other people especially with his unfortunate past and social struggles. Watarai wouldn't call himself a matchmaker; he hadn't expected that to come out of this relationship between Ellie and L. He had expected a friendship or at least the comfort of having someone there. He let them both find out more about the other themselves, though he gave Ellie a little insight after learning that she had found out L's true name. Watarai was happy for L and hoped for once in L's life he would someday be loved by someone who deserved his love in return. Isn't that all a "parent" wants for their child anyway?


	7. Pour Some Sugar on Me

_**Chapter 7: Pour Some Sugar on Me**_

_Sorry for the really long wait again. I had finals and so many papers to write its not even funny. My last final is now over and I can enjoy the last few moments of my time here in my dorm. Thanks again anihana, saymoi2, and princess de la Luna for your reviews! Moosemix the title of the fic is from the Flyleaf song All Around Me. Sayomi2 I actually thought her name was Wedy, but when I looked up the summary of the episode I took that scene from on (I don't have enough time to go back and watch it sometimes so I read up to make sure I'm getting most of the facts right) they told me her name was Wendy someone should probably change that lol. Anihana thanks for your ever-encouraging reviews. I do not own death note or the characters, I don't own this computer, and I don't own a flying vehicle, but that would be amazing if I did. _

Ellie's week was summed up after this point. The members of Yotsuba in that small group were now being investigated. They weren't sure which one was actually Kira or had the connections, but they would find out. Everyone had his or her idea of who Kira could be, but no one had any hard proof evidence. L's alias was called upon to investigate L's identity.

Ellie was enjoying her Saturday morning thus far. She had thrown up the window in her room and let the breeze rush over her face. It was abut six in the morning and she knew that most of the group was downstairs working in that stuffy room. She was really into the investigation, but she had never worked well for a long period of time like that. She just wasn't really useful to this investigation team at all. Sighing she closed the window a bit and walked downstairs in the kitchen. She caught Misa in there making what looked to be a cake but it looked more like a mess to Ellie.

"Misa?" Ellie questioned sliding into the kitchen.

"I'm making a cake for Light-Kun!" Misa shouted. "It's our anniversary you know," she stated. Misa looked down at her cake. "Oh no, I think I did something wrong," Misa said sadly. "Does it look ok to you Ellie-chan?" Misa asked.

"Uh…" Ellie began. "Maybe you should start over, I'll help you with the next one," Ellie said smiling

"Ok!" Misa said getting rid of the cake batter she had been working on.

Misa and Ellie worked on the cake for hours. Finally they had a successful cake mix in the oven. Ellie hopped up on the sink and crossed her ankles. She hummed quietly waiting and Misa was filing her nails in the only available chair in the room. There was dead silence for a minute until Watarai came into the kitchen smiling.

"Something smells good," Watarai said warmly.

"Ellie-chan and I made a cake!" Misa said excitedly. "What kind was it again Ellie?" Misa questioned thinking.

"Its supposed to taste like toasted marshmallows, it's a cake that doesn't require too many ingredients, which is good, for a kitchen so lacking in basic cake mixtures," Ellie said laughing. "Cake mix never goes unused in this kitchen it seems," Ellie said again. Watarai joined her in laughing and Misa didn't get it at first, but after a moment joined in the laughter as well.

Watarai said, "Well, actually Ryuzaki seems to only be craving one thing, though he'll politely eat whatever sugary substance I bring him, he seems to be craving marshmallows," Watarai said smiling.

Ellie blushed a bit swinging her legs slightly from side to side on the sink as her toes curled in memory. Quickly trying to forget fond memories she said that all there was in the form of marshmallows was the paste used in the cake.

"Not much I can do with marshmallow paste is there?" Watarai said laugh.

"Nah that's not true," Ellie, said thinking quickly. "She grabbed two gram crackers from the cabinet and a chocolate bar. She warmed the paste in the microwave and then smeared on the chocolate and placed that between the two crackers. "Its not quite campfire quality, but its smores," Ellie said handing the concoction to Watarai.

Watarai smiled at her and walked out the kitchen. Misa looked as if she were in deep thought for a moment then she smiled as Ellie's legs were still swinging back and forth as she sat on the counter, humming a bit louder now.

The timer on the oven dinged and Ellie opened the oven. She placed two oven mits on her hands and pulled the cake pan out.

"Its perfect Misa I'm sure Light will love it," Ellie said. She wanted to be happy for Misa despite the fact that she was a bit jealous that her love life was going nowhere fast. She knew why it had to be that way, and she had thought she had come to terms with it until L and his really soft lips had to get involved. She didn't trust Light though and was also afraid after all this work Misa would get hurt because her cake would be rejected. Still she couldn't turn down helping Misa, despite how much Misa got on her last nerves sometime.

Ellie sighed and looked at her watch. "Oh, I'm so late!" Ellie exclaimed as she rushed out of the kitchen and into the Kira investigation room. It seemed that they were just summing up what they had been doing. Then Ellie saw Light punch L and L retaliate with a kick to the face. Ellie covered her mouth in horror. She was glad Misa had gone upstairs.

L decided to split sides with Light and the rest of the team. Ellie was horrified. What was this place turning into? Ellie had a sinking feeling in her stomach. If things were already getting this bad her place there was not secure at all. She wasn't sure which side to join. On the one hand she had her stability of a residence to think about. If she joined the other group she may very well be kicked out. She thought about her morals as well. She didn't believe that allowing people to die for an unneeded cause was the right path to choose either. She had seen enough unneeded deaths at her job. She didn't need more bodies and more families to give the news too. She was just going to have to face the consequences for her actions. She would have to defy L, and hopefully she would be allowed to stay like the Yagamis. Besides, L wasn't that cruel, was he?

Light and L were walking up the stairs and Ellie watched everything unfold on the screen.

There was no sound so Ellie just watched with the rest of the team watching over her shoulder. L, Light, and Misa seemed to be arguing about something. Misa was constantly draped around Light obviously making some kind of deal with L. Then as L turned around and said something Misa kissed him in the cheek in a friendly way. Ellie's stomach turned as L held his cheek. L turned and said something to Misa and Misa rolled her eyes. Then it seemed that the three were close until Ryuzaki said something and Ellie watched him manipulate the feelings of Misa. She didn't have to have sound to see what he was doing at this moment. He was forcing her to join his side.

This built anger in Ellie. She had been manipulated, seen this manipulation before, and just as she felt somewhat sure with her heart she felt it tug back again. She felt a hatred for L rather than the giddiness of what she thought to be the beginnings of love. She felt stabbed, betrayed, hurt. She stepped away from the screen letting the members talk. She walked up to her room and slammed the door. She opened the window again. She laid down on the floor her eyes barely open. She could get over this. She didn't need love in her life. She shouldn't even be thinking about love with her history. Slowly she got up reassuring herself that L wasn't worth her time.

Misa brought out her cake in celebration of their new alliance. "I baked it for you!" Misa said handing a piece to Light. He gently refused the cake, saying he had no stomach. Misa was a bit hurt, but if Light-kun didn't want any cake then Light-kun didn't want any cake. L took the cake from Light. He ate a small piece of it and was amazed. "This tastes just like a marshmallow," L thought devouring the slice of cake. "What did you put in this cake Misa?" L asked.  
"Oh, I don't remember, ask Ellie it was her recipe," Misa said hanging all over Light.

L smiled for a moment and took another slice of cake allowing Misa and Light to have their "date" per se. Warm memories of Ellie's lips flooded his mind every time he took a bite. There was something that wasn't as appealing in the cake. Something not as warm, something that didn't make his hair stand on end. It was hard to explain the feeling he got around Ellie. Normally he was fine around her, until they were alone. Then for some reason he wanted to be close to her, tasting her. The taste of her lips without the lip balm was even sweet. L decided that after a few pieces of cake it was time to leave and go back downstairs. He needed to chase these thoughts out of his mind if he was ever going to concentrate.

Ellie watched L and Light leave Misa's room before trying to make her escape down the stairs after them. If she entered in the room shortly after them everyone would already be busy and she would be able to melt into the group seamlessly.

"Ellie-chan!" Misa said poking her head out of the room as Ellie was readying herself to go down the stairs. Can you come in here a minute?

Ellie sighed and made her way into Misa's room. Misa closed the door.  
"Ellie-chan I'm on the team now!" Misa said excitedly.

Ellie's face almost dropped. This wasn't exactly the type of job that was safe or easy for that matter. She met Misa's gleeful smile with a blank stare. She had no idea what to say. She patted Misa on the shoulder.

"Misa-chan is so happy to feel useful," Misa said cleaning up some of the cake crumbs that L had left behind.

Ellie understood that feeling completely. She had been trying to prove herself as well. She gave Misa a genuine smile. Misa then said something Ellie was not expecting.

"Ellie-chan, why do you always hide yourself from the world?" Misa asked. "I mean you definitely have a pretty enough body, and your nice enough, and I think you deserve to be happy Ellie-chan," Misa said. "And I'm not letting you leave this room until we fix some of these problems." Misa grabbed a few outfits and walked over to Ellie's room motioning for Ellie to follow.

Ellie looked at herself in the mirror after an hour. She was wearing a sweater that showed an awful lot of cleavage and a knee length skirt. Misa stood back admiring her work. "Its not as much as I show," Misa said. "But I don't want you down there tempting my Light-kun." Misa said laugh. "This should be enough for L though."

Ellie's face was covered with shock. She immediately stated, "L has no interest in me Misa, and I no interest in him."

"Misa is not stupid Ellie-chan," Misa said triumphantly. "Its not hard to pick it out for me, and I think that L could really use the company, he seems so lonely and bitter maybe Ellie-chan could cheer him up!" Misa said admiring her choice of shirts for Ellie to wear.

Ellie scoffed at Misa. Misa just smiled back, "Everyone deserves to be happy Ellie, and you can't live your life in fear of what may happen as a result."

Ellie couldn't believe those words had come from Misa's mouth. Though Misa did not know the full situation of Ellie's past she had deduced that Ellie was not allowing herself personal or close relationships. She somewhat agreed with Misa. She couldn't spend her life in worry of killing people. It was already happening around her. She was afraid that L's demise would be like that of Gabriel's, but what L was doing to himself now one could hardly constitute as living. Still, she was afraid of L's manipulative ways. What he did to Misa made Ellie sick. She couldn't believe for a moment she thought she was in love with L of all people?

"Misa I have no feelings for L," Ellie said plainly attempting to get out of the clothes Misa had put her in. Misa wouldn't allow this.

"Ellie-chan after all that work I put in you're going downstairs," Misa said closing the door in Ellie's face as she pushed Ellie out the room.

"Misa, you can't do this I need my messenger bag," Ellie said knowing that Misa would have to open the door and she could go in and take these clothes off.

There was no movement within the room. Ellie waited five minutes before beginning to pace a little. She knocked again then went back to pacing. "Misa seriously, I need that bag in order to go downstairs." Ellie said.

The door opened quickly the bag was thrust out of the crack of the open door then the door shut again.

Ellie tugged at her hair. She decided to take her chances and walk downstairs anyway. Grabbing the bag she began to walk down the stairs.

The team had been too caught up in their own thing to notice Misa dressing Ellie. They heard footsteps on the stairs and assumed them to be Ellie's. Matsuda was the first to look up at Ellie and greet her, and when he looked up to greet her he saw some very noticeable cleavage from her very low hanging sweater.

Matsuda's mouth dropped open. Ellie walked into the room and sat down at one of the tables opening her laptop and quietly typing away. No one really looked up or paid attention to her. Matsuda sat down next to her and began to work as well though sometimes he looked up to take a peek down her shirt when he was sure that she wouldn't notice.

They worked diligently through the night and the next morning. Matsuda was napping and the Chief was in another room respecting the separation between his own investigation and L's. Light had gone upstairs to try to sleep a request from his father because he had not been sleeping well. Light took a sleeping pill and went upstairs to sleep.

L looked up and was shocked to see that Ellie was still in there. He thought for sure she would follow the Yagami's investigation in keeping with her morals. Still there was something dark about Ellie that really intrigued him. She met his gaze and gave him a dirty look looking back at her laptop. Confused a bit L decided not to look up again.

The silence lasted another hour until Ellie decided to go into the kitchen for some water. She saw the last of the marshmallow paste on the shelf. She grabbed the jar and a spoon and decided to possibly give it to L as a peace offering. He had looked a bit hurt when she had thrown him that dirty look.  
Ellie walked back into the Kira Investigation room. She sat down next to L. He took a good look in her eyes. Her green eyes didn't give him a disgusted look this time, instead a very curious look.

"Its my turn to ask questions L," Ellie said. "So do you get something out of manipulating people?" "How did you become so good at it, L did it just grow on you?" Ellie asked almost wanting to spit at him.

L looked at the sudden anger on the girl's face. This wasn't just anger, he could see past that easily. Her eyes echoed a screaming pain. "Ellie, you are quite dark yourself no?"

Ellie was taken aback, but nevertheless tried not to show it, "I'm asking the questions this time L?" she said. "You can't turn them around on me this time," she said trying not to put herself in the weak position she always seemed to get in with him.

L noticed the marshmallow paste Ellie was holding in her hand. His mouth watered. He reached for it and she pulled it away from him.

"Ellie, I manipulate," L said slowly. "To get what I want," he said again reaching for the marshmallow paste.

"Is that so?" Ellie said pulling her hand back.

"People are so easy to manipulate, if you get down to their core emotions," L said again as if this were a game reaching for the marshmallow paste again. "Without of course letting yourself," he said meeting her eyes, "get pulled in."

Ellie angrily opened the jar and spooned every last bit of the marshmallow paste into her bra and squished it between her breasts. "Manipulate this," she said triumphantly walking away leaving him with the empty container.

Ellie stuck her finger in her cleavage and got a little bit of the marshmallow paste on her finger sticking her finger in her mouth. She stuck her tongue out at L childishly. She probably should have been more mature about it, but this was causing her some enjoyment that she hadn't felt in a while.

L looked at Ellie curiously. He had half given up on the marshmallow paste, but it was right there. He just needed to get to it. L got up from where he was working and grabbed Ellie's hand suddenly. Ellie looked up into his eyes and his were focused on her chest. L stuck her fingers in his mouth sucking the marshmallow off of them. Ellie stared at him in complete shock. L stuck his own hand down her shirt and she looked as if she were going to slap him, but when she tried he grabbed her arms and pinned her up against the wall as she tried to run for the stairs. L stared hungrily at her cleavage and Ellie almost wanted to scream to alert the people in the other room, but they would think she was in on it since she was the one with her bra full of marshmallow paste.

L used both hands to pin her as he stuck his tongue in her cleavage. She felt his licking and sucking and couldn't help but moan. She felt his mouth move down. He used one of his hands to slide the shirt down to the part where her bra was. He licked that skin clean. To get at more of her skin he needed this shirt off. He pulled the shirt off of her, and was surprised at what she did next. She reached her hands up behind her and unclipped her bra letting it fall to the ground. L was now getting caught up in the heat of the moment as he watched two grapefruit sized breasts fall out of her bra. They were covered in white paste. L licked her more hungrily than ever finally finding the nipple she had been hoping he would find. This sent Ellie into cascades of moaning. She couldn't help herself; she was getting caught up in the feeling. Her hand reached out to see what kind of reaction L had to this. She felt the bulge through his pants. She groped him through his pants and he began sucking.

L got almost all the paste off and then met Ellie's lips. She wrapped her arms around him and he placed his around her waist. She opened her mouth and parted L's lips, sticking her tongue in the back of his mouth. L was beginning to moan as well and wasn't sure what was coming over him. They heard something fall in the kitchen. They separated quickly and Ellie put her clothes back on quickly.

Watarai walked out and handed L some cheesecake with a strawberry on top. Ellie heard him exit through the kitchen to his own office across the building. Ellie and L stared at each other for a moment replaying the events that had just occurred in their heads. For some reason Ellie felt the sudden urge to cry.

"L," she said softly looking him straight in the eyes.

L looked into her green eyes and saw the sincerity and the vulnerability. Usually he would want to take advantage of a moment like this, but something about these eyes softened him inside. "Ellie," he said just as quietly loving the way her name slipped off his lips.

"Do you love me?" Ellie asked.

L felt as if he had been propelled into the past. What was love anyway? He couldn't even think about love, certainly not. He had important things to do with the Kira investigation. "Love was something I craved as a child, but have grown out of," L thought trying to assure himself. He opened his mouth letting the cold words roll out without thought.

"No," L said.

Ellie looked as if she was going to cry, but she bit her bottom lip trying to keep her cool. She turned away from L. "Goodnight L," she finally choked out walking up the stairs.

Ellie collapsed her in bed finally letting her tears show. How could she have been so stupid? She felt the tears flow freely. She hoped no one would hear as she choked down the horrible urge to scream in pain. What was wrong with her? Wasn't she good enough for him? Or did he just want her around for that? Ellie's body shook and tears flooded her.

L watched the camera realizing he had made the biggest mistake of his life.


	8. A Day in the Life

_**Chapter 8: A Day in the Life**_

_Thanks for the quick reviews once again. Sayomi, Princess De La Luna, Anihana and Bloodied Sand thank you for your reviews. Bloodied Sand, thank you for the information unfortunately I do not have a copy of the death note encyclopedia and find myself googling anything I'm unsure about, but usually that sends me to Wikipedia and everyone knows how reliable Wikipedia is lol. I'll be sure to ask you if I'm unsure about the information I received from "reliable sources" lol. Anihana I suppose L is a bit pervy maybe he's just sexually frustrated lol. I do not own Death Note, its characters, or a dog, but I do own Ellie, a cat, and a roll of duct tape which is always useful. _

"Why didn't your mother give you a real name L?"

L stared blankly at the screen. He watched Ellie's eyes for the most part. That screaming pain that he had seen before had escalated. There was also resentment in her eyes. The camera wasn't the best at catching all of this, but L knew it to be true. For some reason his memories of his life at the orphanage were becoming more clear and hard to ignore. He hadn't been treated well, always an outcast. He felt so abandoned and lonely. His mother hadn't wanted him; she hadn't even had the decency to give him a real name.

"How can you love, when you have never been loved?"

He had tried to love. His crush was a girl at the orphanage. L was 15 years old.

He flashed back to a bright summer day. He was sitting in the garden with a girl he had known since he had first come to Wammy's House. She was a brunette with hazel eyes. Her name was Olivia Wagner. "Olivia, I really like you," L said suddenly taking her hand. He wasn't much of a romantic, but he had seen some of the couples walking past and he tried to imitate the actions.

Olivia took her hand back. "L," she said slowly.

"Yes," L said his eyes still filled with hope.

Olivia backed up a bit. "L, I don't like you like that, you're a nice friend and all… but honestly you just don't strike me as the romantic type, its nice that you like me, but I need someone to love me. " Olivia said.

L nodded. He would just have to show her. He wasn't sure how, but he didn't like losing.

A few days later he saw his Olivia topless under another guy on one of the chairs in the library of the building. L remembered this boy also from when he first came to Wammy's house and he almost made it a personal mission to make sure L was miserable. He looked up at L and grinned. L's mouth hung open.

"What you're surprised?" the boy said. "Surprised that she came to me for what she needed."

Olivia looked him in the eye from underneath the boy. She couldn't say anything at first and when L opened his mouth to ask why the boy answered for her.

"You think you're so perfect L, why didn't your mother give you a real name? How could a mother that doesn't even love her son expect to have a son that can be capable of love? You lose for once L. For once I finally got something that you really wanted."

"Your mistaken Kyle," L said. "You've gotten everything I've wanted." L said walking away not giving Olivia another look. He heard screaming and moaning fill the library. He could only guess what had happened after that point.

L blinked as he stared at the screen. He wondered if Ellie would go to someone else for her needs as well. Of course this time things were a bit different. He was at the advantage, but he still felt as weak as he had that day. He never let it show, but all he wanted to do was fit in. He was left out of everything for being Watarai's favorite. Watarai had never meant for things to be that way, but L ended up giving up pretty much his whole life after that point. He had decided to become the detective that Watarai was looking for. Still he felt empty for years after that moment. He was starting to work into this lifestyle until she walked into this life. Ellie with her smiles and her good will, but her dark secrets she didn't even strike him at first. She was like Light, just another person to catch and put in their place, but something with her developed over time. Something he couldn't even explain to himself. He didn't want to call it love; love would mean that he had truly fallen prey to Kira. He had no idea about this girl, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to find out. This was a scary moment for him. He needed to do his job as a detective, but he was letting some hormonal lust get in his way. Was it even hormonal lust anymore?

Ellie lay on her floor with her hair spread out. She lit the candles and breathed slowly. She let the tears fall and she wondered where she was even going anymore, with her life that is. She desperately wanted to turn back time and just enjoy what little time she had. From ages 14-16 she had had some stability and she probably hadn't fully taken advantage of that at the time. She had made so many mistakes, taken for granted way too much, and then slowly in her mind she watched it all collapse. She wanted her stability back, she was sick of jumping from place to place. She couldn't live her life like this anymore. She got up and threw open the window letting the breeze catch her hair.

L watched Ellie curiously. He knew that he should probably be getting back to work, but with all the distractions he had been having this was going to be a difficult task. He watched Ellie walk up to the window and throw her legs over the sill. "She isn't going to jump because of this is she?" L wondered watching her closely.

Ellie leaned her back against the sill and pulled her knees up allowing her head to rest in her lap. Her toes made it to the other side of the sill and she just sat there for a while. She hummed for a bit and then got out of the sill and got her notebook from under the bed. She sat back up in the sill and looked at the morning sunrise. The wind blew her hair and her wind chimes in the window. "Perfect," she thought beginning to write in the notebook. "This is exactly how I've always wanted to do this."

L stopped watching her after this point and continued on with the case. He couldn't spend all his time thinking about her with his death approaching with every minute he wasn't investigating. He had a couple days to write out how Misa and L were connected. He decided he might want to get started on that. All of the team was together now that they were all awake. They had heard that Light had joined L and Misa too so they felt that they had no choice but to join L as well despite the moral issues.

Several hours later Ellie descended from the stairway. She grabbed her laptop computer from the table that she had been sitting at last night. L didn't acknowledge her and she didn't bother saying anything either. She walked over to sit by Matsuda who was almost relieved to see her back in the clothes she usually wore. She had her hair pulled back in a ponytail with a few wisps hanging down in front of her face. She wore blue jeans and a tight fitting tee shirt, but nothing quite as showy as what she had worn the night before.

The investigation went on like that for hours. The team wasn't meeting that day, but then again it was Sunday and they probably were spending it with family or something of that sort. L was finishing up his report as Coil and was getting ready to send it within the next 24 hours. Light was staying up all that night seeing as he had gotten adequate sleep the night before and L almost never slept anyway and if he did you would never catch it. L slept with his eyes open.

Ellie was ready to sleep at 9 P.M. She had been up all night the night before and she had finished her homework, writing in her notebook which she tried to do everyday for good practice, and she had tried in vain to help out with the investigation. She was ready to drop and she waved to everyone downstairs as she ascended to sleep.

L watched her get into her pajamas and climb into bed. She wore much nicer underwear today something silky looking and black that made him harden at the sight. He shook his head a little, lust wasn't allowed at this point. He shouldn't even be watching something like that; he was starting to turn into a pervert.

The week went by slowly and during the middle of the week L finally submitted what he had written as Coil. As to be expected it didn't go across quite so well, but eventually the bait was taken and Misa had now played into the picture at a higher priority than any other member. Ellie couldn't help but feel jealousy again just a pang here or there, but this was what SHE had wanted and worked for, not Misa. She sighed realizing it was pointless to be jealous of Misa. Ellie was lucky to even be part of this team and she could take that into consideration. Ellie had been asked in possibly because of her suspicion as Kira or because she actually had something to give back to the team. Either way there was no use getting upset over things she couldn't change. This would only make her bitter. She watched Misa leave giving her a friendly wave of encouragement. The least she could do was be supportive for Misa. She was going to be put to the test of her wits and her ability to keep her cool. All Ellie and the others could do was sit and watch.

Hours had gone by and no sign of Misa. She was sure taking a long time and it was noted. Finally Mogi and Misa barged through the door wearing triumphant faces. Ellie was rudely awoken from her sleep on Matsuda's shoulder. Matsuda being that he had been the one by the door jumped up, and Ellie completely slipped off of his shoulder and hit her face on the chair. Matsuda got up quickly and walked to the other side of the room leaving Ellie to rub her head both from confusion and pain.

Misa came in all smiles telling Light about her plan to gather information. Ellie watched as Light talked to Misa and he seemed genuinely worried about her safety. This softened Ellie to him a bit, but she kept her guard up. She had seen this game played before and it had been used on her at one time. Nice in front of everyone else, but was manipulative and cruel when in private. She didn't like the vibes she got from him at all, but she said nothing and watched Misa smile and walk up the stairs to bed. Something Ellie noticed on Misa's face was a contemplated state. A woman with a mission, she liked to call it, and usually these type of things were only noticed by women who themselves seemed to be on a mission. Ellie smiled again. Even if Ellie were jealous of Misa just a bit, she had to give Misa props. Misa had done everything quietly and was thinking for herself rather than letting these people control her just because they thought she didn't have a mind. Ellie thought differently. Misa didn't see everything sometimes, but get her set on something and she was diligent. Ellie could identify with that in some ways, though never completely the same, seeing as they aren't the same person with the same circumstances.

Ellie giggled when she heard Misa ask Light to sleep with her that night. She wasn't sure if Misa was being serious, but nevertheless the expression on Light's face was priceless. He obviously wasn't expecting that, and Ellie watched Misa's face as she continued to smile and say something about that happening after they caught Kira. Ellie giggled a bit more at this and work continued as usual. Silence overtook the room and soon sleep did as well.

The next morning Matsuda woke up almost holding Ellie. He watched her green eyes flutter open with the movement of the person holding her at this point. Her green eyes went wide as she tried to quickly apologize for somewhat using him as a pillow.

Matsuda watched her rush away. He wished that she had stayed and said something else. He was hoping that these encounters weren't just coincidence. He wanted to be with Ellie, he didn't have any big plans at this point, but he could see Ellie as a mother or a wife though she did seem headstrong in her quiet composition. Perhaps there was more to Ellie than meets the eye? He wondered and heard a panic scream from the next room over.

"I'm running so late!" Ellie screamed zooming past a drowsy Misa. She ran upstairs and pretty much quickly stripped and changed. She grabbed her books and her laptop. She ran out the door almost forgetting her shoes. She was soon out the door and at the bus stop in just enough time to catch the last bus she could take before missing her first class. She sighed in relief.

When Ellie returned from her classes and her clinicals she discovered that Misa had gone missing. Ellie sighed. She should have said something to Misa when she first noticed that gleam in Misa's eyes. God only knows if she had thought her plan through completely, Misa seemed like one who could jump into things without thinking about the consequences.

Misa came in several hours later. She was holding her cell phone in pride. "I've got the evidence we need," Misa said happily.

The team listened to the recording in utter amazement. Even Ellie's jaw dropped. She had not brought one useful thing to this team and in a few days Misa had already outdone every member. Misa was questioned by Light as to what she had done. The team was shocked once again to find out that Misa had told him that she was the Second Kira. It was possible in the reports that Coil had given about her being suspected as the Second Kira that she could actually be very good at hiding the fact that she was the Second Kira, or maybe she was the Second Kira after all. This was the thought running through L's mind.

Ellie watched from the background as L once again questioned Light about being Kira. Then the idea to catch the man who Misa had taped confessing was thrown out with the use of Sakura Television. All agreed that this was a good plan though it once again threw Matsuda in the line of danger. Ellie's eyes widened in horror as she remember already having to save him from one of those situations once. She almost wanted to object to that and throw herself in harms way instead, but she knew that for this plan to work out the way it was intended to Matsuda would have to do it. This was planned for Friday night the prime time for Sakura Television's special about the identity of Kira.

After a few hours of discussing Misa was tired and went up to bed. The others in the room tried to do that same. The only people left awake were Ellie, Light, and L. Ellie yawned and decided it would be best to not use Matsuda as a pillow. She looked over at him and he was still awake, but barely. He looked shell-shocked. She couldn't blame him he had already gone through this horrifying experience of almost dying once. She couldn't bear to see him go through that again. She patted him on the shoulder. She knew that he had no choice and that this was the only really good plan for catching Kira. Matsuda looked up into her eyes and she gave him a weak smile.

Ellie walked upstairs to sleep. She watched the night sky and opened her notebook to write. L watched from his monitor wondering what she was thinking about. He felt a tap on his shoulder from Watarai who he hadn't realized was behind him. He looked as if he had gotten his hand caught in the cookie jar. Watarai smiled and handed him his sticky marshmallow treat. It consisted of rice and marshmallow.

"Watarai, thank you it must have been hard to make these," L said.

"Not really Ellie made them," Watarai answered simply answered. "She said something about sugar intake and these being healthier," Watarai said pointing at the rice krispie treat.

L nodded and took a bite. It was sticky and good.

"L its just three words, I think that you may find that you even mean them," Watarai said leaving.

L thought about it. Had he ever been able to say those words? He hadn't been able to say them to Olivia, and maybe that was why in the end he lost her. What was so important about those words anyway? Shouldn't it be implied? Love was difficult, L decided to not let it worry him for now. He didn't have a lot of time to think about Ellie anyway he had things to get done if they ever hoped to catch Kira.


	9. The Night Before

_**Chapter 9: The Night Before**_

_Graduated May 24__th__ so sorry for the delay again. I am finally able to use the computer for an extended amount of time. We are still working on Internet at the moment. I am going to be so spoiled on this new computer I'm currently using Microsoft Word 2008 which is a writers dream word processor! Thank you Sayomi2, Anihana, Princess De La Luna, -2-Rena-2-Paranoia-2-, and Marine L. Girard for your reviews. Writing this story always makes me want to bake lol. I do not own Death Note characters, but I do own Ellie, a new kitten, and soon a sleeper sofa. Warning there are major lemons in this chapter. I will give a friendly warning when the lemon is coming up and when it is over but its rated M for a reason lol. You won't miss much if you decide not to read that section. Please continue to read and review _

Ellie's eyes shot open. She breathed heavily. She had had a very vivid dream, not scary per se, just different. She hadn't seen the usual creature in this dream, but L had been there. He was standing over her bed munching on a rice krispie treat. She had made them while she was in the kitchen not really sure why she was making them, but when Watarai walked in she handed him the platter not sure what to do with them. She had said to give them to L because she as a nurse in training was worried about his sugar intake. She was sure that Watarai hadn't bought her lame story, but he didn't push any questions and merely left the tray on the counter saying that he would be back for them later. She had completely forgotten about them by the time she went upstairs to go to sleep. She wondered if Watarai had even given them to L.

In her dream L was standing over her finishing his rice krispie treat and then gave her a genuine smile. Something in his eyes frightened her. She saw not an animalistic lust, but something much deeper. She wondered what it could mean. She obviously knew she was losing herself to him, but she still couldn't admit to herself that she was in love. If she were in love with him there was danger for the both of them, her for getting her heart broken again and him for losing his life in the process. This was a touchy situation. In her dream after L had given her that look and she had felt herself staring him just as deeply in the eyes he crawled into bed next to her. It wasn't sexual in any way; it was very soft and romantic. She felt L's cold feet against her own the dream seemed so real. She could even feel his breath on her neck. She then woke up violently from her dream that had been a dream inside of a dream. If that wasn't enough she was running late again. She thought about skipping class that day. She hadn't been feeling well lately. She knew that she couldn't do that if she wanted to keep her scholarship. She was very cautious about how she used her sick days. She sighed and jumped out of bed. She could try to take her car to school she had filled up the gas tank, but the gauge was still not working so she had no idea how many miles she would get out of the car. She decided for the sake of time and the distance of the school being somewhat short that she would take the car.

She began to get dressed and saw something shiny on the floor. She reached down and picked it up. "Silver pocket watch," she said to herself. "I don't own one of these," she thought to herself. She pocketed the pocket watch and continued to get ready for classes as quickly as possible.

L sat in front of the computer. He went to reach into his pocket and felt nothing in his pocket. Where had that watch gone? He never showed anyone that watch before not that he thought anyone in the building would have taken it. His stomach sank. Had he dropped it somewhere? He had already had a very strange night. Light had been asked by his father to try to get some sleep so L was alone downstairs for the most part. He couldn't remember falling asleep, but he woke up in a bed. L's heart stopped as he reached to get out of the bed and felt a warm mass next to him. The few streaks of sunlight through the window from the dawning sun were enough for L to identify the warm mass. How he had gotten in bed with Ellie he had no idea. Sleepwalking was unlike him. He rushed out as quickly as possible. Misa caught him walking out of Ellie's room.

"Ryuzaki, I had no idea that you were that serious with Ellie," Misa said giggling.

L said nothing and walked downstairs determined to forget what had happened.

Now he was reaching into his pocket realizing that he was going to have to go upstairs and get it back. Luckily he wouldn't have to think too much more about it Ellie had walked through the door.

She rushed out before he had a chance to really look at her. She rushed to her car and turned the key, relieved when she heard the sound of the motor running. She revved the engine, which seemed silly on a station wagon. She laughed to herself as she threw her worries to the wind and drove frantically, but legally to school.

Clinicals took a while, but eventually she got out and made it home. She parked the station wagon and walked into the building to take up her role as investigator, or dead weight as she thought of herself.

Ellie sat down next to Matsuda in her usual spot and began typing away at her computer. She looked up at L who met her eyes. The stare lasted only a few moments and then it was broken.

Ellie walked into the kitchen to open a can of chickpeas. Watarai walked behind her and said, "I think L enjoyed those sugary rice snacks."

Ellie nodded and opened her can of chickpeas.

"L has a hard time expressing love, but he is genuine in his love. You'll have to look deeper I think to figure out how he feels." Watarai said and that was the last of it before he walked out of the kitchen with some sugar cubes and coffee.

Ellie thought about what he said. She guessed it wouldn't hurt to take Watarai's advice.

Ellie walked back out of the kitchen munching on her chickpeas.

"What are those things Ellie," Matsuda said scrunching his nose.

"Chickpeas," Ellie said spooning some in her mouth.

Matsuda looked confused and then Ellie cleared it up with him, "Its just another name for soybeans," Ellie said.

Matsuda nodded. He wasn't aware that you could eat those things plain.

L watched her eat her chickpeas. He didn't say a word. He tried not to make it obvious that he was staring. No one really noticed except for of course Watarai, who just smiled in the background.

The day passed and Ellie walked upstairs and got into her bed. It was December now almost Christmas. It was so cold outside as she opened her window to let the snowy breeze hit her face. She shivered. She should probably return this watch to whom it belonged. That thought made her shiver more. She knew that the watch must belong to L. Misa wouldn't have a watch like this and she was the only one in the room other than Ellie. If the watch belonged to L that meant that her "dream" wasn't really a dream. She held the watch close to her skin.

L watched the monitor, watching Ellie pull the watch closer to her skin. She put the pocket watch on a chain and put it around her neck. He had planned on sneaking up into the room to reclaim his watch, but she was making it very difficult to execute that plan. Ellie changed into pajama bottoms and a tank top and crawled into bed shutting off the light only leaving a small lamp on to read by. She soon turned the light off and was asleep.

Ellie snickered to herself. If L wanted this watch back he would have to confront her about it. Then she could fire questions about crawling into her bed at night. She knew that L never slept, but damn why did he have to crawl into her bed. She already had a bit of a crush on him, starting to contemplate something deeper, and he had to mess with her mind like this. It just wasn't fair.

L couldn't get his watch back that night. He was attached to Light and Light showed no sign of going up to sleep. This was good he was starting to get worried about Light reverting back to Kira by being away from the investigation to a place where he couldn't be closely be watched.

The night went on and L watched Ellie step out of bed. She walked to the window as she did several times during the nights that L watched her. She stared up the sky on her windowsill and wrote in the notebook that she constantly filled, though it never seemed to run out of pages. Then he watched her close the notebook and slide it back under the bed.

This went on this way for a few more days until the day before the plan was to take place. Everyone decided to get some sleep so they could have all their energy. L sat at his desk typing away.

"Shouldn't you at least try to sleep sometime," Ellie said.

"Shouldn't you have given me back my pocket watch when you found it," L retorted without turning his head back to her.

"Shouldn't you try asking before you climb in my bed at night," Ellie snapped back at him. "Anyway here is your watch," Ellie said pulling out from under her shirt and unclasping it from her neck.

"Keep it," L said still not looking at her. His voice was very serious.

"Worried about tomorrow?" Ellie asked sincerely with worry in her voice as well.

L met her eyes at this question. Neither party moved for a moment eyes locked on one another. Ellie gave him a small smile. "I think we've finally got him," she said.

"Not even close Ellie," L said turning his head away from her.

"What do you mean," Ellie asked him turning him around in his swivel chair.

"Ellie, don't be so naïve the power that Kira has was transferred once from Light to this new Kira, there was a second Kira, and I still suspect you of being Kira, so just by destroying this one person I find out nothing until I find out how Kira kills," L said.

Ellie's face dropped. "You never give up do you L," was the only thing she could bring herself to say. Ellie handed the watch to L.

L watched Ellie walk away out of the corner of his eye. He saw her climb up the stairs. He didn't know what came over him next, but the words slipped out of his mouth, "Ellie."

She turned around, "I'm not losing this time," he thought to himself.

"I'm not naïve at all L, merely optimistic, that's all you can be in this world without going crazy," Ellie said as she turned around to head up the stairs again.

"Dark, dark Ellie," He said. "What are you hiding? What are you so afraid of people finding out, what terrible secrets must Ellie Marie Johnson have to hide, that the world doesn't already know that is." L said.

Ellie turned around but her eyes weren't filled with anger she just shook her head. "L just as you don't trust me, I do not trust you either," She said.

"It's mutual then," L said in an attempt to continue the conversation. He wanted to know what she was hiding and if he got her far enough in the conversation he might be able to get a little bit. It was cruel manipulation, but he was one who manipulated many, why should Ellie be any different?

"I believe so and if that is all I'm going upstairs," She said and the next few words off her lips stayed in the air for several minutes, "You're welcome to join me, if you aren't afraid that I'll kill you while your up there," she said turning around.

She stood there for several moments afraid to look back and see if he accepted her proposal. She had meant for it to be sarcastic at first, but part of her wanted him to follow her. She bit her lip. She stayed very still. If she had turned back she would have seen a bit of a shocked expression on L's face that no one had ever seen before this point.

L felt light as air as he got out of the chair. He hoped that he wouldn't regret it. Everything in his mind screamed for him not to, that if she were Kira being alone with her would be a bad idea, but the more he thought about it the more he thought it was a good idea. He would find out how Kira killed if she tried and he could easily catch her and stop her hopefully. Either way his cause was to take all risks to catch Kira. He followed her upstairs.

Ellie walked into her room and closed the door. She flopped on her bed just long enough to hear a small rapping at the door. She opened the door and there was L holding out the watch.

Ellie's heart almost stopped. She hadn't been serious when she had asked him, but it seemed that now she was in a predicament. She let L into the room and he sat down on her bed.

Ellie twiddled her thumbs for a moment. She wasn't sure what to do now. L was sitting on her bed and she wasn't sure what to do now that he was watching her every move, little did she know he had already been watching her.

Ellie hummed quietly as she cleaned the room a little bit. "So," she finally managed to say.

L nodded watching her closely. She walked to the window and he watched her eyes tear as she tried to wipe the tears inconspicuously. She walked over to the wall and turned the lights off.

"I want to show you something," Ellie finally said.

L followed her to the window. His heart raced, he wasn't sure if it was hormones or his curiosity about Kira. Either way he was shaking a bit.

She stared up the stars. L understood what she had been looking up at those nights now, but what he didn't understand is why they were important.

"The same wherever you are," Ellie said exhaling.

"The stars?" L asked.

"Its so much more than that," Ellie said exhaling again obviously caught up in the moment.

"I lied to you before when I had said that I was never close to anyone," Ellie said looking straight up at the sky her eyes filling with tears.

"Oh?" L said questioning wondering where this was going.

"I have a feeling, that the same is true for you," Ellie said again. She threw her arms around him. "I'm afraid L," Ellie said.

L was taken aback. This night was getting more interesting by the moment so he chose to play along.

"Of?" L asked.

"I'm afraid for you," Ellie said. "Your not even there half the time and I can see it and your afraid of something too, I don't know what though, are you that afraid of me L? I'm afraid for you L; you have lived so little to die so early. I just want to let you know there is more to life than this. I'm really glad you came up here." Ellie said her tears now overflowing her eyes. He had done it again. She was weak with him around. She was losing her ability to hold back her tears and her words.

L stood once again in shock. He wasn't sure if she was trying to soften him to earn his trust to kill him, or if she was being sincere, but either way something had changed in the air. He wanted so badly to blurt out the words that had cost him Olivia when they had been unspoken.

"I…," L said but nothing else would come out.

Ellie kissed him. "I love you too," she said.

L wasn't sure what had happened to the rest of that night, but the hormones had won over his logic. Ellie felt his erection through is blue jeans on her thigh. She let her hands reach for the button of the jeans. L felt himself almost wanting to pull away, but he was too busy enjoying this. Soon every piece of clothing he wore was on the floor.

**Lemon**

He watched the barely visible green eyes give his bare skin a look over. L didn't want to be the only one feeling vulnerable. He lifted her shirt over her head and unsnapped her bra. Then he got a look at her bare legs and then more private parts of her body not seen by anyone except in the horrible experience with Josh Barker. She was shaking as he took a look at her creamy white skin. It looked as smooth as silk and he reached out to touch her bare skin. She shuddered under his touch but assured him to go on.

He wanted to taste her. He could smell what he had guessed to be pheromones. At this point they were both on the bed and L was now following the source of the smell. He let his tongue run over the moist skin between her legs finding the exact source. She tasted sweet almost like sugar but not quite. The more he lapped up the more he seemed to receive and the more whimpers Ellie emitted. He had complete control over Ellie. This was the ultimate form of manipulation he had decided and he wanted to see how far it would take him. He of course didn't know what she had in mind.

She pushed herself on top of him and he felt moisture near his penis. Intercourse, he had of course heard of it, but this was getting very hot and heavy fast. Sex had a lot of consequences that he was aware of, but before he could say anything he felt an extreme tightness around his penis as a ripping of tissue, tissue that he could only assume was the hymen, was taking place. It didn't take long for both to release. L had never experienced this before, he saw white light for several seconds and then he was breathing heavy as his penis was softening.

**End of Lemon**

L was asleep fast and Ellie soon followed as they drifted off to sleep. L woke up the next morning and took his pocket watch back. He had serious business to attend to and he couldn't get caught up in this. He could never get that image out of his mind of his penis covered in blood. He had thought that Ellie was the killer not him, but after that night he was uncertain of Ellie completely. She was quite a mystery to him, a mystery that could cost him his life if he got too caught up in love whether she was Kira or not. He couldn't go on with this. He wanted to forget what had happened the night before and hoped Ellie would learn to forget also.

He looked back at Ellie still sleeping, and he placed the watch back around her neck carefully. Maybe things would be different after Kira, but whom was he kidding right? This was his job, and he really enjoyed it most days, he couldn't see himself going into the world like Ellie did, and dealing with people on a regular basis as a job. They were just too different and he couldn't believe things had gotten as intimate as they had with her.

Still something was different about Ellie, something not like anyone he had ever known, not that he had known any people very well, but many of them were the same in his opinion. Something about her intrigued him, and obviously something about him intrigued her.

L turned around not looking back. For the first time he thought to himself, "I'm thinking to much." He left the watch around her neck. It seemed he wasn't ready to completely let go of the woman who had shown him more love than he had ever known.


	10. Note de la Mort

_**Chapter 10: Note de la Mort**_

_Thanks so much Sayomi2 I'm really glad you like the way I write lol, been trying to keep stories posted, but without a real Internet access I can't really do it easily, finally I think we have some steady internet though :P . Thanks also Draco MalfoyGirl 16 for your review, and also -2-Rena-Paranoia-2- and SimonCatGirl for your helpful reviews. I do not own Death Note or its characters, but I do own Ellie, the lasagna cooking in the oven, and two very silly cats. _

Ellie awoke the next morning alone. She almost wanted to believe that the night before was another dream, but looking down at her blood soaked sheets told her otherwise. She sighed pulling the sheets of her bed. Today was going to be a very important day and she needed to be on her toes. Today was Saturday, they had to wait until Saturday to get on Sakura television it seemed that someone else had the Friday slot, which worked out a bit better anyway. Ellie picked up her sheets and put them in her overflowing laundry hamper. "Today is the day I have been dreading," she thought to herself. "It's laundry day."

She took time taking a shower and getting dressed before she made her way over to the overflowing laundry hamper once again. She poured the contents of the hamper into her laundry basket and walked down the stairs. She tripped over Matsuda's foot and tripped at the foot of the stairs causing her and the laundry to go flying. Matsuda tried to help her pick up the sheets as she had now gotten the attention of everyone in the room. Ellie hurriedly got her laundry together not wanting any one to see her undergarments. She had gathered most of it up and then she looked up and saw Matsuda holding her bloodstained sheets with a very shocked look on his face. L was concealing a shocked look as well. Ellie snatched her sheets up as the other members looked away not saying anything at all. Ellie blushed and walked toward the laundry room not saying a word at all. Matsuda was still standing with a very shocked and embarrassed look on his face. He guessed she must have been on her monthly cycle or something, but still holding sheets covered in her blood made his skin crawl whether it was natural for it to be that way or not. Matsuda shook it off and walked back to his table to type and get ready for his interview later that night.

Ellie rubbed a strain remover into the sheets and put her darks in the washing machine to be washed. She got almost all the blood out when Misa tapped her shoulder.

"Ellie I noticed you were, uh…, riding the crimson wave, would you happen to have a tampon I can use, I haven't been out to get some in a long time, you know, I don't want to get mobbed in public and I just haven't made a day to go out shopping for those kind of things," Misa said. "Not that Ryuzaki would let me leave the building anyway," she added.

Ellie nodded and put the sheet down to be put into the next load of laundry. She walked upstairs with Misa and gave her a handful of tampons.

"That should get your through until you can get some," Ellie said. Ellie walked back to the laundry room and finished her laundry relieved that all the bloodstains had come out.

Matsuda was getting ready to leave to go to the studio. No one said anything, perhaps no one knew what to say, and perhaps there was nothing to say.

"I'll drive you," Ellie said quietly. All the members looked up and then looked to L. Everyone had expected Watarai to drive him.

"How many dangerous people do you know that drive around in beat up station wagons?" Ellie asked. "Not to mention it's fairly inconspicuous." She added.

Most members nodded. L ignored it and Watarai nodded for him. Ellie grabbed her car keys and she left with Matsuda.

L watched her leave and let himself breathe. He could now concentrate completely on this mission without her interrupting his thoughts. His inability to stop thinking about her had become a problem lately, but hard as he tried to just stop he couldn't. He cleared his mind for the first time in a few days and readied himself for one of the most dangerous days of his life.

Ellie was tempted to drive quickly to the Sakura television station to avoid any awkward time in the car with Matsuda, but quickly decided against that idea when she remembered Matsuda was still a policeman and would not approve of her breaking the law no matter what the situation may be. They were going to arrive early no matter how fast she drove, at this point even if they crawled to the station they would still make it 10 minutes early. Ellie kept her gaze off of Matsuda. She couldn't stand to see someone who was about to throw his or her life away look so calm. She knew in his mind he was not calm whatsoever; she wasn't sure why he felt the need to put this front up now. He was away from the chief whom Ellie knew made Matsuda nervous, but also made him risk his life and keep a cool face about it so as to not look like a weak link. Ellie fought back the urge to pull the car over and slap some sense into Matsuda. She wasn't sure she could handle losing another person she cared about. She had already spent too much time around him and try and she might she couldn't stop from becoming his friend, a pretty good friend at that. She sympathized with him though never really admitted it to him. She sighed to herself and rolled down the windows letting the cold wind pour into the car and for a few moments she let the cold dry air into her lungs feeling herself become more aware of the air currents, and the weather around her. There was a storm coming that was for sure.

Matsuda crossed and uncrossed his ankles nervously in the station wagon. The front seats were a bit cramped and Matsuda was fighting the urge not to reach over to Ellie's free hand and grasp it. She was driving with one hand, which Matsuda could see must be her preferred means of driving except when she needed to make turns. He was fighting between grabbing her hand and asking her to put both hands on the steering wheel in the ten and two position as the law states hands should be at. He instead said nothing trying not to show any interest, but glad that she could at least keep his mind off of the fate he had chosen. There was a good chance nothing would come of it, they would catch Kira and Matsuda would stay safe and alive. There was also a chance that he would just become another pawn in the game to catch Kira and nothing would come of his death.

Ellie glanced over at Matsuda and saw that he was shaking. She wondered if maybe he was scared of what he was about to face and then she remembered she had never rolled the windows back up.

Kira had taken the bait just as it had been expected. Ellie had been shooed away from the Sakura television station. Angrily she gave the security people a small snarl and escorted herself off the premises. Matsuda wasn't going to be so happy about not having a ride back so she was going to have to find a way to get him out later.

Ellie drove around for a little while and then as she got into some heavier traffic decided to lean in and turn on the radio. She listened to soft rock pour out of her radio and bobbed her head as the traffic began to thin a little and she saw her chance for an opening onto another less crowded street. Just as she had turned off the road the truck that had been behind her had a cop crash into it. She saw a car in the distance that had just flashed by a moment ago. She recognized the car from the pictures that Wedy had. She backed her station wagon up and took a few side streets to keep up with Kira without breaking any laws or being noticed. She wasn't afraid of death by any means, but she wasn't going to die by Kira's hand.

She continued to follow him, seeing that she wasn't the only one. Mogi and Aiber had been following him as well though now seemed cautious, as Ellie was to follow not to close behind him. Ellie saw Wedy on her motorcycle driving toward the Sakura television station. She guessed that his Kira powers must have worked like the second Kira she had heard about who could kill just by seeing a face and not necessarily a name. She heard her cell phone ring. She picked it up.

"Chief Yagami is evacuating so could you pick me up now?" Matsuda said with a nervous voice. Ellie knew how close he had just come to dying and couldn't be happier to hear his voice.

"Of course Matsuda I'm on my way now," Ellie said driving the station wagon just a little bit faster through the alley.

Ellie reached Sakura television quickly taking all the shortcuts she had learned in the city by being almost late to class so many times. She picked up Matsuda and she drove behind Chief Yagami to the scene of the capture.

Matsuda waited in the car with Ellie. This was just a precaution in case for some reason Kira managed to escape. There would be a car to track him. Ellie and Matsuda placed helmets on their heads to protect both identities. The car was idling in view of the red Porsche that had just pulled in. Matsuda held his breath and watched Kira enter the building.

"They will be fine Matsuda, they are going to have him surrounded She said noticing that just a few moments after Kira pulled up in his car, Mogi and Aiber were rushing in the building as well.

Minutes passed and then gunshots were heard. A yelp from inside the building and running alerted them soon enough that it wasn't Kira who had been shot, and that one of the other members had been. Ellie heard through the walkie-talkie that Matsuda had with him that he the chief had been shot and that Kira was escaping from the building.

Ellie saw Kira jump in his car and she revved her engine ready to follow him on the side streets. She knew her station wagon couldn't keep up with a Porsche, but with these shortcuts she could have least track him easily and quickly and help with the blockade that was sure to be forming.

The other members were following close behind Kira. Soon even Ellie was forced to follow beside him almost trying to be as inconspicuous as possible until she could cut him off and surprise him.

She saw the police blockade and Kira's sad attempt at a u-turn. She took the moment to start the blockade on the other side. Then she saw the huge helicopter spotlight and knew that it was all over for Kira. She smiled inside the helmet and let out a sigh of relief. Finally, it was over.

She spoke to soon as she saw the car try to speed past her pathetic attempt at a blockade. She heard a shot from the helicopter however that evened the odds once again. Kira's car crashed into the cement divider and Kira was asked to step out of the car as the police surrounded him. The helicopter landed after a suicide attempt by Kira was stopped.

Ellie listened in suspense, as she was about to hear how Kira carried out the killings. The police had him blindfolded and secured with handcuffs. A headset had been placed on Kira's head and L was talking to him. Matsuda and Ellie crowded around the walkie-talkie in the front seat.

"The notebook," Kira finally said.

Ellie's heart skipped a beat in a horrified way. Notebook? She almost couldn't believe that there was a notebook out there that could kill people. Chief Yagami picked up the notebook and examined it pointing out that there were indeed names in it. Chief Yagami then suddenly fell down in fear dropping the notebook. Ellie and Matsuda rushed out of the car. Chief Yagami seemed to be suffering from some sort of hallucinations caused by the notebook. Ellie gasped. "What if that was a trap," she said quietly to herself. She knew that some plant oils could be absorbed through the skin, perhaps something on that notebook had seeped through his skin and was now causing him a horrific hallucination perhaps even poisoning him. Ellie tried to stop Mogi from touching the notebook, but she couldn't get through the police officers quick enough and it seemed he had been poisoned as well.

Then Ellie couldn't believe what she was hearing, L wanted to see the notebook, wanted to touch it to see the same hallucination. Ellie realized that after hearing the two men speak of the same monster that maybe this wasn't a poison at all, maybe there was something really evil about that notebook. Obviously there had to be something evil about a notebook that killed people, but she couldn't comprehend what was going on. She too would have to touch the notebook to be able to understand just how terrifying the evil creature they were seeing was.

She watched the notebook get taken to L. She held her breath and did not hear a scream of terror from him at all, just his whisper over the walkie-talkie. "Shinigami," he said quietly.

Ellie gasped herself at hearing the word. "Death God," She thought to herself. She had heard legends about death gods. She had at one time been very spiritual and liked to look into the supernatural stories around the world. She had come across many her freshman year of college, afraid to make any friends that year. She spent most of her time in the library researching for fun or for college. She remembered reading only a few stories about death gods and seeing rough sketches in the book she picked up. They were terrifying, but the pictures were so rough that you couldn't make out much. She knew that they had the power to kill anyone at any time, and were though to be the ones who brought death. She had read very little about humans coming in contact with Death Gods, most of what she read was legends, but she had come across one story of a man who had come into contact with a death god, and was granted the powers of the death god until he decided to give them up, and then he lost his memory of the powers all together. She assumed that this story was just myth as the others and didn't give it much attention because the other stories had talked about death gods being in another world separate from humans and didn't make contact, not even to kill in the human world.

The notebook was passed to Light and she heard his screams of pain it sounded like mixed with terror as he touched the book. His screams lasted the longest and sent a shiver down her spine.

She watched Kira begin to be taken away. She lifted the face covering on her helmet and smiled at Matsuda. Matsuda lifted his face covering as well and smiled back. Her whole body relaxed and then suddenly she heard a horrible pain-filled screech from Kira. She realized at that moment that he was dying of a heart attack. She looked around and everyone was surprised, but her face held the most shock. She thought this was over. She had killed him! She felt vomit start to come out of her stomach, but she forced it down painfully. The man that had held Kira's power was dead as she had another tally on her list of deaths.


	11. Wash it All Away

_**Chapter 11: Wash It All Away **_

_Trying to keep up on writing thanks for the reviews Princess De La Luna it seems that I have lost some of my readers due to lack of Internet lol or perhaps I've just lost reviewers. I do not own Death Note or its characters, but I do own Ellie, this computer, and all of my college textbooks. _

The ride back to the building was very awkward. Both Ellie and Matsuda had not seen the horrible creature that most of the other members had seen. Currently the death notebook was with L in the helicopter that was sure to arrive way before Ellie's station wagon would. She was driving the speed limit trying not to make Matsuda any more uneasy than he already was. The drive seemed to take hours when finally the arrived and parked.

Matsuda and Ellie had arrived before some of the other members, but just barely. Soon everyone was in the investigation room and the notebook was placed on the table. Matsuda was the first to touch it out of the ones who had not down at the crime scene. Matsuda also screamed out in horror trying to hold back what he could so he wouldn't look like a wimp in front of the members and especially Ellie. He had seen how impressed Ellie was with L for not being afraid and he wanted to prove that he was just as capable. Ellie was the next to touch the notebook. The members watched as her face did not have the look of complete horror; she seemed to have seen this creature before.

Ellie gasped. She was shocked but not really afraid. She hadn't seen this particular monster, but she had seen similar horrors in her dreams. The creature looked like a skeleton to Ellie rather than the strange twisted creature in her dreams. She wasn't sure what to say so she let out a muffled yelp as not to draw attention to herself.

L watched her closely. Fear did not cover her face and this bothered him a bit. Notebook, why did this seem so familiar, and then it hit him. Ellie had had a notebook similar to this something she took down daily observations in. "Daily observations my ass," he thought. Ellie was indeed the Kira they were looking for, he just had to find a way to sneak into her room and take her notebook.

Ellie handed the notebook off and shivered. The monster took a good look at Ellie and Ellie took a good look at it. Ellie walked into the bathroom to splash some water on her face and she was surprised to see the beast in the mirror behind her.

"What do you want," Ellie said to shinigami.

The shinigami looked at her as if she had surprised it as well. The shinigami shook it's head and left the room. Ellie shivered and walked out of the bathroom.

Ellie rounded the corner and ran straight into Matsuda. An arm went to her chest in shock, and her eyes widened in shock. Matsuda pulled his hand back and blushed. Her face matched his shade and she attempted to move away from him in the direction she had been heading allowing him to move into the direction he had been going. As she moved to her left he moved in the same direction and once again they ran into each other again. Matsuda moved right and Ellie moved to match him. Their blushes turned a deeper shade of red as Matsuda allowed her to go by gesturing with his hands.

Ellie walked into the room.

"Matsuda was less afraid than I thought he would be," L noted.

"He's really grown up since taking this case," Chief Yagami said with pride and Ellie smiled to herself. It was nice to know that Matsuda was appreciated even though he didn't know it.

"Ah, Ellie-chan, joining us again?" L said not looking at her. Ellie nodded and sat down at the table smoothing out her skirt. It was getting cold, but that morning she had run out of things to wear. She had put on a plaid skirt that made it down to her a little above her knees and a white turtleneck sweater. Her plain white flat shoes had been kicked off by the door her knee-high socks being the only thing keeping her legs warm. If she hadn't been in hurry she could have easily changed, but now she was attempting to warm up after being in the building for about 15 minutes now and somehow she still couldn't warm herself. Maybe it was the frigid air that clung to her body from being outside for so long unprotected from the winds that wrapped around the buildings freezing everything in the walkways, or maybe it was the shinigami across the room still staring at her. Ellie tried hard not to meet the shinigami's gaze. It would be easier that way.

Matsuda joined the room again and everyone got settled into the spots that were the most comfortable for them. Light was at the computer, L was stacking empty containers of creamer, Matsuda stood on one side of the chief, Aizawa was up and walking around reading something in the notebook to himself. Ellie settled herself on the other side of the room getting up from the table, happy to be away from the shinigami whose gaze went somewhere else. Ellie rested into a chair across the room and smoothed out her skirt again waiting for Aizawa to read out loud what he was reading to himself in the notebook.

Aizawa began with rules that surprised no one. If your name is written in the book and the person who has written your name knows what you look like you are dead in 40 seconds. The person has 6 minutes and 40 seconds to write the details of your death in the book before you die. This meant of course that death could be manipulated if you the details stated that the person die weeks after the details were written. Then the "How To Use" page was turned and there were more shocking rules on the back of the page.

The book couldn't be destroyed if the people who touched it wanted to live, and if the person who used the note didn't write names continuously after 13 days of inactivity the person would die. Ellie gasped quietly as she heard Matsuda exclaim that Light's and Misa's names were cleared of suspicion.

It was hard for her to expect Misa unless Light had tricked her into it. It wasn't that Misa was dumb, well it was that Misa wasn't evil… that was a better way to put it Ellie decided, but she could be easily manipulated. She had always suspected Light, just something about him made her skin crawl. She caught him in this grin once, it frightened her, but no one else seemed to notice so she thought she must have been imagining things. Ellie shuddered. At least Light would be gone she thought to herself.

Then something horrible happened that no one was ready for. No one's shock showed as prevalently as Ellie's, but nevertheless everyone heard the words.

"I'd like to stay and continue investigating," Light said.

And that was that, Misa left the next morning. The investigation went back to where it was except now Light was uncuffed from L. Well there was more on the subject now than there was before. They knew what they were looking for now.

Ellie returned to her place next to Matsuda at the usual table. She had a feeling her time here was limited so every now and then she would take breaks to look at apartment's in the area. She could get a full time job on top of college and be able to afford it if she really scrimped.

Matsuda looked over her shoulder curiously and saw the apartment search.

"Are you leaving us Ellie-chan?" Matsuda asked.

Ellie looked up at him angry that he had been looking over her shoulder, but also not knowing what to say.

"Just going to be prepared if I have to leave," Ellie said quietly.

"That's ridiculous Ellie-chan, you don't have to leave.," Matsuda said.

She shook her head and didn't say another word about it. She closed her search and continued the investigation looking for strange deaths through the hospital records online. It was only a little illegal to look through the records, but she needed to know about any strange deaths to see if that lead them to a killer. She knew that if she could pinpoint the area that would help because the killer usually kills what is around them. She wasn't finding anything and she felt her stomach growl. It had been a while since she had last eaten.

She walked into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and saw the lack of food. She sighed. She really wanted some steamed cabbage, but she knew that the only vegetables she would find around here would be candy corn. She decided she would excuse herself from the house for a little while to pick up some real vegetables.

L heard her request. What could he say; he hadn't openly accused her of being Kira. There wasn't a lot of proof behind it other than spying that could easily be called peeping. No he would have to let her go this time, but closely monitor her.

Ellie walked upstairs and grabbed a knapsack. It was her grocery bag from back home when she used to go to farmer's markets. She had even embroidered an apple on it. She packed her notebook, a few pens, and some of her homework. She would probably go do the park nearby the market and finish her homework and write. She changed her clothes so she would be warmer.

L watched her pack her bag discreetly while the others were around the table discussing the killer notebook. He watched Ellie pack the notebook he suspected to be the other killer notebook. He would keep an careful eye on the killings that happened today no matter who it was that died he would know about it. He hoped that it would trace him back to Ellie so that this investigation could be over. He was going to take a break after this, which was strange for him. He was hoping to treat Watarai to a break as well maybe go someplace for a week. He knew that Watarai had been working himself very hard as well, for many years longer than L had.

Ellie walked through the market and she inspected the vegetables. She picked up rice, cabbage, spinach, egg roll dough, it was a bit harder to find cheese, but eventually she found some at a grocery store. She passed many fish stands that were trying to sell her the day's catch. She passed them by. She was a vegetarian; this wasn't the place for her. She picked up a few more fruits and vegetables and then she settled in her park and peeled a banana.

She finished her homework and then she began to walk home. She didn't know why she hadn't left sooner it was getting dark. She probably should have come in her car, but this gave her an excuse to take a longer time getting home. She began to get frightened as she began to not notice her surroundings. She walked down a dark alley seeing the street she wanted on the other side. She heard glass crunch behind her so she quickened her pace. The footsteps behind her quickened as well.

"This alley is so long," Ellie thought to herself breaking into a jog hoping to tire her glass crunching shadow.

The person was keeping up beautifully though. The faster she ran the faster the footsteps behind her were. She suddenly felt hands grab her.

She fell to the ground onto the glass. The man held a knife to her throat as he covered her mouth.

"Scream and you die," the man said. "This will only hurt for a minute," he almost seemed to reassure her.

She positioned herself ready to beat him off of her. She was pinned to the ground with a knife to her neck and his other hand to her mouth. She had fortunately worn pants, making his job a little harder, and another sweater that was getting ripped up by the glass on the ground of the alley. She felt his hips grind against hers and she cried out her cry muffled by his hand. He jabbed the knife into her arm causing her to flail and scream though once again it was muffled, but now by a gag he had made from her scarf.

The man looked over her body for a moment in the moonlight. "Your not from around here are you?" he laughed grabbing a lock of her hair. He lifted her off the ground by her hair as she shrieked under the gag. He held both of her hands behind her and pushed her into a wall.

"Nice soft brown hair," he said stroking it with his free hand. He scooped it up and moved it over her other shoulder. He then whispered in her ear. "Not what I was looking for, but I guess you'll do," he said laughing after his comment.

He turned her around so she was facing him. "Mmm I didn't see that before," he said. He gently touched her face. "Green eyes," he said.

Ellie trembled, her mind was racing, there had to be a way to escape. She saw her bag that had been tossed on the other side of the alley, taking away any weapon she could have, not that she could beat him to death to easily with the head of cabbage. She struggled against him only causing him to bring the knife back out.

"Didn't you hear me?" he said more violently now. "You are going to die if you keep struggling like that."

Ellie whimpered. He took her sweater off now pinning her to the ground again. She knew there was no way she could run for it. She was bleeding and worse, he had just stabbed her in the leg as well.

"Your lucky that I'm just grazing a few layers of skin, I could put this through your skinny little legs," he said.

She began crying. "Oh stop your crying, you should enjoy this, I bet you don't get this too often do you?" he laughed.

"Did he just call me ugly?" she wondered, though this should be the last thought in her mind.

He got the sweater of her head and saw her small tank top underneath. "You've got to be kidding me," he said now that he knew he would be digging through layers of clothing before he got to her skin.

"Hmm," he said to himself, holding the knife above her. "I can make this quicker," he said cutting one of the straps of the tank top.

Her white skin almost shined in the moonlight. "Porcelain skin," he said bringing up his knife again. "I'll change that," he added.

He put a cut in her shoulder from part of her neck to her bicep. He watched the blood pour out.

She finally saw him give up his position. He was tucking the knife back into it's sheath and she kneed him as hard as possible smearing blood all over him in the process, but nevertheless getting away. She got up and realized there was no way she could outrun him in her condition. She didn't have too many deep cuts, but she was losing blood quickly. One of her arms was pouring blood. Her shoulder wound was pouring as well and the wound down the front of her leg was fairly deep soaking her jeans in blood within minutes of her attack. She made it to her bag praying that there was something in there as she felt herself being pinned again. He had still searched the bag as she finally found something she could use.

She sprayed him in the face with pepper spray. She knew he was down but she continued to spray. She wanted to make sure he wouldn't be chasing her for several minutes so she could have enough time to get away. She felt him let up and she ran like hell, unfortunately not fast enough. He pinned her again bringing his knife up.

"I'm going to break those legs," he said. "Your spunkiness is cute, but I came for something else," He said laughing.

He was dragging her by her hair farther down the alley away from the familiar street. He was going to break her legs, he was going to maim her, probably kill her. Her mind was racing. She felt the tears burn her face.

The man pulled his pants down and grabbed her by her hair again. For all this trouble you better hope you can perform well enough to keep your life. He said holding a gun to her head now. "Only police officers have guns in Japan," she thought to herself.

She could do nothing more but comply. She reached her hand out; she didn't want that thing in her mouth or worse. She hoped that if she got him to ejaculate he would leave her there, not being able to do anything else with her for lack of erection.

"What are you doing, oh….mmmm," he said as she gave him a hand job.

It didn't take as long as she expected for him to ejaculate he held her head in place as he sprayed her neck, cleavage, her left uncut shoulder, and most of her left side of her body. He looked at her with angry eyes knowing he could no longer have his prize.

He threw the gun aside. He wanted this one to suffer for tricking him. He held the knife above her head and she closed her eyes hoping it would be over soon. She heard him yell out and he grasped his chest. He dropped the knife and then he fell to the ground. She lay on the ground for a moment not moving. She then got up and ran quickly the street of salvation.

She entered the street looking for anyone who could help her. She finally saw a police officer.

She approached him. He looked shock at the amount of the blood she had seemed to lose.

"What happened?" he said to her.

"I was just sexually assaulted," she managed to choke out as she pointed to the alley.

The police office contacted other officers and soon there were cars all over the area. She closed her eyes again rocking back and forth a bit as she sat on the curb. She had just killed another man, she was somewhat relieved, but horrified at the same time. She hadn't written the man's name down like the death note specified you had to. She hadn't even known the man's name. She cried to herself finally able to let it all come out now that she wasn't fighting for her life. She was going to be transported to a hospital to treat her wounds. They asked for a number to reference any family or anyone who would need to be notified. She gave them Matsuda's cell number. She didn't know whom else to tell, but she knew if she didn't show up they would start to worry. She gave them her name and then the ambulance came to take her away. The female nurse in the ambulance gave her an empathetic glance. She was going to be taken to the hospital and then she would need to go to the police station because now she was suspected for murder. The man from the alley was taken in as well for an autopsy.

Matsuda's cell phone rang. He rarely gave out his number, but he decided to answer.

"I'm calling to inform you that a friend of yours, Ellie Johnson, was just sexually assaulted and threatened at knifepoint." The person on the other line said. "She is being hospitalized for her wounds, and she will be released in a few days after a thorough investigation," the person on the line added, and then before Matsuda even had a chance to answer there was a click.

Ellie blacked out for a while and she dreamed. This time she saw something worse in her head. She watched her dream monster turn into dust at the end of the tunnel and as she turned to L at the other side of the tunnel he turned to sand as well. She was left alone in the tunnel and a voice in her head echoed, "Oh stop your crying, you should enjoy this, I bet you don't get this too often do you?"

She awoke covered in sweat. She was on a hospital bed. There was a nurse by her side whose eyes almost popped out of her head.

"Flashbacks?" The nurse asked as she held Ellie's hand. All Ellie could do was nod.

"It looks as if you are not suspected for murder after all," a police officer said after the nurse had left the room. "You couldn't possibly have anything to do with a heart attack," the police officer said. "We have taken samples of your blood, his blood, and well other bodily fluid samples that were on your body," he said blushing. None of his blood was shed, pepper spray was used, we found evidence of that, but the only blood in the alley or on the body was yours," he added. "You'll be released this afternoon," the police officer said and then he left the room.

The nurse came back in and said that she had visitors. Matsuda peeked around the corner holding flowers.

"Hey Matsuda," she said her voice sounding more hoarse than she had expected it too.

"Ellie, what were you doing alone at night?" he said finally getting a good look at her. She was out of her clothes from the night before thankfully, but her leg was stitched up as well as her shoulder and part of her arm. Someone had swabbed off all the semen from her skin but she still felt its dirty texture all over her body.

She started to get up. She was surprised she was actually walking fairly well. It still hurt, but she gritted her teeth and got up to give Matsuda a hug. She ended up almost squeezing all of the air out of him. Matsuda also had her grocery bag with him. "They gave me this to give back to you. It was found at the scene, but they don't need any of it."

Ellie smiled. She couldn't believe she was smiling. She was just so happy that she wasn't alone.

"How is the investigation going?" Ellie asked.

"Eh, no better than before," Matsuda said to her. "I told everyone else, I hope you don't mind," Matsuda said.

"No, they would find out anyway I doubt that this will stay out of the papers," Ellie said.

The nurse came back in and almost seemed angry. "You should be in bed!" she said.

"I think I'm ready to go home," Ellie said quietly. "Can I go?"

The nurse sighed. "I'll have to go see if they need to run anymore tests, but since you already seem to be doing fine up and around I don't see why not," the nurse said smiling a little as she walked out of the room.

Ellie went home with Matsuda that afternoon. She had missed all her classes for the day, but at least she had a good excuse this time. Matsuda had brought her some clothes so she wouldn't have to wear what she had been wearing that night. She told the police they could keep the clothes or dispose of them. She never wanted to see them again. Matsuda had brought her a soft wool sweater that was a turquoise color, and a black knee length silk skirt with lace edgings. He blushed when he handed her some undergarments. She was a little uncomfortable with the idea that Matsuda had been in her closet and dresser through her intimates even, but then he said, "Don't be mad at me Ryuzaki was the one that picked them out," Matsuda said.

She looked at the undergarments chosen by the man she had a one-night stand with just a few days before. Same bra she had been wearing that night, but he chose some lacy black panties for her to wear the black and teal bra he had chosen. She blushed She walked into the bathroom that she had in her room and she changed out of her hospital gown. She walked down the lobby where she was released and then out to the car she walked with Matsuda. The drive home was silent. Matsuda wished he hadn't been the one sent to give her those clothes he hated the mental images he was getting, not that they were ugly, just she had just almost been raped, and now he was thinking of her in a very.. well sexual way.

As they pulled into the garage Matsuda helped Ellie out of the car. He had taken her station wagon which made her feel a bit more comfortable and she even let him drive her home, of course he was too chivalric to let her drive herself this time.

Ellie walked in feeling the eyes on her. Everyone then looked away not knowing what to say really. She now the only female, and awkwardness was bound to set in. She sighed and excused herself from the room to take a shower.

"Shouldn't she be getting back to work?" Aizawa questioned quietly to the chief obviously angry that he had been cut off before and was taking it out on Ellie who had taken his place.

"Well, Aizawa," she said her hearing better than he expected. "I would join you all, but I'm afraid I am still covered in blood and SEMEN, so if you would rather I sat here with you stinking of some rapist and dried blood I will be taking my shower NOW," she said angrily as she walked out of the room. She didn't care who she offended at this point her goal was the bathroom because if she had a breakdown in there she would never live it down.

She got into the shower and scrubbed herself. She knew she was already clean but she couldn't get him off her skin. She couldn't wash him away and worse she felt even dirtier. She had so much blood on her hands not to mention the dirty semen on her skin. What was wrong with her? She couldn't wash anything away the slime of guilt growing on her skin. She scrubbed harder and harder and felt worse and worse. She screamed when she saw the shinigami there watching her curiously.

The shinigami left and Ellie collapsed in the shower letting the water run over her skin and she cried scared to death of what was happening to her.


	12. Open Your Eyes

_**Chapter 12: Open Your Eyes**_

_Thanks to my continued reader Princess De La Luna. Also thanks to my newest reader haipa-chan. Please keep reading and reviewing. I'm happy to report that I've reached over 40,000 words after this chapter. I do not own Death Note or its characters, but I do own this computer, Ellie, and a new dishwasher :D. _

Ellie stared up at the ceiling pondering the idea of missing another day of college. She knew that wouldn't do she would fall to far behind and then everything would just go down from there. She closed her eyes, but immediately opened them when she saw the horrifying image of the beast in her dreams turning to dust. She angrily pulled at her hair, "What's wrong with me!" she screamed to the ceiling. Shouldn't she be having nightmares about her encounter just the night before? That would certainly be more normal than this. She had been scrubbing her skin most of the day still not feeling clean enough to get out of the shower. No one questioned her trips to the bathroom or to her room. No one knew what to say at all.

L watched Ellie go back and forth from the bathroom in her bedroom to her dresser and then back to the bathroom. She seemed to be throwing up he could see the color drained out of her face and the broken blood vessels from her dry heaving. Eventually she had just stopped coming downstairs altogether. He assumed that she would probably be trying to get some sleep, she seemed persistent to keep up with her life the way it was, but he was suspicious. What normal person could just waltz back into their life after this? Either she was in deep denial that it had happened, she was ignoring that it happened, or she wasn't a normal person at all. He didn't want to believe that this was a ploy that would be very dirty to play that card, the scared sexually assaulted female. He would nonetheless check up on her after they said goodbye to Misa the next morning and Ellie left for college.

The next morning came too soon. Ellie had tried to sleep most of the night. She got about an hour uninterrupted before she had the dream again. L and the beast both reached out for her in the tunnel and as both of them reached they both melted before they reached her covering her in wax, and she felt it molding to her skin. No matter how much she scraped at it she couldn't get it free from her skin. She woke up in a sweat and had to yet again take a shower.

Misa left that morning, as Ellie was also getting ready to leave for college.

"Ellie I think it's best if you walk to the subway with Misa, I don't want something happening on the way," Chief Yagami said.

Ellie just nodded, what else could she say? She and Misa exited, as Matsuda seemed to be crying. He was really going to miss Misa. Ellie almost caught herself laughing.

Ellie got to the subway and to school fine. She even felt like she could make it through clinicals that evening. The semester was over soon and a new one would start so soon her clinicals would be over and she could focus on taking more credit hours in college. She had finals in a couple days and then she could relax for about a week.

As she got into the hospital she walked into the lounge and overheard a conversation between two nurses.

"So young to be having a baby," one of the nurses said.

"Sick rapists, the police need to keep scum like that off the street," the other nurse said.

"Yeah I heard she was just a virgin when it happened, and here I thought it was nearly impossible to get pregnant by only having sex once and having it be your first time at that," the first nurse said as they both got ready to check on the child in the nursery. Ellie followed them like a shadow and neither nurse seemed to notice. Suddenly she stopped. She took a deep breath and tried to remember the night she had decided to have sex with L. Well hadn't really decided, but somehow that's how things turned out. She then stopped abruptly as the nurses turned the corner.

"I didn't use protection," her mind screamed.

She tried to get through her last day of clinicals as quickly as possible. She needed to get to the drugstore.

She ran down to the nearest drugstore and bought the necessary test. She had several choices. She looked at the accuracy of each. The earliest she should test was a few days before her missed period, but that was weeks away she had just gotten off of the last cycle before she and L had been together. She grabbed the Clearblue digital test not caring about the fact that it probably wouldn't test to accurately this many days before her period.

She got on the subway and tucked the test into her knapsack. The ride seemed to be taking longer than usual. She fidgeted in her seat as she waited for her stop. Her eyes looked around rapidly and her heart almost stopped when she saw someone who looked exactly like the man she had been assaulted by in the alley. She recognized that of course it wasn't but nonetheless it spooked her. She got off at her stop and got the bus and made it home. She was shaking as she walked through the door. No one bothered her as she walked upstairs.

While Ellie was at work L thought it was finally time to investigate Ellie. He walked upstairs into her room and opened the door. Her door was unlocked. He was a bit surprised, and continued on into the room. He dug into the box she hid under her bed. He pulled out a photo album first. He saw a young girl possibly about 4 years of age. She was smiling with a Popsicle hanging out of her mouth probably enjoying the icy treat in the heat of a summer day. He pulled the picture out and on the back of the picture it read, Novalie Diane age 4. He flipped through the book a bit farther and found a picture of the same girl, but at age 15. She was with a boy possibly a few years older. At the bottom of the picture it read, Dreams Come True, Prom 2000. He recognized the girl to be Ellie immediately. Her dress was light blue and fit her nicely. He shook his head and flipped through the pages again. He saw a few more innocent looking pictures, a girl of 13 with braces smiling and holding a tabby cat, he saw a girl in an apron hair back in a ponytail leaning on a car hood of what seemed to be a Honda Civic, and the last picture he looked at was a girl about the age of 7 dressed in black in front of a church with a group of people dressed in black this was the one that caught his eye. The girl's eyes were red from crying, and he realized this was a funeral picture right away, but he wondered whom for. He didn't know a lot about Ellie's past. He knew that she had lost her parents at a young age, and that she lived in several foster homes. He could never get the names of any of the parents when he looked up the foster homes she stayed in, but it seemed she changed them every year according to the records. He dug into the box more. He found the dress she had been wearing in the picture. He felt the material between his fingers. It was very silky and soft. He checked his laptop computer to see how everyone was doing in the downstairs area. He decided he would come back after a bit complaining of food poisoning sickness, but the members would catch on if he continued to stay gone or left often with the excuse of needing to use the restroom.

He went back later in the afternoon and he hoped that she would have her clinicals for a while this time. He rummaged through the box a bit more. He found a few videocassette tapes. He popped one into the VCR and a 15-year-old Ellie popped up.

The scene was a coffee shop. It seemed to be closing time and Ellie had a mop in hand. There were two boys in the background and one that seemed to be holding the camera that took a few shots of his own face before talking.

"Nova, you need a ride home?" asked the boy that he recognized from the picture with her.

"Nah, It's only a few miles I can walk or run," the 15-year-old Ellie replied.

"Come on Novalie," the other boy who was also clad in an apron who was wiping the counter.

"Really, I'll manage," 15-year-old Ellie replied once again continuing to mop.

The man behind the camera began talking. "It's boring here, geez Gabe, she doesn't want a ride can we go now?"

"Why do you feel the need to document my rejection," Gabe said blushing.

"I'm not rejecting you," the 15 year old Ellie said again, "I just don't feel right taking a ride from you, you know I mean you're a friend and you don't need to be going out of your way," 15 year old Ellie said.

"Lighten up Novalie," the boy scrubbing the table said grabbing her shoulders and swinging her around the wet floor.

"I really need to mop up if I ever want to leave this place, you guys are so distracting seriously don't you have someplace better to be," Ellie said returning to the mop.

The boy behind the camera handed the camera to Gabe and grabbed a boom box out of his backpack. He popped a cd in and hit play.

Instantly the sound on the video was filled with the opening of Centerfold.

_Does she walk? Does she talk?_

_Does she come complete?_

_My homeroom homeroom angel_

_Always pulled me from my seat_

_She was pure like snowflakes_

_No one could ever stain_

_The memory of my angel_

_Could never cause me pain_

Ellie's hips swung to the music, as she seemed to almost be dancing with the mop sweeping it across the floor gracefully while finding time to clap at appropriate times.

The boy who had been behind the camera took the camera back and as the song ended Ellie was finished mopping, the boy named Gabe had won his car ride with Ellie and the boy with the apron lost the bet with the guy with the camera which neither Gabe or Ellie were in on.

L had to admit he was amused. He had never had any encounters like this. It was interesting to see, but seeing as the rest of the tape would probably like this he decided that he could only pull things from it that were useful and continue looking through the box. He opened up the laptop he brought with him and looked up Novalie Diane. He hoped having a search on such a rare sounding name would allow him to find her last name easily.

He found a lot of information. Novalie Diane Smith was born in the United States on the 17th of May. She was orphaned at birth due to complications. She was born at home and adopted by the midwife and her husband who happened to be bohemians. They died 7 years later leaving her with another family. This foster family didn't last much longer; they kept losing family friends and were superstitious so she was dumped on another family. She stayed in an orphanage from age 8 to age 13. Then she went to another family and the husband passed away and the grieving wife took her own life leaving Novalie to go back to the orphanage. Novalie got lucky and was in another foster home nearby so she stayed in the same school system that she had been in since 8 years of age. She stayed with that family until they passed away from carbon monoxide poisoning. Novalie had been the sole survivor in a car accident involving a tree. Then Novalie was taken to a mental hospital where she took her life just a few months later.

So Novalie had faked her own death and created a new identity? He thought about Ellie. She wasn't that smart was she? He doubted that she could have done without some inside connections. She had essentially created a new identity to escape from the branding of her old one. He finally had most of the evidence that he needed to convict; he just needed to rummage through the box a bit more to find her notebook.

He heard the doorknob turn as he started digging through the box. "She's early," he cursed to himself.

Ellie walked through the door. She opened her mouth shocked. L was looking through her box.

"L," she tried to say as calmly as she could. "What are you doing in my stuff," she said whispering angrily.

"It's over Novalie," L said. "Hand over your notebook."

Ellie dropped her knapsack in shock. L immediately grabbed it. Ellie fought him to get control. He didn't want to kick her but he used the force of his foot to nudge her aside. He pulled the books out of the bag, but he couldn't find the notebook. He did however find the bag from the drugstore he opened it and out fell the pregnancy test.

L's eyes widened a bit. "I thought that the man in the alley hadn't been able to do that to you,"

"He didn't, do you remember the night before we caught Kira," Ellie said nervously.

L gulped. How could have lost his logic so much to have had UNPROTECTED sex with the enemy?

"Because you have a part in this I won't ask you to leave the room, but refrain from snooping to much in my personal stuff while I urinate, if you want everything out in the open then you will get everything, but just give me a chance to explain."

L wasn't sure what he was going to do. She had verbally committed him to staying in this room. What if she was keeping the notebook in the bathroom, he wouldn't allow her to kill him here and now because he found her out, then he could never spill the truth on her. He barged into the bathroom as Ellie was pulling her pants down.

"DO YOU MIND!" Ellie shouted slamming the door in his face.

L heard the trickling of urine into the toilet. Ellie stepped out of the bathroom. She was holding the stick in her hand and she set it on the desk. She had L sit on the floor with her.

"L, I didn't kill any of those people," Ellie said. "I don't know why things like that happened to them. I loved most of them, I didn't get much time to meet some of them."

L nodded. "I want to see the notebook."

"I guess since everything is in the open I can show you it now, you can even reach in the box and grab it for yourself," Ellie said.

L reached into the box wondering if he was being tricked. He found the notebook he was looking for on the front it read.

_Lyric Notebook_

"Music produces a kind of pleasure which human nature cannot do without." Confucius

L looked at the front cover long and hard and flipped the first page. He found no how to use page instead he found a scribbled writing.

I smile, but it shakes,

Nowhere to turn, no road to take.

If this be the end, where do I go?

I find that I'm lost and without a home.

If home is in the heart is then where is my heart?

I do not even know where to begin to start

These smiles they are plastic, the laughs they will fade

What is left behind hides in the shade.

Feeling this rip over my facade

Breaking me down, dissolving the mirage.

What you see isn't always what's real

What's real isn't always everything you feel

Where does one draw the line?

Between living life and living a lie?

"So I've mistaken a poet for a killer?" L said out loud almost laughing.

"Keep reading," Ellie said.

L continued to read. There were many rejected songs, some which seemed to have been used. She included cd recordings with a few of the songs. The lyrics to a few sounded similar.

"I wrote songs for a few bands," Ellie said. "Most of them were just small time, I use my pen name I guess you could called it," Ellie said laughing.

"Getting anywhere with this?" L said shaking the notebook.

"Not really I have quite a few filled up just like it, nothing much in them just old notes and scraps that I look over later to see if they could piece together with something good to make a decent song, then I start composing through garage band the program for Macintosh and then add voice. I try to get out a few demos to see what bands think, the ones that buy usually add changes to my work and the finished work ends up not sounding quite the same but nevertheless it sells so I get compensation occasionally for all my work. Its more of a hobby than a job." Ellie said.

L nodded so the truth was finally out. He now had more to worry about then a nonexistent 3rd Kira. He glanced up at the desk. He knew these things took time to give you results he just wasn't sure of how much time.

"Just a few more minutes," Ellie said.

L twiddled his thumbs wishing he had brought something to munch on. Ellie laid her head in her knees and wrapped her arms around her knees. Time passed very slowly.

"What are you going to do if it's positive?" Ellie asked.

L shrugged his shoulders. He was just hoping it was negative. He never wanted to be a father, he had really never thought about it. He had too much to do as a detective. What would life be like if this was a positive test?

Ellie buried her head farther into her knees. What had she done? It was bad enough she lost her virginity to someone who didn't give two hoots about her, but now she might be pregnant by said person it was enough to make her sick. She sighed, only a couple more minutes and she would get the results.

The more L thought about it the more he wondered if he would be a good father. If it was positive the least he could do is make sure Ellie and his child had a comfortable life. He had the money to make that possible. Maybe he wouldn't even have to be a physical part of his possible child's life, he could just provide for the child and eventually it would be as if nothing ever happened and no one would ever find out. This would work, he decided.

Ellie got up and looked at the results. There was a little minus sign and she sighed a large sigh of relief.

She handed the stick to L. He cringed realizing that she had urinated on this stick, but after seeing the tiny blue minus sign he his face also showed a sign of relief.

"Did you get all the information you needed from me," she said noticing that L was still touching some of the fabric from her retired prom dress.

L let go of the dress and Ellie placed it back in the box. "You looked good in that dress you know," L said.

Ellie blushed. "Thank you?" she said in the form of a question not sure what to think. L wasn't one to pass out compliments.

"So now that I know you're not an enemy how long are you going to be with us?" L asked.

"Probably just another semester and then it will be back home for me," Ellie said. "Wherever that is," She thought.

"It was nice working with you Ellie, but just a question why did you pick the name Ellie Johnson anyway?" L asked.

"Well, I guess you found out that I changed my name," Ellie said. "Ellie for my hero Eleanor Roosevelt a very strong woman to have as a role model, Johnson was my former boyfriend's last name, and my middle name, Marie, was my mother's name," Ellie said.

"Well, I had better get going," L, said getting up. "Goodbye Ellie," he said exiting.

She pounded her fists against the desk. "Why did I let this happen," she said. "How could I let myself fall in love with him, and then just let him go, I should have said something," Ellie though realizing she wouldn't get the chance. The little meetings between them were over as soon as her name was cleared. The one person she had shared her past with was basically turning her down. He had never turned her down, but she knew there was no room in his life for her and it was silly for her to let things get far enough to let herself get hurt in this way.

She walked down to the room. She walked to the stairs and walked down them. She still had her job to keep here if she wanted to keep her room and board and though her heart was broken, she must still keep up with her life as if nothing were wrong. She walked in on the middle of a conversation between Matsuda and L.

"The killings have started again," L said.

"So the second Kira is out there still killing?" Matsuda asked.

"That's the thought," Ellie said coming up behind him.

"Interesting," L said to himself low enough for only Ellie to hear.

"You thinking its Misa?" Ellie asked him.

"That's the thought," L said, which caused Ellie to blush once again. Was he flirting with her?

"Give it a month, just to make sure, we need to pick up as many leads as we can." Ellie said not believing what was coming out of her mouth. She was supposed to be for the welfare of people, if it seemed that Misa was a criminal she should be saying to bring her in and stop the killings, but for some reason that logic process that L used had ingrained itself in her own mind. She was certainly not the same person she had been when she came to them in August.

L gave her a strange look. She wasn't supposed to be for that tactic. He realized he now had another person on his side. She seemed to be more and more like him, but he noticed that he himself was also changing. He had compassion that he had all but lost when becoming a detective. He had given her his watch, what had made him do that?

"Do you still have the watch I gave to you?" L asked out of curiosity.

Ellie stared at him for a moment and then pulled it out from under her shirt. She wore it around her neck.

"They almost didn't give it back to me at the hospital, something about evidence, but I said that it was a family heirloom and they gave it back to me as soon as they possibly could," Ellie said.

"Do you always wear it Ellie?" he asked more curiously.

"Always," Ellie said.

L was astonished. He would have guessed that she would have pawned it for some money or something, he wasn't aware that it meant much to her.

"Why do you ask?" Ellie asked suspiciously. "Do you want it back?" Ellie asked again taking it off her neck and holding it in her hand.

"No, it's not use to me, perhaps you could get a little money out of it, buy yourself something to keep you safe in the city. You are a magnet for trouble Ellie," L said snickering.

"Ha, ha L," Ellie said sarcastically. "Since when does L the loner care about anyone's well being?" Ellie added playfully.

L turned away from Ellie, "No, I don't care, why don't you give me the watch back," L said.

"Give me the watch back Ellie," L repeated to Ellie's dismay.

"Give me my heart back," Ellie said back to him and then turned her back to him and as she walked away she dropped the watch to the floor letting it roll away.


	13. Ending in Tragedy

_**Chapter 13: Ending in Tragedy**_

_As you can imagine this is the turning point in the story. This story will not end with L's death however and yes unfortunately readers L has to die, but worry not those who were hoping that L would live I'm writing a sort of alternate to this story in which L does not perish. For everyone else this story probably has a several chapters to go. Thanks to all my readers and reviwers!! It seems I have lost some of the ones from the beginning for good now, which saddens me, but it does look like I still have Princess De La Luna who continues to review!! Also thanks to my newest readers LizluvsSpongebob and Lawlietfangirl! For now trying to get through nursing here in college, which is, a lot harder than it looked lol. I do not own Death Note Characters as I've said many times before or the plot. I do own Ellie, a pretty much empty SOBE drink and the notes for the class I'm about to be late for if I don't hurry up and post this soon. _

L and Ellie hadn't spoken in two weeks from this point. It wasn't strange for L not to talk to people for a long period of time, he spent most of his life in silence, but for Ellie it was unbearable to be so cold with someone. The team members noticed the coldness as well, and chose to ignore it, no need getting mixed up in such matters. They knew that L probably just said something that made Ellie upset because it wasn't unlike L to state the harsh truth of the matter sparing no one's feelings. No progress was being made on the case.

L was interrogating the shinigami and the other members were scattered, though Light seemed to be listening in to the conversation between L and the shinigami intently. L turned to Light to see if something was wrong. He was interested in why Light showed interest, though he knew it would be passed off as interest in the case or boredom. L asked Light why he chose to stay there on a boring afternoon and why not take Misa out on a real date. Light retorted that it wouldn't feel right to take Misa on a date with all the stuff the case being unresolved. L dropped the subject and continued to interrogate the shinigami.

Ellie was up in her room studying. If it were going to be a slow afternoon she would make the most of it. She looked out the window. The sun was setting in the sky and she sighed. She had been up in the room all day rather than helping, not that there was much to be investigated. She wasn't sure when L was going to tell the rest of the members about the continued killings. She was surprised he hadn't told them two weeks ago when he had told her. Still she said nothing about it, not wanting to approach L.

She looked at the calendar again. It had been two weeks since she had talked to him, and more than a month since the notebook had come into their possession. Ellie froze. It had been more than a month since her last period? She frantically tried to remember the exact time she should be starting. She was late, only by a few days, but nevertheless, late. She knew it wasn't uncommon for women to miss periods under stressful situations, but her mind screamed at her to make sure. She had tested for the pregnancy far too early, but she thought that maybe she would get lucky and the test would be a true negative. She didn't want to alarm anyone, not even herself. She walked out of the room frantic to get to the drugstore to get another test. Why hadn't she thought to get the twin pack she wondered to herself? "Oh yeah, I never planned on having a false negative," her mind screamed at her.

L was still talking to the shinigami when Ellie came down the stairs. He looked up at her. "What is she doing?" he wondered. She was putting her shoes on frantically and trying to find a jacket.

"Ellie, it is almost dark I think you had better wait for whatever it is until the morning," he said to her not looking up from the notebook.

"Its urgent," she said to him and that caused him to look up.

"What could be so urgent that you need to go out this late to get it?" L asked trying to see where this was going. He didn't suspect her of being Kira anymore, but he did wonder what she was up to, she certainly wasn't normal.

Ellie tried to think of a clever lie. She wondered what she could say that wouldn't cause anyone to find out what her true journey was. She held her stomach and said, "It's a female problem." She said trying to suggest that she had some menstrual cramping.

L nodded. He didn't even want to get into the personal nature of this, but he did have a way to amuse himself.

"I still don't think it's best for you to be going out by yourself," L said. "Matsuda," he called.

Matsuda popped his head in the room. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Ellie needs to pick up some personal items could you go and get them?" L asked.

Matsuda blushed. Ellie looked mortified. "Uh, that's all right he wouldn't know what kind to get anyway," she said blushing as well.

"Well then maybe he should accompany you," L said.

Ellie saw no room to argue. She nodded and put on her jacket. Matsuda blushed even brighter than before and got his shoes on as well. He walked her outside.

"You don't have to go with me if you feel uncomfortable," Ellie said trying to get rid of him politely.

"No Ryuzaki is probably right," he said putting his arm around her awkwardly. "You really shouldn't be out here alone at night even if it's just to pick up," he gulped. "Personal items."

"Alright, but when we do get into the store, can you wait outside, I already feel a bit embarrassed about this situation," Ellie said.

Matsuda almost felt insulted, but then he remembered what she would probably be buying. He didn't really want to look through tampons, or other feminine supplies while he waited for her to make her purchase. He was, however, happy to spend some time with Ellie alone. He was far to shy to ask her out on a date, but this was nice. She shivered and he pulled her closer to him.

"Cold Ellie-chan?" Matsuda asked.

"It's a little chilly," Ellie said. She wasn't comfortable with his arms around her, considering what her purchase was going to be, but nevertheless she didn't pull away from him. She needed some comfort right now because she knew if she were pregnant, she would have no one there for her. L would certainly not want to deal with a child, or her for that matter. Ellie began to tear up and she buried her face in Matsuda's shoulder, which caused him to stop abruptly.

"Ellie?" he asked shocked at her emotional display.

"It's fine its just, hormones," Ellie said pulling herself together.

Matsuda then realized that the trip must indeed be for tampons or something of that nature. He had a sister he knew exactly what happened during that time of the month, well to him at least. Overemotional nature, very edgy, hormonal was a good word for it, nightmare was a better one.

When Ellie got to the drugstore she rushed inside. It was warm as she went to the section of the drugstore where she could get a home pregnancy test. She picked it up off the shelf. She looked that Clearblue test just mocking her it seemed like. She decided to go with Clearblue again, though it had given her a false negative the last time. She walked up to the counter and paid for her pregnancy test. She carried the test out in a bag and walked out to greet Matsuda.

"Did you get everything you needed?" Matsuda asked hastily. He didn't necessarily want to know about how her purchase went; he was trying to make small talk.

"Yeah, I got what I needed, thank you for coming with me," Ellie said.

The rest of the walk back to the building was very quiet. As they approached the building Ellie thanked Matsuda once again and walked upstairs.

Ellie put the bag on the dresser and flopped on her bed. "What am I going to do," she said to herself. She almost didn't want to know. She almost just wanted to throw it in the garbage. What good would it do her to know?

She decided to dig into her box. She might have a life-changing event in front of her and she needed time to think. She thumbed through the pictures. She looked at all the people who had died because of her. She then had a horrible thought cross her mind.

"If I'm pregnant will I accidentally kill my baby while it's still in the womb?"

She shivered. She felt something silky cross her hand. It was her old prom dress. She wondered if it still fit. She hadn't gained any weight since she had been 15. She undressed and slipped the dress on. She looked in the mirror. She looked similar to the smiling girl in the picture, but there was much that was different between the girl in the picture and the girl who was staring back at her from the mirror. The girl in the mirror had eyes that looked back at her with fear and desperation. The youthful glow of happiness that had once been in her cheeks, if only for that amount of time when she was 15 had disappeared to leave her looking pale and sick.

She left her hair down to hang limply down her back. She paced for a short amount of time and then she decided to go ahead and take the test. She waited several minutes more than five easily.

She inhaled deeply. This was it. She picked up the stick and looked at the display. Her hands were shaking violently when she saw what was staring her in the face. A tiny pink plus sign stared her in the face. She collapsed on the floor.

Matsuda knocked on her door.

"Ellie, we are about to have a discussion about the case, would you like to join us?" Matsuda asked.

Ellie groaned. She was not in any position to be with them. "No, I feel really sick Matsuda, I'm going to take some medicine and maybe a nap. I'll come down later if I'm feeling better, but I'd hate to get all of you sick," she said quietly.

Matsuda could barely hear her, but he knew that she was probably genuinely sick so he said. "All right Ellie-chan well I'll come see if you're feeling better later."

Ellie wondered what to do. Should she just get rid of it before it developed into something more than just a mass of cellular tissue? She shook her head. She couldn't do that; she would be as bad as Kira. She couldn't kill this, she swallowed when she thought about the word, baby even if it was only considered a mass of cells. That was completely out of the question.

She thought about alternatives. She considered adoption next. She wasn't sure if she would be a very good mother. She had never thought of having children before. She killed so many of her foster parents, that she didn't know what it was like to have parents, let alone be a parent. She shook her head at that thought too. She couldn't let this baby go through what she had to. She would try her hardest to be a mother; she couldn't give up on this baby.

Now all she had left was to either leave before anyone in the team started to notice or she could tell L and stick around a little longer. Either way she would have to leave eventually. She started to pack frantically. She had to leave soon and she knew it so she might as well be ready. All that was left in her mind was if she should tell L. It was his baby after all too, but would telling him change anything? Did he even deserve to know? "Of course he deserves to know," Ellie thought to herself. "Even if he chooses to do nothing about it."

She wondered how long the meeting would be. She decided to go on the roof to wait. She saw that it was raining outside, but she didn't care. She climbed up the stairs and walked out into the rain. She heard something in the distance through the rain. She couldn't pick out the sound, but she could hear it.

She heard the door open behind her. She turned to look at whom it was and it was L.

"Ellie, what are you..?" L began to say.

"Just needed to think," Ellie said.

"Do you usually stand in the rain in your formal wear?" L asked as he stepped out in the rain to join her. "To think?"

"Do you usually join formally clad women on rooftops during rainstorms?" Ellie asked him back very playfully. She had almost forgotten why she was up here in the first place and that was to burn time before she would have to tell L about the baby.

"Do you hear something?" L asked.

"Yeah its almost like music," Ellie said swaying.

"Bells," L said.

"Yes, that's it," Ellie said closing her eyes and twirling herself slowly in the rain.

"What are you doing Ellie," L asked confused to her motions in the now soaked blue formal dress.

"Dancing, would you like to join me?" Ellie asked holding her hand out.

L looked at her hand. He had never been asked to dance, he had seen couples dancing before, but he neither knew how to dance nor did he consider Ellie and himself a couple. In the end he took her hand. He didn't know why he decided to take her hand. It was a leap of faith for him.

He felt Ellie spin him around and he almost didn't feel the raindrops falling down on him. She pulled herself closer to him. He looked into her eyes and touched the wet locks of hairs that were clinging to her face. He pulled the stringy wet curls behind her ears so he could see her full face. L then looked at her bare neck. It was a shame she didn't have anything to put around it. Then he remembered the pocket watch that had once hung there and a sharp pain stabbed into his stomach. He remembered how he had received that watch from her. He reached into his pocket and pulled out both the watch and the chain it was on. He held it up for her to see and pulled her hair to the side as he put it around her neck. "That's better," he thought admiring the silver against her pale neck and watching the watch drop almost into her cleavage, but stopping just above it.

Ellie was grateful for the rain that was falling it meant that L couldn't see that she was crying. L touched Ellie's face. It was almost like a dream. He had been having reoccurring nightmares about his life in the orphanage lately, and this was a way to get his mind off of things even if he wasn't one for human contact. Ellie buried her face in L's shoulder.

This confused L. He didn't know much about how these dances were supposed to work out, but he could see that Ellie was upset about something. She certainly confused him.

"Ellie?' he said.

Ellie looked up at him. "L, I'm…" she said cut off by her throat closing up. She was choking up now because she knew this was going to destroy this whole moment that she was beginning to enjoy. She shouldn't play around with him like this though; she had serious business to attend to.

L looked at her hard, "You're?" he asked.

"I'm pregnant," she said softly.

There was dead silence between the two. Even the sound of the rain was drowned out by the intense silence.

"But I thought we tested already and it was negative," L said shocked and stepping away from Ellie as if she had a disease.

"I tested too early," Ellie said quietly. "I'm sorry L, I shouldn't have even told you," Ellie said.

She ran past him toward the door. She was soon gone down the stairs. L stood there alone. He couldn't believe what he heard. For some reason he felt his legs moving faster than they ever had to chase her down the stairs. He caught up with her despite her head start. He grabbed her wrist.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said as the tears fell down her face.

"Have you thought about terminating the pregnancy?" L asked.

Ellie gave him the dirtiest look she could muster. "L, I will never choose the alternative of killing an innocent life," she whispered angrily to him. She was afraid people could hear her if she shouted at him. "Can we go elsewhere to discuss this?" she asked as she looked around to see if anyone could see or hear them.

They walked back up the roof. "Have you thought about maybe giving up the," he swallowed when thinking about the word that was about the come out of his mouth. "Baby?" he asked.

"L, you were in an orphanage, how bad did it make you feel that your parents didn't want you?" Ellie asked him seriously.

L nodded. He could agree with her about that one. He could see her being a mother anyway. "What do you want me to do?" L asked realizing that half of the baby was his. "I could support you and the," he said swallowing again, "Baby."

"No that's fine L," Ellie said hanging her head in shame. She didn't want his pity or his money. "I am going to raise my baby myself, I just wanted to let you know that you have some spawn," Ellie said angrily. She knew he wasn't going to care much about her or the baby, but somewhere inside she hoped he would take more responsibility for the baby.

"What are you going to do?" L asked her.

"I DON'T KNOW!" she shouted at him. "Could you stop asking me?' Ellie said looking as if she were going to cry again.

"Hormones are already out of control," L thought to himself. He knew a few things about human pregnancy, but not a lot.

"I am going to have to leave in about a month, I just need your help with that and that is all you have to do," Ellie said to him.

L nodded. He didn't know what else to say. Ellie walked past him. "I'm going to start packing, you can think of a reason to get rid of me," Ellie said as she exited through the stairwell.

L stood very still. He thought about his time at the orphanage and suddenly felt himself respect Ellie's choice to keep the child. He had missed his mother when he was a young child. He realized now that he didn't need her anyway, but still, it was tough growing up the in orphanage, with not even a real name. He let the memories flow over him and all concept of time slipped from his mind. He heard the door open behind him again about a half an hour later. He turned to see that it wasn't Ellie but instead it was Light.

"What are you doing up here Ryuzaki?" Light questioned.

This amused L. He decided to play a little trick on Light while he was thinking. He put his hand up to his ear as if he hadn't heard Light.

"What are you doing up here Ryuzaki?" Light questioned louder. Once again L put his hand up to his ear.

Light walked towards him in the pouring rain. L turned his head to look back over the buildings ahead of him. He had a lot of thinking to do, and didn't need to be bothered by Light. He had been having strange dreams, he had impregnated Ellie, and now he was dealing with the person he suspected to be Kira who was now talking to him as if they had been friends for a while. The thing is, L needed a friend right now, and though he didn't trust Light, he was allowing him to get closer than he had let anyone besides Watarai and possibly Ellie.

"Do you hear the bells?" L asked stoically.

"What are you talking about Ryuzaki?" Light questioned as if L were out of his mind for hearing noises.

"They are so loud on days like this," L continued in his poetic fashion. "It's a church," he continued. "Maybe for a wedding?"

"What are you talking about Ryuzaki?" Light interrupted. "Stop saying useless things like that." "Let's just go back inside out of the rain," Light said sounding annoyed.

"I'm sorry," L felt himself saying. He never apologized for anything usually, but he was feeling especially vulnerable today. "I'm distant, never really good at being in a relationship with anyone perhaps because of a lack of trust," L said starting to pour his feelings out to Light. He wasn't sure what was coming over him. He knew exactly whom he was talking about, but Light did not.

"That's true Ryuzaki," Light said somewhat taken aback. "You stay out of relationships it seems," he continued. "If its something that shouldn't happen, you shouldn't be involved at all," Light said approaching L.

"Yes, that's how it is Light-kun," L said hanging his head. "You are the same as me."

"What do you mean," Light said.

"Have you ever told the truth once in your life?" L said in a snarky way.

"What do you mean?" "I suppose I tell white lies, but never to hurt anyone I care about," Light said taken aback once again by L's comments. "Everyone tells lies at some point," he added.

"I guess that's why you're popular," L said. "We should go back inside, we've stood out in the rain long enough."

L and Light walked back inside. They began drying off on the stairwell not wanting to cause anymore unnecessary dripping on the floor possibly causing someone to slip and fall.

L began to dry Light's feet. He had seemingly over time made somewhat of a friendship with all of those he suspected to be Kira. He wasn't sure what drew him to such people, but inevitably he had been hugged by Misa, had impregnated Ellie, and was now drying Light's feet.

Even more to L's surprise Light began drying his hair.

"I will miss you, my friend," L said. He knew that if he was falling this fast, losing himself this much it was going to end soon. He was going to be trumped.

Light said nothing in response to L's comment. Ellie walked down the stairs into the scene. She lifted her eyes to take in the scene. She looked straight at L and nodded. She continued walking with her eyes to the ground. She knew that L had chosen to take no credit in the child that she was carrying. She couldn't blame him in a way. She knew that his job was all that he had known since he was younger, Watarai had told her that. She had gone to Watarai for advice. She remembered the words that he had said to her vividly.

At first Watarai had started at her in shock. "Are you sure it's L's?" Watarai asked.

"Positive, I had never been sexually active until that point," Ellie said.

"The assault in the alley?" Watarai asked her.

Ellie shook her head. "Never even got close."

"I don't know what to tell you," Watarai said. "It sounds like its something that best be left between the two of you," Watarai said.

"I'm just asking for advice," Ellie said. "I don't care if he chooses not to take responsibility, but I can't hide it forever. Eventually, I'm going to get bigger." Ellie said pointing to her midsection.

Watarai nodded. "So you're going to allow it to grow into a fetus?"

"Of course I'm going to allow it to grow!" Ellie shouted at him. Was the seriously the first answer anyone had about this situation?

"I'll talk to him," Watarai said.

"I'm leaving," Ellie said. "You can tell them my visa expired early." Ellie said. "I'll be packing. I can't stay here like this. I thought I could last another month to catch the next killer, but I can't do it anymore. I am going to have a baby in less than a year." Ellie said starting to go into hysterics. "I've made up my mind and I don't need L forced into this, lie to him if you have to, whatever seems best, you know him better than I do."

Watarai nodded again. Ellie left the room without another word said. She decided to take a detour downstairs to see what was going on before she left. She wanted it to look as normal as it always had. She walked down the staircase, which brought her back to where she was now.

L watched Ellie walk by. He wanted to reach out and grab her. He couldn't explain why his body went for the impulse, but he wanted her. He wanted her warmth surrounding him; he wanted a smile from her one that made him tingle all the way down to his toes, and most of all he wanted to tell her that she wasn't alone. He had a revelation at that moment. Then his phone rang.

"I need to speak to you," Watarai said.

"Yes, I understand," L said and hung up the phone. He walked into the room and Watarai looked directly at him.

"What are you going to do L?" Watarai asked.

L couldn't believe it. Ellie had already talked to Watarai. L wasn't even aware they talked to one another about things of that importance.

"What can I do?" L asked.

"Take responsibility," Watarai said with a serious expression on his face. "This line of work was fine when you were younger. Well actually it probably wasn't fine, but now you have a family to think about. You need to go have your family now, you've done this for long enough."

"How will Kira ever be caught without me on the case?" L asked.

"There are other detectives that are have the ability to do this. You have a responsibility to that child L and Ellie." Watarai said.

L felt like a child again. He was being scolded. He hadn't been scolded in a long time. "And what about those FBI agents, they are all dead," L said. "I need to be here, Ellie can handle whatever is happening with this. "

Watarai shook his head. "It was a mistake to ever implement that program," Watarai thought to himself. "I've ruined the lives of 2 potentially happy individuals and now possibly a third."

"The other countries are not cooperating with your idea," Watarai said solemnly.

"Well, I have another idea for that," L said. "I've had this figured out Watarai and now I need to go through with it." L walked out of the room and sighed. He needed to get down to the room and announce his plan. He knew the risks, but this was what had to be done to stop this.

As L walked to the investigation room he began thinking about his options. He hadn't seriously thought about them before. He didn't want to give up this life, because it was the only life he had ever known to work for him. He wasn't one to take leaps of faith especially when it involved having to depend on another person to be part of them. He could easily leave, and start a new life with Ellie and their child. He had Atari's blessing, he had another life to think about that he contributed to, and he wondered if he was up to the responsibility. Weighing out his options was more difficult than he suspected it would be. He didn't want to give up this life, but he didn't want to hurt his child like he had been hurt. His own father hadn't taken responsibility for him, and his mother had abandoned him just a few years after his birth. He always wondered what it would have been like to have a normal family, but he hadn't thought about that since he was a child. It was easier for him to block it out. He was going to have to make his decision fast because he was walking into the room. He made a decision that changed the course of the lives of the people present that day and many more people to come, though he didn't know it at the time.

"I am going to write down a criminal's name in the death note, and then I shall not write another name for 13 days." L said. "If I die, then there is much to be done after this, if not well we have a few suspects that are back on the list."

"You can't mean to tell me that you still believe Light is Kira?" Chief Yagami demanded.

"It is just a test," L said.

"This is morally wrong, there has got to be some other way without killing. We already know the power the note posses," Light said.

L shrugged his shoulders. Ellie couldn't believe what she was hearing. She sighed to herself. She hadn't seriously thought that L would run away with her. She had seduced him! Of course he wouldn't want anything to do with her or an unwanted child. She couldn't let that affect her though, not here. She said nothing. She stood there in a tee shirt and jeans her hair back in a ponytail to keep the wet strands out of her face. She didn't look professional, she didn't have anyone to impress on the team. They probably thought that she was a waste of space, and not only was she that but she was also getting herself into trouble constantly. They didn't need someone who couldn't make good choices on their team. This many bad things didn't just happen to someone, they were a direct cause of bad decision making, and bad decision making in situations like this could cost people their lives.

Suddenly without warning, flashing lights went off. Everyone stared up at the computer and then it was easy to see what had happened. Watarai had died. The computer screens read blank.

L began to speak and then suddenly he grasped his chest. Ellie's eyes widened in disbelief. He couldn't die, not L, not her L. She almost wanted to scream. She watched him hit the floor and watched Light rush to his side. That made her sick, and she wanted to smack him. He was hers and she needed to be the one holding him.

Mogi and Ellie were asked to stay behind with the body while the rest of the team rushed off to find the shinigami.

L felt his body shutting down. He had felt the hard hit to the floor and he had felt Light rush to his side. He couldn't open his mouth to speak, but he knew that Light had caused his death. He then felt the arms slip away from him. His eyes were shut so he couldn't see the next figure to hold him, but he recognized her soft warmth. Ellie's voice filled with worry screamed at Mogi, "Find me a damn first aid kit preferably with a defibrillator!"

Mogi rushed off and Ellie began performing CPR. L laughed in his mind. He was dying; there was no way she couldn't save him. His breathing stopped completely and his heart did too. The last thing he felt were Ellie's lips against his attempting to revive him.

Ellie began to feel tears rolling down her cheeks as Mogi handed her the defibrillator. She didn't even know why she bothered to go through the procedure of saying the words she had said in her nursing training, but it was like second nature.

"Charging," Ellie said as Mogi started to back away. "Clear!" Ellie shouted as she shocked L's body with the paddles.

She tried that unsuccessfully, but after a few attempts she knew she could never bring him back. She had always known that she couldn't, the death note was a death sentence, but nevertheless somewhere inside of her she had to try. She felt for a pulse or a breath and then looked at the watch dangling from her neck. The team entered the room as she said to Mogi, "Time of death, 6:25 P.M."


	14. Move Along

_**Chapter 14: Move Along**_

_Thanks to my readers for continuing to… well… read! A special thanks to my continued reviewers LizluvsSpongebob and Lawlietfangirl! Light will certainly pay in the end for what he did, but there are still many chapters to be added. Also thanks to my newest reviewer anc. I'm still working on the alternate story in which L does live, that should be good news to some of my readers who were upset by his death. I've also posted a picture of Ellie's prom dress on my website which you can check out. Please keep reading and reviewing, I will try to update as quickly as I can. Oh, some housekeeping of course, I am taking part in NaNoWriMo. This may conflict with my usual writing pattern. If I do not post in November do not worry, it is because I'm writing a 50,000-word novel in a month. Wish me luck! Once again I do not own Death Note, its characters or its plot, but I do own my characters, their plots, and a car that is about to lose its exhaust. _

Ellie was almost catatonic at this point. L had been dead and buried for almost a week now. Watarai's death had been in the newspaper. Ellie had been doing the movements of a student, and keeping up with things in the investigation, but she was happy when she heard that everyone was going their separate ways. She was never good at mourning; generally mourning was accompanied with an overwhelming numbness. It was so much worse this time; she was not only numb, but also almost robotic.

Ellie's things were already almost packed. She picked up a few boxes getting ready to load them into the Subaru. Matsuda had offered her a place to stay, but she didn't want to impose. She also didn't want him seeing her ridiculously pregnant either. She didn't want to have to explain too much to the members of the team. It was her business and it was between her and the now deceased L. She curled up on the bed and finally felt a couple tears. "What am I going to do," she whimpered as she shook. She picked herself up knowing that this wasn't going to get her anywhere, and that all she could do was keep moving forward and try desperately not to look back, lest she be overcome with grief and another bout of catatonia.

She picked up her lyric notebook. She looked at the cover and out of anger she threw it at the wall. She never wanted to see that thing again. She sighed and walked across the room to pick up some of the sheets that had splayed across the floor. She found an envelope mixed in with the papers. She picked it up and saw immediately that it was from L. Why had he left her a letter?

Ellie,

I am truly sorry. I want you to keep the baby. Here is some money to help you get started on the journey that I know you are going to take. Good luck and I hope to be in touch, and maybe someday part of the family I've started. Feel free to take any of the furniture in the room as well; it wasn't originally in the room and Watarai had planned on giving it to you anyway after all of this was over with the case so you could have something when you did have to get your own apartment.

L

She looked at the big manuscript L at the end of the letter. She felt many paper bills fall out of the envelope. Ellie swallowed hard. There had to be at least five thousand dollars in this envelope. L assumed she was going back to where she was familiar because he had left United States currency in the envelope. She could last the rest of the way through the school year with this, and then look for a job when she got back to where she belonged after she delivered of course.

She packed the rest of the car and said her tear-filled goodbyes to Matsuda mostly. None of the other members had really liked her so she wasn't terribly upset about leaving them behind, but she was honestly going to miss Matsuda.

"Ellie-chan, that offer is still open," Matsuda, said blushing a bit. They hadn't even gone on one date and something told him to ask her to move in with him.

"I'll be fine Matsuda, my visa runs out soon anyway. This was only temporary, and I think I learned quite a bit, but I will be going back to where I came from," Ellie said.

Ellie hugged Matsuda and then he helped her pack her last box into the Subaru wagon.

She backed out of the parking space the wagon generally occupied. She looked in her side mirror to see the building getting farther away as the rain clouds moved in. "Another day of rain," Ellie said sighing.

Ellie got to her apartment. She had called about it the day before and gotten a hold on one of the small studio apartments. Her bed would fold out of her wall. It wasn't exactly glamorous, but it would do. She couldn't bring much of the furniture she had been promised. She brought the desk in pieces, and brought the short dresser. She used the desk as a dinner table as well as a workplace. She pushed her box of belongings under the desk. She opened the curtain to see outside. She didn't have a great view, but she could see a few stars poking out of the light pollution.

Ellie tried to get through the next months as quickly as she could. She kept her grades up to her amazement because she had been sick lately with the baby and sometimes had to duck out of early classes to get sick. She didn't have any friends at the college, so she never received any questions about her sickness. She finished the term in early May and began to pack up her apartment.

She hadn't heard from many of the members since that day that she had left in February. She was glad she hadn't told any of them where she was moving. She pulled the boxes into her Subaru as well as the furniture. She was going to take the ferry to California and then drive until she hit the Midwest. She would probably sleep in her car after that point, until she got another living situation and job under her belt. She wasn't going to bother going back to her college. After this point her education was over. She had lasted two years, but in the end things had just changed.

She pulled away from the apartment building after returning her key. She watched the buildings pass her in a flash. She drove the rest of that night without resting. She got to the ferry area and handed the man her ticket. She then drove her car onto the ferry and watched the sky for most of the trip. Occasionally she would see what other people where doing out of lack of interest in the sky. She saw many families, presumably taking a vacation.

The ferry only took a day or so. Ellie slept in her car. The seats weren't the most comfortable place in the world, especially not the front seats, but she would have to manage since the entire back of the station wagon was full. She awoke the next morning to the sound of the horn. They would be docking soon and she should be ready for the drive across the country. She started her car and followed the line of traffic back to familiar soil. She had been to California once. She went with the Jackson's. She remembered getting very severe sunburn from swimming in the ocean all day. She sighed as she started her journey.

She ended up having to make a rest stop in Nebraska. She pulled in at a rest stop and locked the car doors. She laid herself down in the front seat and tried to sleep. She couldn't believe that just a little less than a year ago she had made her decision to go to Japan in the first place, and it had been that decision that had spawned well everything that had happened to her in the past year. She wasn't sure whether to be sad that it happened or happy that she had something to show for it, not only the bump under her shirt, but the fact that she was a different person altogether. Ellie realized that she had not once blamed herself for L's death. She hadn't even thought about it when he died. She had been assured that it must have been the shinigami, but it didn't make any sense to her. Why would the shinigami want to kill L and Watarai? Her mind raced. She had missed something big. The shinigami didn't have a reason to kill L, but someone else did. Someone else had been getting more and more nervous, Ellie could feel his tension during the interviews that L had had with the shinigami. Light, he had been there, and he had the motives. She could never prove this, but she had this sinking feeling in her stomach that until the rest of the team saw Light for what he was that Kira would continue killing until there was no one left but him.

Ellie couldn't sleep that night, she had tried hard because she knew it was going to be a long ride back to a place where she could even start looking for an apartment. She was worried. She wasn't sure how she was going to survive without being able to work, because as the baby grew inside of her it was going to be harder and harder to do most jobs and soon she would be living out of her car for good it seemed.

She had a revelation. She was going to go to New York. She was going to see Roger. His main orphanage was in New York. He would be able to at least point her in the right direction for where she needed to go to survive; he had done it before for her. Suddenly, she felt a newly found hope as she turned the key in her car. There was no way she would be sleeping, so she might as well cover some ground.

She made it to New York a day later. She drove all the way through the night and through the next day. She walked into the orphanage. She waited to talk to Roger. It didn't take more than a half an hour of waiting and Roger walked out to greet her.

"Ellie, glad to see your back from your trip," Roger said taking a good look at her and then said, "Seems that you brought something back with you."

"Roger, can you keep a secret," Ellie said knowing that he could. She didn't know why she bothered to ask, but she had to tell someone, so that he could help her figure out what to do.

"Of course," Roger said.

"The father is dead, it was L," Ellie said knowing well that he would know who she was talking about.

Roger stared at her for a moment. Had he really just heard what he had thought he had heard? He had been good friends with Watarai and had known about L, but had been told that L was very quiet and kept to himself. "Obviously, he didn't keep some things to himself," he said looking at Ellie. He sighed. There was nothing he could do for her, and he knew that she was not going to be able to support herself and this baby while it was a part of her body.

"Have you gotten any prenatal care?" Roger asked.

"Yes, I had the ultrasound, been taking the vitamins, and been getting the sickness," Ellie said staring him straight in the face.

"Boy or girl?" Roger asked making small talk. He might as well give her a place to stay for the night.

"Boy," Ellie said.

Roger nodded. "You can stay her tonight Ellie, I can't give you a permanent home, but you can stay for tonight until you get things figured out."

Ellie thanked him and he led her to one of the unoccupied rooms. She made herself a bed and almost instantly, she fell asleep. She still had a couple thousand dollars left; she could easily get a cheap apartment for the duration of her pregnancy. She wasn't sure what she would do after that. She didn't have any family, and he hadn't had any family. She thought more and more about adoption. Someone out there had to be a better parent than she could be. That was her last resort, but she was starting to think about it more.

When she awoke the next day, she called an older couple that she had read about in the classifieds. They were looking for someone to take care of their house in return for a room and three cooked meals a day. She would be going in for an interview that day.

She drove to the rural part of New York and saw the farmhouse come into her view. It was pretty large for a couple it looked as if it probably had five bedrooms.

She knocked on the door as she straightened out her skirt. This was her best chance at a place to live and she wasn't going to let some first impression about her looks, including the fact that she was pregnant hinder her.

The older woman answered the door. She was in her late sixties and had a smile on her face. She gave Ellie a look over, and Ellie seemed to almost hold her breath. This lady had been married for 45 years and had five children that all lived in several places around the world, there was no way she was going to understand what Ellie was going through.

"You must be Ellie," the woman said with the smile still on her face. "Come in and have a seat."

Ellie walked into the farmhouse and was seated at the couch. The older gentleman also wore a smile to her surprise even after looking at her.

"How far along are you Ellie," the woman asked.

"Six months," Ellie replied.

"And the father?" the man asked the smile dissolving from his face.

"Dead," Ellie replied. "Heart attack," she said after a few moments. She might as well tell them that much they couldn't get much more out of it.

"Oh you poor dear," the woman said. The man just looked shocked. He had recently suffered a heart attack and couldn't imagine what his wife would do without him, if she were young enough to be in that situation. They had savings, it was true, and she could easily hire someone to help her around the house as they were doing now, but the thought of death frightened him. He said nothing else during the interview.

"Well, miss Johnson, I believe you can move in now, you seem perfect for the job," the woman said. She handed Ellie a key. Your bedroom is upstairs to the left. The bathroom is right across the hall.

As Ellie walked up the stairs to check out the room before bringing in her sad excuse for belongings, the woman gleefully said to her husband, "Just think Robert, we are going to have babies in this old house again." She had wanted to be a grandmother for a long time, but her two sons had never married, one of her daughters was barren, and the other two showed no interest in having children. It was as if she had already adopted Ellie as one of her own. She hoped that Ellie would stay for a while. She could even turn one of the bedrooms upstairs into a nursery for the baby. She had Robert had lived in the downstairs bedroom since they had owned of the house. The children always loved living upstairs anyway, they could slide down the rails of the old wooden stairs as they raced to the kitchen for breakfast and out the door to walk to the end of the drive where an old rickety school bus would pick them up and take them off.

Ellie settled into her room bringing up her boxes. She straightened up right away not wanting to seem lazy and like the wrong choice to live in the house.

The woman wanted to help, but her husband said, "Barbara, let the girl do her work in peace."

Barbara laughed a hearty laugh and let Ellie finish cleaning. Ellie volunteered to cook dinner. Barbara seemed hasty to let her do too much. She decided to let Ellie cook. When she came into the kitchen for dinner she smelled fried green tomatoes first and foremost. She hadn't had those in so many years. She just hadn't been up to cook it up, but it seemed she had made fried green tomatoes as well as a stew. The stew consisted of cabbage, potatoes, and carrots. She a few slices of baked chicken breast that she had prepared from the oven and after spooning out a serving of stew for herself, she then added the chicken into the stew.

"So, Ellie, you're a vegetarian?" Barbara asked at the dinner table.

"Yes," Ellie said with a look of worry in her eyes. "I hope that's not a problem."

"Not at all, I'll have to remember that," Barbara said.

After cleaning up the dishes, and straightening up the kitchen she excused herself to go up to her room. Robert nodded. His wife had already gone to bed and he was finishing a crossword at the kitchen table before bed.

Ellie lay down on her bed. She had gotten everything moved in without too much heavy lifting involved. She stared out the window. The stars were so bright that night; perhaps it had something to do with being in the country again. She had always hate living in cities as a child, because you could never seen anything at night except the neon and the traffic and the busy people never seemed to slow down to say hello to one another. Even though the city people seemed to be surrounded, they seemed to be so alone trapped in their busy schedules. She loved being in this farmhouse and she prayed that it would last for a long time. She hadn't felt this comfortable in a long time and for the first time in a while; she slept all the way through the night.


	15. Catalyst

_**Chapter 15: Catalyst**_

_Thanks to all my readers and also to my reviewers! Its been a while since I updated and I'm proud to say I completed my novel! I don't know what I'm going to do with it at this point, but it has been completed. Thanks to LizLuvsSpongebob for your review and also thank you for your review on the alternate story to this, which is called Whispering Fingertips. Whispering Fingertips is this story continued as if L had no died. I'm going to try to keep up with it and this story at the same time and see how that goes. Also thanks to Lawlietfangirl for your review. I actually saw the second death note movie about a year ago, but I didn't see the newly released Japanese live action one that was dubbed. I know that came out in October in a few theatre's but none around where I live. I saw the Japanese one with English subs which I borrowed from a friend. Also I hope this catches up with what you were asking about before. I kinda went off course last chapter to set up the scene for this one. Please keep reading and reviewing guys and I'll keep posting as quickly as I can. After finals week I should have plenty of time to update all of my fanfics again. I do not own Death Note, it's characters, or the plot. I do own my characters, two hyperactive cats, and a minivan. _

Roger paced around his office. He and Watarai had been good friends. He had no idea what he was going to do. He was aware that Watarai had died, but now L was dead too. He had a few replacements for L because L was known to attract danger. Mello was his first choice, he had been training Matt as well but it seemed that Matt lacked something that Mello had, but Mello was a fragile boy and Matt protected him from bullying. The children were only six years old. There was no way that they could be ready to fight Kira. He would have to wait; he would have to prime them. Then a crazy thought entered his mind.

Who would be a better person to fill L's position than L's own heir? It was true that Ellie had at one time been a prime choice to work with L, but she turned down his offer. He hadn't just come out and asked her to be a detective, but asked her if she would like to have a job. She was sixteen years old, when he had come to her with the question. She had turned it down saying she had different plans for her life. Ellie and L having a child would be the perfect combination of genes.

He shook his head. He couldn't get Ellie to agree to give up her life like that, how could he possibly ask her to give up her child to this craziness. He could go to her again, but he knew she never was as good as L was, and now she had a family on the way to boot. She wasn't going to give up her freedom to be caged like L was, though L enjoyed his solitude. They were two different beings, but he could see how they could have been attracted.

Ellie had lived with the Campbell's for approximately one month. She was getting the hang of the way things worked around the house. Robert had refused to go vegetarian, but that didn't bother Ellie she wasn't trying to push her beliefs on anyone. Barbara, however, had almost switched to a vegetarian diet completely. She had certainly cut out the red meat she was used to eating.

Barbara came home from the grocery one day in the heat of the late June afternoon. Ellie had offered to go to the grocery store, but Barbara refused saying that she still enjoyed being able to do the shopping. She came home with a bucket of light blue paint and of course the groceries. Ellie and Robert carried in the bags. Then Ellie came back outside to take the paint can into the garage. Barbara stopped her.

"That is for the nursery," Barbara said with a smile on her face.

They spent the afternoon painting the nursery. Barbara pulled out an old rocking chair for the nursery.

"I don't have an acceptable crib yet, but we will find one before you're due," Barbara said smiling.

Ellie cried. She didn't know why she was crying, but she cried. Barbara patted her on the shoulder. She knew well what was wrong. Hormones.

Ellie had had weird cravings after the morning sickness past for the past month. She had eaten a lot of zucchini. She wasn't sure why she craved zucchini she had always liked it, but not this much. She ate it in bread, she ate it fried, and boiled, baked it didn't matter. One day Barbara had come downstairs and Ellie was eating it raw.

Ellie was having a hard time getting down the stairs as well. Her feet were aching by the end of her days. She used the money that she had saved from L and got herself a sensible pair of shoes. They were much more comfortable than the flats she was used to wearing and more comfortable than the tennis shoes that she usually paired with her scrubs. She was always way to big for any of her clothes a long time again, but now she finally had a chance to get some maternity clothes. She wanted to save as much money as possible. She went to many resale shops to find some nice maternity clothes. She mostly fashioned skirts that stretched so they could be reused when she wasn't pregnant. Unfortunately with how big she seemed to be getting she wouldn't be able to get them to be unstretched anymore.

Her emotions were an absolute horrendous roller coaster. Some days she loved L and missed L and some days she wanted to curse him for the life he had left her to try to piece together. It was of course futile to blame someone for they're own death, but she wasn't thinking logically most days.

She rocked in the rocking chair and knitted quietly. She wasn't ready to go to sleep yet, but she wasn't up for any major activity either. Anyway, knitting had always calmed her. Usually it was a meditation between thoughts so she could gather and go between them to figure out something that she might have missed otherwise. Now she didn't know why she was doing it, just something to do she guessed. She planned on making her baby a blanket, but it turned out to be more of a really long scarf. She didn't have much concentration to keep up with it she actually had thought of just giving it up. She didn't however she just continued to make the long scarf and thinking.

She thought mostly about seeing L's gravesite. She had never seen it really it. She knew where he would have been buried she had just not gotten herself together enough to go out and see it. She didn't have much money left either and he was buried in Britain. He was buried in the orphanage he had grown up in. Ellie knew that he had not liked it there much so she wondered why he was buried there.

Ellie opened the window. She was due soon. She had seen the doctor several times and she heard the thing he probably usually told expectant mothers. Her baby was in proper position and no complications should occur during birth. She should expect to deliver almost, if not, on time. She was happy about that. She was going to have her baby boy around the end of September.

She hadn't even had a name picked out. She halfway wanted to name him Robert and watch Barbara's face light up when she found out that Ellie had named her baby after Barbara's husband. Ellie didn't think that Robert fit though. She had never actually seen her baby except on ultrasound images, but she knew Robert wouldn't fit him.

She felt more and more spontaneous during the month of August. She felt like she just might do it, she just might go out and see L's grave and pay her respects. She didn't want to wait to long in her pregnancy. She didn't want to have her baby on the plane or anything crazy like that. She would just have to plan well for her trip so she wouldn't have something like that happen.

If that was true she would have to go this month and not wait until September at all. She didn't want to risk her child being born early and then ending up in a situation that was no favorable. She would plan to go in a few weeks, toward the end of August if she could. She could only manage to go during the first week of September and after that she would have to wait until she could find a good time to go with the baby. She didn't want to take the baby on the plane during young infancy, she wasn't sure if that was even safe.

She went to the only person she could trust to go with her. She didn't want to go alone during this, what if something did happen, she wanted someone she trusted to be with her. She went to Roger. She wondered if he might even be able to accompany her. She knew that he had met L before and would know how to get her in touch with the people she needed to talk to to see L's gravesite.

She left on a muggy afternoon in August finally making up her mind to see L's gravesite and where he grew up. She took her car over to the orphanage that Roger was in charge of.

She waited around for him to get done with some kind of meeting and then she saw him. Roger eyed her for a second and almost gasped.

"Ellie you are so far along how are you?" Roger asked. He had a sick feeling in his stomach when he saw her. She was almost glowing, not just from the fact that she was sweating horribly from the heat, but she looked good pregnant. Not good in the sense that she looked gorgeous or anything it just looked right on her.

"I've been ok," Ellie said. "Due in September."

"So what brings you out here," Roger said trying to make small talk. He still wished that she would take L's place or at least sacrifice what would probably be a very gifted child to be the next L.

"Oh, I have a little bit of money and I was wondering if you wanted to go to Britain to see, umm, his grave," Ellie said swallowing hard.

Roger felt strange going somewhere with Ellie. He knew where L was buried of course; he had been buried at Wammy's house in a secret garden. He had loved that place as a child, and it only seemed fitting that his final resting place was there. Roger wondered how Ellie would have known that. He wondered how much L had told her about his childhood. L had never seemed terribly open to Roger, but who knew what he could have told Ellie, they had created a life so anything was possible he supposed.

"When did you want to go?" Roger asked.

Ellie smiled which caused Roger's stomach to twist. "Late August, early September," Ellie said. "I don't want to go too close to the due date."

Roger nodded. "I'll go with you if you wish," Roger said.

"Thank you," Ellie said not being able to control the tears going down her face.

"We can use the jet," Roger said. "I don't use it too often, but sometimes when I go over to the other orphanages I take it instead of taking a commercial airline and then dealing with traffic to get over to the orphanage," Roger said.

Ellie fished around in her shoulder bag that she had brought with her and got her wallet out. Roger shook his head, "Ellie don't worry about it," Roger said. "I need to go out there anyway."

Ellie could have kissed him. She didn't, but she did give him a hug. Now Roger felt really awkward with L's child between himself and Ellie. Also hugging a pregnant woman is awkward anyway, considering the length one has to stretch their arms to try to get around to the other person.

"When do you think you would have things ready?" Ellie asked.

"I could have it ready September 13th," Roger said.

Ellie thought for a moment. Would that be too late to go? She wasn't due until the 27th, but she didn't want to chance it. She knew she wouldn't get too many more chances to see the gravesite, not that it was going anywhere. She had to make a very tough choice. She wanted to talk to her doctor, but she didn't know when she could get in to see him.

"I'll do it," Ellie said. She was almost surprised to hear the words out of her mouth. She wasn't thinking clearly anymore.

"Alright I will make preparations," Roger said.

Ellie nodded. "I should get going," she said. "I need to go back home and get ready for the trip," Ellie said.

Roger nodded. He had more than a month to figure out what he was going to do. He was already feeling guilty. She trusted him and he was planning on what to do to convince her that the world needed someone to catch Kira and who was a combination between L himself and someone who decided against being a detective.

Roger found himself pacing again. It was going to be a long month.

Ellie spent the next month planning her doctor's visits before her trip to make sure that she would not deliver early. The doctor hadn't liked the idea of her going on a flight, but he said if she must, she didn't seem to have any complications that would cause her to deliver early, but if she started feeling contractions, she should try to contact a doctor in that area to make sure that they would be prepared. Ellie agreed and said that she would make sure she was prepared in case of early delivery

She found herself smiling a lot more since she found out that she was ok to go. She wasn't happy per se, but she felt completed. She needed to do this, she needed to say goodbye to him properly before she had this baby. She needed to feel whole and complete and she hadn't felt that since the day she had failed to resuscitate L.

The day finally came. September 13th. She hadn't even known that it was a Friday. "Friday the thirteenth," Ellie thought. "I'm not superstitious, but this is probably the least popular day for flying," she thought and then laughed.

Ellie drove her car down to the orphanage. She parked. She had only packed a light bag just in case. She had everything she needed if she had to go to the hospital, she had some extra shirts, because she had already begun lactating, and she had already soaked a couple shirts. She had tried to put maxi pads in her bra to keep that from happening, but that didn't always work. She had also had to buy new bras already and those weren't cheap. She was running out of money and she needed to get a job soon so she could pay for her expenses and of course the babies expenses. She had planned on breast-feeding her baby, which would save because she wouldn't have to buy formula. The expense of that didn't matter; she just felt that she should breast feed. Of course that meant she couldn't work for a while unless she pumped.

Robert had built her a crib and given it to her as a gift before she left. She hugged him too her eyes tearing up again. Robert didn't do a lot of things like that. It wasn't that he was cranky; he just wasn't as social as his wife Barbara.

Ellie smiled knowing that her baby would have such wonderful influences in his early life. She didn't plan on living there for the rest of her child's life, but she did plan on spending a year there at least until she could get on her feet. Barbara and Robert were almost like family to her and she would keep them updated even when she did move out.

Ellie shook her head and got out of her car. Sometimes she really did think too much.

She met Roger and they boarded the jet. She felt a little nauseous upon take off, but she guessed it was probably just nerves. She also had a horrible aching in her stomach that wouldn't stop not to mention a very unhappy fetus was kicking her. She usually calmed the baby's insufferable kicking with Chopin. She had burned a cd, and had a portable cd player with her. She had fashioned some headphones for her gargantuan stomach so her baby could hear. The baby seemed to like classical music. She remembered reading somewhere that classical music was very good for a developing baby to listen to. She found herself either using that if her voice or Beethoven couldn't calm the baby. The baby preferred Chopin to Beethoven. Ellie laughed at that. Her baby could already differentiate between two different pianists? That was crazy.

Roger came back as she was putting the headphones on her stomach.

"What's he listening to," Roger asked as he sat down next to her.

"Chopin," Ellie said. "Oh, that's better," she said feeling her baby instantly settle is kicking. "I was getting kicked in the bladder," she added laughing.

Roger nodded. "Get kicked a lot?" Roger asked.

"Yeah, he's antsy, he wants to get out in the world," she said.

"Have you eaten yet?" Roger asked.

"Packed something for the trip, didn't know how much of an appetite I would have though," Ellie said as she pulled out some zucchini in a Ziploc bag. She had just cut some up and she had been eating it raw for about a month or two so it didn't bother her to just eat it raw anymore.

She munched on it a bit and then took a vitamin with some water. She had been taking vitamins to account for the lack of meat in her diet. She didn't want to the baby to have any problems in development because she chose not to eat a full spectrum of foods.

The ride wasn't too long. Ellie occupied herself with more knitting. She still wasn't getting anywhere, but had managed to make the scarf almost as long as herself. She thought about possibly weaving pieces of the scarf together to make an awkward blanket.

She gave up on the knitting for a while and began to rest her eyes. She slept for the rest of the trip not even noticing when the cd had ended and her batteries had died in the cd player. The landing had only awoken her because the baby had once again begun kicking. She rubbed her stomach shushing the baby. She quickly made a restroom break before exiting from the jet.

She looked out and saw the orphanage. They had landed not too far away actually. It seemed that there was a landing field somewhat close to the orphanage and it looked fairly new. She knew that L traveled a lot, that was while he was alive. She guessed it was probably put in for his sake.

Ellie walked into the building completely amazed. It was beautiful. She saw many children running around. She also saw a very awkward looking child standing near one of the stained glass window. It tore on Ellie's heartstrings as they passed the child. He was a blonde haired boy with brilliant blue eyes. She gave him a smile as she walked past and the child said or did nothing in response.

"What's that child's name?" Ellie asked Roger.

"I don't know, I don't know a lot of the children here, I only know the one's in my own orphanage," Roger said.

Ellie nodded. She turned her head before turning the corner and got one last glimpse of the lonely blonde haired child. He still wore an emotionless mask.

Ellie sat mostly as Roger went and talked to the replacement of Watarai. Both had shocked faces. Ellie had guessed that it would be strange for one to ask where L's grave was and if it could be viewed unless of course that person were carrying a child fathered by him. Ellie almost wanted to blush. It was like someone had just opened up Ellie's personal life and not to mention her sex life. She didn't know why she felt embarrassed about it, but it was something intimate that she wasn't sure she liked being shared.

Ellie closed her eyes and felt the horrible stomachache like pain that had been in her body earlier get even worse. This was not indigestion anymore. She began to almost hyperventilate as she waited in the hallway. She could not make a scene of this. This was just the first pain, the baby shouldn't be due for a while, probably just false labor pains, she had heard many stories of women being sent home the week before they were supposed to give birth because what the had been feeling were the beginnings of labor pains, but were not even quite there yet and they all gave birth a few days later generally. Her own mother had been in labor for almost two weeks supposedly, according to the midwife, she hadn't dilated after a certain point. She got a few inches and then nothing for two weeks. Finally Ellie was born and Ellie's mom hadn't made it. Ellie cringed at that idea. "Everything will be fine," Ellie reassured herself.

Roger exited with another man and Ellie was now sitting by herself. She felt someone sit next to her a few moments later. It was the blonde haired boy from earlier.

"Hi," Ellie said looking at him.

"Are you getting rid of your baby?" the boy asked. The boy couldn't have been more than 6 years old.

"No, I knew someone who lived here," Ellie said.

"Oh," the boy said. "Are you adopting?" the boy asked her again.

"Wasn't planning on it," Ellie said and then saw the boy's face fall. "At least not right now," Ellie said.

"Because you already have a baby, you don't need another kid right?" the boy asked his head still hung low.

"No," Ellie said. She didn't know what to say to this child. "I don't have a big enough home for another child right now," Ellie said.

The boy nodded. He was more intuitive than most people gave him credit for, Ellie could see that right away.

"What's your name?" Ellie asked.

"Mello," the boy responded.

Ellie nodded. Who was she to knock weird names her name had been Novalie for Pete's sake. She just nodded.

"Yeah, I know it's a dumb name," Mello said.

"Nah," Ellie said smiling at him. "It's a unique name," she said after that. The boy smiled.

The boy swung his legs on the small bench type thing they were sitting on. Ellie thought of it was more of a couch without a back because it had a cushion to sit upon. Ellie crunched over in pain again trying to keep it from showing. She really didn't want a scene not to mention a child that was so obviously full of questions.

"Do you have any parents?" Mello asked. "I don't anymore," Mello said.

"No, I don't," Ellie said. "I've lived in an orphanage too," Ellie said and that caused Mello to smile again.

"Really?" Mello asked.

"Yep," Ellie said. She dug into her pocket for something to munch upon. Despite the amount of pain her abdomen she was still having a few cravings. She found only a Hershey's bar in her jacket pocket. She had been freakishly cold since being pregnant and was glad that most of her pregnancy had occurred in the summertime so she wouldn't feel so cold.

Mello's eyes sparkled as she pulled out the chocolate bar. "You want half?" Ellie asked.

"Yes, please," Mello said politely. Ellie snapped the candy bar in half glad that the Hersey's bar was already made to be split, because she would have felt stupid not being able to split a candy bar.

They both ate the chocolate in silence and then Roger came back for Ellie. Mello soon disappeared at the sight of other adults coming. It was obvious that he was very shy.

"We are going to take you now Ellie," Roger said to her. Ellie nodded and turned to see that Mello was indeed nowhere to be found. She got up from the backless couch and began to walk with Roger and the other man whose name she knew not.

Ellie felt the pressure building in her abdomen. She couldn't hold in the painful scream that was building inside of her. She finally let it out and both men turned back to her and gasped as her water gave way and left her body.

She wore a shocked expression and so did both men. "I think, I need to get to hospital," Ellie said.

"We have a midwife here," the man standing beside Roger said.

Ellie crunched over in pain. "Anything," Ellie muttered.

"We don't have anything for the pain," the man said nervously as if she were going to lunge at him at any moment.

Ellie was rushed to the infirmary. Roger helped her walk. Her legs felt like jelly and it felt like she was going to explode from her stomach.

The labor was excruciating. She tried not to scream too much she wasn't sure for who's sake that was. They had moved many of the sick children that had been in the infirmary to another room during the birth. She didn't' want to make too much of a ruckus if possible.

Ellie's whole body felt like it had ripped every muscle tissues possible. She felt like she was never gong to get this baby out of her body. It was nighttime now and it was early afternoon when she had arrived at the orphanage.

She kept doing the breathing techniques but secretly she wanted to slap the midwife in the face. This was a mistake to come out and see L's grave. She hadn't gotten to see it anyway. Maybe she wasn't meant to. She didn't know for sure.

It was almost midnight before the labor finally started to get somewhere. She pushed like all hell to get that baby out. Roger watched in amazement, as a healthy baby boy was delivered at 11:59 September 13th.

"Just barely made it on the 13th," the midwife said to Roger. "Do you want to hold your baby?" She asked.

"I'm not the father," Roger said shaking his head. He looked over at Ellie. She seemed so out of it and then something strange happened.

Ellie felt the baby leave her body and she had this horrible feeling that she would never see him again. She tried to lift herself to get a good view of him. She felt blackness surrounding her. She saw spots of black covering the room and the voices in the room filled with worry seemed so far away.

"Ellie," Roger said running over to the swaying Ellie. "You need to lie back down."

Ellie sat down still seeing the black.

"What do you want to name him," the midwife asked.

"Where is he I want to see him," Ellie said quietly.

"He is going through a few tests and he's being weighed. I need to know what name to put down on the birth certificate," the midwife said.

"Nathaniel," she said. She hadn't even though of a name, but that name just rolled of her lips. She still couldn't believe this was happening.

Ellie tried to stand up again. Why weren't they letting her see the baby she had been waiting for longer than seemed normal. What was going on was he ok. She began to get frantic.

"Ellie you need to sit down," the midwife said.

Ellie staggered trying to get her balance. She had to find her baby. She had to find Nathaniel. She continued walking and then almost instantly she was on the ground. She had fainted. The midwife rushed over to her and then became frantic herself. "She's not breathing!" the midwife screamed. "We need some assistance!"


	16. The River Flows in You

_**Chapter 16: The River Flows in You**_

_Thank you for your review LizLuvsSpongebob! I finished my last final today so I'm trying to catch up on all my fanfics again during my break. I do not own death note, its characters, its plot or a medical degree. I do own Ellie, all the debt I have acquired because of college, and of course this fanfiction itself. I hope that you all continue to keep reading and reviewing and I will try to keep up with the fanfics as best as I can. I can tell you all that no matter how long it takes me to update on this thing I will finish it so please be patient with me, sometimes I'm not a very good author lol. _

Ellie felt the water rush over her. She was surrounded by water. She opened her eyes and she saw the green of the water of a river that specifically remembered. Everything was so vivid, but she knew that this had to be a dream. She hadn't seen this river since she was a child.

Laurel Rayne and Felicity Rayne were the first people who had been a part of Ellie's life. They lived in a cottage in the woods not too far out of the small Oregon town that she would live in when she moved in with the Jacksons. Ellie had loved everything about living in the woods as a kid. She had loved the smell of the trees in the summer, the falling leaves in the fall, the soft snowflakes in the winter, and the regrowth in the spring. She loved the river that was only a few miles away from the house. She was always warned not to go into its waters as the current was very rapid and she could easily drown. She hadn't known mortality then, but she took their advice as a child and had never gone near the water.

The only time she had ever been in that water is when she was seven years old. She had been having nightmares about a creature, she couldn't identify the creature, but she had been haunted by it. Night after night she would have vivid night terrors where she was being dragged away by the creature. It was always dark and damp in her dream, that much she could remember.

One day Felicity took Ellie down to the river. She had said something about cleansing Ellie in its healing waters. Ellie hadn't understood that then. She remembered Felicity placed her in the river. She could never remember what had happened, but she remembered being held under the water, and then suddenly she was awake hours later on the riverbank surrounded by concerned police officers.

"What is your name?" the police officer asked her.

"Novalie Smith," the seven year old replied.

"Novalie, I'm going to have to ask you some questions," the police officer said. "Was Felicity Rayne your mother?" the police officer asked.

"I was adopted," Novalie had said. "I don't have a momma anymore."

The police officer had cringed at her statement. Novalie didn't know it then, but she had sounded awfully calm for a seven year old.

"Do you have any other family?" the police officer asked.

"No," Novalie had said. "What happened?" Novalie finally asked seeing that these questions were starting to have a pattern to them.

"Novalie, I can't discuss that until we get downtown and I call child services," the police officer said.

"I don't want to go with you," Novalie had said. "I want Felicia, where is she?" Novalie asked now getting a frantic feeling in her stomach.

"Felicia?" the police officer asked. "Was that her name?" he asked Novalie sternly.

"It's what I call her," Novalie said. "She told me I could call her that," Novalie said. "Where is she?" she almost screamed. She hadn't liked that police officer. She was afraid of him. He was hiding something from her and it scared her to death.

"Novalie," the police officer said more kindly knowing that the way he was addressing the seven year old was not helping the situation at all. "Felicia is gone, she had an accident," the police officer said holding the child's shoulders and getting down to her level looking her straight into the eye.

"Was it my fault," Novalie asked remembering the warnings she had heard about the river. "Did she drown?" Novalie asked.

"No," the police officer said. "It's complicated," the police officer added.

"What happened?" Novalie asked. She didn't like that this police officer was avoiding her question. When adults avoided questions that usually meant that something bad had happened.

"I'm not going with you until you tell me what's going on," Novalie said. "Where is Laurel?" Novalie demanded.

The police officer sighed and looked at her and said, "Look kid, I don't' know how to put this gently, they both died." He finally said. "I need you to come downtown because you have no one to take care of you."

"I can take are of myself," Novalie said backing away from him.

"I know that this is hard for you to understand, but you're just a kid and you need someone to take care of you, we are going to take you the orphanage," the police officer said.

"I won't go," Novalie said. "You can't make me!"

The police officer picked up the kicking and screaming Novalie and she was restrained in the car until they made it downtown. Novalie spent hours in the waiting room contemplating if she could run back to the cottage, but it had been almost the evening when the police officer had taken her downtown and she couldn't remember how to get back home.

She looked around and found a couch type seat in the waiting room of the police station where she was. She slept on the couch that night. That was one of the worst nights of her life. After that she had gone from orphanage to orphanage until she finally got to meet Roger.

Her flashback ended but she was still in the water. She knew that she wasn't breathing, but she wasn't afraid. That was that she wasn't afraid until she saw a familiar creature the one that haunted her nightmares. She couldn't move as it got closer and closer. She wondered why she couldn't move and why she felt so much pressure on her body.

As the creature got closer Ellie recognized the beast. It had been one that came to her in more recent dreams, the one with the glowing red eyes. She had never connected them to be the same creature. She finally had a clue as to when that beast had started making its way into her dreams.

She tried to open her mouth to speak, but she couldn't.

"Novalie," the creature said to her. She was surprised she had never remembered the creature speaking to her. "Don't struggle my child, conserve your breaths."

Ellie finally started to feel the horrible feeling of being strangled, but she still felt she had no control in this situation. It was as if this body had already lived this experience and she was just an onlooker to the memory.

Ellie felt the pressure that had once been on her body suddenly subside. The water began to get choppy and she heard a huge splash. Ellie looked to see where the creature had gone and he was gone. She crawled up on the bank of the river. She felt so tired. She had never felt so tired and she couldn't stop her eyelids from closing.

She heard echoing as she closed her eyes. "Ellie," the echo said to her.

"Ellie," the voice said again as she felt a shock of life go through her body. She gasped for air and finally felt it come in. Her eyes fluttered open. She was at the orphanage.

She wondered what had just happened. She had been in a river one moment and in Wammy's House the other.

"You were dead for a few minutes," Roger said worried. "We were worried that you wouldn't come back."

Ellie said nothing. She was honestly shocked. Had the river scene been some scene of the afterlife. She tried hard to wrap her mind around it.

"Ellie," Roger said.

"Yes," Ellie said. She didn't know what else to say she was still trying to sort things out in her mind.

"Ellie you're baby," Roger said.

"Oh my gosh, the baby," her mind screamed. "Where is my baby?" she asked Roger.

"Ellie your baby didn't make it," Roger said to her hanging his head.

"What do you mean," Ellie said. "There were no complications, I saw him before you took him away from me. I heard him cry, what happened?" she asked.

"He had a blood clot, and it went to his brain and," Roger began to say. Ellie cut him off there and began crying. Why did she have to lose everything in her life? Why couldn't she have just stayed dead!

"Ellie I'm so sorry," Roger said.

Ellie didn't even want to see her baby. She didn't want to know what he looked like, it would make it to hard to cope. How could this have happen?

"Cremate him," Ellie said. "I can't afford a really great funeral, but could we bury him next to L," Ellie said.

"Of course Ellie," Roger said. "Anything you want. Did you want to see him before we," Roger said uncomfortably.

"No," Ellie said. "It's too hard."

Roger nodded and left the room. He went to talk to Watarai's replacement.

"How did she take it?" Watarai's replacement asked.

"Not well, Rokku, " Roger said.

"You did the right thing Roger," Rokku said. "This child will do us a lot more good than it would have done her."

"I still don't feel right breaking her heart like that," Roger said to him. "It doesn't seem right to steal her child like that."

"You had no choice Roger you and I both know that she wouldn't have given him to you of her own will," Rokku said. "This way will be easier for everyone, no one gets hurt."

"Except Ellie," Roger thought. "She wants him cremated," Roger said.

"That's wonderful," Rokku said. "She didn't want to see the body did she?" Rokku asked.

"No," Roger said feeling worse and worse about this every minute. How could he ever face her again after this?

"Well we will have a mock funeral for this child," Rokku said. "What name do we put on the tombstone?" Rokku asked.

"Nathaniel Johnson," Roger said.

"Excellent, I will get to that now," Rokku said. "Go back and tell her not to worry about her child's funeral we will cover everything. It's the least we can do eh Roger," Rokku said to him.

This made Roger feel even dirtier. It wasn't that Rokku was an evil man, but he shared Watarai's idea that the world needs justice and had been one of the original people who had convinced Watarai to start the program with L.

Roger walked back to the infirmary to see Ellie. She was curled up into a ball and shaking. Roger put his hand on her shoulder and she mumbled something that he couldn't hear.

"Ellie," he said.

"Wuwuwuwhat," Ellie said her lip trembling.

"Ellie, I have convinced the head of this orphanage to take up the cost of the funeral and the cremation," Roger said. "I am so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," she choked out trying to keep her voice from shaking too much.

"You wanted his name to be Nathaniel right?" Roger asked.

"Yes," Ellie said. "I've finally figured out what I want his middle name to be," Ellie said.

"What that," Roger said rubbing her shoulders.

"Strom," Ellie said.

"Strom, that's an unusual name," Roger said.

"It means river," Ellie said.

Roger nodded. He didn't ask her any more questions he just sat there with her while she cried.

The funeral took place just a few days later. Ellie cried as she watched the urn go into the ground. She remembered Felicity and Laurel always telling her how cremation was the most environmentally safe way to go. It put ones remains back into the earth continuing the cycle of life and the only other option she could think of was burying him in a pine box. Ellie had never seen the reason to try to preserve one's body while it was underground. Once the person is dead they are gone and there is no reason to keep the body around when it could be replenishing the resources that they had taken up while they lived their life on earth. This was a way to keep the circle going the natural way it was supposed to.

Ellie finally saw L's grave. The tombstone matched the one for their son. Ellie watched as her son's urn was finally covered in dirt. She walked over to the gravestone and pulled something out of her bag. She cut the long scarf she had been knitting in half and tied one half around Nathan's gravestone and one around L's.

She was getting ready to leave the orphanage that day when Roger came up to her and said, "We have another couple passengers I need to bring with me."

"Oh," Ellie said. "That's fine,"

"This boy was abandoned just a few days ago in a dumpster behind Wammy's house," Roger said.

"Oh my goodness," Ellie said as she picked up the baby that Roger had been holding. "Poor little thing," She said as she held him close.

"Yeah, I was wondering if you would like to watch him on the way back, I'm not that good with infants you know," Roger said nervously.

"Of course Roger," Ellie said. She didn't know why but it helped her to hold this newborn. It hurt badly to know that she had lost her own son, but she wanted to help this young boy make it over to New York and have a chance at life which her own son hadn't received.

"Why isn't he staying here?" Ellie asked. She thought it was odd to take a baby all the way to New York in the earliest stages of its life.

"Rokku already has a full house here," Roger said. He was lying of course. He had volunteered to take the young child with him and Mello as well. Which reminded him, "Oh I believe you have met the other passenger who is coming along."

Mello peeked out from behind Roger and Ellie gave him a small smile.

"Sorry about your baby," Mello said nervously.

Ellie nodded. She didn't know what to say to that comment at all.

They all boarded the plane and Ellie sat down in her seat and held the baby she had been handed close. She felt so sad and angry at the same time. She was upset for the reason that she had just lost her child that was the obvious emotion that she should be feeling. The anger was directed toward the people who had dumped this small child. What kind of selfish person could do that, she couldn't have her child, her child was taken away from her, but someone threw their living, breathing child away. She was shaking and she stopped when she heard the baby start crying. She rocked him and he stopped crying. She put the child in a safety seat that had been provided and made sure he was fastened.

The flight home was much quicker than the flight had been to get to Wammy's house. She handed the baby to Roger as she exited from the jet. She waved the Mello and dabbed her eyes. She needed to get in her car and she needed to drive. She needed to just drive and drive. She didn't want to face Barbara or Robert right now. She drove to the beach line where the land met the ocean. She had only been to this place once before. This place had cliffs that looked as if they dropped to nowhere.

She got out of the car and walked to the edge. She felt the breezes take her hair and sweep it across her face. For a moment it felt pin straight and looked black as night in the moonlight. She felt her body drop off the cliff.

The air swept past her faster, but she fell so slowly. The adrenaline took over her body and she felt the buzz she felt in her limbs. She almost wanted to scream in the rush. She felt the ice cold water hit her skin and then everything went black.

Her eyes opened again and she was back in another dream, she knew that she was. She saw the red eyes again; she could see her reflection in her eyes. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out, but the sound that would have escaped her lips would have been a terrified scream. She looked, like the creature, more human than the creature, but certainly not like herself.

The creature smiled at her and then once again the vision was gone and so was Ellie's consciousness.

She awoke again, but this time not in a vision. She was in a hospital bed and the light hurt her eyes. She touched her hair and saw that it was its normal brown red color. She touched her face and it felt normal as well. She sat up and crunched herself in pain. She had bruised her ribs; she knew that for sure. She lay back down and thought, "I can't believe I did that, it must have looked like I was trying to commit suicide."

Had she been trying to commit suicide? She wasn't even sure why or when she had started falling. Part of her wondered if she was pushed. She couldn't remember making an effort to jump. She could have fallen there had been a breeze and she was very close to the edge. She had reached a point at that cliff's side. She had felt every emotion running through her body at once. She felt separated from her body once again, like she had experience an out of body experience, but it was different than what she had experienced before. She was in a river before. She was flashing back, but this time she had been in the present. Everything had felt so real.

She moaned holding her chest and the nurse came in to check on her. "You really gave everyone quite a scare back there," the nurse said looking at her chart and examining Ellie before leaving the room and talking to someone in the hallway. She couldn't hear exactly what she was saying, but then she saw a familiar face walk into her life.

"Hey Ellie," the familiar man said. "It's me Connor."

Meanwhile Roger held the baby in his arms that night knowing nothing of Ellie's near miss with death for the second time that day. He got the child ready to go into the nursery. He hadn't expected things to go the way they had back at Wammy's house, but it seemed that everything worked in his favor. It made him feel dirty to think that to himself, but he couldn't exactly tell Ellie now, after he had already broken her heart that everything was a lie.

He handed the baby to the woman who looked after the nursery.

"What's his name?" the woman asked as she placed the baby in the basinet and began to fill out some paperwork.

"Nate River," Roger said thinking of what Ellie had named her child.


	17. Easier to Run

_**Chapter 17: Easier to Run**_

_Thanks to all my readers and reviewers. Sorry about the 6 year age difference between Mello and Near. I had read somewhere that it was 2 years, but Near seemed younger to me, probably caused by the fact that he still played with toys. Sorry about that. Thanks Lawlietfangirl for both of your reviews. Thanks as well to Sybil Corvax for your review and LizLuvsSpongebob. Ringing in the new year with a new chapter so I hope you all keep reading and reviewing. If you are wondering who Connor is from the last chapter, I think he is briefly mentioned in chapter one in one of the first paragraphs of the fan fic. I do not own Death Note, its characters, or plot line. I do own my characters, leftover potato salad and three pairs of fuzzy socks from my fiancé's mom. _

Ellie was lying in her hospital bed staring at the familiar stranger that walked into her room.

"Connor?" she questioned. "Connor O'Keith?"

"That's me," Connor said with a big cheesy smile as he handed her a get well card.

"What are you doing here?" Ellie asked. Connor O'Keith was the man that she had visited in prison, proof in her mind that all people are inherently good and that criminals should never be punished with death, something that carried on in her time with the Kira investigation team.

"Community service," Connor said. "Its actually about over, I doubled up a lot, I thought about writing you a letter, but you are so hard to track down. You look wonderful, when are you due?" he asked.

"I lost my baby a few days ago," Ellie said feeling the pain of the memory she had been trying hard to keep out of her mind.

"Oh, Ellie, I'm so sorry," Connor said. "That explains the cliff I guess."

"I wasn't trying to commit suicide," Ellie said. "I just needed some peace in the open air."

"Oh," Connor said. "I didn't mean anything by that I just know I would feel that way."

Ellie sighed. "I know I'm sticking my foot in my mouth again," Connor said. "Well it was nice catching up with you," Connor said. "I should probably get back to volunteer work."

Ellie nodded. She was speechless really. Everything was happening at once and she just wanted to close her eyes as if this were a bad dream that she was going to miraculously wake up from. Everything was too odd to have all happened at the same time.

She rested for a few more hours before she was to be released. When it was finally deemed that she was healthy enough to be released from the hospital Connor walked back into the room.

"Hear they are letting you out," Connor said. "Good behavior?" he questioned laughing a bit.

"You know it," Ellie said trying to lighten the mood she was in.

"Do you need a ride home?" Connor asked. "My shift is over, and I really wouldn't want you to drive home by yourself this late at night."

"Night?" Ellie questioned. "How long have I been here?"

"I don't know I came to visit you once before, but you were still unconscious, that was yesterday night around the time you were admitted I think, but I'm not sure I lose track of time so easily when I'm here. You woke up this morning so you've probably only spent a day in the hospital I would say," Connor said.

"You came to visit me before?" Ellie asked.

"Of course when will I ever get the chance to meet you again really? I have no way of contacting you, you never have a stable address, it was really my only chance to stop by and catch up. I never stopped thinking about you." he said saying the last part quietly.

Ellie smiled. "He's a nice guy," her mind decided. She felt remarkably comfortable smiling. She felt so open and free. She didn't even feel weird about his comment, she would be happy to meet someone who changed her life. There was nothing weird about this, her mind reasoned.

"Where is my car?" she questioned after many moments of thinking. She got a horrified look on her face at that thought. That car was all she had now and it had gotten her through the roughest of times.

"I'll find out," Connor said. "Don't stress to much about it I've got it covered. You just rest for now," he said to her as he went to find out what had happened.

Ellie lie in the bed and felt very strange. It was weird to have someone looking out for her. She hadn't had that in many of her foster homes and certainly not recently in any relationship. L was his own man and didn't care much for other people and he was the only person other than Gabriel that she was ever really dating. She had ended up losing both of them as well.

Connor came back in the room a few minutes later. "Your car got towed, but I know the guy at the impound and he will be fair about the price he will give it back to at. He will only charge you the towing fee and not a fee for holding the car." Connor said. "I can take you home in my car though, if you'd like or I could call someone to pick you up."

Ellie thought about it. She really didn't want to wake Barbara or Robert at this hour and this was certainly not the time or place she wanted to tell them about the death of her child and the cliff dive that everyone was assuming was a suicide attempt. It was just too much for her to take in right now let alone to try to explain it. "Do you have a place I could stay for the night?" Ellie asked. She really didn't want to deal with a lot of her problems right now and maybe a night to get everything together was what she needed.

"Of course I have an apartment not to far from here," Connor said.

Ellie thought about what he had just said. Was she really going to sleep in some guys' apartment? She barely knew this guy and only had a few conversations with him. She didn't know if he was going to take her back to his place and murder her. She looked deeply into his pale blue eyes. He had an honest look to him. "What have I got to lose?" Ellie thought to herself.

"That sounds great to me," Ellie said. Ellie's doctor entered the room and said, "I am finished filling out the release forms, just take them up to the receptionist and you can leave. You will not be driving yourself home will you? I wouldn't recommend it."

"Someone will be driving me," Ellie said.

"Is this the person?" the doctor asked pointing at Connor.

"Yes," Ellie said.

"Very well, Connor, you can pick up her belongings at the nurses's station. I'm sure she would like to get out of this hospital gown as soon as possible," the doctor said smiling.

Connor rushed out the door and Ellie smiled. He was back a few moments later with a large bag that Ellie remembered from her trip. The pain that she had been trying to block out was starting to come back so she quickly said, "Can I get dressed in that bathroom?" Ellie asked pointing to the bathroom attached to her room.

"Yes," the doctor said. "Well miss Johnson everything seems to be in order, just keep away from the cliffs," he said before leaving the room.

Ellie changed out of her hospital gown and into some real clothes. Unfortunately she didn't have much left to choose from. She pulled out a purple maternity top and a stretchy black skirt. She found that her sensible shoes were sopping wet so she had to deal with a pair of black flip flop sandals that she had packed for when she was indoors, but didn't want to wear her shoes. She slipped them on and then carried her shoulder bag out of the bathroom.

Connor helped Ellie out of the door. She and Connor didn't have a hard time checking her out of the hospital and within a half an hour they were in the parking lot. Connor had a very old Saturn car. It was a little rough around the edges but the seats still seemed to be very comfortable in Ellie's opinion. With one key turn the car roared to life. Connor put the car in reverse and they were on their way.

Connor wasn't kidding when he said he only lived a few blocks from the hospital. They were literally in the car for only 5 minutes before they were out of it once again.

"We could have just walked here," Ellie said laughing.

"Not in your state," Connor said helping her up the stairs.

Ellie hadn't realized how sore her muscles felt. She felt like someone had dropped an anvil on her chest as well. "What floor do you live on?" Ellie asked.

"The fourth unfortunately, luckily this is only a four story building though," Connor said helping her up the stairs. "Would be nice to have a working elevator sometimes though especially right now," Connor said giving her a sympathetic smile. "You look like your muscles must be killing you."

"They are," Ellie said holding her legs.

"I have an idea," Connor said.

"I don't like the sound of this already," Ellie said smirking at him.

Connor picked Ellie up and carried her up the stairs. "You've got to be kidding me," Ellie said as they turned the corner to get onto the next flight of stairs. "I am not going to let you carry me up four flights of stairs."

"I don't think you have much of a choice," Connor said turning the corner for the next flight of stairs. "Only one flight to go."

Soon they were on the fourth floor and Connor still refused to let Ellie walk on her own. He finally set her back on her own two feet when he was fishing in his jacket pocket for a the keys to the apartment.

He opened the door and Ellie looked in on his quaint apartment. It was actually a really nice place to live it seemed. Ellie saw a small fold out couch and it looked like this was your basic one bedroom economy apartment. The living room, dining area, and kitchen were all connected as one giant room and the only rooms that had doors were the bathroom, which was very small, and the bedroom, which was pretty small as well for a bedroom. Ellie set her bag down by the coat rack that Connor had near the front door and Connor put his jacket on one of the hooks.

"Its not much, but its home," Connor said.

"It's really nice," Ellie said smiling.

"I'm going to fold out the couch and sleep on it tonight," Connor said.

"Oh no, I'm not sleeping on you're bed, I should be the one sleeping on the fold out," Ellie said to him.

"But I insist that the lady get the bed and I, the host, should take the fold out couch," Connor said.

Ellie was much to tired to argue so she took off her flip flop sandals and said, "All right you win this time, I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight," Connor said.

Ellie walked into the bedroom and found a neatly made bed. She expected a sloppy blanket mess on the bed. That's how she got up most mornings at least, she had once been a bed maker, but lately, she was just a mess in every aspect of her life.

She pulled back the blankets and set her aching body between the sheet and the blanket. She turned the lamp out that was on the nightstand on the left of the bed.

Ellie had a surprisingly dreamless sleep that night. She woke up the next morning feeling better in her muscles, but her chest still ached. She knew that today was the day she would have to go back and face Barbara and Robert with empty arms. She knew they would want to know everything, but she wasn't sure if she could even repeat it. She just didn't want to talk about it. It was too hard, it was too fresh, and it just hurt too much to bring it back up over and over like that. She just wanted to run away, just like she had every other time. It was easier to run.

She walked out into the living room and took a look at the clock on the wall. It was only five in the morning, Ellie hadn't been getting much sleep lately and it seemed her internal clock was shot. She found Connor still asleep on the futon. He slept so soundly. She could have never imagined that he could have murdered anyone. She remembered back to when she had met him. It had only been two years since she had seen him last and somehow he was already out and doing community service.

Connor's eyelids flitted open and he smiled. "How long where you standing there?" he asked her yawning.

"Only a few minutes, I just woke up too," Ellie said. "Hey if you don't mind me asking how did you get out of prison so early?"

"Oh, that," Connor said. "Well, you'll never believe this." Connor said. "I had a tumor in my limbic system, which caused the rage. It's been a documented cause for homicide in the past due to a brain tumor," Connor continued. "I had it removed and things just sort of opened up for me. Everything is different now, and since I spent so much time in that hospital anyway, I opted to spend the last years of my sentence, which has been lightened since the knowledge of the tumor, volunteering at that hospital.

Ellie's mouth dropped in shock. "I know it's a lot to take in Ellie," Connor said. "You were the one that got me to seek out psychological help in the first place. I don't know if you remember this but you said to me, "I think that you are a good person deep down, but I think there is something wrong, in your mind. Have you ever looked into bipolar syndrome," he said in a very Ellie like manner.

Ellie blushed. Had she always sounded so pretentious? Connor continued, "At first I honestly wanted to hit you in the face for saying I had something wrong in my mind. I thought about it more though Ellie, months of thinking before I was finally able to seek help. It wasn't a year later that I was having the tumor removed from my head and look at me now. I don't look as healthy as I once was, but I feel better. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I can finally grieve for the sins I've committed."

"So this is you?" Ellie asked taking it all in. "I can't tell you how happy I am that everything turned out well for you." Ellie said.

"I'm just happy that I was able to fully thank you for what you did for me. You probably saved my life you know. Can you give me an address or something to reach you at before you go, I would really like to keep in touch?" Connor asked.

"Oh, I don't really have a place that I'm staying anymore," Ellie said. She hadn't really thought about it, but she knew that she couldn't live with Barbara and Robert anymore. She couldn't face them; she couldn't face the baby room that she had helped paint. She couldn't look into that crib and know that it would be empty. She felt guilt building up inside of her. She knew in some way as his carrier she was responsible for her son's death. She couldn't live with the Campbell's any longer, no she would try to dig together funds and find another place to live.

"Oh, you should have said something earlier," Connor said. "I was thinking about moving and getting a better apartment for a while, I just never saw the need for more room nor did I make enough money at my job to afford any place nicer. I'm sure we could split an apartment and be able to afford someplace pretty nice," Connor said.

"I don't know Connor," Ellie said. "We don't really know each other all that well," Ellie said feeling a bit uneasy about the situation.

"Where else are you going to live?" he asked her. "I'm not trying to push this on you or anything, but I'm worried. I see a lot of people living on the streets and I just want you to know that you have a place to stay if you want. I don't have a lot of money to support myself or anyone else right now, but I would try."

"I couldn't ask that of you," Ellie said. "I'm going to apply for college here and move into the dorms next semester," Ellie said.

"Ah well, if you ever need a place to crash when they kick you out of the dorms for the summer and the winter my place is always open unless you have some family you are staying with or something."

"I don't have any family," Ellie said.

"Neither do I," Connor said hanging his head. Ellie knew why he was hanging his head of course. He had killed his parents when he was a teenager probably about 15 years old. She had never asked him how it had happened when she visited him. She was really afraid of him for one thing, and she could also tell that when he wasn't enraged that it brought him a lot of pain to think about though he didn't let it show. A lot of people had thought that he hadn't had any remorse for his actions, but that wasn't what Ellie saw when she visited him. Some days especially in the beginning, she would have believed he had no remorse, but as the visits went on she saw something else completely.

Ellie squinted her eyes in thought. "I guess this could work out for a while, but on one condition," Ellie said.

"What's that?" Connor asked.

"I get the pull out couch," Ellie said. "I'm not going to take the bed anymore because I wouldn't be a guest," Ellie said. "So you couldn't try to pull that chivalry crap on me."

"Fair enough," Connor said.


	18. Life After Death

_**Chapter 18: Life After Death**_

_Thanks to all of my reviewers! I am so excited to bring you this new chapter. Thanks LizluvsSpongebob for your review and it sucks that your computer broke. Princess De La Luna thank you for your many reviews. I do not own death note or its characters, but I do own Ellie and Connor. _

It was the end of the week and Ellie felt unreal as she stood at the front door of the Campbell's house. Connor had managed to get her car back the day before yesterday and now she had no excuse not to go finally tell them what really happened.

She was nervous. Her hand was just feet away from the knocker on the door. Everything inside of her begged her not to knock on the door and to run far away. Instead she knocked on the door and waited for someone to come and answer.

A very confused Barbara answered the door. There was a moment of silence. Ellie kept her distance from Barbara. She didn't want any contact with her or Robert. The only thing she wanted was to move her things out of the room and to give them the news she had been holding in.

"He died," she said after many moments of awkward silence. These were the only words she could say.

"Oh Ellie," Barbara said her eyes tearing up and reaching her arms out.

"Please, don't," Ellie said backing away. It is easier to deal with it this way."

Barbara stared at her shocked. Ellie didn't know what to say. She didn't even know how to deal with her own pain, there was no way she could comfort Barbara.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," Ellie said sighing. She didn't want to be mean, but this wasn't how she wanted this to go. She didn't want comfort, she didn't want to comfort, she just wanted to deliver the news and continue her life. She didn't want it stop and have to stay like this for the rest of her life. She could never fully move on from something like this but she could keep going and eventually the pain would dull.

"I understand," Barbara said standing aside and letting Ellie come through the door.

"Thank you," Ellie said softly exhaling all of the air that had been in her lungs as she walked through the door and up the stairs.

"Where will you stay?" Robert demanded as she packed the last box into her car.

"I can't stay here, it hurts too much to stay here," Ellie said trying to hold the tears back. "Everything reminds me of the baby."

"Leave her alone Robert," Barbara said sternly giving him a look. Ellie finally got it. Barbara had lost a child once.

"How did you cope?" Ellie asked her after Robert had left the room and she was getting ready to close the hatch on her station wagon.

"I didn't," Barbara said. "I did just what you did."

"What's that?" Ellie asked.

"I ran," Barbara replied.

"Robert ran with you?" Ellie asked.

"This was before Robert. I got pregnant by my first husband right out of high school. We were in a tragic car accident. I was the only survivor. I lost my husband and my newborn baby in the same night. Everything about the house we lived in made me sick. I couldn't let go until I was far away. It never goes away though, not fully. I miss some of the friends I made there, but I think that things worked out for the best the way they went. I never told Robert much about it, he never really asked. It will never stop hurting, but it will get easier. You'll see him everywhere at first, but eventually it will start to happen less and less. I wish you the best of luck and I wish you wouldn't leave us, but I understand and I hope that you find what you are looking for," Barbara said.

Ellie stood there in shock. She had had no idea that Barbara had gone through so much.

"Good luck Ellie, I am truly sorry for your loss," Barbara said before closing the door to the open doorway she had been standing in.

Ellie hadn't expected that when she had come here. She looked forward. If Barbara could live through it, she could live through it.

Ellie drove her car back to Connor's apartment. She had made this her place to stay for now. She had an interview with a college in the area the next day and then her application would go through processing for a while and then they would get back to her on either he acceptance or her rejection. She was nervous.

She unlocked the door. Connor had two keys for the apartment and he gave her the spare to use. She would bring up her boxes later when she had some help.

She was glad to have someone like Connor as a roommate. He didn't get into her personal life too much. He was a nice guy, Ellie enjoyed being around him. He was like a safe haven, she didn't feel compelled to share everything with him despite their living situation and she didn't ask him about the past that was obviously very painful for him to bring up. Mostly they talked about the weather, politics, hopes and dreams. It was always about the future or the present. It was never about the past.

Ellie paced around the kitchen feeling a bit cooped up. She was going to have to find a job sometime soon if she wanted to be able to support herself. She couldn't take advantage of Connor like this.

She decided to bring up the boxes by herself and then walk downtown for a little while. This of course probably wasn't the best idea thinking of her track record when it came to walking at night, but she took the chance. She had gotten some more pepper spray and felt more able to help herself in this situation. She would only stay in well-lit places with people. She wouldn't let some guy who wasn't even alive anymore take over her life and how she decided to live it.

Everything looked so different in the state of New York once you got out of the city. It wasn't as rural as it had been at the Campbell's, but the town was no big city.

She was currently staying in Pultneyville, New York, a little hole in the wall town. She walked a little while farther and found that she was in front of a quaint looking diner. Her curiosity got the best of her and she walked inside to see what was going on.

She saw that it was set up like your average diner. There were booths, tables, a counter and several women walking around with food and order tablets. Ellie felt the rush of things as soon as she walked in. She felt the aroma's hit her nostrils almost instantly making her sigh. She shouldn't be in a place like this, she couldn't afford the food for sure and she didn't want to stay any longer and look as if she were loitering. As she began to exit through the door the bell rang on the counter grabbing her attention right away.

"Did you come here for some particular reason?" the man behind the counter asked.

"I was on a walk," Ellie said. She was so shocked that she had been noticed she assumed she could just slip in and then slip out and in the ruckus of everything no one would even notice she had been there.

"You can't tell me that after smelling that apple pie you are going to walk out of here without a word said," the man behind the counter said laughing.

"I am currently unemployed so until then I cannot purchase any unneeded apple pie," Ellie said as politely as she could back to the man.

"Unneeded!" the man said laughing a hearty laugh. "There is nothing unneeded about this apple pie darling, you sit your butt down and I'll cut you a slice on me," the man said winking.

Ellie wasn't sure if she should run for the door now or go toward the counter. The smell was a little overwhelming, but she didn't want to be pitied like that. She was going to pay for that piece of pie some way or another some day. She decided to walk toward the counter.

"I know you couldn't resist, no one who walks in here can," the man said.

Ellie nodded. He cut her a big slice and set it down on a saucer in front of her. He handed her a fork and she began to devour the pie.

"Wow are you going to eat it or inhale it?" the man asked. "You act like you haven't eaten in days."

Ellie didn't know what to say. She tried not to eat much while she was staying with Connor which means she ate the bare minimum of one small meal a day. She was losing the weight of the baby faster than she had expected though she had never really gained more than 20 pounds during the whole pregnancy.

"On hard times are you?" the man asked. Ellie hung her head a bit and nodded.

"You looking for a job?" the man asked as Ellie finished off the crumbs left on the saucer. Ellie nodded.

"It won't be easy, but I'll put in a good word for you. You have to work hard though I don't put in too many good words for people I don't think are honest," the man said. "My name is Tony," the man said extending his hand.

"Ellie," Ellie said as she shook the man's hand.

"Are you interested?" the man asked.

"Yes I am very interested in being employed," Ellie said.

"I'll see what I can arrange. Drop by tomorrow so the boss can meet you, but I think you are going to get the job," the man said.

Ellie thanked the man and walked out of the diner and laughed when she saw the help wanted sign in the window. Was that what had drawn her in in the first place? She couldn't remember looking at the sign, but then again she couldn't remember a lot of the little things anymore.

Ellie walked home glad that she had found something to help pay for the bills she was probably adding onto Connor. She walked through the front door and saw that Connor was already there.

"You got some mail," Connor said tossing her the mail that he had on the coffee table.

Ellie looked at the front of the mail. There were various amounts of letters and on the bottom she saw a letter that she had not been expecting.

"This is from the University of Rochester," Ellie said. "I didn't even apply there." Ellie said.

"Yes you did," Connor said.

"What?" Ellie questioned him.

"I may have talked to a few people from the hospital and may have set up an interview for you and may have filled out part of your application," Connor said.

"How did you even get the information to fill out the application?" Ellie questioned suspiciously. She wasn't even angry that he had filled out her application for some reason.

"I'm not quite clean of my criminal career, though I only use my superpowers for good now," Connor said laughing.

"Connor what did you do?" Ellie questioned.

"I am a bit of hacker and well, you deserve the opportunity Ellie, you are smart and you wanted to go to this college. It's less than an hour away too so you can even commute there and not have to live in a dorm."

"You forgot the part about me not wanting to be a burden to you, not having time for work so not really being able to pay many of the bills I would cause for you, and why would you want me to stay here anyway? I know your doing me a favor, but this can't be easy on you," Ellie said.

"I like you Ellie. I like you as a friend; I like you as a person. I like living with someone. I have been really lonely; I don't have many friends as you can see by my lack of pictures on the walls, lack of photos in general. You lighten up this place," Connor said.

"So you forged a document so I could go to my dream college, because you want someone to live with, think I deserve an opportunity that I probably can't afford nor keep up with, and you somehow got me an interview as well?" Ellie said dumbfounded.

"It's easier than it sounds actually. I filled out your app attached essays that you had written previously, sent it in, got you an interview through work, and it looks like you have a great possibility of being accepted with financial aid," Connor said his eyes twinkling.

"You are really far to good with these powers of hacking," Ellie said laughing. "You must be destroyed," she said walking into the kitchen and pulling out a spatula.

Ellie and Connor laughed as Ellie chased Connor around small apartment with the spatula. It was her first real feeling of full hearted, tears to the eyes laughter since well a long time definitely. She felt like things were going finally going to get better, that she could heal and seal up the gaping wounds that had once consumed her.


	19. Letters To a Lie

_**Chapter 19: Letters to a Lie**_

_Thank you to all my readers that have been hanging in and waiting for old characters to come back. Your wait is over. This was also a convenient way for me to do a time jump because, let's face it, nothing goes on again until death note picks up again with Near and Mello in the second season of the anime. This is written in a different format than what the other chapters have been written in. It is written in letter format with breaks for some emotion to be put in. Finally with all of that out of the way I would like to thank my readers and reviewers! Thanks LizLuvsSpongebob and Lawlietfangirl! I am glad to hear your computer is fixed LizLuvsSpongebob. I do not own death note, or its characters. I do own Ellie, but that is about all I do own. Oh one more thing to get out of the way, I am employed finally so there may be a lag once again in my writing, but bear with me I am not giving up on this story, though it may take a little longer to update than we all like. _

February 15, 2009

Dear Ellie,

It's been a year since we talked last, and you are hard to track down. How are things? I got really worried when you left so quickly and then I never heard from you again. Sorry that it took me so long to write you, I have been busy as I'm sure you have. I have started working with the police force again. I don't have much to say other than that really. I hope that you respond to this email.

Sincerely, Matsuda.

February 23, 2009

Dear Matsuda,

You are not the only one who has been guilty of being too busy to keep in touch. How is everyone doing since Kira? I am continuing my education at the University of Rochester and living with a friend of mine. I was going through a lot of emotional stress at that time, but I feel that I have sorted things out since then. I live in New York now, which is new for me. I am glad to hear that things are going well for you.

With Warm Wishes, Ellie.

March 31, 2004.

Dear Ellie,

I haven't been able to check my email recently, but I am now responding. Chief Yagami returned to his position on the police force. Mogi is back as well as Aizawa. Light went back to college to finish his degree in criminal justice. He fit right back in even after taking a year off. Misa has continued her career. Things just went back to the way they were as if L and the Kira investigation team had never existed. Sometimes I can't believe that it even happened at all myself.

Sincerely, Matsuda.

May 3, 2004.

Dear Matsuda.

It looks like you aren't the only one who has a hard time keeping up with her personal email. I took a semester off of college, not quite as much time as Light, but I feel that it gave me the breath of air I needed. My last final for this semester was this afternoon so I finally got around to checking my email. I don't have any Internet access where I am living now so it makes things a bit difficult in that way. I am moving to a nicer apartment now so I can have my own room. I have been crashing on the couch and it would be really nice to have my own room. I have been working part time at a diner between my classes and now my roommate and I finally have enough money to move out of this little place. I'm glad to hear everyone is doing well and I'll try to keep in touch more.

Have a Great Day, Ellie.

May 17, 2005

Dear Ellie,

I don't know a lot about the college you are attending, but it sounds prestigious. I am busy with work as well so I understand how hard it can be to keep in touch. Your birthday was sometime this month wasn't it! I feel awful; I know I forgot it last year. I remember you telling me once that it was in May, but you never did give me a day. Well Happy Birthday, whenever it is. My birthday is December 14, and I'm going to be 27 this year. That's a scary thought, almost hitting 30 soon. You are 21 right? Celebrating? I think that is the legal age for drinking in your country, am I correct? I can't even imagine Ellie-chan drinking alcohol.

Sincerely, Matsuda

May 24, 2009

Dear Matsuda,

I managed to write you back in a week, which is a record for us. My birthday was the 18th and I didn't drink at all actually though I am legally allowed to drink now. I also feel bad for not even asking about your birthday. Happy belated birthday! I love my new apartment it is so roomy. It even has a den! We moved farther away from the hospital because my roommate no longer works there. I am a little farther away from my job, but I'm so much closer to school. How is your summer? How is the weather? It's muggy and overly warm here, but we put a fan in the window and it fights the heat a bit. We should talk again, when I get a landline I will let you know, if we can both afford the long distance that is. Either that or we need to write longer emails, I am as guilty as you for not writing them, but I don't get enough out of these short ones and I don't know about you, but sometimes I really do miss the craziness of being part of the investigation team. It's the only time I felt like I had a real family you know? Well, now that I've added something a bit more personal than I had meant to I believe that it is time I end this email before I embarrass myself further.

Stay Cool, Ellie

June 16, 2009

Dear Ellie,

I wish I could have kept up with the emailing trend that you pulled off with your last email, but I am afraid that I cannot. We have a serious case here, not quite as serious as Kira, but something that takes up a lot of my time. I would love to get in contact with you verbally again, I still have a cell phone, which I gave you the number to once if not I can send it in the next email. I felt the same way about the Kira Investigation team. My parents live on the other side of country so I don't see them often. I have one older brother and he and his wife live with them. I forgot to ask before do you have any siblings or family? It seems like we are meeting each other all over again doesn't it?

Sincerely, Matsuda

June 23, 2009.

I don't have any family, I was an orphan, and I've been an orphan since I was born. It's all right though I've met a lot of people I would consider close enough to be family especially everyone I met during the Kira investigation. Not the time and place to find a family I know, but I don't know; you were all like extended family. I am really glad that you got a hold of me Matsuda. I kept trying to forget about the Kira investigation team because it was too painful to think about sometimes, but it was a good part of my life looking at everything from the outside now. If I had room I would invite you here, but I doubt you have any time off of work to visit anyway, not to mention it would be wildly expensive to take a trip out here. Maybe one of these days huh?

Love always, Ellie.

Matsuda looked at his emails and felt something in the pit of stomach that he hadn't felt in a while. What was the feeling? It was as if his stomach was tying itself in knots and then doing gymnastics. It was the last line in Ellie's most recent email. Love always. What kind of phrase was that anyway? Did she love him like a brother, a friend or something more? He was too embarrassed to have her clarify because if she did only think of him as a friend or a sibling he would be making an ass of himself, but if she thought of him as something more would she admit it? Even if she did admit it, would it change anything? He suspected it wouldn't.

He would just have to ignore it. It was getting so hard to ignore it though, and she was thousands of miles away from him now! He supposed it was just one of those things he would carry around with him forever. He had also tried to ignore the Kira investigation team, especially her. He thought if he forgot about her she would just go away, but he saw her every day in some subtle way. He would see her copper hair in the sunset, her green eyes in the traffic lights. He swore he would go crazy. He would just have to live with the craziness because living without her in his life was too hard.

Ellie looked around at her apartment. She was genuinely happy with what she and Connor had managed to find. It wasn't in a large building like the other one had been and the building was actually fairly new. They were allowed to keep a pet, so they got a gerbil. She had named him Skippy, like the peanut butter, and the gerbil really loved peanut butter. She smiled as he ran on his wheel. She walked into her bedroom and threw open the window. Even the air was cleaner here.

She thought about what she had sent Matsuda. She felt so open when she talked to him as if he could see into her soul. She had never thought about him really until she had seen his email in her inbox, but now she couldn't get him and the rest of the team members off of her mind. She would have to take a trip out there sometime and visit, especially Matsuda and Misa. She wasn't sure if Light would enjoy seeing her company. She had a feeling that Light would feel threatened by her presence. She still had a bad feeling about him, and wondered if he had anything to do with L's death. She firstly blamed herself for his death, for letting herself get close to someone again. She secondly blamed Light for his death because there was something fishy about the situation, and lastly she attributed his death to some kind of freak accident involving the shinigami formerly known as Rem.

Ellie flopped back on her bed. Part of her wished Matsuda had never contacted her because it made things that she had been trying to block out that much more difficult to forget about and move on from. On the other hand, she was very happy that he had contacted her, because he reminded her that her deceased baby wasn't the only thing she had acquired while she was there. She had everlasting bonds with those people and in some way they would always be tied together and it was foolish of her to try to block out part of herself.

She sighed. Why couldn't things just be simple again? She sighed again. When had things ever been simple anyway?

July 4, 2009.

Dear Ellie,

Oh, I am so sorry about your family. I guess it is true what you say about gaining family along the path of your life. I feel that you are a part of my extended family as well. One day I'm sure we will all get together again, Kira is still at large and all. That isn't the best way to meet up I suppose is it? But then again, it's the perfect reason to meet up. For justice. I know that you always believe strongly that what Kira was doing was wrong, and I am still split about it, but I agree that needless murder needs to be put to a stop. I guess this isn't the best format to talk about these feelings in. Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer.

Love, Matsuda.

Ellie read his email over again. He had definitely ended it with love. That made Ellie smile. She could use all the love she could get in her situation. She had felt so alone just a few months ago, like she had nowhere to turn. When she had fallen from the cliff, she had given up all hope. She didn't realize how many people she would have around her and how much love she would acquire and how much love she could share with others. She had Connor, Barbara, Matsuda, and even Roger. All of these people had looked out for her and wished her the best.

Roger watched Ellie's child growing fast and the infant's fascination with toys. Nate Rive was flourishing as Roger had suspected he would. Ellie had just contacted him that afternoon and he had been surprised to hear from her. She hadn't contacted him since she had "lost" her child. She had thanked him for always looking out for her, which had put a knot in his stomach. He hadn't always looked out for her had he? He had selfishly looked out for what was best for the orphanage, what was best for detective work, not for Ellie or her child. They were victims in this game, pawns that were torn apart from one another. He hadn't felt guiltier than when he heard her cry over the line and knowing that her hardships and her tears were completely unnecessary for her to suffer through. He had been a parent figure to her just as Watarai had been to L. Currently he was failing his job of parent.

Nate was developing freakishly fast. He was already walking by 5 months and was running now. It was hard for those in the nursery to keep up with the little tyke. If Roger were Ellie's parent than he was Nate's grandparent and he chuckled a grandfatherly laugh as he watched his infant grandson gain mobility and functions.

Mello watched the small baby advance. Mello wasn't in the spotlight anymore and it angered him. He was being overshadowed by a child dumped off in a dumpster that wasn't even toilet trained yet. Little did he know this grudge would last until his own death many years later. Mello pulled out a chocolate bar. The gift he had received of the chocolate bar was the first real gift he had ever received and he had grown a strong interest in the substance.

July 20, 2009.

Dear Matsuda,

I finally have a landline! We can talk now if you wish, thought probably not to much, I am still in college and still barely hanging on when it comes to the bills. Luckily my roommate has more of an income than me and pays for most everything, though I feel bad taking advantage of him like that. Ah well, he offered I guess. Anyway, where are you currently living? Where did you call home before the Kira investigation building?

Love always, Ellie.

August 5, 2009.

Dear Ellie,

I used to live not far from the Yagami's in an apartment building as well, but it was a one bedroom and I lived by myself. I managed to get back in that apartment building, but I wish I had been able to get the same room. It doesn't feel the same living in this apartment building since I started the Kira investigation team. Life goes on, as you had said before, and it seems that everyone has moved on without me you know what I mean?

Love, Matsuda.

August 6, 2009.

Dear Matsuda,

I know exactly what you mean. I do have your phone number and I'll be calling you sometime this week, but I'm giving you notice now so you can be ready for my call.

Love always, Ellie.


	20. Life or Something Like It

_**Chapter 20: Life or Something Like It**_

_Thanks for sticking in there guys. I'm trying to balance classes, work, being a stepmother, a girlfriend, a daughter, and well so much more,l it can get kind of hectic when you find that freetime and writer end up getting pushed to the bottom of the list. I will say that I believe I have put you, my readers, and this fan fiction above sleeping lol. Thanks for all of the reviews and the continued readers. You really are the blood running through my fan fiction's pumping heart that is keeping it alive. Thank you Princess de La Luna, xXImmortalsxDiceXx my newest reader, LizluvsSpongebob, and Lawlietfangirl.. I do not own Death Note, its characters, or plot line. I do own Ellie, a certificate for making Dean's List which I got in the mail yesterday, and of course loads of college debt lol. _

Ellie stood proudly with her diploma in hand. It had been 1 and a half years and she had managed to stuff everything in and graduate on time. She had finished her Japanese major as well and she felt confident in her bilingual abilities, which was something that she wasn't as strong in when she had visited Japan two years ago. She had stumbled over her words a lot and mostly just spoke in English if she could get away with it. Japanese would never come as easily to her as it did to everyone on that team, but it wasn't her first language either. Either way she was happy with where she was in life now. Overcoming all of those obstacles hadn't kept her the same person, but she grew and became a stronger person than she thought she was capable of being. She was no longer afraid of being close to others. She hadn't had a problem since she lost her son. She had even stopped seeing the creature in her dreams and most of her memories of that time had been stashed away.

Ellie looked out into the crowd after she was handed her diploma. It was so hard to find his face, but he was there. She had developed a deep friendship with Connor, possibly something more, but she didn't want to jump into anything right now.

She was still emailing Matsuda and more feverishly at that. She liked how she felt after she talked to him. She felt like she belonged somewhere, like she was part of something bigger. They talked on the phone once a month and both of them had more to say on the phone then they did in the emails. Ellie kept up with how things were going with the rest of the team and how things were going with Matsuda in general and the case. He wasn't allowed to go into much detail, but the case was talked about from time to time. "Eventually they will have to open it back up for investigation," Matsuda had said to her once. It was true they couldn't just let this killer go on forever. Eventually when the Kira investigation team had a chance to come up with a strategy Ellie was certain that they would be together. They may have already been, she hadn't really been a crucial part of the team and they would be fine without her. That made her a little sad, but as far as Matsuda had said the team had not reformed though he was always vague when it came to the team.

Ellie planned on going to graduate school after this and then maybe settling down. She hadn't really given much thought of marriage or children since she lost Nathaniel. She sometimes wanted to talk to Barbara and ask her how long it had taken her to get comfortable with the idea of remarrying and having more children. Ellie had no one else to talk to about these issues. Connor didn't really understand, he wasn't a woman, and she didn't have too many female friends anymore. She honestly didn't have to many friends period.

"So you going here for graduate school too?" Connor asked her after the ceremony was over.

"Yeah, this was just a transition ceremony really," Ellie said. "I have already put in my transcripts and everything and I was excepted into grad school several months ago."

"I can't imagine that level of education," Connor said in awe. "I didn't even finish high school," he added with his head hung low.

"You could always go back you know," Ellie said. "Get your GED at least,"Ellie said.

"I never thought about it, but I probably should. This job I'm working at currently isn't getting me anywhere. It seems like you can't really get a job these days without a decent education."

"It's true," Ellie said. "I'm sorry that things are rough," Ellie said.

"It's fine I'll probably take your advice and get my GED. Then maybe I'll take a few classes at community college when I feel more comfortable with the idea of continuing my education. Right now is not the time," Connor said.

"Whenever you are ready," Ellie said turning her head toward the door. She really wanted to get out before the crowds started to block the exits. She hated when that happened. She wasn't good at politely asking people to move either.

"You ready to leave?" Connor asked. They had driven together so Ellie would drive them home most likely.

"Yeah, if we ever want to see the light of day again we had better get out of here," Ellie said pushing through the crowds toward the door.

They made it out just before it started to get hectic. Ellie ran to the car feeling the endorphins flowing through her bloodstream. She almost wanted to scream in joy. It was over, the first step into her life and she came out mostly intact.

"You are so crazy sometimes," Connor said trying to catch his breath after they reached the car. Ellie unlocked the doors and said, "I haven't felt this free in a long time."

"Well it's not going to last long," Connor said laughing. "You do have more college next year, and harder from the sounds of it."

"Don't rain on my parade," Ellie said cranking the radio and rolling down the windows. "Let me enjoy the ride before I have to worry about that."

The drive, which was usually very boring because it was the same route 3 days a week for 3 semesters, was actually somewhat exciting again.

"You sure you didn't have something before the ceremony," Connor asked a little nervous.

"I'm fine really," Ellie said. "Just haven't been this happy in a long time."

When they got home Ellie unzipped the robe and placed it in the closet in her room. She was wearing a nice dress underneath and somewhat sensible shoes. She didn't care that shoes weren't really meant for a dress, they were comfortable and that was all that mattered in a ceremony as long as the one she had been in was. Her feet should not have stuffer for fashion's sake.

She picked up her phone. She felt so alive and she wanted to share her joy with everyone. Unfortunately the only person she really talked to on the phone was Matsuda, so she tried calling him, just on the off chance that he would pick up.

"Hello?" the Matsuda voice said on the other line.

"Hey Matsuda it's Ellie," Ellie said.

"Oh, Ellie," he said. "I wasn't expecting your call for another week at least," he said. "How are you?"

"I graduated today," Ellie said.

"Congratulations Ellie-chan!" Matsuda said. He usually only called her by her nickname when he was happy, which made Ellie smile even more for some reason. "So where to now?" he asked.

"Graduate school probably," Ellie said. "I never thought I would get this far really."

"Why not Ellie?" Matsuda asked sounding worried about the sound of her voice when she had said the last thing.

"I don't know," Ellie said. "I don't make long term plans much anymore, my life is too hectic for that."

Ellie and Matsuda laughed nervously at the same time. "Well, I had better be going," Ellie said.

"Take care," Matsuda said.

"You too, call you sometime next month," Ellie said. "Don't forget to email."

"Of course not," Matsuda said. "Goodbye."

"Bye," Ellie said.

Matsuda hung up the phone. He was worried about Ellie. His heart was beating hard. He sat down on his couch and stared over at his computer. He wished that she hadn't had to go. He should have told her then, he should have asked her then, if she would come and see him or if he could come and see her.

His one bedroom apartment seemed lonelier after he got off the phone with Ellie. She had a roommate, a male roommate even, and he had no one. He always wondered why he hadn't just moved on, she had.

Hadn't she? She never talked about her roommate much, but he had this feeling that they were closer than he could ever be to her. Why couldn't he move on?

"I'm waiting for her," Matsuda said to himself in realization. "I will be waiting for her until the day that I die," Matsuda thought to himself. "Unless I cut her out of my life," Matsuda thought. "Unless I make myself move on."

Matsuda stared at the picture on his ledge. Ellie had sent him a picture a few months back after he had requested it. He spent hours perfecting a picture to send her as well, and he wondered where she had put it. She certainly didn't have it up for the world to see probably. She probably just had it tucked away somewhere, the picture that had taken him so much time and he just ended up waiting to see what she had sent him so he didn't go too over the top with it. She didn't even know, she had no idea how much she meant to him how much she always had since they met.

He walked up to the picture frame and placed it face down. He couldn't stand her smiling face looking back at him. He was a fool.

Ellie looked over at her stand up style mirror. She had picked it up at a resale shop and loved the way the antique wood looked. It looked beaten up and used. It was as if it was already broken in many years ago just for her. She had taped pictures up all around it. She remembered going through all of her pictures meticulously. She wanted to be reminded of all the people who mattered to her every time she looked at herself. She touched the picture that Matsuda had sent her a few months back.

She loved how goofy his smile was and couldn't believe that she hadn't seen him in so long. She should make a trip out to see him someday. For now, she was broke as far as spare money went and she would have to wait until she was working full time to even think about it, if she got any time off that was. She had heard rumors about the field she was going into, but she didn't regret it. She liked the idea of healing people rather than leading to their deaths.

What was she going to do now? She was telling Matsuda the truth when she had said that she didn't know where she was going from here. She had honestly never thought she would get this far. Her whole life had been about surviving, never actually living. She was done with that. It was time to start living.

Matsuda walked down the street. It was raining, but he didn't really notice. His hands were in his pockets. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he just couldn't sit in his apartment and feel bad for himself. He saw a billboard above his head. It took him a moment to recognize the face on the billboard, but it was Misa. It seemed that everyone was moving on while he was standing still.

He continued walking. He ducked under a building as the rain picked up. He hadn't been out in the rain like this in a while, but the last time he had held an umbrella and watched Ellie push her car back to the building that they had once called home. It was one of his favorite memories of her, other than when he held her in his arms, just once and he had been asleep for that unfortunately. Why was he thinking about this? Why did everything remind him of her? Why couldn't he just forget?

He threw a stone at a garbage can. He was beginning to get frustrated. Was there no place he could go to escape? He was supposed to be cutting her off from here on out, well not cutting her off per se, but moving on. Everyone else had. He walked back to his apartment and placed her photograph in the closet in a box. That was all he wanted her to be now, a voice, a few emails, and a box.

Mello sat alone on his bed. It was a rough time for an 8 year old especially when he had to watch all of the attention that had once been given to him going to the boy that they now called Near. There had once been a time when he had been fawned over, even just a little, when he had been the whiz kid, but it seemed that this kid was even more gifted in some ways.

Mello sighed. He saw something out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head and saw a boy, maybe a couple years older who was sitting on a bed as well, but he was fidgeting.

"What's wrong?" Mello asked.

"Hmm," the boy said not realizing that there was someone else in the room. He had been zoning out lately. He just couldn't concentrate on anything, his tutors were becoming frustrated with him and there was talk of moving him to a different orphanage, because he wasn't showing any signs of above average intelligence. The boy knew what the reason really was. He didn't enjoy book learning, at all; he actually didn't enjoy much especially not interactions with people.

"I asked if something was wrong," Mello said. "You are fidgeting."

"So," the boy said. "What's it to you?"

Mello turned away. He had quite been expecting that kind of response. He decided he wasn't going to take this kind of abuse, especially with the type of day he was already having. "Nothing. I don't care. Go back to doing whatever."

"I will," the boy said shrugging Mello off.

Mello muttered under his breath and got up.

"You are Mello right?" the boy asked.

"What's it to you?" Mello questioned repeating the question in the same fashion that the boy had spoken it to him.

"I hear talk about you. You are the next person up for L's spot if something were to happen. I was in the running once, but I grew distracted and bored with the idea," the boy said. "Well you are in the running unless that silver haired boy doesn't beat you out of it."

Mello smirked. This boy could be useful. He seemed to have ears all over. "Who are you?" Mello asked.

"Matt," the boy said.

"So why exactly are you distracted?" Mello asked.

"I don't really enjoy the idea, I would rather be doing something else," Matt said very nonchalantly.

"What would you rather be doing?" Mello asked.

"Dunno, playing video games I guess," Matt said. "I hope to break out of this place as soon as possible. It's like a prison."

"That I understand perfectly," Mello said.

"Well, I've only got a few more years. I hear that you can emancipate yourself form this place at 15 and that's what I plan on doing," Matt said.

Mello had never heard anything about that, but now he was intrigued. "How old are you now?"

"9," Matt answered. Mello was shocked he would have thought the boy was older, but then again he was told that he acted older than he was on several occasions. The children at Whammy's house were always a bit more mature than most.

"Yeah I'm going to do that too," Mello said.

"See you on the other side I guess?" Matt said in a question form.

"Yeah," Mello said. "Sounds like a plan."


	21. Roots

_**Chapter 21: Roots**_

_Thanks to all of my readers and reviewers. I am sorry for the wait as usual, but I think I am finally getting into the second part of the series now. Thinking back I didn't really split this up well, but I guess this is going to be one large story than two small stories that each have the different seasons in them. Thanks to those who have reviewed my previous chapter xXImmortalxDiceXx, LizLuvsSpongebob, and Lawlietfangirl. I do not own Death Note, the characters, or the plot line. I do own Ellie, my paycheck which I am still waiting for __**/**__shakes fist at Purdue/, and this computer which seems to be on its last legs of life. _

It had been 4 years since Matsuda had looked at Ellie's picture. He wondered how much she had changed since then. He had kept in contact with her, he didn't want them to stop being friends, but he had felt better since he stopped thinking about her all the time. He finally felt a little free.

Unfortunately, there was no real word for the emptiness he felt now, but it was better than the feeling of helplessness he had felt 4 years ago on that rainy day in May.

Ellie had her master's degree after two more years in school and she had gotten her certification. She was doing what she had always wanted to do. She worked the outpatient clinic, so the hustle and bustle of the hospital wasn't a full part of her life, and her hours were more reasonable, but she felt kind of guilty for the hours she had. It wasn't as if she had a family or anything.

"I'm 24 years old," Ellie thought to herself. "I haven't had a real date well since I was a teenager. I haven't had intercourse, since L. I can't believe it's been that long now."

Ellie picked up a dish out of the sink. Connor was at work. He worked in the factory in one of the bigger cities in the area. He had all but given up on going back for his GED. It made Ellie a bit sad, but if that was what he wanted who was she to say what he should do with his life.

Ellie looked at her calendar. She had some time off, she couldn't believe it, but she had vacation time built up by now. She felt herself shaking. What was she going to do with that vacation time? She remembered how she had wanted to see Matsuda. She was worried that if she went to see him that things would be awkward be between them. Ever since she had talked to him on the phone after her graduation 4 years earlier, things had been distant between them. Gradually they just drifted apart and really until now she had all but forgot about him being a part of her life. Now that she thought about it they hadn't been making their regular calls anymore, and they hadn't for couple years now. They skipped months at a time, and rarely even emailed. She wondered if she must have upset him.

Ellie looked back at the calendar. She could take off time and then spend it here around the house catching up with housework and such that would probably make Connor pretty happy. She couldn't believe how long they had been roommates. They got along really well too; personal space was never an issue.

Why hadn't she been interested in anyone of the male gender recently? She hadn't really felt she had been able to love fully since she lost Nathaniel. How long was it going to take her to be able to fall in love and think about having children again? Did she want to be a mother? The first pregnancy had been an accident, would she want to go through all of that again with the prospect of having a living, breathing child be the end of product. She hadn't thought about it since she was pregnant. After she lost Nathaniel it was too fresh on her mind, it was too painful to think about ever having a family. Finally the pain had dulled down to a painful memory as everything else had become. Could she put a guy through all of that? Could he handle the baggage that came with her? She knew she could barely put up with it anymore, but there hadn't been an incident since she moved in with Connor and she started to feebly hope. She had a job now, she had an income, this was a time to start a family, she was ready, she was ready to get out of this apartment, out of New York, she was ready to go back to her roots. She wanted to get back to the forests that had dazzled and enchanted her a young child. Back to a river, back to life and hope. The city was dead, the buildings were cold, and they held no prospect for her.

Ellie packed her bags quickly. She wasn't sure where she was going, if she was just going to take a vacation, but she had to get out of the apartment. She had to get back to where she belonged.

She stopped abruptly. Where did she belong? She had thought it was out in the forests of her youth, but had that really been where she felt true belonging true love of a family. It was true that Laurel and Felicity had given her affection, but she wasn't their child, and she had felt it even then that she was there out of pity. Where had she honestly belonged?

She thought about falling asleep in Matsuda's arms, about L and his marshmallow fetish, Light and his suspicious nature, Misa and her overwhelming sweetness that almost made her want to barf at times, and the strength of Chief Yagami. That had been her family, and she ran away from them. Now truly the reason for the breakup was L himself, but he was the most important part of her life there. She might have even said that he had fallen in love with her.

That was where she belonged, but it was too late. She had lost that long ago and it was only now that she appreciated what she had. "It's true what they say," she thought. "You don't know what you've got until its gone."

Ellie drove down to the orphanage. She knew it was kind of late, after dinner, but before bed she was guessing. "It's the only way to be certain about the child issue," she thought in her mind as she walked through the doors of the orphanage until she found Roger's office.

"Ellie," he said surprised by her visit. He had been dreading the day that she would decide to visit. He was sure that she wouldn't notice unless she got up close, but Near had her eyes. He looked a bit like L in his features, but he had the softness of Ellie's skin, her lips, and sharper features like L's nose and messy unkempt hair. If you looked hard enough you could see obviously that he was a child between the two of them, he just hoped that Ellie never questioned it. It helped that Ellie had never seen him as an infant other than that time on the plane when she believed that he was someone else's child.

"Roger, I just stopped by for a visit," Ellie said.

"Any reason?" Roger asked. He held his breath and waited for her answer.

Ellie looked at him hard for a moment. How much did she trust him? That was silly to ask herself, but the look on his face gave her some indication that she might not be able to trust him as much as she thought she could. She went against her better judgment because she was excited at the prospect of what she might discover about herself today.

"I want to have another child," Ellie said.

Roger looked Ellie over. He could hardly believe she was the same woman who showed up 6 years prior this visit asking him for help because she was pregnant with L's child. She hadn't really changed in the way she looked, but in the way she held herself. She wasn't afraid of the unknown anymore that could easily be seen. She had taken all that life had given her and made something out of herself in the process.

"What method where you thinking of utilizing?" Roger asked.

"Oh," Ellie said blushing. "Well, I'll honestly probably go with the more traditional method."

Roger blushed as well. "I see, I was wondering why you were at an orphanage if you had decided to do things, naturally."

This was getting more awkward by the sentence. "I haven't decided on whether or not I want to adopt yet," Ellie said. "This just came over me I guess."

Roger nodded. He wasn't sure what to say.

"Well," Ellie said. "Is it all right if I take a look around?" Ellie said. "It doesn't have to be structured or anything, I'd rather just interact as if there were any person walking into the room," Ellie said. In reality she just didn't want anyone hounding her. She was in a very vulnerable place right now.

"As you wish," Roger said pointing her to the door of his office. "The nursery is down the hall and there and if you have any questions I should be here."

Ellie nodded and left the room. She walked to the nursery first. She saw many sleeping babies and decided it was for the best not to disturb them. She walked into a room with children playing. She saw a familiar blonde haired boy sitting at a table alone. She fished in her pocket. She was wearing a jacket because it barely spring and she could still feel the nips of winter. She found that she was once again carrying a chocolate bar. She wondered about the problems with her sugar intake, L was a bad influence in that way she guessed.

Mello watched the woman walk over to sit at the table with him. He knew he was probably jumping to conclusions, but it looked exactly like the woman he had met six years previous, the one who lost her child.

"Hello," the woman said directing her green eyes to him.

"Hi," Mello said nervously. He had seen those eyes somewhere before, obviously on the woman's face, but somewhere else. He couldn't quite place it, but they were familiar.

"I think we met, you may not remember it," Ellie said.

"We did meet," Mello said. "At Wammy's house, you were going to have a baby," Mello said.

"Yes," Ellie said closing her eyes to remember.

"Why are you here?" the boy asked suspiciously.

Ellie thought about it. Why was she really here and if she knew would she want to share the reason? She gave him the clearest answer she could, "I don't know."

She looked across the room. For some reason she felt most vulnerable here than she did anywhere else. She knew what these kids must be like, she remembered living in this orphanage herself for a few years. Those years were interesting, and made her realize that she had things she wanted so much more out of life than what could be offered there and she left. Still she remembered growing the most intellectually and setting down the roots for whom she would be here.

She saw a small silver haired boy across the room playing by himself. He looked to be the same age that Mello was when she had first met him. She couldn't' believe how much Mello had grown, she thought to herself, as she turned to meet his gaze.

"How have you been," Ellie asked him.

Mello looked at her as if she were crazy. How was he? HOW WAS HE!? He had no friends, other than Matt; he couldn't wait until he was fifteen so he could leave. Matt was going to get out next year and Mello wasn't sure what he was going to do without him. He had a few more years to wait before he could get out and he was constantly being compared to Near, in which he found that though he was older he could never quite seem to beat in anything.

"I've been fine," Mello said, not seeing the need to complain to this woman. He wondered if she were coming to adopt. Certainly she wouldn't adopt an older child like him, but one could never be certain.

Ellie looked around the room feeling awkward. She fished into her pocket again and handed the chocolate bar to the boy. "It was nice talking to you again Mello."

Mello looked at the chocolate bar. Did this woman always carry chocolate around with her or did she just plan on meeting up with him? He guessed that he would never know because she got up from the table and walked across the room leaving him with the chocolate bar gift.

Ellie got up from the table and walked over to a small boy playing by himself in the corner. She couldn't see him very well, but she caught sight of a couple of strands of silver hair. "What a strange color," Ellie thought to herself.

"Hello," Ellie said sitting down on the floor with the boy.

The boy looked up for a moment. "Hello," he said back and then went back to playing with his toy robot.

"I like your robot," Ellie said. "What kind of thing to say was that?" Ellie thought. "I sound like some kind of creeper."

"Do you want it or something?" the boy asked plainly.

"Oh, no that's ok you keep it," Ellie said.

The boy shrugged.

"So how old are you?" she asked trying to dig herself out of hole.

"Six," the boy answered wondering when this woman was going to go away and leave him to his play. He generally didn't see any social work types here, but he pegged her as one of those. He wasn't interested in being adopted, not that many of the children here got adopted.

"Oh," Ellie said her eyes tearing up. "I had a boy, he would have been six as well." Ellie said not sure why she felt the need to share this with a child. "He was born September 27."

The boy took a good look at the woman. He felt like he knew her from somewhere. It was very coincidental that she also had a son who was born the same time as him. Was this possibly his long lost mother? "What a crazy idea," he thought to himself. There is no way that your mother could just walk into your life again after abandoning you for 6 years. She also seemed sad about her lost son, if she had thrown him in a dumpster he suspected that his mother would have to be a very selfish person and a very inconsiderate one at that. This woman didn't seem that way to him, and he was generally good with first impressions. She gave him a warm smile and looked at her watch. "Well, it looks like I had better get going," Ellie said. "It was nice meeting you."

"Likewise," the boy said politely as the woman picked herself up from the rug he was playing on and walked away.

Ellie had had enough for one day. That conversation with the boy playing with the robot had been so awkward, and it was similar when talking to Mello. She understood that these weren't normal children by any stretch of the imagination, but she wasn't sure that adopting was really something she could see herself doing right now.

Ellie walked out the front door and back to her car. She definitely wanted children, she decided. Though she didn't feel comfortable around the children at the orphanage, she still knew that she enjoyed the visit and what she got out of it. She wasn't sure how she would go about it, she hadn't felt a real true feeling of falling in love in so long, but it was time to let someone in, it was time to let someone get past the barrier she had around herself and perhaps give this love things another shot.


	22. Other Side of the World

_**Chapter 22: Other Side of the World**_

_I have to put out this sincere apology to all of my readers. I always apologize for a lag in my writing, but this is one of the longest lags I've ever had. I haven't felt much like writing lately, just a serious of bad things have happened, deaths, financial hardship, working on my novel, which is now on Amazon. This could also be blamed on extreme writer's block I suppose. Either way for you my readers I give you especially long chapter to make up for the long lag. Thanks to all of my readers and reviewers and I hope I haven't lost too many of you in my lag. A special thanks to all of my reviewers Mistress Meer, Lawlietfangirl, XxEyelinerHeratsxX,LizluvsSpongebob, and next. You all rock! I do not own Death Note or anything associated to it. I own Ellie, and I suppose I take credit for Connor as well. M warning actually has a meaning in this chapter, but it's a bit more discreet with not many details revealed, just an up front warning before hand. Enjoy!_

Ellie looked at the clock on the wall. She was going to have to leave soon if she wanted to make it for her flight.

"Connor?" Ellie questioned wondering where he was. He was supposed to drive her to the airport today.

It had been a year since she had visited the orphanage, and she had finally decided to get her life together. She was flying out to visit Matsuda; she had finally gotten the nerve up to ask him. He had sounded uneasy at first, but then he agreed to see her. Butterflies were having a rave in her stomach and she felt like she might be ill even before getting on the plane. She had never generally been good with flying, but it seemed to be the easiest way to get to Japan.

Connor poked his head around the corner. "I'm almost ready."

"Hurry up we are going to be late and there is no way they will hold a flight for me," Ellie said anxiously.

"I'm going as fast as I can, have you seen my keys?" Connor asked.

Ellie tossed him a set of keys that were hanging on one of the key hooks on the wall.

"These aren't mine," Connor said seeming disappointed.

"Well it's going to take you two years to find yours," Ellie said impatiently. "I have already waited a year to plan to go out and see Matsuda and this was the only time both of us could call off of work to meet up." Ellie said.

"I don't like the sound of this guy," Connor said putting his shoes on and picking up one of Ellie's travel bags.

"He's like a brother to me so be nice," Ellie said. "I am only going to be gone for a few days anyway and I'll bring you some kind of souvenir," Ellie said smirking. "Any requests,"

"Yeah pick up one of those schoolgirl uniforms I think we could both enjoy that," he said winking.

Ellie punched him on the shoulder. "I can't believe we are getting married in a few months," Ellie said as she leaned in to kiss him.

Connor smiled. "You will come back won't you? Don't forget about me when you are surrounded by all that hustle and bustle. This place would be too lonely without you in it," he said pulling her in for another kiss.

"You have nothing to worry about," Ellie said. "I couldn't image my life without you."

Ellie and Connor got into the car. Connor drove her to the nearest airport and helped her get her luggage together.

"I'll see you in a few days," he said to her.

"Of course," Ellie said. "I will look into that, umm, uniform as well," she added blushing.

Connor kissed her once more before leaving her to board the plane. The trip to Japan was longer than she had expected and by the time she got there she was exhausted. The only thing she wanted to do was curl up someplace and sleep for twelve hours.

She spotted Matsuda waiting for her at the airport as she got off the plane and got her luggage together. She dropped her luggage at the sight of him. Nothing had changed. She ran like crazy and hugged him until she almost knocked him over.

"Ellie-chan," he said as if the air had been knocked out of him. He couldn't believe she was really there. Before this she had just been a dream, but now she was really here and she was hugging him. She picked up her luggage and Matsuda helped her take it to his car.

"You haven't changed a bit," Ellie said.

"I think I've grown up a little more," Matsuda said.

"Oh, I meant in appearance," Ellie said blushing. "I have grown up a bit too."

"Yes, last time I saw you, you were a struggling university student, and now you are a nurse and you have a job and you care for people everyday," Matsuda said. "You look good," he added blushing.

Ellie blushed as well. "You look good as well."

The rest of the drive was very silent. Ellie looked out the windows most of the time. They finally arrived at Matsuda's apartment.

"I set up the spare room for you," Matsuda said.

"Oh Matsuda," Ellie said. "You really didn't have to do that. I am accustomed to sleeping on a couch."

"Not here," Matsuda said leading her to the extra room. "You even have your own bathroom." Matsuda said.

Ellie was amazed by the size of the bedroom. She had unfortunately only gotten to see the living room hallway area before she had been pushed into the spare bedroom. She didn't mind, she was very tired and all she could think about was hitting the hay. She yawned and said, "Thank you Matsuda. If you don't mind I'm going to get some sleep I've had an exhausting flight."

"That's understandable," Matsuda said. "Have a good night." He said to Ellie before shutting the door. Before shutting the door he popped his head back in and said. "If you need anything I'll be in my room it's just down the hall."

Ellie stretched out on the bed. It was a fluffy like a cloud. She didn't even pull back the blankets she just fell asleep there curled up on the bedspread like a cat.

The next morning brought light in through the window of the guest bedroom that Ellie had crashed in. She yawned and stretched out on the bed. She looked around. Everything felt right, which scared her.

"I know I love being here, but I have a lot of pain rooted in this place. It's time to start over fresh, cut my ties from the past. Connor is my fiancé and we are getting married before I know it," Ellie said to herself.

She shifted on the bed to get up and heard it let out a defeated squeak. She froze hoping that she hadn't woken up Matsuda with that squeak. "What a crazy thought there is no way that that squeak was loud enough to even be heard over the sound of the birds outside," Ellie thought to herself.

Matsuda poked his head in the room. "I thought too soon," Ellie thought to herself. "That squeak must have been louder than I thought."

"I thought I heard you get up," Matsuda said.

"Yes I'm awake," Ellie said stumbling over her words.

Matsuda gave her a strange look. "Are you ok Ellie-chan?" he asked.

Her heart sped up. She used to find it cute the way he called her Ellie-chan. Now, was there something else there, or was it the joy of seeing him after such a long time?

Ellie looked down at herself. Her clothes were all pulled in a weird way as if she had been tossing and turning. She felt her mat of a hair. She hadn't had time to brush it before Matsuda came in the room. She ran her tongue over her teeth. Her mouth tasted like the bottom of a bird cage or worse.

"Excuse me," she said blushing. "I haven't had a chance to get ready yet," Ellie said.

He gave her a puzzled look and bowed to her courteously, "I shall give you some privacy then," he said.

Ellie blushed brilliantly. Matsuda closed the door as he walked out of the room leaving Ellie alone. Ellie looked at the window. The day was perfect for seeing the sights that she hadn't seen in years. It was sunny, with not a cloud in the sky and it looked like it was late morning probably about ten o' clock. She smiled and pushed any thoughts from her mind about Matsuda. They were just friends, and it was that she wasn't used to be around guys other than Connor. She was just nervous that was all.

She walked into the bathroom and gasped. It looked like Matsuda must have spent weeks getting it ready for her. It was immaculate. She could almost see her reflection in the tiles of the floor. She looked in the large mirror and saw that she was worse than she thought. "I'm going to need a lot of work before I let myself go outside," she thought.

After a long hot shower, a brush running through her hair, a toothbrush over her teeth and some mouthwash she felt that she looked acceptable. She walked into the bedroom and pulled some clothes out of her luggage. She evaluated herself once more in a full-sized mirror on the back of the door before exiting the room.

"I'm ready," Ellie said.

Matsuda turned around and almost had the wind knocked out of him. Ellie looked gorgeous. He didn't say anything to her really he just stood there gaping. Ellie blushed brightly and said, "I'm sorry I'll change if you want."

"No you look fine, it's just been so long and I didn't get a good look at you last night because it was so dark." He said stumbling on his words.

Ellie just nodded. She changed the subject not wanting things to be awkward. "So, where are we going today?" Ellie asked.

Matsuda was grateful for her change of subject otherwise he might not have been able to get himself together. "Well would you like to get started now?"

"Yes!" Ellie said happily with enthusiasm that reminded her a bit of Misa. She then realized she hadn't seen or heard from Misa in many years.

Ellie and Matsuda walked many places before Matsuda got called into work for a few minutes to take a look at some paperwork he had forgotten to fill out before taking vacation days. "You can go back to the apartment if you would like," Matsuda said as they walked toward the police headquarters.

"It's two blocks away," Ellie said. "You know my sense of direction anyway and how I always seem to find trouble," Ellie said. "What safer place for me to be than a police station."

Matsuda and Ellie both laughed at her comment though it was uncomfortable to laugh about something painful like that. She had almost been raped and then it had been traumatic. Ellie changed the subject again, "I'll just wait in the lobby." Ellie said.

Matsuda nodded as they entered the building. Matsuda then left her sitting and waiting as he went to finish his paperwork before they continued with their day. It was late afternoon now and Ellie fanned herself with one of the flyers that had been nearby. She was glad that she had decided to wear her hair up in a messy bun and wear a summer dress.

Ellie turned around and saw another familiar face. "Chief Yagami?" Ellie questioned. She wasn't sure that it was proper etiquette to greet him like that, but she wasn't worried about etiquette.

The chief turned around and gave Ellie a look over. He seemed concerned by the female who had called out to him, until he saw who it was. "Ellie?"

"How have you been?" She asked him.

"I'm doing well. Light is a detective he graduated two years ago from university."

"You must be very proud," Ellie said.

"I am. Did you finish your university schooling?" Chief Yagami asked.

"Yes, I am a licensed family practitioner and I work in a clinic," Ellie said.

"Your parents must be very proud of you," Chief Yagami said.

"I was a ward of the state for most of my childhood so I'm not sure I have any family to be proud for me," Ellie said gloomily.

Chief Yagami nodded solemnly. He vaguely remembered her saying something about that, but that was years ago.

"Well," Ellie said trying to change the subject. "I'm engaged."

"That's wonderful," Chief Yagami said glad to change the subject. "Did Matsuda finally get up the courage to ask?"

Ellie blushed. "I'm not involved with Matsuda," Ellie said. "I'm engaged to someone I met in New York where I live," Ellie said.

Chief Yagami nodded again. He knew that Matsuda had feelings for her and wondered if he knew.

"So your trip is a visit?" Chief Yagami asked.

"Yes, I've been planning to see Matsuda for a while now, I just never had time in my schedule and neither did he. It just worked out that this was the time that we both had off. Well, I had off at least." Ellie said smiling as he walked back into the lounge.

"Sorry about that," Matsuda said. "Oh, Chief Yagami," Matsuda said. "I wasn't expecting to see you today. How is the family?"

"They are all fine," Chief Yagami said. "That is where I'm going right now, back to see them. You two enjoy yourselves." Chief Yagami said.

Ellie and Matsuda both nodded and then blushed. It had almost sounded like a innuendo, but it wasn't.

"The day is still young," Ellie said. "Anything else you have planned?"

"No we already did most of the things I had planned," Matsuda said looking down at his feet. "I will try to think of more before tomorrow," he said.

"We should go back to your apartment," Ellie said. "But first I am going to the supermarket to put some food in your fridge. From the looks of it you almost never stay there, because there isn't much to eat other than instant food."

Matsuda laughed. "No, I don't have much time to spend at home."

"Busy with work and such?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah, honestly Kira killings are still happening and I think the team might be meeting up again," he said to her before putting his hand over his mouth. "I shouldn't have told you that."

"My lips are sealed," Ellie said. "I am getting married in a few months anyway.." Ellie said not thinking about it before she said it.

Matsuda stopped dead in his tracks. "Congratulations Ellie-chan!" he said hugging her. He tried to keep himself from gritting his teeth. He had suspected that she was probably dating after all of this time. It didn't matter anyway; he now had more reason than ever to move on. He should be happy for her, she was his friend, but it still didn't stop the hurting.

"I didn't mean to tell you like that, but I guess now that its out, I'm getting married in a few months," Ellie said.

"You know who would really like to hear about this," he said. "Misa!"

Ellie shook her head quickly, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. It would help him get his mind of off things.

The walk to Misa's apartment wasn't a long one. Light was out for a while, working late with his dad, so Misa was at home. She heard a knock at the door and closed up her notebook placing it in a discreet hiding place before opening the door.

"Ellie-chan!" Misa shouted hugging Ellie "Where have you been hiding all this time?" Misa asked leading them into her apartment.

They talked for about an hour, just catching up on lost time, before Ellie remembered what Matsuda had brought her here to announce. "Oh, speaking of good news," Ellie began, finding her chance to slip it into the conversation, "I'm getting married in a few months."

"Oh! A wedding! I love weddings Ellie-chan," Misa said. "It's about time Matsuda asked you," Misa said while laughing.

Ellie and Matsuda both blushed brightly. "I'm just here to visit Matsuda as a friend," Ellie said explaining. She wasn't sure why everyone thought that she and Matsuda were together. True once, for a few moments, she had possibly felt some attraction toward Matsuda. He was courageous, but those were moments in the past before she even loved L. She wanted to stay away from things that reminded her of the painful loss. It wasn't that she didn't like Matsuda, but visits like this were going to be painful for a long time.

Misa then wanted details about Ellie's fiancé. Ellie could see Matsuda getting more and more uncomfortable with the talk as she went on. She decided to spare him most of the details especially their sex life, which Misa seemed to like to pry at. She graciously said, "I don't kiss and tell." Then the conversation was quickly switched to another topic.

After another hour at Misa's apartment Matsuda and Ellie walked back to Matsuda's apartment after a quick stop to the supermarket. It was a long walk between the two apartment buildings, not to mention another trip in between, but eventually they made it.

Ellie excused herself to go to bed. She had a lot to think about.

"He seemed so jealous," Ellie thought to herself. Ellie knew she was kidding herself. He probably just felt protective over her. Matsuda didn't love her, and she didn't love him. It was crazy to think any way else. She was getting married soon and then she would be able to start the family she wanted, she would have someone to come home to, and best of all she could finally put her painful past behind her.

Little did she know, the past wasn't so easy to forget about.

Ellie and Matsuda spent the next day seeing all the sights she had missed and a few new ones. The day after that was the same except for one stop off. Ellie hadn't forgotten Connor's request, though now that conversation seemed so far away to her. It felt like she was getting used to being in Japan again. She was afraid that this would happen. She knew it was time to leave before she got to attached to this place and then she would never be able to leave. She would have to leave in the morning.

She looked for her chance to pick up the outfit. She blushed brightly when they passed a shop that she was certain would carry those kinds of items.

"I need to make a stop, it's a bit embarrassing actually," Ellie said blushing even more brightly as she stopped.

Matsuda turned his face and read the sign of the shop she had stopped in front of. His smile almost disappeared instantly. He blushed as well, but his fists were also at his sides. He knew the reason for her trip, not the exact item that she would be purchasing, but he had an idea of what this Connor guy liked. He didn't like it one bit. If Ellie were his he wouldn't need anything like that. She would be enough for him. He shook those thoughts out of his head. She wasn't his, and soon she would be married. He gave her some privacy and waited outside of the shop. She soon came out with an even bigger blush on her face and a bag in her hand. The rest of the trip was quiet.

"Oh!" Ellie said turning around again. She had always wanted to try sake. She wasn't much of a drinker in general, but she wasn't opposed to trying something once. She was of age and she had Matsuda there if something happened.

"I've never been to a sake bar," Ellie said. "Not an authentic one at least. I've heard they are quite the classy place."

Matsuda just laughed and grabbed her hand as they rushed across the street before they had to wait for the next light to be able to cross. As soon as they crossed the street Matsuda dropped Ellie's hand instantly as if were on fire. Actually he felt as if his hand was on fire. The electric shocks were fading as well as they could, but she intoxicated him. He looked at her face under the neon lights of the sign. Nothing had changed about that face. She was older, sure, but she had the same smile, even if it was a little bit broken. That hurt him the most. She was hurting, and there was nothing he could do.

"Oh this is perfect," she said sighing happily as they walked in. It was very classy and there seemed to be many happy people drinking and socializing after a long day at work. Seemed like a classier version of most of the bars where she lived. She laughed to herself. She didn't expect a bar fight to break out in a place like that. Everyone looked so serene, as if they had come to pose for a picture to go into some kind of catalog. She just laughed and she and Matsuda ordered drinks.

Ellie chose to go with the traditional serving of warm sake. Matsuda did as well. She raised her small cup. Matsuda gave her a strange looked and raised his as well.

"I feel a little off saying this," Ellie said to him. "Cheers," she said raising the small cup to her lips.

The liquid was warm down her throat and she felt warm immediately. That was a feeling she hadn't felt in a long time. She was here with Matsuda enjoying her last night in Japan before she left for her home. That made her happy. She was going home, no matter how much she loved this place; she had something great waiting for her at home.

After a few more servings of sake Matsuda began to get worried about Ellie. He wasn't sure how she held her alcohol. He knew statistically that women were not able to do as well as men, and let's face it he would have to drink a lot more than she would to get the same effects, but after a few more he began to feel it too. Soon it felt like neither of them would be able to do much with the rest of their night. Matsuda and Ellie attempted the long walk to Matsuda's apartment.

"I suppose I had a little too much," Ellie said giggling. "Ah well, might as well celebrate," Ellie said as they approached Matsuda's apartment building.

"I don't think I'm going to be able to make it up the stairs," she said giggling some more. She had never had more than a few shots in her life, and she had never felt as fuzzy and warm as she felt now.

Matsuda put his arm around her to help her up the stairs. The electric sensation he had felt earlier seemed to be intensified while he was a bit tipsy himself. He wished that this feeling would go away soon.

Ellie and Matsuda walked through his door and Ellie finally took the item she had purchased out of the bag. Matsuda tried to avert his gaze. He was already having enough trouble keeping an erection down, but this was just too much. Alcohol definitely didn't make this situation any better. He couldn't help it, but he could step out of the room so he wouldn't do something both of them would regret.

"I should try this on," she said. Matsuda's body instantly tightened when she said that. "I didn't get a chance to back there, I was a bit nervous and just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible," she explained. "Would you mind?" she asked as she began walking into the guest bedroom.

Matsuda shook his head trying to think of something else to get his mind off of what she must look like in that skimpy outfit. He breathed deeply trying to think of something, anything else.

Ellie slipped the outfit on herself. She looked different, she noted that instantly. She no longer looked like sweater and jeans Ellie or nurse Ellie. She looked like something else completely. She admitted to herself that she almost looked good. The outfit seemed to accentuate her runner's body. She had still kept up with those things and it showed. She then slipped it off her body.

"This is wrong," she thought to herself. "I should have never gotten this thing. What was I thinking? I don't want to look like this. I'm happy with the way I look as a nurse or as myself. I look respectable." She thought to herself again.

She contemplated just throwing it out, but she put it on her body again. She guessed she might as well not waste the money. She gathered up her pajama's getting ready to change out of the skimpy outfit when door came open. She must not have latched it and bumped the door with her duffel bag. She blushed more brightly than she even had when she saw Matsuda staring right at her. She tried desperately to cover herself with anything in sight or to get the door closed, but she couldn't help but focus on his expression. He looked at her with the hungriest eyes she had ever seen. He wasn't even looking at her body; he looked her straight in the eye during this awkward moment a blush on his cheeks as well.

Ellie wasn't sure of the facts of what had happened after that. One thing had lead to another and Ellie and Matsuda were on his couch. She didn't know if it was the alcohol, sexual tension, or a combination of both. She would think about this later and determine that it was probably just inevitable.

She hadn't expected to go from making out on a couch in her best friend's apartment to being on his bed naked. She also hadn't expected him to be fully undressed as well. She certainly hadn't expected him to kiss her so passionately as if he had been waiting for this moment all of his life.

Each moment was slow and enjoyable. They were both intoxicated, not by alcohol, just the contact was enough to accelerate the warmth that was flowing through the both of them, and Ellie more so because of how cold she had felt lately. Her heart felt as if it would leap out of her chest at any moment.

Matsuda knew this was wrong in his mind. He was sure by now that he wasn't using his mind to make any decisions. If he had he would have turned his eyes away in a gentlemanly way when the door had opened. He could tell by the shock in her eyes that she hadn't expected that either. He wasn't certain who had even made the first move, but all he knew was that now that it was initiated there was no way to stop himself. He wondered what it would feel like. He had seen this moment in his dreams more times than he was comfortable with admitting, but he never imagined how it would feel. He had no idea how much experience she would have on him. This was in fact his first time in an act like this. He felt embarrassed by that, but what was the point of having sex if it wasn't going to be shared with someone you cared for deeply?

It was inevitable that they would have sex that night. They lie side by side exhausted from the acts and the alcohol. Matsuda was asleep almost as soon as they had finished. It seemed to have taken a lot of him. Despite how wrong the situation was Ellie couldn't help but block everything out of her mind except for him. Her heartbeat slowed and her eyelids became too heavy for her to hold up. Sleep overtook her and soon she drifted of into sweet dreams.


	23. Lacerated

_**Chapter 23: Lacerated**_

_This chapter took me a while to repost, but I'm trying to get back on track. I've completed another story so I should have more time to commit to writing this one. This chapter is long, but covers a lot of the story line. After this things should start following a pattern with the second season of the anime. Thanks to all my readers and reviwers! I hope that you all continue to read and review. I do not own Death Note, its characters, or anything related to it. _

Ellie awoke to the light of a new day. She stretched her arms out and began to take notice of her surroundings.

"I am naked," was the first thought to come into her head.

The sinking feeling started from that realization. She had been hoping that what had happened could have just been an innocent dream. Well, not an innocent dream, but at least not reality. She moved quietly and quickly to her room to avoid waking Matsuda. He was completely knocked out from the sake the night before and possibly the sex that ensued afterward.

Ellie took a look at herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were rosy, her hair was unkempt, and her skin almost seemed to shine. She tossed her clothes on quickly running a brush through her hair. She didn't have time for a shower, not if she wanted to get out before she woke Matsuda. She didn't want to stick around and have to talk to him when he woke up. She wanted to avoid any conversations about what had happened.

She packed as quickly as possible and then grabbed her suitcases. She was grateful that she had decided to pack light.

She walked out the door with a sad look on her face. "Why did things have to get complicated?" she asked herself before closing the door.

Many hours later Matsuda awoke to an empty bed. He noted that he was naked and sighed to himself. "It must have been a dream," he thought.

He got up and got himself dressed. He wondered how he had ended up naked. He went out into the living area and knocked on the door of the guest bedroom.

There was no answer.

"She must be taking a shower or something and can't hear me," he thought to himself.

He made breakfast and then sat down and waited. He looked at the clock. It was almost noon. "How peculiar," he thought to himself. "I never sleep in this late."

Ellie looked out the window of the plane that was taking her back home. She held back any tears she had inside of her. There was no way she could take it back now. She was just going to have to live with the guilt of knowing that she cheated on the man she loved. That thought made her feel even worse. Didn't she owe it to him to tell him the truth? He had every right to know what she had done and make his decision on whether he still wanted to marry a slut.

Matsuda knocked on the door of the guest bedroom again. There was still no answer. It was almost 1 PM and she still wasn't awake. He decided to see what was wrong and when he opened the door no one was there.

"I must have been more drunk than I thought," he thought to himself. "I don't remember taking her back to the airport, but maybe she went on her own we never did talk about when she was going to be leaving. I guess I just didn't want to think about her leaving. It's probably best that she did with me having dreams like the one I had last night. I can't believe I could think like that, she is going to be married in a few months and I wouldn't do anything to ruin that for her," he thought to himself.

Ellie's plane was halfway to its destination and Ellie decided to sleep. There wasn't much else to do except to think about what she had done the night before and how ashamed it made her feel now when she thought about it.

Matsuda walked back into his own bedroom and sat on the bed. He sighed. He wished he had had a chance to say goodbye to her. Maybe he had been talking in his sleep and freaked her out. He groaned and threw his head back. He wished she had stayed around long enough for him to know if she was mad at him or if she just had to catch and early flight. He couldn't remember her saying anything about an early flight, but then again she could have said it the night before while they were drunk.

Matsuda got off his bed and decided to enjoy the rest of his day off from work. He would go down the park, maybe spend some time at the Yagami's. He hadn't seen their family in a while and Mrs. Yagami always made him feel welcome. He was also hoping he might see Sayu there. He was beginning to develop a crush on her and was hoping that she wouldn't mind the almost decade of age difference between them.

As Matsuda climbed off the bed his foot hit a piece of balled up clothing the center of the walkway on the other side of the bed. He didn't normally get off that side of the bed or sleep on that side of the bed, but the way he had rolled to get off the bed put him in that walkway. He picked up the cloth and examined it gasping and dropping it as he began to recognize it.

"Last night was no dream," he thought to himself. "No wonder she left so quickly." He put his head in his hands. "I really messed things up now."

Ellie tried to compose herself in the bathroom on the plane. She honestly looked like a wreck and if she came back from Japan looking like that there was no way Connor wouldn't guess that something was up.

"I have to tell him, so does it matter what I look like?" she thought to herself. She scraped her nails against her face and held back her urge to scream.

She walked out of the bathroom and waited quietly in her seat for the rest of the trip to be over.

After several connecting flights Ellie was exhausted. She finally made it to her destination. She instantly felt her stomach turn when she saw her fiancé. He smiled at her and waved. He had no idea what she had done. He looked the same as she had left him and now she was so different. It was strange how one night made her feel like an entirely different person. She wasn't even sure who was anymore and she was sure that she didn't like this new person she had become. "The kind of girl who cheated on the man who asked her to marry him," she thought bitterly to herself.

"You look exhausted honey," Connor said. Ellie cringed at the word. Honey, she certainly wasn't sweet and she certainly wasn't the honey he remembered. She tried hard to block that from her mind. She didn't want to start a fight in the airport parking lot. She would wait until they were home.

"Long day," Ellie said. She hadn't realized it was already dusk, but her flight had taken a while as she expected. It was time she didn't like, however, too much time led people to think about unpleasant things that they were coming home to.

"I was thinking," Connor said. "I want to take a bit of a road trip."

"Tonight?" Ellie asked.

"Well I thought since you were coming home early and you were packed for a full week that we might make a slight road trip I've been thinking about you since you left," Connor said.

Ellie felt her stomach clench again. Maybe she wouldn't be able to make it until they got home.

"Where did you want to go?" Ellie asked to exhausted to argue with him.

"Well, it's a bit of a surprise actually, but I don't really want it to backfire on me so I better let you know before we get to the other side of the country," Connor said. "I don't want to wait Ellie, I want to marry you know, you have no idea what's it been like without you there and I know that I can't live without you," he said.

Ellie's nearly lost the contents of her stomach with that last comment. "What about planning, we won't be able to have anyone there?" she said.

Connor gripped Ellie's wrist as he pulled her to the car. She had never seen Connor act like this. Well, actually he had been a little moody the last year, but Ellie had just suspected that he was having trouble at work. They were laying off a lot of employees and he was afraid that he would be next. It wasn't that Ellie didn't have enough to keep up the rent on the apartment, but he was saving for a house and he didn't have very good credit so he needed a substantial down payment.

"Connor," Ellie said. "You're hurting me."

Connor looked at Ellie's wrist and cringed. "Sorry Ellie, I guess I'm just excited."

Ellie touched the spot on her wrist and felt dull pain. "That's going to be a bruise for sure," Ellie thought. She ignored it. It was the least she deserved for what she did.

"Don't you want to marry me?" Connor asked while they were in the car.

"You know I do," Ellie said trying not to cry. "I just.." Ellie said knowing that she was going to spill her secret.

"Ellie," Connor said. "I really want this," he said to her.

Ellie nodded. "Where are we going?" Ellie asked.

"Las Vegas," Connor said. "They will marry you at any time of the day in any attire," he said.

Ellie hadn't wanted a traditional wedding, but she didn't want to get married in a drive thru chapel either.

"Don't worry honey," he said that word slipping out of his mouth with a bittersweet edge on his words. "We will figure something out, and hey I found you a dress too," he said pointing to the bag sitting in the back of the station wagon.

"I'll drop by home so I can grab my suitcase and we can go," Connor said after a few moments of silence.

He pulled up and parallel parked in front of the apartment building without saying a word. Ellie sat in the car left only with the thoughts she was hoping to avoid. How could she marry him tonight? She had cheated on him, and not only that this wasn't how she had wanted to get married. What would people think? They would think he got her knocked up, that's what they would think.

"Would that be so bad?" Ellie thought. "Not people thinking that's why we got married, just having another baby." She thought about it for a moment longer and then felt yet another sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Except I might kill the baby while its still in the womb."

She shuddered as Connor got back into the car. "I have a blanket in the back if you are cold or something," he said.

"I'm fine," Ellie said staring straight ahead.

"I need to tell you something," Ellie said before he got the car started. She definitely didn't want to tell him down the road and cause a car accident.

"Can it wait?" Connor asked impatiently.

Ellie was taken aback. What was up with him lately? "Something wrong," she asked when he pulled away and was down the road a few blocks.

"No," Connor said. "Just you being away makes me a little crazy. Not knowing what's going on, not knowing if you are ok. You know you didn't call once? I thought you had gotten yourself in trouble, raped, killed," Connor said angrily.

Ellie sighed. "Your not my father you know?" Ellie said.

"No I'm going to be your husband," he said.

"Possessive much?" Ellie said under her breath.

"Damnit Ellie!" Connor shouted pulling the car over. "I heard that and I'm not being possessive. I can't imagine some other man's hands on you and that scene kept playing through my mind. You've almost been raped once, I just don't know what I would do if I found out something like that happened. I would kill him," Connor said his fists against the steering wheel.

Ellie's heart couldn't take anymore. "You don't mean that, you wouldn't kill someone would you?" Ellie asked.

"I would kill any man who put his hands on my wife," Connor said protectively. What scared Ellie was that it sounded like he meant it.

They drove for 4 hours crossing through a few states on I-80 until they reached a town outside of Chicago. It was very late, well very early almost 5 AM.

"Connor," Ellie said. "I can't drive anymore," she said. They had switched on the Ohio Indiana border because Connor was getting tired and he didn't want to have to stay in a hotel overnight. Ellie hadn't told him, but she knew she was going to be too tired to continue the journey much longer. It was almost a full twenty-four hours since she had been awake, and her body was so run down from jet lag and from the situation that had taken place the night before. The situation she would have to take to her grave. She couldn't have Connor going after Matsuda. Matsuda did nothing wrong. She would just have to ignore that night. She would feel guilty for the rest of her life, but it was her problem to deal with.

"Oh," Connor said. "I didn't even think you must be exhausted yourself."

They pulled in a Motel 8. Not the classiest place, but any place with a bed was an option at this point. Ellie fell asleep right on top of the blankets before Connor even got out of the shower he had argued he needed before going to sleep.

She awoke around noon. She hadn't realized how tired she had been. She yawned and stretched. Connor was already up and he had brought her suitcase in.

He looked well rested. His red hair no longer matched his face as it had last night. His yellow eyes like a cat never moved from her. "I was wondering when you would be awake sleeping beauty," he said. "You already missed the free breakfast."

"Not hungry," Ellie said her stomach still feeling as if it was trying to digest a brick unsuccessfully.

"You ready to hit the road we still have almost 2,000 miles to go so a day long trip," Connor said.

"I need a little time to get ready and then we can go," Ellie said.

"I'll be catching up on the news," he said turning on the television.

Ellie took a long hot shower. She was glad to be in the shower, she was also glad that Connor had the television turned up. She could cry in peace. She felt a sob rip out of her chest and nearly collapsed in the shower. She laid on the floor of the tub and just let the water hit her skin like rain. Her sobs continued for several minutes until Connor knocked on the door.

"Hey weather is supposed to be beautiful for driving today I'm not trying to be pushy, but I really wan to make it out of here before we hit heavy traffic,"

"I'll be out in a few minutes," Ellie said. "Just pack the car and leave me a set of clothes out so I can get dressed. I should have an essentials bag somewhere, it's clear. It has my toothpaste and such so I can brush my teeth. Leave that out as well." Ellie said surprised by how clear her voice sounded.

"Ok honey," Connor said and she heard him leave the hotel room to pack the car. Ellie finished washing her body and stepped out of the steam of the shower. She shivered.

She found the clothing Connor had left out for her. She blushed to herself. Short skirt and a tank top, sure it was summer weather, but she hadn't packed anything like that for when she was in Japan.

Connor came back in and smiled. "I packed that for you," Connor said.

"I don't own a mini skirt," she said honestly.

"I know I got it while you were gone," Connor said.

"You got quite a bit done while I was gone didn't you," Ellie thought to herself. She felt another stab in her stomach. She had gotten a lot done while she was gone as well, and she wasn't proud of it at all.

"You look sick," Connor said worried. "Do you need to stay here a few more hours I don't mine waiting if you aren't feeling well."

"I'm fine," Ellie said to him.

Connor wrapped his arm around Ellie's waist. Ellie wondered if men must have mood swings like women because he seemed to be fine one minute and himself and the next minute, he was filled with unexplained rage. It looked like the Connor she was used to so she decided to ignore the gnawing feeling in her stomach that something was wrong. There was something that was wrong of course, but it had nothing to do with something Connor had done.

"I'll drive," Connor said. "I just want you to rest a little bit more and soon you'll be feeling better. We'll even get you some ginger ale from the vending machine before we check out.

Ellie walked behind Connor as they did one once over of the hotel room making sure they hadn't forgotten anything. Soon they were two states away and not looking back. It was later in the afternoon now almost dusk again. Ellie wouldn't have guessed the day before when she had gotten off the plane that she would be rushing halfway across the country to be married.

They stopped again in Denver and slept in another hotel. Ellie enjoyed the mountain air. It was thin and made it hard to breathe when walking up stairs, but it felt cleaner than the air in New York and Japan. She guessed it was the smaller cities, but she wasn't sure. Denver was a pretty decent sized city after all.

The trip started again in the afternoon of that day. Eleven hours later they were in Vegas. Ellie looked at all the lights and was faintly reminded of Japan, but this place was much more tacky. She sighed. She really needed to get that off of her mind especially with getting married soon.

"Where do you think we can get married at 2 AM?" Ellie asked.

"Practically anywhere I guess," Connor said weaving through traffic. They stopped at a 24-hour diner to get a real meal. They had mostly been living on vending machine food and hotel breakfasts the past few days so it was nice to sit down and eat a hot meal.

Connor made conversation with the waitress and Ellie couldn't hear what they were saying. It looked like he was flirting with the woman. Ellie felt fire rising in her blood as it brought color to her ears. She pushed her hair over them. She had no reason to be mad at him. She had been the one who had cheated.

Connor turned back to her and smiled. He held out a piece of paper filled with addresses. "That woman was nice enough to give us the addresses of most of the nicer chapels in town that will be open this late. Unless you want to wait until the morning that is," he said.

Ellie blushed. She had jumped to conclusions too quickly. She suddenly wasn't hungry thinking about how she had jumped to conclusions and really he should have jumped to conclusions with her and he hadn't even when she was staying with Matsuda inside his house for all he knew the same bed. She sighed.

"Something wrong?" Connor asked worried. "I know that this was fast, maybe I should have given you more time rather than just jumping on you like that to get married so quickly."

"No, that's not it." Ellie said. "I think there is something you need to know," she said.

"Oh!" Connor said in glee. "The food is finally here. I'm starving."

Two plates of hot eggs and pancakes arrived at the table. Ellie pushed her fork through the scrambled eggs picking at them. She didn't want to seem rude, but she wasn't hungry at all.

"What were you saying before?" Connor asked after swallowing a few bites of food. Bites would have been an understatement, however, the bites were more like shovel-fulls.

"Nothing," Ellie said quietly. "I just need to go to the bathroom."

Ellie got up from the table and walked to the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and ran the water from the faucet. She splashed it over her face. In an hour or two she would be a married woman.

She breathed in deeply focusing her mind on Connor and walked back out of the bathroom. She made an honest attempt to eat and Connor seemed pleased. He had actually been beaming for the past 400 miles. He was obviously pleased to be marrying Ellie. She gave him a weak smile and he smiled more. "Funny how someone I have lived with for years can't read my fake emotions yet," Ellie thought.

She and Connor picked out a modest chapel. Well, modest for Vegas at least. They walked in and were greeted by a burly man who called himself Paul. He was apparently the man who would be marrying them. He had deep chocolate skin and was wearing an elaborate purple suit. He gave the couple a look over and said with a deep booming laugh, "You two look exhausted, you know your not supposed to consummate the marriage until after you are married."

Ellie blushed brightly and Connor joined him in laughter. "We've drove from New York so we haven't had much sleep."

" Well you are in luck I currently have an opening. Can you be ready in 20 minutes?" Paul asked.

The couple nodded. He laughed again and said, "We will provide you witnesses if you don't have any of your own and from the looks of you no one would want to drive that long without sleep except you two."

Ellie nodded absently. She was lead to a dressing room. "You will change here and then someone will fetch you when we begin," Paul said.

Connor handed Ellie a dress bag and tote bag that apparently held her shoes and other jewelry he must have taken from her jewelry box at home.

Ellie walked into the room and slipped on the dress. It wasn't as skimpy as the miniskirt he had chosen for her the day before, but it was not as modest as she would have hoped. It was skin tight in the bodice, which was held on to her body by a corset that tied in the back. The bottom of the dress was thin and wispy material that covered her feet, but wouldn't trip her when she walked.

She put the white shoes on her feet. She remembered wearing them to her prom so long ago with Gabriel. She sighed again. She pulled her hair back with two fake pearl pins that matched a set of earrings and necklace that she had. She looked at herself in the full-length mirror. Paul hadn't been lying when he said they looked exhausted. She knew that Connor looked bad, but she looked worse. She wished that she owned some makeup to cover up the dark circles at least. It wasn't just the dark circles though she had a very dull look in her eyes. She was glad it had been passed off as sleep deprivation because Ellie knew exactly what it was it was a mixture of guilt, grief and emotional exhaustion. She couldn't get married like this.

She didn't know how she was going to tell Connor, but she couldn't go through with this wedding. She hoped he wouldn't overreact.

She waited for what felt like hours until someone finally came to get her. She didn't want to leave Connor at the altar, but she couldn't say I do with a clear conscience. He had to know what he was getting into before he married her and she wanted to wait until she didn't have to run across the country to get married secretly at 2 AM. It just didn't seem right to her.

She walked down the tacky aisle noticing two snoozing hobos in the pews. They were made to look like pews, but to Ellie they looked like the benches at train stations. Ellie sighed again.

When it came time to say the vows she held her breath. When asked the standard questions her voice choked out an inaudible phrase.

"What was that?" Paul asked.

"I can't," she replied eyes down to the floor. She tried to focus on her shoes not wanting to look up at Connor's face. She felt Connor's hand grasp her wrist. She yelped in pain as he twisted it. He pulled her from the chapel obviously embarrassed.

He pulled her into the car and opened the door. She was then thrust through the entryway of the door and the door was slammed behind her. Ellie shook violently as Connor got in the driver's side of her car. He revved the motor and pulled away.

Ellie stared straight ahead examining her wrist. It wasn't broken, but it would be badly bruised by the morning. She said nothing as Connor sped towards the interstate.

They said nothing for 200 miles. Dawn was breaking over the horizon, but Connor seemed to be more awake than he had been before. Ellie was more awake too feeling frenzy in her stomach. She was afraid of him. She wasn't sure why he had never been violent before, but she was afraid of going to sleep. She kept her eyes open and they pulled onto a country road.

They drove farther and farther, Ellie couldn't see the interstate anymore. She wasn't even sure of what state they were in now, but she knew that they were going farther and farther away from civilization. They had only passed one farmhouse and the rest was canyon and cattle ranches with scattered fields.

"Where are we going," Ellie asked finally.

"You'll see," Connor said his voice sounding icy. Ellie immediately shut her mouth and didn't ask any more questions.

Finally, in probably the most dismal spot of the road, Connor stopped the car. Ellie saw nothing for miles when she stepped out of the car.

"What are we doing here?" Ellie asked.

"Talking," Connor said getting out of the car. Ellie didn't like the edge that was on his voice. For the first time, he sounded mortally dangerous to her.

"Why would you leave me like that Ellie," Connor asked coming towards her.

Ellie gulped and backed away from him. This wasn't the time or place to tell him. "It just didn't feel right," Ellie said.

"Didn't feel right huh?" Connor asked his voice filled with hatred. "And why's that? There isn't something you are hiding is there," he said to her.

Ellie knew he was going to be angry, but he had never let his rage get to him like this. She wondered what he was going to do to her out here. She wondered if she should run or maybe try to take the car and leave him here until he could calm down. Would he hurt her? Would he kill her? She wasn't certain anymore. The blood rushed through her body and her heart was pumping faster than it ever had. She came to a horrible realization. If he found out the truth, he would kill her. She could see the look in his eyes. He was not in his right mind and she knew that a person displaying these symptoms could be deadly and a threat not only to their victims, but also to themselves.

"Connor," Ellie said softly trying to calm him down. "I just want to wait, I want to have a proper wedding. I didn't want to get married across the country away from friends."

Connor's eyes got wider with anger. He was raging now. "FRIENDS!" he shouted. "Why would you need to spend it with anyone but me. You are mine and I refuse to share you with anyone else!"

"Connor," Ellie said. "Please stop," she begged stepping back into the field. "You're scaring me."

"You haven't even begun to feel fear," Connor said taunting her by stepping closer. "You will never embarrass me again like that."

"Connor," Ellie said. "I'm so sorry," Ellie said starting to cry.

"Oh your not sorry yet," Connor said. "But you will be sorry." he said coming at her quickly.

She turned to run but felt something sharp stab into her back. She turned to look and saw a switchblade sticking out of her side.

"I wanted to marry you Ellie," Connor said as Ellie struggeled to run away with every stride causing more blood to shoot out of her and more pain to shoot through her body. She made it a few more feet before she tripped and fell. Ellie was whimpering on the ground now. "I know what you did," he said to her. "You've been looking guilty the entire trip. I was hoping it wasn't true, but what you said at the altar just proved what I was suspecting," he continued his voice sounding calmer now, but Ellie knew this was the time he was explaining himself trying to justify killing her, because she knew that's what he was going to do. There was no way he would leave her alive after stabbing her. He would kill her and dispose of her body. It was no use trying to plead with him; he already knew things were over, she just hoped he would kill her quickly so she wouldn't have to suffer.

"Ellie, how could you cheat on me!" Connor yelled at her. "Don't you dare try to deny it!"

Ellie whimpered again and he kicked her hard in the back. She finally couldn't hold back the scream.

"No one can hear you," he said. "I'm going to kill you Ellie, but don't worry you'll be joined soon by your _friend_," he said spitting out the word like it were poison, "In hell."

He came at her with the knife and all she could feel was searing pain. She screamed until she had no voice left to scream with. Then she lay still closing her eyes and waiting for it to be over. It couldn't be long now.

After a half an hour Connor stopped hearing someone coming down the road. He panicked and threw her belongings out of the car. He sped away leaving fingerprints all over everything and not even bothering to check the body he left behind.

Ellie felt numbness come over her and knew she was going to die. She wished she knew where she was. She wondered how long it would be until someone found her body or until Connor would come back to dispose of her body. Would he burn her body while she was still alive? She shuddered.

Hours later Ellie felt something hovering over her. She pulled her eyes tight together hoping that it wasn't Connor coming back to dispose of the woman he left for dead. She heard a soft voice, male, but it didn't sound like Connor.

She opened her eyes and squinted. He were pointing a flashlight directly in her face.

"What happened," the man asked her. She finally got a good look at him. He was one of the rancher's in the area probably the one up in the farmhouse they had passed a few miles back.

"I.." Ellie said before her voice cracked. She coughed violently. She tasted the blood on her lips. She was coughing up blood, but at least she was still alive.

"Who did this to you?" he asked trying to approach her slowly.

She cringed back. He stepped back as she cringed. "I'm calling an ambulance," the man said. "I will get help," he said.

Ellie heard the man run towards the road and heard an engine start and then heard the vehicle pull away pull away. She shivered. It was colder than she had expected. She didn't try to get up or move. She ached all over, but at least the burning pain, stabbing pain was gone. He had carved her up with that knife, luckily most of them had only been shallow wounds, but she was surprised she hadn't bled to death in that field. It was obviously dusk now she must have been lying there for hours.

She examined her arm. The cuts were scabbed over for the most part, which explained why she hadn't bled to death. She would never understand how she had been so lucky to have not died after lying in that field for almost 15 hours.

Ellie heard an ambulance pull up a half an hour later and she was put on a stretcher. She asked for her cell phone because she needed to make a very important call, but they told her that she couldn't because the area of that field was now a crime scene. She said that she understood and then asked where she was.

"Just outside of Mud Springs Nevada," the EMS said. He seemed to find it miraculous that she was alive as well. "How long have you been out in that field?"

"I don't know," Ellie admitted as he assessed the cuts all over her skin. "Since dawn I guess," Ellie said.

The EMS didn't ask her any more questions and Ellie was glad, her voice was already bad enough without her trying to get sentences out. She had struggled to get the last few short questions and answers out.

Ellie was kept at the hospital for two days. They released her to the police chief of the county for questioning. She answered his question telling the man that she even had a recent picture of Connor in her belongings that were now sitting in the field.

"We are going to find him," one of the officers assured her as she sat in the waiting room. "He is going to jail and he isn't getting out this time."

Ellie gasped. The officer thought she was having trouble breathing and jumped up to get the phone to call her an ambulance. "You were in no shape to be here today, I can't believe that hospital released you," the officer said.

"I'm fine," Ellie said lying. Ellie had had two broken ribs, which did make breathing difficult, but that wasn't why she had gasped. She hadn't put two and two together until now. Something was wrong with Connor. He wasn't acting the same and suddenly he had been more aggressive then usual. He hadn't acted like that since he was in prison, before they found the brain tumors. She should have known that she was a nurse she had been with him for years. She should have known he wasn't acting right and then maybe none of this would have ever happened. She began crying uncontrollably and the officer took her into another room.

"Would you like to make a call?" the officer asked.

Ellie nodded. She knew exactly whom she needed to call.

Matsuda felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He hadn't been expecting any calls. He looked at the caller id and didn't recognize the number. He held the phone out unsure as to whether we wanted to answer it, but in the end his curiosity won.

"Hello," he said into the mouthpiece.

"Matsuda," he heard from the other end. He knew immediately that it was Ellie, but he had never heard her voice sound so labored or so panicked.

"What's wrong," Matsuda said feeling sick to his stomach. Something horrible had happened to Ellie.

"I," Ellie said her voice cracking again.

"Ellie," Matsuda said calmly. "It's ok," he said to her again. "What do you need?" he asked her knowing that now was not the time to ask her to relive whatever horrific moment had happened to her.

"I need," Ellie said. "Matsuda," she said her voice warbling over the phone.

"Where are you?" he asked trying to rephrase the question again.

Matsuda heard Ellie take the phone away from her ear and heard her speak softly to someone in the room. Matsuda heard another female voice and then he heard Ellie pull the phone back up to her ear.

"Lincoln County Sheriff's Department" Ellie said her voice still shaking. "Pioche, Nevada," Ellie said again.

"Ellie," Matsuda said trying to keep his voice calm. "I'm coming to get you," he said.

"No," Ellie said her voice shaking again. "I've caused enough trouble."

Matsuda was angry now, "Ellie, you sound like death warmed over!" he shouted into the phone. "I don't know what has happened, but I'm not going to let you stay in, Nevada by yourself right now!"

"Ok," Ellie said obviously too exhausted to argue.

"I'll get on the next available flight," Matsuda said.

"Thank you," Ellie said closing her eyes.

"Goodbye Ellie," he said hanging up the phone.


	24. Gravity

_**Chapter 24: Gravity **_

_Thanks to all my readers and reviewers. This chapter has been difficult for me to write, but I think I'm happy with the end product. Like most chapters I write, I always do them in pieces rather in than in one long try. I find that I am able to make the changes I want and be a bit more detailed, plus if I'm hung up on some situation that I can't seem to get just right I can come back to it later when I have a better idea of what I want to write. This does unfortunately cause updating to be a little laggy at times, but I think that the end product is something I can be proud of and something you as my readers can enjoy reading. Please keep reading and reviewing and I'll update as soon as I can. I do not own Death Note or its characters. I do own Ellie, but that's about it. _

Matsuda paid extra for a speedy ticket. There were fewer stops so he would be able to reach Ellie faster. He didn't mind, he felt he owed it to her. Before he boarded the flight he called in for a rental car in Las Vegas.

When he arrived in Las Vegas he walked the length of the airport. The rental car company was on the other end near the train station. He picked up his car and began driving. The woman at the rental car counter who handed him his keys had been kind enough to give him directions to Pioche.

He drove for almost four hours to get to Pioche. He noticed that it had a very Western American feel to it. He had tried watching a film that was supposed to depict America's "old west", but he always thought that it was just overdone and that nothing like that had actually existed. He was wrong.

He pulled into the sheriff's office parking and got out of the car. He walked into the building and saw a very broken and bruised Ellie sitting on one of the benches in the waiting room.

Ellie looked up and smiled weakly. "You came," she said.

Matsuda walked over and held her hands. He noted that both of her wrists were bruised, one more than another, but he was gentle with her hands nonetheless.

Ellie filled out some paperwork and Matsuda promised he wouldn't leave and sat on the bench she had been sitting on.

"You're free to go," the sheriff said to her. "You'll be informed if he is caught."

Matsuda walked Ellie out to the car. He wasn't sure what to say to her. He guessed what had happened. He had heard the officers talking between themselves. They had called her the bloody bride. She must have run off to get married. That thought made him feel even more responsible for this whole mess.

"Matsuda," Ellie said her voice sounding better than it had yesterday.

"Yes?" he asked as they drove back to the airport.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"Back to Japan of course, you didn't think that I would chance you going back to New York did you?" Matsuda asked flabbergasted.

"No," Ellie said quietly. "It's just," she said. "I don't have any clothes other than this and they didn't give me any underwear," she said obviously mortified for having to say that.

Matsuda looked over to her out of the corner of his eye. She was wearing some sort of pale mint green hospital scrubs. He hadn't noticed that when he was in the sheriff's office, but that might have been because he was focusing on her face and how bruised and cut it was.

"I'm sorry," he said to Ellie. "I can't chance him being there, armed and dangerous."

"It's ok," Ellie said. "I'll have to pick something up in Japan then."

"We can stop," Matsuda said. "You shouldn't have to go without, umm, undergarments," he added blushing.

"It's ok," she said to Matsuda. "Underwear seems so trivial when compared to losing my life."

Matsuda said nothing else. He wasn't sure what to say to that. "Why were you in Vegas?" he asked trying to make small talk, but hoping that he hadn't overstepped the invisible boundary that would send her over the edge emotionally.

"He wanted to get married, well I guess eloped would be a better word," she said calmly and thoughtfully. Matsuda wanted to shake her. It wasn't normal to be this calm. He wondered if she was going to shock emotionally.

"What happened then?" he asked against his better judgment.

"I got up the courage to say no," she said her face unchanging. "He drove, everything looks the same here I had no idea where we were going until we drove down some desolate road. Then I had an idea of what he wanted to do."

Matsuda cringed. He wondered why she wasn't completely closed off to him.

As if guessing what he was thinking Ellie said, "I've done this since I was a child. I push traumatic events to the back of my mind until I can deal with them. Right now my first thought is survival and essentials. I'll deal everything else later. It's always about surviving Matsuda. What's worse is when I do finally break down I can't even be angry with him because he is sick. I just didn't notice before I guess. He would have never wanted this to happen, but he is a different person when he is sick. My fiancé had cancer Matsuda," she said her eyes staring straight ahead as if she were in some sort of trance.

"Cancer doesn't cause someone to kill the person they are supposed to be in love with," Matsuda said with a tone in his voice that was angrier than he had expected.

"He had it once before," Ellie explained trying to ignore what he had said about Connor not loving her "He murdered his entire family."

"Ellie," Matsuda said struggling to stay calm. "How could you be in love with someone who killed his entire family," he said almost whispering.

"When they found the cancer and they treated him, he was a different person. He became someone caring, someone who could finally mourn the passing of his family. He never stopped feeling guilty for what happened. I don't know how it happened this time, but I think someone missed a few cells during the treatment, which is possible considering the area of the brain they had to operate in. It was a miracle that there wasn't any damage. Unfortunately, it seems that the tumors have returned. Anger would set off an uncontrollable rage because of the area of the brain that the tumors have encompassed."

Matsuda stared at her in disbelief. He didn't understand how she could love this monster even after all he did to her. Matsuda knew that she was still in love with Connor, and that was the kind of love he hoped he could one day feel. "Ellie, what he did to you will not be forgiven whether he meant to or not."

Ellie's eyes welled up with tears. "That's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to be with him anymore, I can't, not with all that happened. He would understand that, he would never feel right about it either and would always blame himself every time he would see the scars. Nevertheless, I don't want to see any harm come to him. He's like a psychiatric patient. He can't control the things he does and maybe he will have to live in a place where he can be monitored. "

"I am happy that you called me," Matsuda said trying to absorb everything she said to him.

"I am too," Ellie said folding her hands on her lap and resting her head against the passenger window of the rental car.

The rest of the car ride passed in silence and the two of them were able to board a plane out of Vegas in no time at all. Ellie was glad to be up in the air again and going to a familiar place. She realized that she had no idea where she would be staying or when she would be able to go back to the apartment she had once called home in New York. She tried not to think about the passing events. It wouldn't help ease her pain; it would likely do the exact opposite.

"Do I really look that bad?" Ellie asked Matsuda quietly.

Matsuda looked at her closely and held in a cringe himself. He looked around the plane noting that several people gave Ellie worried glances. "You look like a victim," he said honestly.

Ellie nodded. So it was that bad then. She shifted her eyes down not wanting to look at the passengers on the plane. She tried to focus on something else, but all she could think of was Connor. Where was he? What was he doing? Would he try to look for her? Would he believe she had died? Would he see himself on the news somewhere, it wasn't likely that this story wasn't on the news. Would he run or would he give up and let himself be taken in? Would he be the same once his anger was down or would paranoia drive him farther into insanity? She didn't realize she was trembling until Matsuda patted her shoulder.

"He can't get you up here," he said reassuringly.

"That's not it.." she said quietly realizing that her voice was going to fail her too.

"Maybe you should just rest," Matsuda recommended. "It's been a long day for you and when we get back to the apartment I'll see what I can find to clean out those cuts," he said.

Ellie hadn't realized she would be staying with Matsuda, but then again where else would she be staying. She was glad to be staying with Matsuda in a way, but she was worried that if Connor knew she was alive he would look for her and Matsuda could end up getting hurt, or killed or he would have to kill Connor to protect them both. She didn't think Connor would be able to get over to Japan, but nevertheless she felt fear.

She realized something else too. She would be going back to the place where just a few days before she had had an affair. She noted that Matsuda had said nothing about it. Was he too drunk that night to remember anything? She looked up at Matsuda to gauge his response to her. It didn't seem any stranger than usual, other than his obvious sympathy for her situation. She knew there wouldn't be any sexual tension between them now, not with the present situation, but she wondered if in a few months if things would change. She tried to push that into the back of her mind as well. Her mind already felt tired from the emotional toll she was already dealing with, she didn't need to add future worries to her already present worries. She closed her eyes and soon she was asleep.

Her dreams were cloudy as if she had stuck her face into a murky river. She soon realized, that she was underwater. When that realization hit her she realized that she couldn't move either. She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out. She gasped, but surprisingly she felt no water fill her lungs in that unpleasant way it did when you were drowning. It was as if the water were passing right overtop of her and she were in an air pocket at the bottom of the river.

She felt a warm solid structure next to her. She looked at the structure out of the corner of her eye and a toddler boy next to her smiling. The boy had green eyes that mirrored her own and he had hair that was so blond it could almost be white. She suddenly felt the river penetrate her air pocket and watched the boy being swept away from her. His hand reached out to her and she couldn't grab his because of her paralysis. She screamed and felt a real noise escape from her. The river disappeared replaced by a dark figure.

Ellie's eyes shot open and she realized that she wasn't on the plane anymore.

"Where…" Ellie began to ask groggy from sleep.

"My apartment," Matsuda answered her. "You were still asleep on the plane. I decided not to wake you up, and I carried you to my car," Matsuda said.

"You carried me?" Ellie asked. "Wasn't that difficult, you should have just woken me up!" Ellie protested.

Matsuda chuckled sitting on the bed she had been tucked into. "You are surprisingly light actually and it wasn't far though I did get quite a few looks."

"You should have woken me up," she said again.

"You needed the sleep," Matsuda replied. "I was asleep myself, but I heard your scream and well here I am."

"Just a bad dream," Ellie said.

"Was it about?" Matsuda asked.

"No, it's hard to explain actually," Ellie said not sure she wanted to share her odd dreams with Matsuda. She was still trying to get over the vividness of it.

Matsuda nodded seeming to accept her answer. "Well is there anything I can do for you?" Matsuda asked. "Since I'm awake now," he said again chuckling. He knew this wasn't a time to be chuckling or making jokes with her, but he couldn't help but love having her around even in the state that she was in. She had called him, out of everyone she knew. That meant something to him; it meant that above everyone else she needed him the most. He knew that the chance of anything coming from it, was minimal, but it was still nice to have someone depend on him like that. It felt like no one else had any faith in him.

"I'm sorry I woke you," Ellie said. "Was it that bad?"

Matsuda did cringe that time. Her scream had been almost inhuman. He tried to get it out of his mind, but it rang in his ears. She had sounded so terrified, and hurt all at the same time. He wondered if that must have been what it sounded like when Connor had tried to kill her. He wondered if she pleaded for her life or if she loved the bastard so much that she reasoned with him. He wondered if the man knew that Ellie had slept with him. He then felt his anger and disgust turn to pain and guilt. He wondered if he had played a part in what had happened to Ellie, wondered if she had said no to being Connor's wife because she had slept with him.

He hugged her rather than answering her.

Ellie melted into his hug. She felt tears prickling in her eyes. She clenched her eyes shut trying to force the tears back. She eventually lost the battle with her eyes and felt the moisture escape from the corners of her eyes onto Matsuda's shoulder.

Matsuda felt warmth on his shoulder and realized that the warmth was wet. She was crying. He moved his hands up and down her back trying to soothe her. She made no noise, but he felt the shoulder of his shirt become more and more moist.

Ellie pulled away from him. "I'm sorry," was all she was able to say through her continuing tears.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Matsuda said. "I'm sorry that I made you cry."

Ellie laughed. The noise was odd to her. "You didn't make me cry," she said laughing and crying at the same time. She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands realizing that was going to do no good and pulled at the sleeve of the hospital scrubs she was still wearing and wiped her eyes with that.

Matsuda looked at her as if she had just set herself on fire. "I'm ok," Ellie said. "It feels good to be able to cry finally, it feels even better to be able to laugh."

Matsuda looked at her again. He held her face careful not to touch any of the cuts or bruises.

Ellie's eyes opened wide. She knew that if this were a movie, or a book that he would kiss her now, he was set up perfectly for it, but he didn't kiss her. He just assessed her face and then said, "One of the cuts on your face is bleeding again I'm going to get something to put on it so it won't get infected."

That was all he said before leaving the room.

Ellie felt cold without his hands on her face. She shivered and pulled the blankets over herself again. She finally looked around the room she had stayed in just a few days before. She noted that the digital alarm clock on the nightstand read 3:34. She sighed. It was going to be a long night.

Matsuda came back with a tube of Neosporin. Ellie rubbed it into her cut and winced. She hadn't realized how badly her face and body hurt until then. She had been in shock then though, now she was able to cry and feel again. She almost wished she were back in shock the emotional pain was going to be bad, she could feel it building up. Once she applied Neosporin and adequate pressure to stop the bleeding she handed the tube of Neosporin back to Matsuda. "Thank you," she said.

"Do you need me to stay?" Matsuda asked on his way to his bathroom to put the Neosporin away.

"No," Ellie said. "I'm going to try to sleep again."

"Goodnight, Ellie," Matsuda said walking back to his room.

"Goodnight," Ellie said. As soon as she heard him close the door to his own bedroom Ellie let go of the pent up emotions. She held back as many of the sounds as she could trying to muffle them with the pillows, but it was in vain. She hadn't taken into account how thin the walls were between the two rooms.

Matsuda heard every cry, and felt his stomach twist into knots while he contemplated whether to get up and comfort her or let her deal with things on her own. He opted for leaving her alone, she obviously had wanted that, and was trying to keep quiet. He listened to her cries the rest of the night.


	25. A New Day Has Come

_**Chapter 25: A New Day Has Come**_

_Sorry for the lag. I know I'm always apologizing for that, but I almost never have time to write anymore because of college and the nursing program and such. It's fairly demanding and when it's not taking up my time then housework, my fiancé's daughter, or basic needs are usually taking up the remaining portion. I will try to keep updating as much as I can and I hope that you continue to read and review. I do not own death note, its characters, or its plot line in any way. I do own Ellie, but that's about it. _

Ellie watched the sun rise that morning. She could remember only a few times she stayed up long enough to watch a new day dawn. Ellie hugged her arms closely to her body. It wasn't that she was able to stay awake for the rising sun, it was that she was afraid to go back to sleep. She didn't like the nightmares that were plaguing her. Each time she closed her eyes she was someplace different and it seemed with each time she dozed off the nightmares got more and more frightening. She decided she would rather be awake. At least if she were awake she could busy herself to keep her mind off of things. That was all she could do to keep from completely losing it.

Ellie walked into Matsuda's kitchen. It was a strange feeling to be sitting in his kitchen. She nervously looked over her shoulder a couple times before sitting down. She was antsy, though she knew she had no reason to be. Her last nightmare had been Connor walking through the door and going into another rage. The slightest creaks and drips made her jump out of her seat. She decided she had better go for a walk. She would feel better if she could keep Matsuda out of the line of fire, if nothing else.

She looked down at herself. She looked like a mess, old scrubs, no underwear. She looked around for something, anything and saw a familiar piece of clothing. The schoolgirl uniform she had purchased earlier that week.

"Well its better than going commando," she thought to herself, but as soon as she put them on she felt more soiled than she had been in the scrubs without any underwear. She slipped the scrubs overtop the uniform and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like either a victim in a car crash or a victim of a brutal assault. Matsuda had been right when he had said that she looked like a victim.

She decided to get as far away from the apartment as she could for a while. She felt bad not waking Matsuda up to tell him, but she knew he would just disagree with her and say that maybe she shouldn't be out this soon. She knew that this is what she needed; she needed to get her mind off of what happened. She left Matsuda a note and grabbed her cell phone which she put in it in the pocket of the scrubs.

She decided to check the joint bank account she shared with Connor. She wasn't sure how much money would be in it or if there would even be any money in it. Connor may have very well drained the entire account the day that he left her for dead in that field. She was surprised when the teller handed her the bank card and gave her directions to the nearest money exchange. She thanked the teller and left.

She ended up draining the bank account. She knew that she should leave a little in there, just in case he needed the money so he would be tracked easier but she didn't think about it beforehand really. She took the money and decided she would have to at least get some underwear with the money.

She wasn't really sure of where to shop for clothing in Japan. In the time that she had lived there she brought all of her clothing from home and all of the clothing from her "home" had been purchased at a thrift store. She decided to contact the only person she knew would be able to help her out in this sort of situation.

"Hello?" Misa said answering the phone.

"Hi, Misa." Ellie said.

"Hi, Ellie-chan!" Misa exclaimed. "Why the call in the middle of the day it is so unlike Ellie-chan."

"I could really use your help," Ellie said. "I know that you spend most of your free time shopping so I thought maybe you could point out a few places for me."

Misa literally screamed into the earpiece. "Of course Ellie-chan. I'm glad you finally are seeing that I am the best person to find clothes for you!"

"I'll drop by your apartment in about 10 minutes," Ellie said. "Could you give me directions from the police station?"

Misa gave Ellie the directions and Ellie began walking. She finally made it to Misa's apartment about a half an hour later. Ellie knocked on the door of the correct apartment and Misa threw open the door.

"Ellie-chan!" she shouted and then cringed. "What happened!"

"It's a long story," Ellie said. "Can I come in?"

"Of course Ellie-chan," Misa said.

Ellie walked through the front door and sat down on the couch. Misa sat down on the couch that was directly across from the couch that Ellie was sitting on.

"Why isn't Ellie-chan back in New York with her fiancé?" Misa asked. "Did you have a fight?"

"Well," Ellie said. "I guess you could say that."

"Well Ellie-chan," Misa said. "What was the fight about?"

"Misa, he tried to kill me, it was a little more than a fight I would say," Ellie said.

Misa sat in shock for a few moments unsure of what to say. "Aren't you scared?" Misa asked.

"Terrified," Ellie said. "I can't go back to my apartment and I'm staying with Matsuda. These are the only clothes I have access to. It would be really nice to at least buy a bra and a pack of underwear if nothing else." Ellie said.

"Of course Ellie-chan." Misa said. "But first, please let me give you something of mine so you won't have to go back out in that. No offense Ellie-chan, but you look awful and those clothes are covered with spots of blood."

Ellie allowed Misa to take her into Misa's bedroom. Misa smiled and said, "This is my dresser and that small one over there is Light's. He invited me to live with him just a few days ago."

"I'm really happy for you Misa," Ellie said.

Misa spent a few moments looking through her clothes and she finally spotted a dress that she hadn't worn in a while."

"Ah here you are Ellie-chan," Misa said.

Ellie looked at the dress. It was short and black. Ellie was grateful she hadn't wanted to go out in these scrubs again because she had gotten an odd look from the bank teller. They were covered in small spots of blood as Misa had said and they hung on Ellie's body like a bag. Still she couldn't complain she didn't have any other clothes other than that. "Thank you Misa," Ellie said. "I'll change into this now."

Ellie walked into the bathroom and stripped out of the scrubs. She threw the scrubs into the trash. There was no hope of saving that garment. Ellie looked at herself in the schoolgirl outfit that was underneath the scrubs and was horrified. The bruises were dark purple and lay in small patches all over her body. She looked like a purple spotted Dalmatian. Ellie kept the schoolgirl uniform underneath the dress that Misa had given her. It was the only form of underwear she had and she wasn't about to borrow that from Misa.

Ellie walked out of the bathroom and Misa said, "That is much better Ellie-chan," and then gasped halfway through her words. She had gotten a look at Ellie's legs which weren't bruised as badly as her torso but had several shallow gashes in them.

There was stunned silence for several minutes and then Ellie spoke, "Did you want to go or do you think that I should wear something that covers up my legs?" Ellie asked.

"Ellie-chan," Misa said. "He should pay for what he did to you."

"It's fine Misa," Ellie said quietly. Ellie really didn't want to talk about it right now. She wished everyone would just stop bringing up how awful she looked. How was that supposed to help her heal?

"Ellie-chan, it's not fine. Killing someone else, especially someone you are supposed to love is never ok. Misa knows Ellie, Misa's own stalker tried to kill her. Misa was lucky to survive."

"I'm sorry," Ellie said. "I had no idea."

"No one knows Ellie-chan you must keep it a secret. Misa shouldn't have spoken of it," Misa said.

"Of course," Ellie said. "It's our secret."

Misa smiled. "Ok Ellie-chan, we are going shopping.

Three and a half hours later Misa and Ellie had many shopping bags between them. Ellie refused to buy most of the sexier things, but she found a few semi-conservative things to wear. By the time they had finished Ellie had only spent half of the money she had brought with her. Misa's connections had gotten her most of the things at a high discount, and even free in certain places. "Thank you Misa," Ellie said after Misa drove her back to Matsuda's apartment.

"No problem Ellie-chan," Misa said. "It's nice to spend time with another girl."

Ellie walked up the stairs with the scattered bags that she had with her. She opened up the door to Matsuda's apartment with the key he had given her. She put the clothes in the small closet of the guest bedroom.

Ellie showered and put on one of the skirts and one of the collared tee-shirts. Ellie walked out into the living room where Matsuda was waiting for her. He had greeted her when she came in and now he was waiting as she got herself taken care of.

"Ellie, you look nice," Matsuda said.

"Thank you Misa took me to get a few things so I wouldn't be wearing those scrubs everywhere."

Matsuda smiled. "Are you feeling better today?" Matsuda asked.

"A little," Ellie confided. "It's going to be a while until I begin to feel safe again."

"Ellie, you know I would never let anything happen to you right? I feel bad enough that I let you go back to that…man," Matsuda said gritting his teeth. He could think of a few more appropriate names for Ellie's abusive psychotic fiancé but he kept them to himself.

"Matsuda, I made that choice. It's not your fault. It's not my fault. It's probably not even his fault. It just happened. I'm alive, I survived. It's ok." Ellie said.

"Being able to survive doesn't ever make it ok!" Matsuda shouted shaking her. "Do you have any idea how much you mean to me," Matsuda said and then quickly backpedalled. "You are my closest friend."

Ellie couldn't help it. She started crying. Matsuda instantly released her. Ellie breathed deeply for a few moments before wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said. "Usually I don't outburst like that."

"Never, apologize for something like that," Matsuda said quietly with his teeth slightly gritted.

Ellie was surprised. Matsuda had never said anything like that before. "Ok," was all she was able to say.

That night Misa sat in the bedroom she shared with Light. He was working late that night, Misa understood. He was part of the police force now. She was so proud of him. She opened the death note. Light had told her to keep up with the killings and she had been writing throughout the day when she had a chance. Tonight she had a specific person in mind. Usually Misa didn't feel a connection to any of her victims, but this time she felt a particular hatred for one. She hadn't had a chance to kill either her stalker or the man who had killed her parents. Misa logged onto Ellie's facebook account. It seemed that Ellie hadn't updated it in a while, but nevertheless she had added Misa as a friend a couple of years before. Misa smiled. Misa looked through the photo albums on the page and found her victim. "Connor O'Keith," Misa said opening her notebook. She wrote down the name and closed her eyes sighing. She closed Ellie's facebook page and continued writing names of criminals as she had any night, but had a higher feeling of satisfaction.

Ellie's eyes shot open. She had been having another nightmare, but that wasn't what had awoken her. She rubbed her eyes and focused on what the cause of her awakening. Ellie could faintly hear the sound of her cell ringing.

Ellie jumped out of bed and answered the phone. She could hear the labored breaths of someone on the other side.

"Who is this?" Ellie asked scared out of her mind.

"El…..Ellie," the labored voice said.

Ellie nearly jumped out of her skin. "Why are you calling me!" she demanded. She already knew who it was. It was Connor. He must be calling from a pay phone.

"I'm dying," he said. Ellie heard him choke out before he let out a terrible scream.

Ellie Let out a terrified shriek and dropped the phone. Ellie picked up the phone again and there was no noise.

"Connor," Ellie said. There was no answer.

Matsuda walked into the room. "Ellie what's going on?"

"He….." Ellie said shaking.

"Ellie," Matsuda said calmly. "Did he call you?"

"Yes," Ellie said still shaking.

"That son of a bitch," Matsuda said under his breath. Ellie was taken aback. She had never heard Matsuda curse, ever.

"I think something terrible has happened," Ellie said.

"He's not going to get you here Ellie," Matsuda said. "I've got a gun, and I'll have the apartment watched, I've got connections… well I'm sure given the severity of the situation we can at least find some way for your to be safe."

"It's not that," Ellie said.

"What is it Ellie?" Matsuda asked.

"He's dead," Ellie said.


	26. The Healing of Harms

_**Chapter 26: The Healing of Harms**_

_I want to open by first apologizing about a million times to my readers. I just realized it's been over four months since I last posted. Between patient care, loss of income from both myself and my fiancé, preschool starting for the little one, and well other miscellaneous road blocks to my writing I have let this story fall between the cracks. I had to update myself on the series once again, but now that I have updated myself I am able to start writing again. I do warn you that not everything follows the anime completely (time changes, and a few scene changes have happened, but otherwise it's the same and the storyline itself is pretty much follows the anime completely). I try to stick to the storyline, but things like age have definitely become an issue and I realized it would be because there was no way to make it fit into the time frame with the storyline I chose. I know in the series, for example, there is a four year time period between Mello leaving the orphanage and the abduction of Sayu, but I cut that down to a few months (sorry again guys but it didn't fit into the time frame otherwise). This is a fanfiction so I am unfortunately having to put a bit more fiction into it than I would have liked, but I hope that otherwise it will follow the anime storyline. I just put that note in because I know someone is going to point it out later. Well this author's note ended up being longer than expected, I guess I just got on a roll there. Well please read and review I always look for positive and sometimes even negative criticism. I enjoy the happy "omg I love this story" comments just as well though, just so I know someone is still out there reading and wants me to continue with this thing. I don't know Death Note (because if I did I wouldn't be flat broke right now) its characters, plot line, or any other thing related to death note (except this fanfiction of course). _

Ellie dreaded the calls. She knew they would start as soon as it made the news, but she was hoping to hold it off for as long as possible. Now with a funeral ahead of her she couldn't exactly blow off the friends who had been calling. Friends of Connor's from work, friends of hers from work, and she especially dreaded calling the mutual friends of his and hers that would go out to dinner with them once a month up until the previous year. Alexandra and Todd had been great friends and they had been neighbors for four years before Alexandra and Todd moved away to start a family. The apartment complex wasn't bad; it just wasn't a place to raise a kid. Ellie and Connor had only been thinking about staying there for another few months before they started looking for a house of their own. They were going to do it soon after they got married so they could think about starting a family. It was a little later than most, but Ellie wasn't even 30 yet. She sighed, that was the last thing she wanted to think about now. This was not the time or place for something like that and Ellie wondered if she would ever be able to start a family. The odds were against her.

She made the dreaded calls, and took the calls she had forgotten to make. Ellie then called a funeral home in New York owned by a friend of Connor's. She knew he would want Connor to go there for the arrangements. Ellie got the price for the funeral, and was instantly glad she had started a fund for the wedding that she and Connor were supposed to have. She hadn't told him about the money, he had a lot of pride and it would have upset him if she thought that he couldn't pay for things. Neither Ellie nor Connor had parents to pay for the wedding so they had to cover everything. Ellie knew that Connor didn't have enough to have the kind of wedding he wanted them to have. Up until the last few months Connor had wanted a traditional wedding. She shook her head. She didn't want to think about it she would just use the money and be rid of it and the thoughts lingering in her head of what could have been.

Matsuda listened to Ellie speak quickly in English on the phone. He caught only every other word. He knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping anyway. He didn't have to understand what she saying to know what the conversation was about. He could hear it so clearly in her tone of voice. She seemed to be explaining to someone on the phone, someone who had not known about Connor's death, he guessed by the pained expression Ellie wore as she paced in the living room. He could hear screaming on the phone as Ellie held it away from her ear. The screaming, he would find out later, was very loud crying, but it seemed Ellie had to explain her own fiancé's death. It didn't seem right to Matsuda at all. Why should she be responsible for a bastard who had tried to kill her? He shook his head. There were things about Ellie he would never understand. He wasn't close enough to her to understand them all.

Ellie made the last of the calls and sighed. She was able to hold herself together for all of the calls. She had only had trouble with one of the friends, who hadn't found out from the news about what had happened to Connor. It was hard to explain it, she felt far from herself when she tried to recount everything. Alexandra and Todd were her last to call, for good reason. They were the closest to Ellie and Connor. Ellie had watched their child several times and Connor worked with Todd in the factory together. Alexandra had been the one to answer the phone and upon hearing the news, had to hand the phone to Todd, she was much too hysterical to continue the conversation.

"I can't believe he could do something like that. I worked with him up until the last day. He, he seemed, odd yes, but… I… How could this happen?" Todd had said unable to complete the sentences he was thinking.

"I don't know," Ellie had said. "Would you and Alexandra come to the funeral, you know, to say goodbye?"

"Of course," Todd had said.

Ellie lay down on the bed in the guest bedroom. She hadn't taken any of her meals. She felt terrible. She felt relief that he could no longer get her. She knew that was terrible and selfish, and she had never wished he would die, but nevertheless now that he had passed, she felt safe again. She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. She had kept them away during the tough phone calls, when she felt she was going to hyperventilate if she had to tell the story one more time, but now, left only with her thoughts, she couldn't keep them away.

Matsuda offered her dinner, but she kindly declined trying to wipe her eyes quickly before he entered her room. He didn't understand her; she was upset that the man who had tried to kill her was dead? He hadn't expected her to run into his arms, but he didn't expect her to fall apart. He had never seen her like this before, it was very disorienting. He supposed it was only reasonable for her to be upset. This man had been with her for years, he had only recently tried to kill her. She was probably very unsettled by the whole situation. He sighed. Matsuda walked to work the night shift, and left Ellie to cry herself out hoping that she would find the relief she needed.

Ellie looked up at the ceiling after several hours. She hadn't spent an entire day lying in bed depressed like this since she lost L. She got up and felt dizzy. She sat back down on her bed and looked around. She liked it here, she liked that it wasn't going to remind her of Connor every day unlike her apartment in New York. She would have to ask Matsuda, but she could pay half the rent and live here with him. She didn't want to go back to that lonely apartment. She knew he wouldn't get the wrong idea. They had one stupid one night stand, and she had just lost the man she had once hoped would be her husband. Matsuda was just the friend she needed right now, just the amount of support to keep her going. She would of course have to quit her job in New York, but she had been talking about working in a larger clinic months before. She loved her patients but it was time for a change. She would pack up what she wanted from her apartment, and would sell what she couldn't stand to see anymore. As for Connor's personal items, well she would leave it up to his friends what they wanted of it. The money he made would mostly go to pay his funeral; he didn't have life insurance so there was nothing for her to gain from his death, not that she would have felt right gaining anything from his death.

She bought a ticket online to New York for the funeral. She would pack up her things, finish her last two weeks of work, and sell, donate, or give away whatever was left in her apartment. She would look for a subletter to rent her apartment for the remainder of her lease, which was going to run out in a few months anyway.

She sent her letter of resignation via email. She would call them later; she knew the time difference meant she would be calling right before the clinic opened. She would call them in a couple of hours so that they could get their first patients of the day out of the way. She knew there was a lag at that time and would be able to talk to her boss.

Ellie rested on the bed again. She still didn't feel hungry enough to eat, but she thought it would be safe to intake some fluids. She walked into the kitchen and got herself a glass of water. As she sat at the table with her glass of water she stared out the window. She had sat in this same kitchen less than a week before, and the circumstances had been so different. Now she was practically a widow, had cheated on and almost been killed by her fiancé, and now her fiancé was dead, to be buried in a few short days. It was a shock to the system. This wasn't how things were supposed to be, this was so far away from what she expected. Like her short time with the Kira Investigation Team it seemed that her life was once again spinning out of control. She grabbed a handful of hair and screamed. No matter what she had going for her, something always happened to throw it out of control. Someone always died, someone always got hurt.

Matsuda found it hard to keep focused. He kept feeling like he was being watched. He turned around and saw Chief Yagami behind him.

"Oh, chief," Matsuda said finally able to catch the breath he had been holding while he was turning around. "You startled me."

"Have you been keeping up on the news Matsuda?" Chief Yagami said nonchalantly.

Matsuda scratched his head as if to try to understand what kind of code language Chief Yagami was talking in. "No," Matsuda said slowly.

Chief Yagami lowered his voice and said, "The amount of Kira related killings has gone up in the past few years as you know, with a spike occurring just a few short months ago. We haven't had many meetings of the Kira Task Force since then, but it seems that it is time for full time action to occur. Light has graduated from the police academy and he will be able to put full time effort into this."

Matsuda nodded. He had a feeling eventually they would be called into action full time to find Kira once again. Kira had been killing criminals steadily during the nine years L had been dead, but it seemed that during the last year as Kira was becoming internationally recognized the killings of criminals had been phenomenally high, even for Kira.

"We are bringing everyone together; I was hoping you would be able to get in touch with Ellie as none of the other team members have her contact information."

"Ellie…" Matsuda said slowly. "She isn't feeling well at the moment, I don't know that she would be up to it."

Chief Yagami nodded. Starting a family and being married made it hard to be part of the Kira Task Force. "We will be conducting our investigation in Light's apartment for now as we had planned before."

"Yes, of course," Matsuda said.

Two hours passed and Ellie was finally able to call the clinic where she worked. She put in her resignation and asked for a reference to the hospital that she had done her clinical rotation for during her stay in Japan while working for the Kira Investigation team. She had no idea whether they were hiring, but it seemed the logical place to start looking. She would put in her job application in several different places, but she was hoping things would pan out in Japan. She didn't want to put this all on Matsuda, of course, but she wasn't thinking clearly right now. The only thing she knew is that New York had never felt like her home. She had stayed there, she had loved being around Connor, up until the moment he tried to murdered her, but she hadn't felt comfortable there. She needed to be someplace that she had family, per se. She had honestly missed Misa and Matsuda and even a couple of the other members of the Kira Task Force from years ago.

Matsuda finally made his way home in the early hours of the dawn. He was going to be working for the task force again. He couldn't believe how his life had come back full circle, the only difference being that things were much more complicated and he was older. He sighed as he opened the door to his apartment. He had almost hoped Ellie was awake so he could talk to her about this. He had a feeling being part of the Kira Task Force was one of the last things she wanted to do right now. Her late fiancé was still in autopsy to find the cause of death, but it seemed that he died of a heart attack, or at least that's what Ellie had inferred when she had finally calmed down two nights previous upon hearing him die. Matsuda knew that it was probably Kira's doing. Connor was a criminal, and he had tried to murder again and was at large. He was certainly in the news, but not in Japan which would be a surprising bit of information if Connor was indeed killed by Kira. That would mean of course that Kira is either in the United States, or knew Ellie or her fiancé very well. That thought frightened him. Ellie, she couldn't possibly be Kira, could she? He shivered at the thought. She had just lost her fiancé and was distraught, not to the extent that most would have expected, but he assumed that was the way she dealt with grief. He shook the thought of Ellie being Kira out of his mind.

Matsuda sat down in the kitchen and watched the sun rise. He wasn't going to be able to get to sleep. He heard a sigh from within his darkened living room. He jumped up and pulled his gun out of its holster. He wasn't sure what was putting him on the edge, but he instantly lowered the gun away when he heard a familiar gasp.

"Ellie?" Matsuda asked.

Ellie's eyes were wide with shock. "Sorry, I couldn't sleep I didn't mean to scare you."

"I didn't see you on my way in," Matsuda said.

"I was lying on the couch; I didn't sit up until you were in the kitchen. I was getting ready to just get up and give up on sleep and well we are at this point now," Ellie said.

"I can't sleep either," Matsuda said.

Ellie stood up and stretched. "Matsuda, could we talk?" she asked motioning toward the kitchen.

Matsuda swallowed and nodded. Nothing good ever came from the words "could we talk".

Ellie sat down at the table and Matsuda sat across from her. Ellie breathed in deeply and got ready to finally ask him.

"I've been thinking," Ellie began.

Matsuda had to fight to suppress a groan. He definitely knew what came after "I've been thinking".

"I could use a change of scene, and well maybe you wouldn't mind having someone help out with the rent. Not saying that you couldn't yourself…" Ellie said stuttering over her words. She shifted her eyes downward. He was probably thinking she was pretty stupid right now.

Matsuda sat in the chair his mouth hanging open. He certainly hadn't been expecting that.

"I'm sorry," Ellie said. "I didn't mean to insinuate. I understand if it's too hard for you to have me around, I'll find a job somewhere else. I was planning on quitting soon anyway," Ellie said now struggling to hold her words back.

Matsuda quickly said, "No, umm, I think it's a great idea. Wait… You quit your job?"

"Yes," Ellie said. "I've put my resume in here in Japan, but I could get my resume in to a few places back in the States if this living arrangement is a problem."

"No it's not a problem, just a surprise." Matsuda said.

"Well, I guess I will pack up what I can back in New York. I'll have to sell the furniture, that goes without saying there is no way I can get that shipped, but some of the smaller things could probably make it. Do you need a coffeemaker?" Ellie asked.

Matsuda laughed and to the surprise of both occupants of the room Ellie chuckled a little too. Her chest filled with the warmth of acceptance. She was back in familiar territory, and she would be around the people she had once considered close enough to be family. She felt a small bit of internal peace after the horrific incidents that summed up her week. She knew this was the place she needed to be in order to heal.


	27. So, Why Are You Running Away?

_**Chapter 27: So Why Are You Running Away?**_

_Thanks to all my readers and reviewers. I am hoping to get some of Near's perspective in the next chapter. I don't know how well that is going to work or if I'm going to continue to do that after the next chapter, but it's an experiment nonetheless. I am sorry for the delay as usual, this is the first time in a while that I have had enough free time to write. _

Ellie couldn't believe she was on an airplane again. She had said goodbye to Matsuda as he drove her to the airport. The feeling was unreal. It felt like she was looking at her life as some outside being. She stared straight ahead while the world moved around her on the plane. She saw a man two rows ahead of her sleeping, a woman trying to calm a very upset baby, a teen girl giggling and talking to a friend in the seat next to her. The world continued on while Ellie was stuck.

After getting off the plane she realized she didn't have a vehicle anymore. She had been so preoccupied she had totally forgotten that Connor had taken her car and left her in a field to die. She shivered as she walked over to the rental counter. She would have to rent a car to get around for a few days. She waited in line for almost an hour and found that there weren't many choices left. She paid for the rental and drove the minivan to her apartment. She was disappointed that the minivan was one of the last choices, but it seemed during this time of the year the SUVs and economy cars were more popular. April in New York was beautiful, but Ellie knew that wouldn't last. The winter faded into summer with little time of enjoyable spring weather.

She drove for 45 minutes to her apartment. The closer she got the harder it was to continue driving. By the time she parked the car in front of her apartment building she was sobbing. She unbuckled her seat belt and curled up in the driver's seat. She locked the doors and held her head in her hands. She spent the night in the minivan.

The next morning she awoke to the sounds of angry car horns. She guessed that Mr. and Mrs. Jones must still be arguing. It wasn't the first morning that had been interrupted by their angry yells, throwing of items, or obnoxious noises such as the car horn that had interrupted her sleep. She stretched. She had finally had a night of dreamless sleep. She felt, well refreshed wasn't a good word for it, but she felt stronger than she had the day before.

She was finally able to make it up the stairs and able to get her key into the door of her apartment. Her breathing quickened and she was worried she would collapse outside of the door. She turned the key and jiggled it several times before the she heard the familiar click. It echoed in her ears as she pushed open the door. She walked and felt the air go out of her lungs. It looked like someone had robbed the place, but there was no sign of forced entry and whoever had been in the apartment had taken the time to lock the door before they left. She felt the tears coming to her eyes again and the crippling pain in her chest. She knew who was here of course. He had left a newspaper in the kitchen on the counter. She stepped over the overturned furniture and read the page that he had been reading. She saw her picture, a picture of her before and after the attack. She was surprised, he must have been in Nevada when he picked up the newspaper because there was no way that the story would have made it all the way to New York. He must have come looking for her once he knew she was alive, and when he couldn't find her that's when he must have tried to call her. His body had been found in the neighboring town at a payphone in front of a gas station. She should have guessed that he would come back to the apartment. Matsuda had been right; it was good that she hadn't gone back. She felt more grateful than ever to him for that.

She tried to fix up the apartment the entire day. She knew people would start coming over to pay their condolences and she wanted her apartment to be presentable. She finally got the apartment as clean as it would be and she posted an online bulletin for a subletter. She sighed. That was enough for that day. She just wanted to lie in her bed and sleep.

She walked into the bedroom. She opened the dresser drawer and pulled out her pajamas and began changing. She looked over at the bed. The bed that had once been so comforting, the bed she had shared with her fiancé was just a place for bad memories. She opted for sleeping on the couch she didn't want to push her emotions any farther than they would go.

The next two weeks flew by. Ellie finished up her two weeks of work and the funeral was over and the furniture sold. Ellie felt it only right to bury Connor where his parents were buried. Some people would find it sick to bury him next to the people he had caused to be in the ground in the first place, but Ellie knew it was what he would have wanted. He had repented, and he had been cured, or at least that's what they thought.

Ellie greeted the woman that would sublet her apartment. She was a single mother with two kids. Ellie's heart went out the woman. "I couldn't sell the couch, and a few other furniture items, would you like to keep them? It would really save me the trouble of having them hauled away."

The woman smiled knowing that it was Ellie's way of saying that she wanted to help out, and not that the woman was helping her out. Still, there was such a thing as pride and Ellie certainly didn't want to kick someone when they were down. "I'll be going then, thank you so much for subletting," Ellie said as she handed the keys to the apartment to the woman. They had already had several phone conversations about the apartment and the woman had even come last week with her kids to see the apartment before deciding to take on Ellie's lease.

Ellie got into the minivan again. She was glad she opted for the package where she paid by week instead of day. If she had paid the price per day there was no way she would have afforded it.

She dropped the minivan off at the airport. She had only packed a couple of small appliances; they hadn't been in that nice of a condition to begin with. She donated them to goodwill, rather than selling them. She hoped that someone would be able to benefit from all of this misfortune. She also packed up everything she could in the few suitcases she had managed to accumulate during her time in New York. She boarded her plane and was ready to once again continue on with her life.

Matsuda anxiously waited at the airport. He had been there for a couple of hours, not wanting to miss Ellie's flight. He heard the number announced and jumped out of his seat. He watched passengers of the airplane file into the airport, looking through the luggage to see what was theirs. He saw several couples pass, some old, and some young. He saw children, adults, elderly, but he couldn't seem to find Ellie in the crowd. Finally, he spotted her in the very back.

He walked over to her, trying not to seem overly anxious. "How was your flight?" he asked.

"It was ok," Ellie said yawning. "I got a call back on a job I applied for. It appears my certification as a nurse practitioner has not transferred. There is some test I need to take for competency, but my RN transferred just fine, so I'll be starting in the emergency room as a nurse."

"Wouldn't you rather work someplace more…" Matsuda asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Slow, stable?" Ellie suggested. "No, that would probably be the worst place to work. Gives me too much time to think, I just want to jump back into things. If they aren't hiring in the emergency room, I know there was an Intensive Care Unit position available and I will take that instead."

Matsuda shook his head. He wasn't sure how a widow should be grieving, but the way Ellie was handling things could not be normal, by any stretch. He eyed her carefully as she picked out her bags and carried them over to Matsuda who she had left standing by a bench, somewhat shocked by her calm, cool demeanor.

Matsuda drove back to the apartment with Ellie quietly sitting in the passenger's seat. "How was it being back in New York?" he asked trying to make small talk.

"It was.. difficult," she said. "But everything is taken care of now."

Matsuda realized this was going to be a sore subject so he changed the subject. "Umm. I didn't ask you a few days ago, because I knew that you weren't feeling well, but Chief Yagami asked me to ask you if you wanted to join the task force. We are all coming back together because, as you've probably heard the new Kira is killing more rapidly again."

"Thanks for the message Matsuda, but I'm not really feeling up to it. That's just not my lifestyle anymore and I'm not sure I would be any use to the task force anyway. Thanks for asking me though, but I will have to decline," Ellie said looking out the window.

The rest of the drive was silent. Matsuda helped Ellie move her suitcases into the guest bedroom. "Thanks for all the help Matsuda, you are really the best friend I've ever had," Ellie said hugging him. He felt her shaking. He wrapped his arms tightly around her back and he felt warmth on his shoulder again. He rubbed her back with his hands. This is what he had expected from a widow in mourning.

Ellie pulled away quickly. She wiped her eyes quickly. "I have to unpack," she said wiping her eyes quickly and turning her head away.

"I'll help you," Matsuda said as he was left awkwardly standing in his living room.

Ellie sighed as she began unpacking. She tried not to look at Matsuda who was unpacking next to her. She shouldn't have gotten drunk; she shouldn't have had sex with him because in the end it had just ruined any feelings of comfort in the friendship. She felt strange hugging him now, like there was some sexual tension between them. There had always been a little of that, but that was common with friendships with the opposite sex. What made her feel worst of all was that all of her male best friends had been a sex partner at one point or another. She wasn't sure that she could call L a best friend, but he was certainly close to her. He had been just the kind of person she needed to be with. She knew that even if they had never stayed with her, had he lived, that she would have loved him. He was, no she didn't even want to think it. He was her soul mate. She looked over at Matsuda. She wondered if maybe, someday they could have something like that. She had liked being with him. He reminded her of Gabriel, the one boyfriend she had never had a strong physical relationship with. He was kind, polite, respective, fun, happy go lucky. He made her feel like smiling. She had to admit that was what she needed most of all to smile, but she didn't want another relationship. She felt it was too soon and that it would be disrespectful to her fiancé's death. Still it was nice to have a friend, and she was hoping after a while the sexual tension would either be something to joke about, something that could be ignored, or it would disappear completely. She was hoping for the third option. As nice as it would be to be with Matsuda in that way, to have a relationship, she knew she shouldn't. She wouldn't be good for him; he should be with someone else, someone with a hell of a lot less baggage.

"If you feel uncomfortable here we can find a different place for you to live," Matsuda said quietly.

"Hmm?" Ellie asked. "Do you feel uncomfortable with me being here, I'm sorry it was a bit last minute. I will look for another place if you feel uncomfortable, but I do not feel uncomfortable if that is what you are worried about."

"I'm not uncomfortable, you just look…" Matsuda began.

"Upset?" Ellie offered.

"Yes," Matsuda said uncomfortably.

"I don't know what to say Matsuda," Ellie said quietly.

"Nothing, you don't have to say anything, I'm sorry," Matsuda said nervously.

"Are you sure that my living here isn't going to be too awkward?" Ellie asked.

"Absolutely not," Matsuda said looking at what his hands were grabbing from her bag and he dropped the object as if it had burned him.

"I think I've got it from here, thank you Matsuda," Ellie said blushing. Matsuda had grabbed a bra from the bag.

Matsuda moved from the room quickly and Ellie shoved the bra into a dresser drawer. She sat on the floor her knees propped up and her head resting on her knees. She made herself small and let herself disappear in the corner. Hot tears burned her face and fell down her knees. She pulled her knees closer to her body and wrapped her arms around her knees. A horrid cry ripped from her throat. It was such a shocking cry that she felt her heart leap when she heard it herself. The only thing it could be compared to was a wounded animal.

"I don't know if I can do this," she thought to herself. She felt crippling pain spreading from her chest to her extremities. "I have to move," she told herself. She got off the floor and saw a razor in her bag. Her hands shook as she approached it. She held it in her hand, ready to let the pain flow through the blade when she threw it across the room. "No," she told herself. She walked into the living room and put on her tennis shoes and then left.

She ran. She ran for miles, and let all the sights blend together. She wasn't sure what the goal was, but she couldn't stop running because if she stopped she might be tempted. She never wanted to be down that road again, no control. She recognized that feeling as soon as she touched that blade, the spinning, the uncontrollable urge. It had helped her to ignore pain before, by moving the pain somewhere else, but she began to lose control of herself and the scars began to stay longer and longer. She still had a few of the deeper ones, as reminders, that that was no longer a road for her. She shook those thoughts out of her head. Instead she concentrated on the sound of her feet hitting the concrete of the sidewalks, her heart beating in her ears, and the sound of her labored breath. The rush of blood to her screaming muscles the oxygen need, the breathing out all of the pain with moving it in the concrete with every step. She pushed herself harder until finally she felt the rush of euphoria that came during a hard run. She pushed it farther until it filled her aching body and pushed out her pain. She felt dizzy and nauseous and then she knew she could no longer hold down the inevitable. She found a trash bin on one of the corners and threw up the few contents of her stomach.

"I pushed too hard," she thought to herself as she heaved again.

After a few spells of dry heaving Ellie raised her head up from the bin and saw that a few people were giving her very strange looks. She walked slowly back to the apartment cursing herself for running so far away. She was going to have to walk that distance now and it was going to take twice as long. Still her thoughts were clear and her body no longer ached of an emotional pain.

She walked back into the apartment an hour later and Matsuda peaked around the corner cautiously.

"I needed a run," Ellie explained seeing that he had obviously been a little shaken that she had gone running out of the apartment with no explanation.

Matsuda nodded but he still looked uneasy. Ellie went into the bathroom attached to her room and brushed her teeth. She could still taste the vomit in her mouth and it was making her nauseous once again.

When she came back out of the bathroom Matsuda was getting ready to leave.

"You could come with me you know…" Matsuda said quietly.

"Hmm?" Ellie asked.

"Nothing," Matsuda said as he shut the door behind him.


	28. When it all Falls Apart

_**Chapter 28: When it all Falls Apart**_

_I've been working on this chapter for a while, hoping to get it just right. I am glad to say that I have finally gotten it where I want it and I'm posting it. Thanks to all my readers of the last chapter, I noticed there are less than usual, but I attributed that to my lack of updating and perhaps it was just a lame chapter, who knows. I hope that I keep getting readers and maybe even some reviewers (just in case this chapter sucks and needs revised badly). _

Near, that was his name. He didn't dare tell anyone his full name. He knew the risks of it. He was only a child of 9 years old yet he had the logic skills of an adult. He was sitting in Roger's office, as usual putting together a puzzle. These puzzles were very easy to put together and take apart, sort of like people, he guessed. He could easily break down any person to their most basic components, which may explain his lack of friendships during his lifetime. He didn't mind, he had other things to do. He knew what he was going to be doing with his life, unlike most his age, he was going to be the next L. He knew that the current L was working on the Kira case, and had been for years. No one had received any news from him in years. Rumors had it that he was hiding out somewhere tracking Kira's every move and others that he had died in his line of work.

Roger looked down at his phone for a moment. He cleared his throat and said, "L is dead."

The room was silent for many minutes. Near took apart the situation one piece at a time. He saw the look on Roger's face and it was not one to be expected. It was as if he had already known that L was dead, and didn't let anyone else know for years. Near wondered why Roger would keep that kind of thing from Near or Mello. Wouldn't that have been something useful to know? It didn't matter, Near would simply work as L sooner than expected. He continued to put together the puzzle with no change in emotion.

Mello was not as calm about the situation. After an argument with Roger, he stormed out of the orphanage. Near looked at Roger curiously and Roger cleared his throat. "I suppose we had better get you ready," he said sighing.

Near prepared, a whole department had been made just for him to head. The SPK was born. He would be moving to a place downtown from the orphanage. That suited him fine. Roger had left Near in his office to speak with someone about something in private and Near felt a bout of curiosity. Near opened a filing cabinet and was unimpressed. "Roger should have put these on the computer by now," Near thought to himself. The files were old. He found a file labeled "The L Project". He opened the file and found a few files inside of that file. He thumbed through the pictures. All of the people were young, all male, except for one female in the back. The girl looked to be about 14. He pulled her read her file more closely. Novalie Smith, her file hadn't been updated in many years the last date on the record was before he was born. He looked at her date of birth. She had to be almost 30 now. He another file attached to it with a paperclip. He saw an updated picture the girl in this picture was no older than 16. Her name however, had changed. There wasn't much said about why her name had changed, but there was a note underneath it. "Has refused position on investigation team for the second time and has taken new identity." He was intrigued by the woman; he wondered what could have happened to cause her to have to change her name and why nothing was listed in the records.

Near continued looking in the file, but then closed it after gaining all the information he wanted. These were obviously the L's who hadn't made it. When he was in front of a computer he would be sure he searched the woman from the file. "Ellie Johnson," he thought to himself, "What could kind of person must you have been to turn down the L project twice?"

It had been a month since Ellie had come to Japan and she had secured a job in the ICU. She dealt with a lot of end of life care cases, but she didn't mind. Her life was so submerged with death that she found it a lot easier to sit with her patients in their last hours than others did. She often sat with patients whose families were too distraught to be with them. She felt like an angel of death in a way and she was often given the hardest patients. She began to feel well enough to spend time with Matsuda occasionally. He hadn't been around much lately because of the task force that had come together again, but she didn't mind being alone.

The day would come, she knew it would come. She knew that one day such an event would occur in the ICU. It had been a day like any other. She was given a new admission, not much was said about him except that he had been caught in gunfire. Ellie opened the door after knocking to the patient room. She looked at the clipboard as she came into the room and dropped the clipboard. "Mr. Yagami?" Ellie asked pulling the curtain back a little.

The man in the hospital bed was unconscious. Ellie picked up the clipboard and saw the sad news. He had a chest wound, a collapsed lung, and would soon be on a machine to breathe. She saw his trachea diverted to the side a sure sign of air in his chest cavity from the bullet wound. Pretty soon the pressure would keep his other lung from inflating and he would suffocate or his heart would be compressed and he would die from circulatory collapse. Neither scenario was pleasant.

Ellie checked his vital signs trying not to let it affect her. Ellie found it strange that she checked the vital signs despite the fact that he was on a monitor that did all of these things for her. She had almost missed a case of cardiac tamponade the week before because she hadn't checked the vital signs and she wasn't making that mistake again. Mr. Yagami didn't have cardiac tamponade, however, he was dying. Where was his family? She knew that she should be looking for the family, especially with the grave news she would have to deliver.

Ellie looked at her watch. She was given him at the end of her shift. It became apparent to her that he had already been here for a few hours in the ER before he was taken to her unit. She could see the other nurses avoiding his room. She knew the reason that he was given to her at the end of her shift was he was in a grave condition and would probably die before her shift ended. The burden of bearing the bad news was to be on her shoulders and the attending doctor.

Ellie sat with Mr. Yagami. He was her last patient for the night, and she could have clocked out early after reporting off, but he was dying, and would be dead before the next shift would report. She figured since he was stable, she might as well check the waiting room for the family. If Mr. Yagami did regain consciousness before he died, she knew he would want his family to be there.

As she entered the waiting room she saw the group she was looking for. Many seemed to be injured themselves.

Ellie approached Light. "You can all go in and see him now." Ellie said.

Light looked up at Ellie with bewilderment. "Isn't he supposed to be in surgery?"

Ellie's eyes dropped. "I think you should wait for your doctor to explain the details, but he is stable, and may regain consciousness soon. I'm sure he would like to see all of you if he does regain consciousness."

Light nodded and the group followed her in. "I am not going to ask you to get into the isolation gown Light, but everyone else should for safety precautions. I can only let one person in without the gown and mask."

Ellie helped the team members gown up and put on the gloves and face masks. Ellie lead them to the ICU and they walked into Chief Yagami's room.

His eyes were closed and his monitor showed that his oxygenation was getting worse. Ellie noted that chest tube that had been placed in his chest was draining again. She quickly got a sterile wound dressing and cleaned him. Light and the team members stood back as Ellie worked. When Ellie was finished dressing the wound and disposing of the soiled dressing she turned around to look at everyone.

"I will page the doctor to let him know that you are here, press the call light on his table if he starts to get worse," Ellie instructed as she left the room again.

Ellie returned to the room with the doctor who took Light somewhere to discuss the details.

"Is he going to be ok Ellie?" Matsuda asked in a small voice.

Ellie felt the words choke in her throat. She promised herself when she took the job in the ICU especially in end of life care that she wouldn't cry, especially not in front of the family and she was having a hard time keeping that promise.

"I'm sorry, I can't discuss the details with anyone other than the family and the doctor and other nursing staff who have access to his chart. I wish I could say more, but I can't,"

"You're his friend too Ellie! How could you keep this from us!" Matsuda shouted.

"This is my job Matsuda," Ellie said her eyes starting to tear. "This is also a hospital, and if you cannot control your volume you may be asked to leave," Ellie said strictly.

Matsuda apologized. He understood, his job had similar rules, but it was frustrating. "I'm just worried," he said.

"I understand," Ellie said. "You all look a little beat up, does anyone need to go to the emergency room?"

The group declined. Ellie nodded. The wait was excruciating for Light and the doctor to return. When they did Ellie saw the expression she expected to see on Light's face. It was the expression she was always approached with after the news was given. The only time she didn't see this was with patients who had chronic illness. What she saw on Light Yagami's face was shock and denial. It was the first step of what she expected would be a long grieving process.

"I will be back in a few minutes, nurse Johnsen will you page me if he regains consciousness?" the doctor asked. Ellie nodded.

The doctor left the room and it became quiet. The group waited quietly while Light explained what the doctor had told him. It was just as Ellie had expected. She could see that Light was having trouble speaking toward the end and Ellie patted him on the back gently.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Ellie asked.

"Can you give me your honest opinion of how long he has left?" Light asked.

"A few hours, a day at best." Ellie said.

The mood in the room was sullen. "How could something like this happen?" Ellie thought to herself. She didn't want to ask about Chief Yagami's situation, and she knew none of the group members could tell her what happened. She knew that this was the last time she could come onto this unit; she knew that she would have to take the offer given to her over a month ago. She would join the task force, her time would be better spent there than with patients whom would already be dying. She was lying to herself to think she was doing any good here. She was simply hiding from issues she didn't want to deal with, and she knew eventually it would stare her straight in the face again she just didn't expect it to happen like this.

Ellie occasionally checked Mr. Yagami's airway to make sure that he could still breathe, and every now and then it seemed like he was regaining consciousness, but otherwise it was quiet in the room. Light stayed by the bedside.

After another hour of waiting; Ellie saw Chief Yagami's respiratory rate begin to rise. "I'm going to get the doctor I think he will regain consciousness soon."

Ellie returned with the doctor and Chief Yagami had indeed regained consciousness.

Ellie watched as Chief Yagami said his last words to his son. He looked relieved, almost happy to pass on, knowing that Light wasn't Kira. Ellie was pleased as well. She had always had a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach that Light was Kira, but it seemed both she and L could have been wrong.

Ellie looked at the monitor. 111/96 was his blood pressure. Those numbers were not looking to be in his favor that combined with the collapsed lung and the paleness of his skin, he wouldn't have much longer.

Chief Yagami weakly smiled at his son and sighed in relief. Light was beginning to get frantic and Ellie could only sit back and watch as Light pushed the Death Note into his father's hands. Chief Yagami looked up from Light to the rest of the room as if he had just realized that he and Light were not the only ones in the room. He scanned the room carefully and gasped. He pointed a shaky finger toward the back of the room. Ellie realized instantly as those around her turned to look at her that he was pointing at her. She stood up and he said, "There are two," and he coughed.

"Two?" Ellie questioned. "Two what?"

Chief Yagami's eyes shut and the room got quiet. His blood pressure and heart rate flat lined and Ellie walked over to unhook his monitor. She followed through with postmortem care as if this were a usual patient but her heart was beating out of her chest. He had singled her out with his shinigami eyes and he had said that there were two. What were there two of? Two names, well she could understand that as she had changed her name. All she knew is that now everyone in that room was going to think she was either Kira or that there was something off about her. She was going to be labeled, just like she was during the investigation with L. She just hoped that it didn't end like it did with L, her pregnant with a child cursed to death, and L himself dying just as the baby was beginning to have a beating heart.

She ignored the gnawing feeling in her chest. She was just going to have to get through this now. She couldn't face those people now. She just had to do her job and try not to think about the raspy words that had just come from the dead man in front of her.

Ellie finished her portion of the charting in the nurse's station as soon as she was done cleaning Chief Yagami up for the morgue. From there Ellie didn't know where he would go; it all depended on the family. Ellie ended her shift after reporting off to the night nurse. Then Ellie walked home. She knew that this wasn't safe, especially in the late hours, but she avoided shortcuts and alleyways and stayed to the main road. She supposed she might take the train back if she started to get worried, but for now walking was fine.

When she finally arrived home Matsuda wasn't there, but she hadn't really expected him there. She put her keys on the coffee table in the living room and walked into her bedroom. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do now, but she knew one thing, she couldn't stand being in these scrubs any longer. She looked in her dresser drawers and found a comfortable pair of pajama bottoms and a top and thought to herself, "Its good enough I'll just be going to sleep in a few hours anyway."

She started the hot water in the shower and undressed. She let the water fall over her in cascades of warmth. The steam filled the room and she sighed. After properly washing herself she exited the shower and dressed herself. She tapped her fingers on the sink contemplating what to do next. She couldn't get Chief Yagami's words out of her head. She decided to do some laundry and eat a small snack and see if she felt like sleeping after that.

Matsuda sat in a room with the investigation team completely shocked. They were discussing the one person he never thought he would talk about with this group again.

"He pointed her out directly," Light said. "I don't know what to think of that."

"He didn't say that she was Kira, he just saw something strange about her. It could be explained by anything, maybe she had two names, or she is going to die and then be resuscitated."

The group discussed it further. They took Matsuda's considerations into mind and then said, "We still want to monitor her, just for a little while, I think you need to discuss her working with the team again. If you can't get her to agree then we will have to do the same thing that we did with Light and Misa." Aizawa said.

"I'll talk to her," Matsuda said. "Hopefully she doesn't turn down my offer as she has done before," he thought to himself.

"I think we should take a break for a few days," Mogi said. "After all that has happened."

Everyone looked at Light. "I agree with Mogi. I need to be with my mother and sister during this time."

The group agreed not to meet for a few days, at least a week. Kira wouldn't take over the world in that amount of time. Matsuda drove home and saw that Ellie was still awake. She was lying on the couch reading a book and looking quite solemn.

"Ellie," he said softly.

Ellie looked up and gave him a weak smile. "I can't do this anymore Matsuda. I thought I could but I can't protect my heart from this anymore." Ellie said sobbing.

Matsuda held her closely. "What do you mean?"

"I gave my two weeks' notice. I don't know what I'm going to do; I can't work in that unit anymore. There's too much death, I thought I could handle it but I just can't."

Matsuda rubbed her back. "I was actually just about to ask you if you wanted to join the task force."

"Yes," Ellie said wiping her eyes. "I accept your offer."


	29. Take a Look

_**Chapter 29: Take a Look**_

_I apologize many times over for the wait on this chapter. My final exam for the morning was rescheduled due to weather conditions out here (and by weather conditions I mean there is a damn blizzard out there) so I decided to take the extra time to update this fanfiction that has needed much updating. This chapter should prove to be fairly long hopefully quenching your thirst for new chapters until I am able to post the next which will hopefully be soon as I will be done with my classes until January, and then I will only have to worry about work rather than school and work. Please read and review! _

Ellie walked away from her last day of her job. She had been working closely with the task force when she wasn't working the last of her hours at the hospital. It felt like working doubles all over again except she wasn't getting the overtime benefits and no time off. She felt it taking its toll on her. She was stressed, tired, and she felt like every time she was with the task force she was being watched. She knew why they would be watching her of course, but that didn't make it any less uncomfortable.

Ellie got onto the first train and tried to sit far away from the other travelers. She had tried washing off the vomit that had been given to her as a parting gift from a patient who was dying of leukemia and not tolerating the chemotherapy at all. She had managed to get a majority of it, but it still smelled…. like vomit. She was happy to exit the train and walk the rest of the way to where the task force had been meeting.

She walked through the doors just to miss what everyone had been talking about, and apparently she had walked in at a bad time because the looks she got had her thinking that perhaps she had been a topic of discussion. "Why did I agree to take this job?" Ellie asked herself as she sat down next to Matsuda, the only one who believed that she wasn't Kira. Sure, no one else had formally accused her, but she understood the looks.

"What is that smell?" Mogi asked.

"Oh…" Ellie said. "I got thrown up on at the hospital… I didn't have time to change before I came here.." Ellie continued whilst blushing.

"There is no time for that now," Light said trying to stay far away from her. "The president of the United States is holding a press conference about Kira."

Ellie nodded. All of the team members watched the screen and were outraged by the president's proclamation.

All eyes were on Ellie, "What?" she asked.

"Are you not outraged by this proclamation from America? You are a citizen of that country are not?" Ide asked.

Ellie shrugged her shoulders defensively. "I'm not proud of that fact right now, but yes I am outraged, but when has one citizen had the power of the government? I can't change what has happened, any more than we can change that the other countries have joined him as well."

"I agree with Ellie," Matsuda said allowing himself to sit closer to her, despite the smell of vomit that lingered on her scrubs. "May I speak freely to the group?" he asked.

"You know you may always speak freely among us," Aizawa said.

"Do you all honestly believe that Kira is evil?" Matsuda asked in a small voice.

The outrage from earlier had once again escalated among the members. Only Ellie and Light remained in quiet contemplation.

"What do you mean?" Ide asked outraged.

"I don't think Kira is evil at all," Matsuda said with a little bit more strength to his voice.

"You think he's justice?" Aizawa asked.

"I'm not sure," Matsuda said indecisively. "Kira is fighting against evil…" he continued. "To those who are living in this world, we are truly finding peace."

"You're wrong Matsuda," Aizawa said cutting off what could turned into a speech as Matsuda was becoming more confident in what he was saying. "This is not peace, this is fear of a murderer."

"I know!" Matsuda said quickly backpedaling. "I understand that its just…there are people who have found hope in Kira and I understand them too. I admit… I'm weak, but I'm an officer of the law which means I can in no way side with Kira. I can't criticize Kira, but I want to catch him… You must all think I've lost it."

"Its complicated." Ellie said quietly to Matsuda. "The lines of right and wrong are so blurred."

"I agree with Ellie," Light said. "I don't think it's strange at all Matsuda. I think Kira knows what he is doing is evil. He chose this route, to change the world, even if that means he becomes a scapegoat. That is the justice that Kira chooses. Whether he is good or evil is not for use to say, we must catch the killer, despite whether or not his intentions were well founded. If we catch him he is a murderer, if rules the world his justice."

The team stared at Light. It was a very powerful and moving speech.

Ellie cleared her throat to break the powerful silence that had fallen over them. "I'm going to change…" she said looking down at the vomit stain on her scrub top.

"Misa usually leaves a few items of clothing here, you may borrow something if you like, we will be working through the night so there is no time for you go back to your apartment," Light said plainly.

Ellie nodded. This was the one room apartment that Light's father had rented specifically for Light to live and to continue his investigation in private, but it had recently become the headquarters and Light often either had Misa over to his apartment, or he would stay with Misa in her much less cramped apartment. Ellie had only been to Misa's apartment before becoming part of the team. She walked into the small bedroom of the apartment and could see why Misa did not live here all the time. It was a bit cramped and Ellie saw that it was very plain. There were books stacked neatly and the bed was made, as if it was not often slept in. Ellie looked at the dresser trying to guess which drawer Misa might keep extra clothing in. She pulled a couple drawers out and after finding the embarrassing underwear drawer and was sure to slam it shut, she finally found Misa's drawer. There wasn't much in there, a couple of skirts, a dress that was folded neatly, some stockings, and a few shirts. She sighed as she began pulling out the clothes hoping to find something somewhat conservative.

She chose the longest skirt, which was black and came a few inches from her knees. She chose a long sleeved shirt but was disappointed when she put it on her body. The shirt scooped far below the neckline, showing off an impressive amount of cleavage. "Unfortunately this is probably the most modest thing I'll find, she said looking at the clothes she had rejected. She sighed. She hadn't wanted to show off this much of her legs especially. The bruises hadn't quite healed yet. They were yellow and were in small spots along her legs. The knife wounds had all but healed up showing small pink scars across her legs. Most of the other bruises were gone, with no permanent damage other than a few scars here and there. She was lucky to be alive and here she was worried about how awful she looked. She shook her head and neatly folded the rejected clothes and put them away. She placed her scrubs in a plastic bag she found and tied it tight hoping to rein the smell in. She would have to be sure and wash those things as soon as she got them home.

Ellie walked out of the room pulling down the skirt and pulling the neckline of the shirt up to no avail. She sighed as she walked into the room and sat down crossing her legs and trying to keep her shirt from revealing more than it already did. She averted her eyes from everyone and began typing away.

Matsuda looked away from Ellie. It was already hard enough not to think about her while they were in the apartment, but at least she was covered there. He admitted, he had been so intoxicated that night he barely remembered what she looked like fully unclothed, the only thing he really remembered was the feeling slipping between her legs. He cursed to himself under his breath. He shouldn't think like this at work 20 feet away from her. He shifted his legs to try to hide exactly what effects these thoughts were having on him. They should have never hooked up; it was driving him crazy not being able to have her now that they had, been together.

The silence was finally broken by an incoming message from Near about ten minutes later. Light answered the call using his own disguised voice. Near began with the fact that Mello had escaped. Ellie watched Light clench his fists and she felt sympathy for him, this was the man who had killed his father. Near continued the conversation by informing the group that one of the rules written in the death note had been fake. Ellie consciously went over the rules in her head trying to decipher which could be fake. Her own guess was answered by Light who said, "The rule in which the user of the death note dies after 13 days of inactivity."

"Yes, I thought that that might be the rule that was fake as well," Near replied.

There was much chatter between Mogi, Ide, and Aizawa about the possibility that Light could be Kira. Ellie tried not to eavesdrop she knew it was impolite. She and Matsuda discussed the possibility amongst themselves.

"If that were the fake rule, that would mean that Light's captivity would have been rendered useless in defending himself against the accusation," Ellie said. She hadn't been present during that time but had been told of it when she had first started working with the investigation team 9 years ago.

"I just don't find Light capable, and plus his father said that he wasn't before he died," Matsuda said to the Ellie and the group.

"That is true," Mogi said. White-hot eyes were on Ellie at that moment, mostly from Ide and Aizawa's direction. She had all but forgotten that Chief Yagami had pointed to her and said something very strange about her. This thought process was interrupted when Near proposed using the death note to kill Mello and then if he didn't die in 13 days they would be certain that the 13 day rule was the fake rule.

Light put the rule to a vote. Matsuda replied. "Mello killed the Chief… I want to let him do it.." Matsuda said indecisively.

"I'm opposed," Ide said quickly. "I don't believe that Kira is among us, and using the death note would make us just as responsible for murder as Kira."

"I am agreeing to not using the notebook, it was the Chief's final wish," Aizawa said.

"I'm opposed," Mogi said.

They all turned to Ellie. She shook her head. "There is a reason active euthanasia is illegal. We shouldn't have that kind of control over death. I'm opposed."

"Well that settles it," Light said as he transmitted their decisions back to Near.

"As I suspected," Near said. "But I must make this clear; I believe that there is someone there that the second L never thought to be Kira. If not Kira, then someone the Kira is collaborating with. I will make the connection." Near said the line went dead.

It became very silent. Ellie excused herself to go to the bathroom to hopefully escape whatever they were going to say about her while she was out of the room.

"I shouldn't be worried, I'm not Kira," she thought as she ran some cold water over her face. "Even if they did investigate me, which they hardly have grounds for, they wouldn't turn up anything."

"Ellie, has a very good chance of having some connection with Kira," Aizawa said when he was sure that Ellie had left the room. "There is just something off about her."

"Her fiancé died last month before her nearly beat her to death," Matsuda said defending her. "She's been through a lot."

"Her fiancé died a few days afterward, of an unexplained heart attack, how do you explain that?" Ide asked.

"He had cancer?" Matsuda said. "He probably wasn't very healthy either."

"Matsuda, men in their early 30's don't often have heart conditions, we should at least do some investigation into it. She is the best lead we have right now," Mogi said.

Aizawa thought to himself. Ellie and Light were both good candidates. They may even be working together. He was almost certain that Light was Kira, he just didn't get a good jibe from the child, but there was something not quite right about Ellie either.

Ellie came back from the bathroom and the typing continued. Finally after a long night the team split up and went home for the night. Ellie and Matsuda walked together. "What are you thinking for dinner tonight?" Ellie said smiling. She knew they both hadn't eaten all day and she could hear Matsuda's stomach growling. She had to commend him for his effort to hide it though, he wanted so badly not to be seen as the weak one on the team that he ignored his own bodily urges during the investigative process.

"You made some sort of soup last week that was good," Matsuda said reminiscing.

"I'm surprised," Ellie said. "Out of all the things you could choose, you chose potato soup? I like potato soup and all, but it's one of those things I used to make when my funds were running low and we needed something inexpensive that would last a few days. You literally make it with leftover ingredients in the kitchen."

"There is just something unique about it," Matsuda said.

"You said the same thing about chili, it's not unique it's cheap," Ellie said laughing. "But if you want potato soup for dinner, potato soup it is."

Matsuda smiled. He loved making her laugh, watching her face absolutely light up. When the two finally arrived at the apartment Ellie began chopping potatoes and the other vegetables needed for her soup. She chose to make it with leeks, as they were one of the easiest vegetables to find.

Matsuda watched Ellie chop the vegetables. He couldn't remember the last time he had had a home cooked meal before Ellie had come to live with him. He still couldn't get used to the fact that he had a roommate, and the fact that he had a woman he was pining for living just down the hall from him. They shared rent for pete's sake why couldn't they share a cup of coffee on a date? "Because her fiancé just died you insensitive idiot," he thought to himself. He thought about Sayu. After finding out about Ellie's engagement, he began to really look at other women, and he noticed that Sayu had only grown more charming with age. It was hard to think about her as the young girl just entering high school and now she was in college. Why did terrible things have to happen to all the women he fell in love with? He fell in love with Ellie, had even acted on those feelings and she almost ended up murdered in some field, and was probably so traumatized by that event that she would never come out of it fully. Sayu… sweet, innocent Sayu, watched her father get murdered by a group of thugs that wanted to steal the death note and would do anything to attain in, which included abducting her. She had gone mute; her mother had taken the role of primary caregiver again. The glow that had once sparkled in those curious eyes was dulled. It was as if she weren't even living in there anymore. There was pain behind those dull eyes. A pain so immense that she couldn't speak of it, that she had literally imploded in on herself.

Ellie looked over her shoulder at Matsuda who had been sitting on the couch patiently for almost a half an hour. He looked as if he were in deep thought; she wondered what he must be thinking about. She could see, perhaps guilt, in his expression.

Ellie continued with her soup until it was the perfect consistency. She called Matsuda over and they ate at his small table quietly. Matsuda took a good look at Ellie, thinking about what had been said earlier about the possibility that she was either Kira or collaborating with Kira. Perhaps his judgment had been clouded by the fact that he lived with her and by the fact that he had feelings for her, strong feelings no less. What if an investigation was opened against her? Would he spend more time investigating her or trying to protect her from false allegations? He was a police officer in love with a suspect. He had a hard time hiding this fact too; most of the team knew he had a hopeless crush on her. Hell, just a couple months ago Misa had assumed that he had asked Ellie to marry him. He imagined what kind of nightmare that would be. Ellie would be his wife and would be under investigation. "I can see how Chief Yagami felt," Matsuda thought to himself. There was a sting after that thought. "Except that is no longer with us."

"You look like you have a lot on your mind," Ellie said. Matsuda met her eyes. He hadn't even noticed that she had stopped eating.

"Yes," Matsuda said to her. "I do."


	30. Bottle It Up

_**Chapter 30: Bottle It Up**_

_Been working on this chapter for a while trying to find the right way to end it. I apologize as I do at the beginning of every chapter for the large lag in my writing. Been pulling a lot of doubles at work, and actually I am scheduled to work tomorrow as well, but had an idea of how I wanted to end this finally after months of writer's block so I had to get it down before I lost it again. Hopefully this chapter keeps you satiated for a while, and hopefully I have time to write again soon if nursing school and work do not overwhelm my time again. Thanks to all my readers and reviewers, I know the writing lag is frustrating. Well anyway, here it is._

Ellie awoke covered in sweat. She had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, something was not right. She stood up slowly from her bed and instantly felt it hit her. Nausea, worse than she could remember, she ran to the bathroom making it just in time. She heaved several times before it finally stopped. She heard a knock at her door. She stood up slowly from beside the toilet hoping to keep her stomach from being upset again. She opened the door slightly and Matsuda looked horrified.

"Are you ok Ellie-chan?" he asked.

"I'm, just feeling a little ill. I'll be ok," she answered softly her throat aching from the acid and bile.

"Maybe you should stay here today," Matsuda said uneasily watching her struggle to stand without swaying. She seemed to get stabilize after a few seconds.

Ellie shook her head. "I'm not dense Matsuda, they already suspect me. Taking time off does not make it look any better. I'll be fine; I just hope I'm not contagious. I would hate to get everyone sick."

Matsuda shook his head. He did not feel good about her coming with him but they both departed after a night's sleep with clothing packed for several days. They set their things in Light's room when they arrived and saw that there were a couple other small bags there too, presumably belonging to the other team members. Ellie and Matsuda walked into the kitchen and Ellie sat down for a moment feeling dizziness overtake her. She took a few deep breaths hoping to avoid another situation like the one she had faced that morning. Matsuda gave her a concerned look and she waved him on. "I'll be fine, just let me get my bearings."

Matsuda shook his head. He stood next to her and pulled out his smart phone. "We might as well see what's going on in Kira's Kingdom," he said pulling it up.

They both watched the small screen. It seemed that there was a special airing. It had been expected, they had just expected to log onto the blog and see the previous days garbage.

"This is streaming live!" Ellie said shocked.

Matsuda's mouth hung open and he instantly ran to the den where all the computers were set up.

"Turn to Kira's Kingdom!" he shouted.

The team watched in horror as a mob had formed outside of SPK headquarters. Ellie sucked in a breath of air as she tried to hold back the urge to vomit. She needed to be on her game, there was work to be done.

The screen lit up. They were receiving a call from Near. Light answered as the second L as usual.

"Near, you should retreat," Light said, almost seeming to grin.

"What a convenient thing to say, Kira," Near said.

"You still believe I am Kira?" Light said now a bit outraged.

"There are other anti-Kira groups, yet as soon as I suspect you of being Kira mine gets attacked, seems a little too coincidental to me," Near answered.

"Near, you are misinterpreting this situation," Light said. "And these false accusations will not help you to get out of that building alive."

"Everyone, listen closely. Kira is among you. Consider the possibility." Near said before ending the connection.

The team looked to Light instantly and then to Ellie. "Do you suppose they are working together?" Ide asked Aizawa quietly.

"Perhaps, I don't believe Ellie is the second Kira, she wasn't with the team at the time when the second Kira made an appearance. Still, the first L… he did seem to have some sort of connection to her, he watched her," Aizawa answered. Aizawa had noticed that right away, because he did not trust L, and he did not trust Ellie either. He could never grasp why exactly she had been included on the team in the first place. And then there was Light, accusation after accusation was made and his defense was getting weaker and weaker.

They continued watching the screen and finally saw what Near must have been planning to escape. The police had been gathered and were beginning to start riot control, when all of a sudden money began falling from the sky. The crowd went berserk scattering every which way for bills.

"I wish I were there!" Matsuda said. Ellie laughed a little and the rest of the team glared at him.

They watched as the police began to restore order. The building was empty.

"They came out disguised as police officers," Mogi said.

The team nodded in agreement. They began to get back to their own investigation. Several hours later Near contacted them again.

The team members put on headsets so that they could hear the conversation as well. Light answered the call.

"This is Near," Near said. "We planned on contacting you as soon as we were able to get a secure line."

"You are safe Near?" Light asked.

"Everyone in the building will soon share my suspicion. If anyone suspects that Kira is amongst them, or even that Kira is the second L, that is good. We've restored our previous line; feel free to contact me at any time. I'll be waiting for your call," Near said before ending the call.

There was a long pause of silence before Light cleared his throat. "Anyone who wishes to contact Near, please feel free to do so," Light said calmly. "I'm not satisfied with the situation either, but I believe working with SPK is ideal."

Near grinned. He had the files of all the members in front of him and he was just waiting. "I wonder which one of them will call," he said out loud quietly. There were 7 members, if you included the deceased Chief Yagami. Living there were five men, one woman.

Hours later he finally got a phone call and picked up the file containing Aizawa.

Near went through what little information he had been able to compile from the previous L. Most of the files had been destroyed when the previous L had died suddenly, but paper documentation was found in a small box. It only had the most important information; no names were placed on it. It was just scribbles from the previous L. He talked of Kira, the second Kira, and a third suspected person who he just labeled third Kira. Near hadn't thought of the possibility of a third Kira, two seemed like a lot to begin with. He questioned Aizawa about a third Kira and he seemed to have honestly never heard of a third Kira. "I suppose L wanted to keep it to himself until he was sure," Aizawa said. "I have an idea of who he suspected though."

"Do tell," Near said.

"Ellie Johnson." Aizawa said plainly.

"Do you suspect her?" Near asked.

"Yes, Chief Yagami saw something before he died. He pointed her out. She joined the team in college, with no experience in law enforcement, and as soon as she became a member the first L watched her… strangely. It doesn't surprise me at all that she was under investigation as being Kira, or the third Kira, whichever you said," Aizawa answered.

"Tell me more about the lockup, and Light Yagami," Near said.

The conversation lasted another thirty minutes before Near hung up. He thanked Aizawa for the information. Aizawa sat in the parking garage knowing he did the right thing, but hoping he had given the right information. Light and Misa were known to be under investigation, but this was the first he had heard of a third Kira, and he knew of course who that was, but he wondered why L hadn't called her out on it. Even when he had very little information on Light, he still called Light out on it every chance he got. What made Ellie different? Had she threatened his life? Had she seduced him? Aizawa guessed he would never know, but he would be sure to bring it up.

The following day they all met again. "Ellie you look much better," Mogi said to her.

"I feel a bit better," she admitted. "I guess I just got a touch of the flu or something, I hope I didn't get any of you sick."

Aizawa walked into the room. "To be frank, I contacted Near," he said turning to face the room full of people whose attention he know held. "He gave me a useful bit of information."

Light's ear perked up. "Concerning?"

"The possibility of a third Kira. Near has some sort of notes that L left behind. They document the suspicion of a third Kira. The person under suspicion was never named, but assumed to be Ellie," he said turning around to look at her.

"This can't be happening again." Ellie thought. Her face was white as a ghost and she felt that pinch of nausea again. She held it down hoping it would go away. The group watched her closely and she felt her stomach roll and the nausea begin to increase. She sat quietly knowing if she got up now it would only look suspicious.

" Ellie-chan you don't look so good," Matsuda said upon seeing the obvious color change in Ellie's face. She looked like she was going to be ill.

"Perhaps I am not as over that flu as I thought I was," Ellie said excusing herself to the bathroom. Ellie walked out of the room calmly and upon leaving the room ran to the bathroom just in time to throw up. "I need to get control of myself," Ellie thought to herself. "I'm falling apart."

They all watched her leave room. "Given the circumstances, I want to keep Ellie under surveillance," Aizawa said.

Matsuda nodded obviously a little embarrassed about the idea of the team being in his apartment, but he was more shocked that L had suspected Ellie of being Kira without telling anyone about it. "I don't think Ellie is Kira, but you may search my apartment," Matsuda said.

"Then it is settled, Matsuda, I'm sorry for the invasion of your privacy, but you apartment will need to be put under surveillance, and it will be searched for a death note.

Ellie reentered the room about fifteen minutes after she had departed. She had only thrown up for a few of the minutes, but she wanted to be sure she wouldn't get into the investigation room and then have to leave again to throw up. She gave Matsuda a weak smile and sat down to catch up on what had been discussed while she was ill. It seemed that Aizawa was leaving to go to Misa's apartment with Mogi and check for the death note. "Your apartment will be checked next," Ide told Matsuda. "Until then we are all staying here."

Matsuda and Ellie nodded. Light, Ellie, Matsuda, and Ide sat quietly continuing to investigate.

"Are you sure you are feeling ok?" Matsuda whispered to Ellie.

"I'm fine, suppose I should probably do something about this flu if it doesn't go away in a few days," Ellie said smiling.

"Are you worried about the accusation?" Matsuda asked.

"A little, but I know I didn't do anything wrong. I'm just worried about how far into my personal life they are going to dig," she answered honestly. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Everything would come out now. Everything she had ever hidden away, all the bad memories, all the pain, and even some of the joy, those memories that she had locked away for only her, would be out for everyone to see. She felt more vulnerable at that moment than she ever had before. When L had discovered her, it was different, she, put some ill placed trust in him, she put her heart in his hands and let him have a piece of her that she would never get back, a piece he took with him to the grave. She was damaged, and now everyone would know, and they would never treat her the same way. How would Matsuda look at her after knowing that she had lived this sort of life? How would anyone look at her? She would be a pariah, they would be so afraid of breaking her that she wouldn't be allowed any part of the team, they would always fear that she was Kira, but they would never come to her about it like they did to Light. They would be too afraid of damaging her further. She had to keep this to herself, and hope that they didn't dig up any old memories that she never wanted to explain. That's all she could hope for.


	31. Tiny Heart

_**Chapter 31: Tiny Heart**_

_I apologize five million times over for the wait for this chapter. I realize fully that's it has been months since I updated last. So many things have happed in my life since I last updated this chapter, but fear not my readers for I am back on my game and as I settle into my last two semesters of nursing school and finally start balancing my two jobs I hope to have more frequent updates for you. Please keep reading and reviewing, your continued reviews help me to get motivated enough to keep writing in a timely manner. Anyway I hope you enjoy the chapter _

Matsuda's apartment was easy enough to get into as Matsuda had relinquished the keys. Aizawa entered the apartment assessing the surroundings. He had never actually been to Matsuda's apartment, most of the team had not. Matsuda generally spent his time with the rest of the team someplace or at home by himself, and lately with his roommate. The apartment was tidy he noted. He investigated every nook and cranny that a death note could be stashed in. He didn't see anything out of the ordinary so far. He opened one of the doors and assumed it was Matsuda's room after going through a couple of the dresser drawers and noting male clothing. He decided not to linger to long in this room. He made a quick sweep to be sure that Ellie hadn't stashed her note in there while Matsuda was away. He found no signs of such, and walked down the hall to the other bedroom.

This room was also very plain. He opened one of the drawers on the dresser and blushed. He dug through the underwear suddenly feeling like a pervert. He had left Mogi to do this in Misa's apartment, but now that Mogi was staying there, he would have to do all the work here. He made sure that he did not miss a spot before slamming that drawer shut. He searched the other drawers also finding nothing remarkable. He checked in and around the bed and also found nothing more than a single sock and an earring. He looked under the bed and found a cardboard box. He looked through the box and found a photo album, but decided to leave it be. He was looking for the death note and would attempt to leave her personal items alone as much as he could despite his urge to know his "enemy" per se. He shook his head. She may very well be innocent, but he wasn't taking any chances. There wasn't much else left in the box, a half mangled notebook that was falling apart at the seams and was taped together. At first glance it appeared to be a death note and he felt his breath catch in his throat, but upon further investigation there it was nothing but a notebook perhaps used for an attempt at poetry. He placed the items back in the box and continued searching until he had almost gone through every square inch of the bedroom. If she did have a death note she wasn't keeping it here. He set up the bugs in the apartment to keep Ellie under supervision when she and Matsuda came back to the apartment.

Ellie, Matsuda, and Ide worked quietly. The typing was the only noise that could be heard. Light was away at his own computer his back turned to the group also typing. Aizawa walked through the door a few hours later stating, "Mogi is going to be staying with Misa for a while, just in case."

Light nodded without turning around. Ellie typed quietly not looking up. Matsuda looked up at Aizawa, nearly asking with his eyes if there had been any trace of a death note. Aizawa shook his head at Matsuda and Matsuda breathed out a sigh of relief. He hadn't suspected Ellie, but it was good to know that she was a least cleared of that much. He looked over at Ellie who was still typing, but seemed to be spacing out like she had too much on her mind. He wondered what she was thinking about so intently. He looked up to see Light almost in the same state, though he was better at hiding it than Ellie. If he hadn't just looked at Ellie before looking over to Light he might not have caught it. He scrunched his eyebrows together. He wondered if he was just thinking too far into it.

"How long do you suppose it will be until Kira finds a new spokesperson?" Matsuda asked trying to break the tension that was evident in the room.

"He killed the last one," Ellie said. "Chances are there might not be another one, perhaps he never wanted that. It's hard to say."

"He or she, Aizawa reminded her.

Ellie sighed in frustration and went back to typing. Aizawa watched her curiously. He didn't like being hard on Light or Ellie, but he had to be sure that neither of them were Kira. He admitted to himself he was probably harder on Ellie than he was on Light about it, but that's because Ellie felt like such an outsider. He had known Light since Light was very young; he and the police chief had been friends for a while. Ellie was some young, strange, foreign woman who just seemed to infiltrate one of the most secretive operations almost seamlessly. She had had no experience during the first investigation and certainly was in no position to be investigating now either. He assumed now, as it probably was assumed then, that she was chosen to keep her close at hand because the first L suspected her of being the third Kira. He was still interested as to why L had kept that a secret, but I guess that was one thing that had followed L to his grave.

Ellie pushed her hair back and continued on. She tried not to make eye contact with anyone. It had been two and a half months since she had come to Japan on an innocent visit to Matsuda, and now she was once again suspected of being Kira. She wondered if it would have been better if she had just stayed away. She supposed it wouldn't have made much of a difference. She probably would have ended up marrying Connor with just enough time for him to become abusive on their wedding night, or worse when she would have been trying to start their family. Eventually, she would have set him off and she was just grateful that no one else had to get hurt. She sighed; feeling the nausea rise, but biting it back hoping it would go away. This nausea had almost lasted the full week now and it wouldn't be long before they were asking her to go to the doctor.

And this was the case a week later, when she hit the two week mark of being sick. Matsuda held her hair back the last time when she had hardly made it and helped her stand herself back up. Nothing she tried for the nausea was helping.

"Ellie, I'm not doing that again," Matsuda said as they sat down. "You need to go to the doctor, I was barely able to hold you up that time," he said as they were getting ready to go back to Light's apartment. They had spent that night at home because Ellie had gotten bad that night and the members wanted to the toilet free and not continuously filled with a nauseated Ellie. Aizawa had of course chosen to accompany them and sat on the couch listening to the retching that was keeping him from sleeping that early morning. He cringed hearing Matsuda's voice from the bathroom, knowing that he was holding the girl up whilst she vomited the few contents of her stomach. He heard her retch again, and shook his head. He didn't want to say it to himself, but even he was beginning to get concerned. At first he had wondered if it was a guilty conscience, but two weeks of unrelenting nausea was unhealthy.

Matsuda and Ellie came out of the bedroom, Ellie's face pale with redish purple spots from dry heaving. She shook slightly, and looked away from Aizawa, embarrassed of her current state. She hated being the weakest link. It was bad enough they thought she was Kira, but to see her as such a useless team member was also just as hurtful. She closed her eyes trying not to think of it and closing her eyes had been a mistake and she got motion sickness and vertigo right away. She climbed off the couch and staggered once again to the bathroom to be sick.

"You believe she is Kira even after seeing all this? When would she have time to write down names of criminals with her being sick all time?" Matsuda asked seriously.

"What if she is writing the names as she is in the bathroom," Aizawa suggested.

"I was just in there with her and she's barely able to hold herself after that let alone jot down some names in a notebook," Matsuda said.

"She's not cleared yet Matsuda," Aizawa said. "But she is much less suspicious than Light."

"Then why aren't you there? Why don't you let me handle this and you go back and keep an eye on Light?" Matsuda asked.

"Because Ellie is a high priority too and Ide is with Light now making sure he isn't doing anything suspicious. We've been texting ever since I got here exchanging information," Aizawa said.

"I'm taking her to the ER," Matsuda said putting on a thin jacket. "You may go with if you feel like she could kill some people while at the hospital."

Aizawa rolled his eyes. He knew Matsuda had a thing for the girl, and it was almost protective now; but the boy needed to face fact. Ellie had the possibility of being a cold blooded killer. It hadn't been discussed much with Matsuda, but the girl's fiancé had turned up dead from a "heart attack" just a few days after he tried to kill her was very suspicious. These were things he wouldn't bring up in front of Ellie, most of the team thought him insensitive, but that was something he was careful not to bring up. If he was right, he would upset her, but if he was wrong and she wasn't Kira, then accusing her of killing the man she loved, who just so happened to turn on her and try to kill her would be one of the worst mistakes he could make. No, he would wait, and when he was sure he would use that fact to nail her as Kira.

Matsuda opened the car door for Ellie and drove her to the hospital. Ellie felt uncomfortable being in the emergency department of the hospital she had just quit a month ago, but this was the closest hospital in the area. She waited for two hours until she was finally seen.

"Would you like me to go with you?" Matsuda asked.

"No, I'll be ok, I'll let you know when I know anything," Ellie said.

Aizawa looked as if he was going to get up and follow her in and Ellie shook her head at him. "Unless you have something to charge me with, my medical needs are private and I don't want you snooping in on my doctor's visit. He's going to be asking me very personal questions, and they are none of your concern," Ellie snapped at him before walking into the emergency department leaving two very shocked men sitting in the waiting room.

The doctor introduced himself and began asking her a multitude of questions. He tapped his clipboard as he recorded her answers and she noted at how annoying the sound was. She looked around, trying not to close her eyes again, afraid that she would get sick here in the emergency department. She was aware of who would have to clean that mess, and she did not want to make more work for the staff she used to belong to.

"When was your last menstrual cycle," the doctor asked.

She looked over at him. It was as if he had been in a fishbowl before when he was asking her questions and this was the first clear thing she could hear to answer. She pondered thinking back to the last time she could remember menstruating. She had gotten so busy that it was hard to remember these things, but when she thought about it, she realized she hadn't bought any tampons or pads since she had moved to Japan, actually if she was honest it was a couple weeks before then. She had come to Japan exactly two weeks after her last period. The realization hit her before the words ever came out.

"April 6th," she said. She looked up at the calendar on the wall. It was July now.

The doctor's eyes widened a bit in realization as well and said, "Is this a normal occurrence for you to have missed periods?"

"Not usually," Ellie said honestly. That was the truth, she had missed a couple before, but she hadn't been sick like this since she was pregnant with Nathaniel. It all made sense and she realized how stupid she had been not to have realized this earlier.

"I think we had better set you up with a pregnancy test," the doctor said leaving the room.

The nurse came in ten minutes later with the pregnancy test and handed it to Ellie. Ellie found a patient bathroom and kept her gown covering her until she was able to close the door behind her for the bathroom. She completed the pregnancy test and handed it to the nurse. The minutes drug on as she waited and waited. Finally the same nurse reentered the room smiling. Ellie was not sure what to make of this. Either the woman was smiling because Ellie was not dealing with an unexpected pregnancy, or she was coming to congratulate her.

"Miss Johnson," the nurse said to her sitting down.

"Sitting down is a good sign," Ellie thought. "Perhaps she's coming to tell me that they still don't know what's wrong with me."

"I'm happy to say that your nausea and vomiting can all be attributed to your pregnancy. Congratulations." The nurse said.

Well… That was it then. She was pregnant.

She sat for a few minutes in utter shock. "How far along am I?" she asked the nurse aware that the nurse could tell her nothing.

"We can get you in for an ultrasound today if you'd like to wait for the portable to come around," the nurse said.

"Yes," Ellie said unsure as to what to say otherwise.

Ellie waited for almost an hour for the ultrasound. The technician placed the gel on her stomach and went to work on finding the fetus inside of her. Ellie waited patiently, until finally she heard the baby's heartbeat. The tiny fluttering reminded her of the flapping of hummingbird wings. She felt her own heart speed up hearing the sound. She knew then that this was real. She was definitely pregnant.

"There's your baby," the ultrasound technician said.

Ellie looked in sheer amazement. Three hours ago when Matsuda had driven her here she was convinced she had a gastrointestinal problem. Now, she was looking at an ultrasound image of a life growing inside of her. It was almost too much to take in.

The ultrasound technician left and a half an hour later the doctor came back in to discharge her. "The baby is between ten and eleven weeks along. You will need to start seeing an obstetrician as soon as possible if you want your baby to have the best chance of being healthy. I've included the card for an obstetrician in your area. I suggest you go and see him as soon as possible to get your pregnancy on track. As for the nausea, I suggest ginger ale, but stay away from most medications if you can unless you talk to the obstetrician first. Other than that Miss Johnson you are a free to go. Congratulations."

Ellie left the emergency room shell shocked. She walked back out to the waiting room after tucking the card in her pocket. She saw a worried Matsuda and an exhausted Aizawa.

"That took a while," Aizawa said after realizing that she had finally come out.

"They ran a couple tests," Ellie said quietly.

Matsuda looked very concerned after hearing that.

"What kind of tests? What's wrong?" Matsuda asked panicked.

Ellie considered what she would say next. Surely she could say that she was pregnant, but then she would definitely be handled with kid gloves. She wanted to be treated like any other team member. She didn't want them to treat her like she was made of glass while still all believing she was Kira, and not wanting to upset her because she was pregnant or some bullshit like that. No, she would think of some other excuse. She knew she couldn't hide the fact that she was pregnant forever, but she could hide it long enough to decide what she was going to do, and she hoped her name would be cleared by then. She supposed she should be horrified that this child belonged to the man who had tried to murder her. What if the child was just like him, filled with tumors that could never be treated? Or worse what if the child never made it? Nathaniel had barely taken a few breaths before he died; she knew she couldn't bear that kind of pain again.

"You won't bear that pain because you are going to do every damn thing you can to keep this baby healthy," she thought to herself.

She realized it had been a several moments of awkward silence since Matsuda had asked the question. In her best attempt to come up with a convincing lie she came up with something miraculous enough to describe everything; without spilling the beans of her pregnancy.

"The doctor thinks that I might have an ulcer caused by some bacteria," Ellie said. "They are going to bring me in for some follow ups, but in the meantime I just need to take it easy and try to eat foods that aren't so hard on my stomach."

"Oh," Matsuda said as they walked out to the car.

Ellie held her stomach on the car ride home. She would have to find something to stave off this nausea so she could work again. She sighed to herself thinking about what the baby would look like before another stab of nausea went through her on another realization. She had had sex with two separate guys during the most fertile time in her cycle.

"Oh, this is a mess?" she thought to herself groaning.


	32. You Oughta Know

_**Chapter 32: You Oughta Know**_

_To my readers. I don't have enough apologies in me for how long overdue this chapter is. As usual its been half finished on my hardrive for well over a year now. A lot has happened in a year. This author is now also a Registered Nurse, hence the long wait for this new chapter, the last year of nursing school was intense. I am currently interviewing for several positions as a nurse in a few hospitals, but I hope now that I am no longer in college that updates will be more frequent on my off days from work. I hope that I still have some readers and hopefully some reviews for the new chapter. I hope to pick up again where I left off. There is still much left to this story and I have not given up on it despite my hiatus. Well I leave you to it then. Enjoy. I do not own Death Note, as usual. _

The car ride back to the apartment was quiet. None of the three in the vehicle spoke since Ellie had been discharged from the emergency room. Matsuda drove while Ellie sat in the front passenger seat and Aizawa was fine with sitting in the backseat by himself. He watched as Matsuda placed a hand on Ellie's shoulder trying to comfort her as she was obviously nauseated by the stop and go traffic. He shook his head, boy was still in love with her and she was most likely a cold blooded killer. He watched the girl look up at Matsuda and was confused by the look he saw in her eyes. It was a mix of sympathy and regret. He decided to ignore it rather than look into it further. He was sure he didn't want to know.

Ellie felt Matsuda's warm hand on her, and despite how warm it might be she still shivered. It had been a long night and she was still dealing with the consequences of her actions over the past few months. She stared straight ahead trying to figure out what to do. She was going to see this Kira Investigation until the end even if her secret did get out in a few months. She wouldn't take no for an answer, but she wasn't volunteering the "happy" news. She would have to schedule her first prenatal visit soon, she wasn't going to make the same mistake she did with Nathaniel by waiting. She was going to give this poor baby every fighting chance it had, knowing well that this baby probably wouldn't survive. She would never be allowed that kind of happiness. She sighed and turned away from Matsuda clutching her stomach. He looked worried but took his hand away from her and focused on the road.

Aizawa had a very odd feeling that Ellie was lying about her diagnosis. He didn't know why she would feel the need to lie, what could the doctor have found that would be worth making something up for. He decided to leave it for now, he needed to focus on catching Kira and Ellie's medical problems didn't have much to do with that.

When they arrived back at Matsuda's apartment Aizawa said, "I think it's about time we went back to Light's apartment and continue the investigation."

Ellie nodded and said, "I would really like to shower before we go, I still have test gel on my stomach."

Aizawa nodded and Ellie walked toward her room and minutes later Aizawa and Matsuda heard the shower running.

Aizawa took this opportunity to look back at Matsuda who looked devastated. Aizawa groaned. This was going to be messy and he knew it was going to be. He didn't know how close the two had gotten; he couldn't imagine that Ellie could be ignorant to Matsuda's obvious feelings for her. The rest of the team had known during her first stay in college as part of the team, and her absence seemed to make Matsuda's heart grow fonder as the saying went.

"This may have been avoided if I had just taken her to doctor sooner," Matsuda said to himself quietly.

"Matsuda, there was no way you could have known," Aizawa said in attempt to avoid that topic.

"Do you really think she is the third Kira?" Matsada asked quietly after a few moments.

"I don't know," Aizawa answered honestly. "There is a possibility though Matsuda and we have to investigate all leads no matter whom, it is that we are investigating. No matter how close to that person we may be."

Matsuda nodded absently and looked toward the room that Ellie was currently in. He considered Aizawa's words and wished it were as easy as he said to try and believe that there was a possibility that Ellie was the third Kira. He didn't understand how she could be, everything that he knew about her told him otherwise and there was that nagging gut feeling that something else was amiss completely unrelated to Kira. He assumed that was his wanting to protect her as he had slept with her. He sighed to himself chasing those thoughts out of his head. He was glad that no one had managed to find out about that or he would certainly be told he had no place investigating her and that he was too connected. He already felt like the team didn't respect him, best not to let them know of his indiscretions.

Ellie felt the warm water cascade around her but the sound dulled out as she began to resume the deep thought she had been in, while in the emergency room. She held her abdomen in her hands noting that she had not gained any weight yet, but knowing that that would change soon. She tried counting backwards from how many weeks along they said she was and groaned when she realized that didn't help her in any way to figure out who the father of the child was. She didn't know how she could face Matsuda knowing this. Didn't he have a right to know? "You aren't sure yourself damnit," she muttered under her breath. "Why the hell would you consider dragging him down with you?" she continued to think to herself. She sighed and decided she wouldn't, maybe after the baby was born she would consider it, but maybe it was better if she just assumed it was Connor's just to keep from complicating his life. The last thing she wanted to be was a burden.

She finished rinsing herself off and dried herself off with a towel. She wrapped the towel around herself and began to walk into the bedroom so she could get dressed. She heard low voices in the living room and ignored them rather than trying to decipher what they were saying. She figured it was probably better if she didn't know because she assumed the conversation was about her. Ellie finished dressing and had her bags packed for the next few days they would be staying at Light's apartment to continue investigating.

Ellie exited the bedroom and the three of them got into the car and drove to Light's apartment. They got settled in and for the next month there was no activity. "I wonder when they are going to pick the next spokesperson for Kira," Matsuda said outloud.

As if Matsuda had predicted the future the news was on and they saw that the new Kira spokesperson was someone familiar to them. Takada had been Light's girlfriend in college, and Ellie recognized her as a member of one of the group projects she had to complete during one of her courses at the university when she had been an exchange student.

All eyes were on Light and then Light cleared his throat and said, "I'm not the only one here who knows Takada."

There seemed to be confusion until Ellie finally stated, "I had one lousy group project with her several years ago. We rarely talked, our majors were completely different," Ellie said sounding more defensive than she had meant to.

The group looked at one another and finally Light said, "I think we should use her."

Aizawa looked as if he were going to say something but Light continued. "It would be good to be close to someone who is close to Kira. The police are cooperating with Kira and so it shouldn't be a surprise that she would be contacted by more police agents wondering how to deal with Kira as a new part of the justice system."

No one argued, but Aizawa piped in. "Bugged room and cameras of course."

"Of course," Light said. "I will set it up to meet with her as soon as possible."

"Do you think she'll see you after all these years?" Matsuda asked curiously.

Light smirked. "I will speak with her and she will meet with me."

"Arrogant ass," Ellie said under her breath.

"Wish I had that kind of charisma," Matsuda said.

Ellie rolled her eyes and Matsuda looked a little hurt at that reaction. "Not all women appreciate that kind of charisma."

Matsuda nodded and the group was quiet as Light discussed his plans to call Takada after work tomorrow. The team worked quietly after this occasionally with a team member looking over to Ellie or Light. No one said a word. The team worked through most of the night. Each person rotated a turn to sleep on the couch for a few hours before returning to work. Ellie chose her shift for a nap at the time she was least likely to be nauseous. This of course meant the middle of the afternoon, because she was nauseated almost all other times of the day.

Ellie awoke from a short nap. Aizawa was accompanying Light downtown where he was planning to meet Takada after he set up a date with her on the phone. He seemed very sure that he would get this date and Ellie just rolled her eyes and tried to ignore it. She didn't like the glint in his eye and she didn't like how this would affect Misa. Not that she could see Misa to warn her; sadly Misa would have to hear from someone else. She was surprised at how protective she had gotten over the group especially Misa and Matsuda, who had not ever given her an unkind word. She cared for the rest of the group too, even though they were convinced that she may be Kira, but she didn't feel protective of them.

Matsuda looked over at Ellie who was staring at the television screen as if the newest Kira's kingdom would give her any insight. She appeared to have a glazed over expression on her face. He hadn't noticed it until recently, but she wore that expression a lot. "She must be thinking about something intently," he thought to himself. He continued watching her, "Or trying not to think," he thought to himself as he looked away from her.

Light did get his date as to be expected, and when they met in a hotel room. Ellie listened carefully the conversation trying to will herself not to be sick. Light was twisting around his finger, and she noticed him doing the same to Misa. She knew at that moment that he never cared for Misa, though she had always assumed it. This was going to break Misa's heart, she loved Light so dearly. She sighed not wanting to be the one to have to take that news to Misa, but not wanting it to come as a shock. She assumed Misa would find out that Light was "dating" another woman even if it was supposed to be just for the mission at hand. The words Light spoke to Takada were true, that he didn't love Misa, that he was bored with her, and that he needed someone more stimulating. He did really plan this well, keep two girlfriends at once.

The night had gone differently than the team had expected. Aizawa felt uneasy after they had to disconnect the bugs. He had that usual sinking feeling. He looked over at Ellie who looked equally suspicious. His eyebrows furrowed together trying to understand the emotion on her face. Anger? Was that it? He shook his head. Reading the emotions of this woman was a lost cause, and he couldn't decide if she was any more suspicious because of it. He decided to focus on Light. He didn't hear anything for a long time and they all waited silently. Finally Light had left the hotel and contacted them explaining that Kira had threatened him and he had to have the bugs disconnected. Matsuda seemed to be the only one who accepted that excuse whole-heartedly.

Ellie and Matsuda returned to their apartment that night. Matsuda instantly felt guilty as they walked in the door. She didn't know about the bugs in the apartment and he couldn't tell her. He kept his eyes off of her. He knew they were watching them or would be watching them, mostly Ellie, but he couldn't have them take him off the case or restrict his working on the case because they thought he was too involved with Ellie.

"Are you ok?" Ellie said looking at him concerned.

"Fine," Matsuda said looking away from her quickly. Her big green eyes full of concern were not helping him not want to melt and, the things he wanted to do to her were not like him. He shook his head.

"Are you hungry," Ellie asked touching his arm. He tried not to yank away, but he didn't want her to see the absolute animal hunger he felt for her right now. He had been fighting this off since they had started living together after they had had sex. He knew better! Having sex with her again was a mistake for both of them. She had just lost her fiancé! They had no business being together again, hell they had no business being together in the first place.

"No," he finally answered her walking toward his room. "I'm just going to get some sleep, goodnight Ellie," he said.

Ellie cocked her eyebrow and shrugged her shoulders. "That was bizarre," she thought to herself. She walked into the kitchen. She had grabbed the mail from the mailbox earlier so she began to go through it. She hopped up on the counter and pulled her knees up to her chest resting her elbows on her knees as she looked through the mail. She sorted out a few letters out of the stack that were Matsuda's. She found a couple for herself, mostly junk and a postcard from a local gym. She scanned over it and noted it was pretty close the new obstetrician she had decided to see. She supposed that she could afford to work out a little, perhaps do some jogging or swimming to keep active while she was pregnant. She knew physical activity was a good thing during pregnancy, a moderate amount at least. She threw her junk mail away and kept the postcard. She would check it out the next day when she had her first doctor's appointment.


End file.
